Okay, my dear One…..I have finally found my place to write.  No.  It hasn’t been  my excuse for the last few months…..that’s pure laxness.  I find it so hard. I praise You for the miracle You provided me and my family with removing the hundreds (or more) blood clots in my lungs.  What in the world was happening?  I couldn’t even believe it.  At once I was put on blood thinners immediately and oxygen 24/7.  Lord, I thank You…..for the good health I’ve enjoyed throughout my days. This has been such a blessing for me and my family. Except for a week or two with Tonsillitis…..I’ve been well.

Now….I’ve tried to keep up with my Bible and devotions and have discovered that it might benefit me if I make sure my sin…..(which I hate to call it) is forgiven.  I have always been of the impression that when you become a Christian, you don’t sin every day.  I’ve always thought that.  Well, whether or not I did, I am going to make sure I’m clear with You. So, I say with the deepest love to You that I can utter…..”Search me, O God…..and know my heart. Test me and know my thoughts, See if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the everlasting life.”

How in the world can I truly expect You to answer my prayers?  If I am so haughty in saying I don’t sin everyday…..like I said, if I am not willing to pray those words…..then I should expect nothing.

Help me, Father. When I talk to You my words have to be true to how I feel.  I don’t like glossing over things that are hard. Thank You, my dear One,  for hearing me. For loving me….for doing for me what I cannot do for myself.

I say this prayer in the name and blood of Jesus.

Amen.

I don’t have  any excuse. Months have disappeared.  I keep thinking “I really need to write.”  And of course then I find something I have to do. 

And now, it’s August 14.

And You say…..”Huh…..Sorry, you say!  How about ‘Not sorry’.  That’s the real truth! Isn’t it?”

And, I say, again….I am sorry, Dear One.  Please help me do better.  You know, Lord…I have run into an issue with advertising my blog.  Ever since they changed some things on “Facebook” , I can’t find the place I always tried to post.  Any facet of this tech thing is hard for me.  Just like I have 20,000 emails and don’t know how to get them gone. I am frustrated and the enemy knows it, and I cower, because asking someone to help me makes me feel weak and not in control.  Or something!

Back to my saga for the day.  I heard a preacher the other day, and again, this morning.  I thought, Lord….I think I need to try this.  I’d like to see more of my prayers answered. I figured that it would always be your will, your way!  Perhaps this is how you go, but just in case, I could do a little more about …..”You have not because you ask not!” Or maybe simply, “Ask and you shall receive.”  He mentioned 4 tips to send you into your prayer closet a little more often.  First tip is to Make sure you are “clean”.  Clean as in bathe first? He was quick to mention Psalms 139:23-24. That kind of clean.  Too often, we do things, we say things, we see things that are not helpful in our growth spiritually. And , we do not fix those things. We gloss across some of these areas so easily until habits are adhering to our brain, making us less careful in our walk with You.  The second tip is to simply ask You. And to be specific.  To tell You the truth, Lord…..I’ve always thought that it wasn’t right for me to tell you what I want you to do, especially if you didn’t want to do things that way. You know what?  I’m going to go this route, until You let me know I should change direction.  So, the third tip is to pray fervently.  What is that exactly?  To mean what you say without reservation. Simply.

The scripture tells us that the prayer of a righteous man availeth much.  James 5:16  Forgive each other. Don’t be afraid to be honest with each other.

The fourth tip is to be persistent.  Do not just do the “one and done” thing.  You have a lot to answer. When we persist….You can’t take a rest!  You have to be aware of how badly we need you to answer us.

I’ve said prayers for years.  I’ve been careful to be sure not to ask for what I really want.  I just usually figure it’s up to you, and I will abide by your plan whether if I want it or not!  

Lord. You know me well.  I cannot live without You! Nor, will I ever think I  can!

Give me life Lord.  More than  I deserve.  I will forever give You praise.

All I speak are the words of You, to you and for you. In the name of Jesus.  Amen.

It is with a grateful heart, Oh Lord, that I come to You just to talk. The old song says…..”I didn’t come here, to ask You for anything….I just came to talk with You, Lord.”  Very seldom…..and most probably ever…..do I pray and ask nothing of You. It’s just a blessing to be Your child and consistently need Your love and support to keep on going…..and so, dear One. I will always ask for Your help with worries and concerns

I remember so vividly when I had practically taken up residence in my Mother’s hospital room in ICU, in Lapeer, Michigan.  I’d been there nearly three months.  I was her warrior, I guess.  Decisions had to be made.  Procedures were required after she had been on the ventilator so long.  A tracheotomy had to be performed…..I felt so responsible for anything that might happen to her.  She had gone past the probability that she might not live….she’d only been given a 10% possibility to live through the first week.  No one believed she would live after what had happened.  I was in shock.  I think all of us were.  No one really knew what happened to her.

Finding out she had laid on the floor of her apartment for two days…..just barely conscious was like hearing it in a foreign language.  Lord, I will never forget the magnitude of that catastrophic event in our lives.  Never, never…..would life as we knew it would ever be the same.  For her or for us.

Sometimes I wonder, Lord , how I lived through it.

Those verses that I wrote down, were my refuge then.  Not being able really to form the words to say a prayer, did not seem to be something I could do.

I found myself going day to day to day on the prayers of others.  For my Mother, for my family, and for myself. I remember where I was when You gave me something to hold on to…..it was so perfect.  I knew it was You speaking through the scriptures to encourage me…..and my Mother.  It was powerful and so exciting to believe that You, my Savior, were concerned about my emotional state and wanted to encourage me. Whatever You might have thought about me…….what You gave me is a promise I will forever hang on to. That day I went into the hospital with renewed vigor.  I’d written that verse down on a little piece of paper and read it to anyone that day who would listen.  Even Mom appeared to be touched by it. Let me remind You Lord……it’s in Isaiah41: 9-10. “I brought you from the ends of the earth and called you from its farthest corners. I said to you; You are my servant;  I have chosen You.  I have not rejected You….so do not fear, for I am with you.” 

So after one, then two, and finally three months passed and it looked like my Mom’s condition had stabilized, I knew I had to make some kind of change.  You knew what was coming.  Most patients in ICU are not there long term.  Decisions had to be made.  Insurance…..how this was going to be paid for…..when and if she could be moved. This saga could go on for years.  And it did.

Five years later, You took her home with You.  Looking back, I wonder how I, my brothers, my husband and children walked through that time.

That beautiful scripture took my life and encased me in it.  For along, long time I was sure You were punishing me for not being more respectful of her as I was growing up. I just could not understand why You allowed this to happen to her. It was awful.

I do believe You expect us to pursue our walk with You in good and bad times in our lives.  Life is hard.  Hopefully as I continue to live…..and live for You…..I will be the warrior for You until You take me to Heaven to be with you.

For the time I have spent writing these words…..for all that You mean to me….for the time I have to serve You… I speak only in the name of Jesus.

Amen. And amen.

Lord, I think You already know what my concerns are…..don’t You? I consistently moan (inward sighing) because I don’t stop my tirade against myself long enough to write to You.  “My hands hurt……my fingers are stiff and sore…..I get tired of saying the same stuff over again and again”.  I am refusing to let go of my way of setting my mind, soul and body into a sense of peace I enjoy.  The incessant murmurings of the enemy of my inner refuge never seem to stop him clamoring at the door of my being.  Hmm….maybe my heart is a better choice of a word.  My soul tries to magnify the Lord and the desire to bless You with my words. Sometimes, I feel like it’s just a loud noise, a cacophony….all simply to weary me.

Earlier this week I looked up all of the lyrics to the song, “How Long Has it Been”.  John and I used to sing it when it first was published and recorded.  I take so much for granted when I try to take care of my life by myself.  There’s never a reason for it….its just simply laziness. If You don’t mind, Lord, I’d like to write down some of the words to let myself see exactly how I miss the blessing of telling You my heart thoughts.

             “How long has it been since you talked

               with the Lord…..and told Him your 

                hearts hidden secrets.  How long since 

               you prayed…..how long since you stayed 

               on your knees till the light shone through.

                How long has it been since your mind felt

                 at ease…… 

                 How long since your heart  felt no 

                burden.  Can you call him your friend…

                 how long has it been, since you knew 

                 that He cared for you.”

Of course there is more to the song as You know, Lord, but this verse sums it up for me.  It is so true.

I feel exactly that  way when I pray. The enemy lies all the time.  Why do I let him do all his posturing?  Why do I pay attention to his murmurings against me?

I know he’s going to ……and I could stop him…..why don’t I?  Help me, Jesus to stop putting

off what I know is right.  He continually kills my spirit.  He does what he does with such ease….”I need You every hour.  Every hour I need Thee.  Oh, bless me thou my Savior….I come to Thee.”

Another song that I just thought of is just a little chorus we used to sing.  “We’ve got the power, in the name of Jesus…..We’ve got the power, in the name of the Lord.  Though Satan rages, we will not be defeated…..We’ve got the power, in the name of the Lord.”

“Jesus Is the Sweetest Name I Know”, is another “old faithful”!  Lord, why do we find ourselves suffering day after day? Why? You have given us all we need.  I find myself still…..after all these years I’ve depended on You…..trying to do it myself.  Why, again?  So I can hear people say….”Wow, Corrine! You really have it all together!”

Why is that important to me?  It’s stupid!

What I want to hear at the end of my life….is…

…”Well done, thou good and faithful servant….Enter in to what I have prepared for you.”   Or something as meaningful. 

Help me to remember You want me to come to You.  That Your delight is answering my requests.  “Yes. No. Maybe.  Not yet.  No, not ever. “

I pray for that delightful peace that passes all understanding.  Forgive my righteous nature that tries to make it on my own.

I pray in the name of Jesus, my Lord.

Amen. And amen.

                

Lord, I told a long time friend today that living for You today in my 80’s, is probably as hard as I ever imagined it would be.  I’ve always encountered obstacles when it’s time to pray or read the scriptures.  Years prior, it was my children I’d decided……they demand so much time and just learning to cope with being a good parent was so hard sometimes.   Just coping with demands of a Pastor husband who worked a second job, his concerns, the church duties, keeping our home presentable to whoever would “stop by”….often kept me in a tizzy!  That was one reason I’d started writing my prayers to You.  So, even if interrupted, I could usually go back to my writing and pick up where I left off. 

 The enemy still threatens to take away my freedom in letting You know how I feel on a  daily basis.  I’ve just skidded by , a lot in my life.  Even, skidding from my preacher Dads coat tails, to my preacher husbands coat tails.  Eventually, You caught up with my spiritual gymnastics, and called on me to make my own spiritual decisions, as indecisive as I had always been……You forced me to take responsibility.  I’m so glad You brought me to that place. I have enjoyed that wonderful gift for a long, long time.  It has relieved me of so much sadness and angst in the trials that we encounter in our lives usually on a daily basis.  I’ve had You to lean on when I felt too weary to go it alone.  I know.  I know.  I know that is what You want us to do, but, even me, in my meek manner want to show You I can be counted on if You need me for a big-time project!  I’ll be faithful for You.  I’ll encourage.  I’ll be Your warrior.  Those are my dreams. If I am the “go-fer” for the big jobs, that’s okay too!  As long as I am centered in the will of God that You have for me….I’m good.  (You never know when I might have to lie down for a quick nap!). 

Anyway, Lord, it is cemented in my thinking that my hope is in You, Lord. I may have days when I feel that YOU are my all in all and my goal for eternal peace with You as my goal and obviously there will be times when I feel that all my hope is for naught and there is nothing I can hold on to, spiritually speaking.  I will contend that YOU are my rock.  The God I believe in…. Now and forever more.

I speak the name of Jesus.  The One that I cling to.

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen and Amen.

Lord, I am filled with anxieties and issues and requests galore.  A classic answer to someone who has a problem……”Have you prayed about it?”  Is a question I have posed to others in the past. Sometimes I’m sure someone would like to give me a punch in the nose.  And, sometimes it’s me that needs it!  I’m not sure why….. but it’s all too often it’s the last thing I want to do!  I am always wanting to do something else first.  Of course then it’s too late.  I’ve gone and forgotten, while a few more issue's are added to my list. Why is it so hard to talk to You?  I tell You all my heart thoughts…..I speak almost too real, knowing that You are aware of how I feel already, so why candy coat it!  I do get tired of doing all that is expected of me all the time!  And, sometimes I wonder why I can’t say what I really think!  I’m old now.  I think it should be a rule.  I get tired of trying to anticipate what someone wants or needs…..doing or saying what I’m pretty sure they need to hear or need from me………and find out I am totally wrong.  Yeah, finding out about two years after or two weeks later is not funny to me.  Expectations are funny.  And not necessarily funny (ha!ha!)  No, not at all.  I’ve done this for years……and usually am always disappointed because it wasn’t what the other person needed or wanted.  I remember having a study one time at church.  Everybody seemed excited and I was looking forward to it.  I had an awesome group of women.  Don’t You remember Lord!  There must have been 15, maybe!  I gave a rundown of what we would be discussing for the next few weeks and started asking some questions.  Sent them home with a little homework on what they felt their deepest needs were. All anonymous.  I think I ended up with four that stuck it out.  Why do people want answers for their problems and concerns but if it requires thinking and writing it down……it’s not going to happen. It takes commitment, honesty and consistent prayer.  I know, Lord……I talk a good game but when push comes to shove, I find my get up and go, got up and went already!  I’m as guilty as the next one….I’ve just been working on flaws so long…..I think someone else needs a turn!  I’m finding myself a little silly writing these little quips to You….I just listened to a devotional by DL Moody.  I’m sure he wouldn’t deem me too funny!  

Lord, I’m always wondering what YOU want me to do for You.  I am willing.  I think You know that, but most of the time it takes me a while to get to it.  By then, the steam has settled and I become lazy.  Could You give me a jacking up?  Be gentle.  I am trying to be your ambassador…..instrument…..servant…..whatever You need…..I believe You will give me the strength when I need it and when You know I’m serious.  I recently tried expressing my thoughts…..I found myself struggling for the right words.  I forgot the advice my Mother gave me a long time ago……”It’s better to have people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”.  So, help me with that, Lord!

I am forever grateful that You came to provide us with eternal life.  I want more than anything for You to be proud of me…..and to let me into the Heavenly Portal.  I pray always in the name of Jesus.  Amen and amen.

, 

Lord, Here I am……at long last.  It seems my “get up and go “ has disappeared to another place. I recently felt compelled to do 40 days of fasting to get myself back on track to continue writing for Your glory….not mine. I have to admit that if I see a positive comment, I feel I’ve made a difference to someone.  And then, I analyze and re-analyze until I begin to worry.  I guess it’s all in my nature to do this.  

Lord….whenYou made statements and touched the lives of so many, did You worry how it would affect your ministry?  When You healed someone and told them not to tell, was it to give You more time to preach and teach before Your time was over.  I think I need to be more like You….every day…every hour.  To be like You, means putting up with the pokes and slaps of a society that analyzes the meaning of everything that’s good.  I am amazed at the crooked ways people see things.  Two people can read the same thing and get two different theories of what they read. And then spout off their theory as “their truth”.  No one seems to even consider another way of looking at things.  My hope, Lord, is that I would see how I should live better than I have been…..that the things I perceive as Your words to me to re-access what I think.  Very often what I think comes out of my mouth. Guard me, Lord. I probably need a muzzle at times.  Yeah….I do.  You usually cannot take back something said in anger. You cannot un-ring a bell that has been tolled.  The sound reverberates so nothing said AFTER is ever heard.

This morning I heard a little girl trying to play her ukulele and singing with her Mama, “I Need Thee every Hour”.  It took me back a bit because what little kid even knows that song? And she sang it with a little gusto too.  “ I neeed Thee, ohhh I neeed Thee, ev’ery hour I need Thee….”.  Lord, we will never be self-sufficient.  You crave for us to neeed You!  I know You do.

Today I started out looking up the lyrics to “For those Tears I Died”.  I was playing this song the other day and couldn’t remember the title.  All I  could remember was the phrase, “You said You’d  come to share all my sorrows…..You said You’d be there for all my tomorrows…..” , so I looked it up, and it continues……I came so close to sending You away….but just like you promised…..(key phrase here)…”I just had to pray.”

You make it easy . Lord.  All we have to do is pray. All we have to do is read (ie listen) Your word. You will do the rest.You have all our bases covered….theres no room for error…..(unless we stop to analyze). It’s then we make mistakes.  We forge ahead until You stop us in our tracks by words we don’t want to hear.  Stop.✋Talking. Lord, that hand is what I’ll be looking for.  

I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.