"On Christ.....The Solid Rock: I Will Stand!"

Father....today is one of those days.  I have a list of people here in front of me that I should connect with. I have jobs to fulfill.  I have running to do that may put me in a place where I'll have to inter-act with someone.  And....that is always a place I am not crazy about going to.  Okay, I know.  We talk about this occasionally.  But, it seems to me the conversation is a bit one-sided.  Lord, I wish you would literally shove me out the door.  Sometimes I think that is the only way I will be forced to contend with society and be an instrument for You.  I spend so much time housebound that when it is time to go into the world I am a scared rabbit.  You must show me how to be the best I can be.  I realize I have a ministry to do for You.  I'm not sure if I am doing less than You expect of me or not.  My nerves take a beating.  My heart pounds for the obscurity of expectations.  Only You can give me peace.  I do know that my hope is built on  nothing less, than Jesus' blood and righteousness.  I dare not trust the sweetest frame but wholly lean on Jesus' name.  Because.....On Christ, the solid Rock I stand.....all other ground is sinking sand. Yes, indeed....all other ground, is sinking sand.  And, of course, that sinking sand is where satan wants me to be.  Struggling to walk....tired of it all....too weak to take another step.  That is when he comes to me, assuring me that "he knows how I feel.....and following Christ sure does take its toll on a body and its okay to sit down (in that sinking sand) and wait 'til you have caught your breath awhile."  Lord, defeat that disgusting plague in my life that makes me almost believe him.  He is a liar.  He is out to defeat anything I feel I have  ever won victory over.  He almost certainly presents me with this defeatist attitude that threatens to wear me down and I fall for it. Almost every time.   I , who should absolutely know better.  I, who, preach to my ladies in Sunday School.....on a regular basis...."Watch out for the tricks of satan.....he's out to get us.  Us.  Seeking out the weakest among us to devour us."  Yeah, I know....Lord.  I have learned that when I speak about him out-loud....he takes offence to my referencing him in such a negative way.  And, I know, that is when he tries another tactic to throw me off my game.....and I tend to fall for it.  My armour.  Where is it?  There.... at the foot of my bed, where I laid it when I went to bed last night.  If I get up and forget it, the day starts and I have headed out to do the day (whether it is a few loads of wash, changing the bed, cleaning the toilets, or washing my hair) without the holy presence of God protecting me.  That helmet is probably the most important thing  for me to remember.  I need that extra special bit of protection.  My mind works overtime way too often....and what I come up with is so outrageous that I know it's satans work. Lord .....sometimes I do feel that You do have Your work cut out for You with my spiritual well-being.....but, I know I am not alone.  Many feel this way.  Many struggle as I do.  I have heard their stories too.  Right now, though....I need to feel Your pulling me up again to face the work ahead for today.  I will determine to get that armour on and head out to make sure that what I can do for You today, is done....and I can make a difference today in being the instrument for You that You need me to be.  For this day....I ask all in Your name.  The name of Jesus.  Amen.

Forbid it Lord that I Should gain...unless I Change!

Lord, I just wrote  to you a little bit ago in my composition book.....and then,   I always wonder when I have this urge to write to You "out-loud" if I am trying to impress somebody.  I am so sick of trying to figure out why I do what do.   You, dear One.... are the One that I aim to impress....if that is even  possible.  I seem to be in consistent need to be found worthy.  Lord, I am never sure why.  I do not know if it is a genetic predisposition or a fluke of nature.  You know, Lord.....I've read book  after book on the subject.  Okay, I know....I know.  I've actually only  read parts of books.  Nothing I see ever speaks to me on how to cut this out of my psyche.  The only thing I've read and heard is from Dr. Phil.  Don't laugh, Lord.  "He tells it like it is!"  You know how he talks.  He says something like....."So, what's the payoff you get for ....." however you are behaving.  Lord, all I can say is....."Uh.....somebody is noticing what I am doing and making a comment about it?"  Is that what it has all come down to Lord?  Somebody.....anybody.....noticing?  I am not a fan.  I don't like it.  And, I don't want it to be a part of my makeup anymore.  And, since I cannot seem to fix it.....You're going to have to.  And, I give You permission to re-route, re-configure, and reboot my internal thought processes.  I need to retain Your word in my heart and mind.  It is the truest form of staying on Your good side, isn't it?  Lord, I love to feel close to You.....most of the time.  I love knowing that You are always watching me and listening......most of the time.  I love to feel the nudge I get when I have truly messed up a plan that You had expected me to make good use of....and failed to.  I do love it even when I say I'm annoyed with You......because I know that when You are  pleased with how I have honored You in my conversation and comings and goings.....I know then, that You can use me as Your instrument.  I will wait then....and hope and believe that the matters that seem so important....and what appears to have been a failure.....well, when turned over to You, will eventually turn out to be for Your glory (to shine) and our good  (to teach).  Search me then, Oh God.....since You know my heart and mind.....see if there be any way in me that is not worthy of You.....that You would consider and pronounce "sin".....show me Your glory Lord in freeing me of any encumbrance that would keep me from doing and living in Your complete will for me.  I ask in Your name, Lord.  The name of Jesus....and will. Amen.

Peace in The Midst of a Storm? PRAY!

" 'Til the Storm Passes By"......that's what the song says Lord!  And, except for the residue left from the blowing, howling wind....and flooded areas around us.....we are safe.  Thank you for watching over us. Thank you for the power of Your mighty hand, lifting us up and keeping us out of danger, and then letting us down when its safe again.  I read the devotional readings I have at my hand.....and some just do not sink in.  It is unreal to me how the scriptures we read affect our emotional and spiritual selves so very differently.  What  I see and what speaks to me is often so different from what others understand.  And, Lord.....I find that so often I defer to what someone else sees  in a scripture......often believing that what I saw in it  "must be wrong".  At this age  I need to have more sense.  Lord....You have got to show me what You want me to see.....and then, help me to hold fast to what I think, too.  Lord, I am always wishing I was like someone else.  Why do I do that?  Why do I feel that way?  I always try to "fix" that and make statements that require someones attention.....and then the "second-guessing" begins until I have practically   lost complete sight of what I thought You wanted me to know  in the first place.  I wonder what kind of man Oswald Chambers was.  What kind of personality did he have?  Did he have to ask everyone elses opinion?   Sometimes I feel  he was so heavenly minded he was way above what any of us could understand......and yet.....and even today I read his words and see exactly what he was trying to say....and believe it too!  And, Lord if what he said in today's devotional is true for the mass then it does surprise me and I am glad I am not in that number that waits and waits before they ask for Your help.   I believe in Your words.  When you express in Your word that it is vital to ask and receive....I, (eventhough I hesitate at times) do ask You to lift me.....or fill me......or help me....or give me wisdom.....or change my heart.  No one can ever do for us what You can do.  Thankfully, as he expressed in his writing, I do not wait until I am at my wit's end.  I have.  I admit that.  But, mostly, I don't.  I need you and quite freely  admit that I want You to know I will forevermore ask You to give me wisdom.  I could care less that I would appear as a child.  I know that is where You can really meet me.  So often it feels necessary to "have all my ducks in a row" before I come and talk to You so I don't appear so needy....I have learned that YOU DO NOT NEED MY HELP.  Lord, that is wonderful.  Who do I think I am anyway?   You are God.  You do not need my piddly offerings of ideas to fix things!  I cannot believe I actually try that with You.  But, there are times that I do and I praise You and thank You for kindly not screaming at me to "shut it".  The barrage You often hear must be like a whiney calf or a dripping faucet.  Lord,  I will work on that.  I do not think I am alone. I think there are quite a few of us that think  You have it wrong .  Really, Lord.....I hesitate to admit it.  But, I do.  And, then, of course, I look up...."  ....at whence cometh my help....." and know that You do all things well.....and I finally defer to Your wisdom.  When You can allow me to have that peace and choose to give it to me.....I can relax and finally believe that I have that peace that passes all understanding. Explaining that to someone is next to impossible.  No one can "get it" unless they have experienced it.  It  is wonderfully amazing.  Thank You, Lord.....for the peace we can have in the midst of a storm.  I love living for You.  I praise You today and bless Your name.  I ask all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Blessings: 47 Years Worth!

I will contend Lord....that I have no need to repeat or redo a letter I wrote to You last year on our anniversary.  No one could ever understand my thought process.  To even re-read what I wrote to You last year is a chapter I've never read in any book on picking a husband.  Thank You, Father.  I know that You chose this man I call husband.  He is as great today as he was last year.  You have blessed us.  The church that has employed us has chosen to bless us by giving us another 4 year call.  Honestly, Lord....I am blessed....but , I feel old some days.  Too old to keep trying to be sweet all the time.  Oops....that slipped out.  I wish it were easier.  I end a lot of my conversations on the telephone with that. " Be sweet, now!"  I think it's an important attribute.  Is that an attribute?  I don't know.  It is a good habit though. I want to keep that spirit alive.  All these past days, my birthday,  my husbands birthday, our anniversary....all of them point me to the year on the calendar.  I'm the same age my dad was when he died.  It's sobering to think that I am "that age" when people think...."Wow!  I can't believe you're that old!"  I just connected with my friend from college, Lord.  She is a knock-out!  And, she's my age....I'd like to know what happened to me.  I have been eating right.  (Okay, most of the time I eat right!  I told You I can't do this alone.  Okay, I know......it's not your fault.)  But, she told me I looked like Meryl Streep and I was beautiful.....shoot, Lord.....I don't want  to look like Meryl Streep.  I want to look like her!  Okay, I realize I'm just being silly.....but I have begun to feel a little old.  Could you please perk me up a little?  You are my rock and my salvation.....I should not fear what is ahead.  I want to live as an example for You.  Yes.  You are the Lord of us all.  Some are in better shape than others.  Some live in terrible surroundings.  Dangerous places.  Some are in need of medical help.  Some need a place to lay their head.  Some are wishing they were dead.  Lord.....in my life; I was able to enjoy a home with parents that loved me and taught me all of the principles of our faith that I know even today.....I have been able to enjoy the love and admiration of one man that You placed in my life.  He had to overdo his display of affection for me with cards and gifts .... just to get my attention....but, I am blessed because of that.  Our children and their families are such special blessings to us.  You give.  You love.  You forgive.  You allow us to have what we want even when it is not in our best interest.....especially when we demand.   You also hold us and love us  when we realize you were right and we should have deferred to You.  Lord Jesus.....my life is in You.  My hope is in You.  My heart may fail me....but You, Lord.....are all I need.  And, You will make all things well.  Thank You Father, I defer to You, always.  I know better.  (Atleast I do today!)  Help me Lord....You see what is ahead.  Give me Your wisdom.  You know how I will behave.  Stop me from making any mistake that will ruin Your plan for me.  (Lord, I've found myself dusting myself off after I have fallen  on my face.)  You know how to stop me better than anyone I know.  I can forget what key I'm playing in before I go to the next verse.  Or, looking for a ......word.  Just one word can elude me.....and I will forget the whole thought.  Yeah....Lord!  It's embarrassing....but , You know how to stop me and that is exactly what I need for You to do.  Hopefully, I will be wiser as I call on You. I consistently need Your presence to overwhelm my spirit.  For today Lord.....and as I write I see that is isn't August 22nd anymore.  It is the day after my anniversary now.  Thank You Father....for another year to enjoy our life together.  You have provided me with Your favor, I believe.  In the name of Jesus I pray.  Amen.

See Archive: August 22, 2010

When I Am Tempted.....You Are Enough!

Oh, Lord....You know me so well.  You always know.  Most of the time, I can mask how I really feel to others.  I hate for people to know I'm such a basket case.  Feeling like there are "white coats" around the corner to carry me off is almost .....well, how about I move on?
 Lord, yesterday there was another one. They seem to be coming fast and furious these days.  (I am on this quest to stop the "three" thing.)  This gentleman that has now been ushered into your presence, was a man, to all of the same opinion, a great example for you....a decorated soldier....a trusted friend and confidant.  Lord, I often have the same question for You.  Why do these that labor in love for You, end up in such a dilapidated state?  It is so sad at times to think they know  how "they have ended up" and are dejected at the state they are in.  I have seen, heard and witnessed the sadness of so many who die and go on to the reward You have created....and I (whom you already know has 25 questions) am left to wonder....is it just too trivial for me to worry about the trails of food left on bedclothes after a meal....or the unkempt hair....or .....well, Lord, it all sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?  It's obvious I want to go out "in queenly fashion" isn't it?  Okay, Lord.  I'm going to give all of that to You, again.  I have worried about "being a NICE old lady" (and even prayed You will make it so..)  but I haven't thought about all of the other aspects of old age.  (Please make sure someone is careful to pluck the occasional chinny-chin protruberances.)  I hate that, You know! ( Also, I would also like to be positioned so I don't look like I have 3 chins.)  Lord, when life is falling apart around me and I can think these unimportant issues....makes me wonder if I am all there.  Well, You above all know me....and so You know that too.   I will leave it all with You. 
I remember being so careful to make sure everyone who took care of Mom knew what a elegant, classy lady she was.  I wanted to fix her hair like she always fixed it.....I wanted to make sure lotions were applied faithfully....her skin was so soft and pretty.  Her hair didn't need any color applied.  As the years faded the auburn color, she had such a beautiful shade of hair color....actually not easily described.  The fact that when she died ,   she had no nose, was overlooked.  I really didn't even notice it  because the beauty of Jesus was shining through.  I know Father, that You and Your presence was surrounding us all and did that particular work of art.  How awesome You truly are.  As in the devotional I read this morning....I will believe and continue to lean on the fact that YOU, dear One, are enough.  In every question I have....whether it is foolish or not.....I will contend always, that You are enough.  Isaiah 46:3b-4 says to me....."You whom I have upheld since you were concieved and have carried since your birth...even to your old age and  gray hairs, I AM HE.....I AM HE WHO WILL SUSTAIN YOU....I HAVE MADE YOU AND I WILL CARRY YOU.  I WILL SUSTAIN YOU AND RESCUE YOU."  Lord, how can I not leave it with You and believe that ALL will be well and the worries I have are not worthy of worry?  How You will do this is up to You.  I have no suggestions.  (I am sure that probably surprises you!)  You, who knew when to place the moon and the sun, the stars that twinkle.....surely knows the desires of my heart and the hope of seeing You one day.  That is what is important.  I do know that.  And, Lord....I will leave it to Your plan.
 Thank You Lord, for the healing touch You have provided for those we have prayed for this week.....thank You for the presence of Your peace as we have waited....and Lord, could You once more, grant me the favor I am deserving of today.  I hesitate to even say it outloud....You know my thought process....and how I literally do not understand the depth of Your love for me....I  only accept what You say.  So, and once again, I ask for Your divine will and all I plead for to be done in the name of Jesus.  Until I ask for more.....I say amen.

How Do I Love You More? "Ask", You say?

Good morning, Father!  I am so happy to be here....talking to You.  I feel so grateful for Your touch on my life.  I am so blessed and I do not ever want to take that for granted.  You have allowed me to have so much.  Even though it is not mine, You provide a home for my husband and I to live in.  It is nice....and a comfort to us.  A sanctuary of sorts, I guess.  We both walk in and feel...safe. Perusing the channels the other day, I saw so many displaced individuals sleeping on the ground.....no safe place to go....tears of sadness and frustration because they are in danger of dying from the hands of evil men or no food.  Lord, to live where there is little worry of those hardships is a blessing.  I could be on another side of the world, wondering if we'll be alive by end of day.  Lord, wherever I am....I love knowing that You are by my side.  That You are guiding my hand.....and giving me wisdom when I need it the most.  Of course, I often sidestep the fact that it is vital for me to ask.  Help me to to take Your Word....and then, never forget that it is sharper than a double edged sword. That it is there for my benefit.  It is to be a comfort to me.  The writers You inspire to tell their stories in the devotionals I love to read .....show me just how You love to inspire our lives.....how we all are so much alike (actually more alike than different),  and how the evil one trys to destroy what we have tried to build with You.  It annoys me when I realize that just one distrustful , deceitful, evil word from him.....and I tend to fold.  I feel at times that the fetal position I am in, is par for my course in life.  I don't want to be there, Lord.  I need to interact with You continually.  And, therein lies my dilemna.  Because, I don't interact with You continually. Not like I should.   The scripture says something about "praying always....".  Lord, I know I breathe prayers throughout a day.....You know.....my "SOS's"......but, that is not enough.  Lord, You and I need to connect daily.  Sometimes, I hit the end of the day and realize that I have not had much communion with You. (Too often I realize that is where the depleted ,  emotion-less feelings are created). Yet, I feel Your presence surrounding me....urging me....lifting me.....encouraging me. And,  even when Your coffee needs warming up....and I forget and leave you because I've run off to put out a fire somewhere.....You go and help Yourself,  fill Your own cup, and You're waiting there when I get back.  Lord....how do You love me?  Let me count the ways.   I am overwhelmed by Your promise to never leave us or forsake us......and I realize that is until we cut You out of our lives by an act of our own will.  How blessed I am to know You personally as my own Savior and friend.  I have spent time reading and studying Your plans for me this week.  I do tend to backpeddle when I think You want more from me than I can give.  I promise not to argue.  I will call on the name of the Lord....since You are my strong tower.  I will obey.  I found the one devotional especially poignant.....and never realized I could ask You to help ME to LOVE YOU MORE!  It seems so .....self-serving?  Is that the word?  Far be it from me to try to analyze something like this.  I am just going to do it.  I really  believe You gave it to me personally....and I will do it.  I remember when You gave me "Lord, Change Me!" by Evelyn Christenson.  I had never read anything like it and believed it was written just for me.....and Lord, You know I have lived that formula for many, many years.  It has been my salvation, over and over again.  So.....Lord, You do have Your work cut out for You.  I am asking for this love.  The author said "insatiable love".  I barely understand that but I am going for that.  This from someone who found it difficult to say, "I love You, Lord!" to Your face.  (I said before that we , as women are more alike than different......I'm sure I am alone here.....no one else is this weird).  Anyway, Lord.....since You know me best.....and understand me best.....and love me through it all.....I find myself leaning on You again....asking for Your blessing and all I need.....in Your name and will.
I love You, Lord.....and lift my voice to worship You.....take joy my King....in what You hear.....may it be a sweet , sweet sound in Your ear.   Amen and Amen.