Dear One.....Thank You.  You are so loved.  Regrettably, I don't show my love to You often enough or use enough words to express myself.  I depend on You.  I expect too much from You.  I never want to find myself taking the wonderful blessings I am a recipient of, for granted.  That is so easy to do.  I go skipping from place to place, (Hah!  Lord, only in my mind's eye do I skip!) thinking about what I should be doing or places I should be going or ......the list goes on.  I understand a few things.  "Do you want to go to lunch?"....."Maybe, do a little shopping?"
 I guess I would say to You that I ought to broaden my horizons a bit.  Now, Lord.....as I just wrote that line......the phone rang and I recognized the number and picked up.  It was a friend from church asking.....not, if I wanted to go to lunch......or shopping.  Your sense of humor kills me Lord.  You really have to be getting a kick out of this!  No.....she didn't want any of those things I previously mentioned.  She wanted me to accompany her in visiting a really nice lady that has recently become homebound.  Did You see me, Lord?  Did You "get" that I almost said, "no".  What I actually came out with was...."Oh......uh.......I......uh.....!"  Lord, I make myself tired.  I tell You how I want to be.....I ask You to help me......You do......and I almost immediately want to "conveniently forget" what I just asked for.  Okay.  Enough for "Learning Moments!"  And, I hope You feel better.  I don't, right now, anyway... but, You of course, know that I will, in a little while. Obedience counts with You and I know it to be true.  It's so "not" what I want to do.  My head hurts a little more now.  My knee's are still hurting me.  I'd like to lay here on the couch......play a game of "Mahjong" or eat a leisurely brunch.....but, I'll I go and be Your instrument.  You are going to have to supply the necessary strength and vision that I don't have or see or feel right now.   I know You will.  The times You reach out and grab me and hold my feet to the fire are not that often.  I am willing to be willing.  I'm thankful for the precious spirit of God that keeps urging us closer to the heart of God.  When my husband looked at me today and said, " I really want to live till I am 100......like Grannie Bell did...".......I just sort of inwardly groaned. " And,  I think I will be a greeter at Walmart", he continued.   Lord, have mercy!  I have no words.  I don't even know what to say.  Something like....."You may have to do this with a different wife......I probably won't be here!"  Or not?   Thankfully, You know the end.....as well as the beginning!  I am grateful for that.  Your love extends to all of us who worship Your name.  I am blessed by that fact.  And, guess what, Lord?  I am at peace with the knowledge that You allow what is best for me.  I need to always keep in mind that You love me and will help me LIVE for You.
All my silliness in my prayer and my insistence that You indeed laugh and cry with us.....still sends me to the foot of the cross where You take our sorrows and burdens upon Yourself.....and do with them what You will.  I speak all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

"I'm sorry, Lord"...... is what I say when I'm scrambling to find the last "out loud" prayer I posted!  How could I be so absent minded?  Good grief!  It's been nearly a month since I posted a prayer.  Yes.....I know.....we have talked.  But, I think posting is important too.  People need to know that they can come to You at any time.  Morning, noon or night.  In battle, or out of battle.  If you're (we're) out of battle.....it won't be long before "he's back....".  Satan makes me sick.  Most of the time I won't even capitalize his name....I wish though, Lord......that I could prove him significant at all.  Why is it that when I feel all is going pretty well.....my name, when mentioned, brings a smile and not a look of disgust......why is it that just one negative word, wipes out all the good?  The enemy seems to never tire of his work.  He really must pay his imps overtime.  Speaking the name of Jesus really should count for more.  Yes, he does leave.....for a time.....but, then just as you are striving to relax.....he comes back with another hit.  Lord.....I'm not blaming You.  You have an ideal plan.  I'm the one that is the problem.  I just get lazy.  I forget.  I get annoyed.  At times, I feel like it does no good at all.  Isn't that awful, Lord.  I get ashamed of myself at that cold reality.  I can see why the devil thinks he wins and I lose.  Because, I actually make a statement like I just did....proving his power to annihilate my spiritual condition.  He sees that if he keeps up the negative hits.....he'll have me soon....just by remaining faithful to his cause.  Lord....You have just got to help me to NOT be lackadaisical in my spiritual walk.  I have to remember that You will not forsake me.  You will not leave me.  I have committed myself to Your care.  You have forgiven my transgressions.  You love and adore me.  I am Your child.  You  disciple me.  You show me where I should go.  You lead me by "still waters".  You restore my soul.  There are many, many more wonderful things You give to me.  Your forbearance,  Your ever-present forgiving nature are life saving.  My job, I feel is to never forget that.  Not to ever take it for granted.  I do forget it, though, my dear One.  I am ashamed of that.  I will endeavor to allow Your sweet Spirit to overwhelm me until I cannot sleep.....or breathe properly.  I need to constantly be aware that my spiritual state is at risk.  I cannot allow the enemy to get away with the tactics he uses.....whether it is a busy schedule or ill health......that makes my need to stay alert a bit hazy.  I will plead the blood of Jesus.....I will speak the name of Jesus Christ.....I will call upon the Lord.......and I will trust in the Strong Tower of my salvation.
Help me, Jesus.....to never forget Your promises.  I speak the words of this prayer in the name of Jesus.  I thank You, dear Jesus for Your blessings.  Amen.

Dear One.....I do wish one thing.  That You would give me a shove and a shake.  I get so tired of "being sorrowful"......or, "sick at heart".....when I really have only precious gifts....and blessings too abundant to count. A couple of calls yesterday....and I hear, "What's wrong?"  Lord, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG.  Still....I moan like a pathetic loser.  I AM NOT A LOSER.  Still.....I continue to feel like one.  I read.  I write.  I try to think.  I try to teach.  I try to give good leadership.  I try. I try. I try.  And, still..... I feel like such a .........well, I won't write it out loud.  (My poor family hates when I speak negatively about myself.)    I am Yours.  That is one thing I am sure of.  I am an instrument of Your choosing to be a help to You.....not a hindrance.  Recently receiving a letter of commendation to my worthiness.....I quickly sloughed it off as the evil one would have me do.  I replaced all the compliments with satan's lies.  Each thing, I replaced with....."If they only knew....".  Dear One......please give me a transplant.  I feel like I need another  start.  New batteries.  New juice.  New kick start.  And...then....I wonder.  How long will this work?  How long do I go before I need another jolt.  Shoot, Lord!  I need a resuscitation implant. I know.  I talk silly.  Actually, Lord.....I prefer You do the jolting of my being.  I thank You, Father, for the devotionals that spark my heart.  I like the ones that speak to me changing and being at my best for You.  I like the ones that speak to my being willing to change habits and reactions to what I can't change at all.  It isn't possible for me to help anyone if I continue to walk around in a fog.  I need to be aware of the example I set with my demeanor in limbo.  Raise me up, Lord.....to a new place.  Set me up on the rock, Christ Jesus.  Give me another pair of shoes....that don't give me the blisters of resistant feet.  Arm me with Your words of compassion and understanding.  I am losing out on all counts.  The words I read this week sort of said it all.  I can't get them out of my head.  The excuses I come up with to make excuses sound better, need to stop.  It does little for me.  I need to accept that there are things that I can change.  And, I have or will continue to further that goal for You.....but, I need to accept  that there are some things You have no plan to change at all.... things that You do not want changed.  Somehow, Lord Jesus.....that possibility never occurred to me.  There is no new revision to this particular edifice. You want me to live victoriously with what You have laid out for me.....and probably want me to stop complaining about it.  Right?  "Yeah!  That's what I figured is what I really feel like saying......" but, I will try to change that as long as I can......and accept that perhaps this thorn that I feel just about all of the time.....will be a thorn I can live with and not make excuses for....and eventually be thankful for......maybe, even to say it.....and believe it too.  Is that even possible?  I'm going to rest with that for now, Lord.  I'm going to see how this fits.  I say with determination.....You have given me much to think about.  Help me, Jesus.  I depend on You .  I thank You and praise You.  I speak all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen. 

I have been wondering, Lord......and since You know me so well.....that's not always good.....but, You have always been the source of my strength......and any wisdom that comes from my lips is included in that strength. What I wonder is how you intended our family to be.  Thinking about families of the scriptures...I see many different kinds.  I am the daughter of a kind, gentile, soft-spoken man....who was a pastor and a jack-of-all-trades.  He was so much like You, Lord.  I loved him and found him to be a man I could trust .....always.  I don't know if I ever disappointed him.....he never mentioned it.  He spanked me once or twice for sassing my mother.  Otherwise, I was a perfect child!  Mom was harder to deal with.  I felt like anything I did was not ever good enough for her.  I am not sure if that is normal or not.  I really never knew any different.  Three brothers and myself as the oldest rounded out our family.  I remember feeling sure I was loved....and never questioned it.  We were on the fringe of being poor.....but, I never felt like I was.  I'm not sure how they managed that.  I felt that we were a close family.  As I married, Lord.....I knew that even with all of the drama my mother created about him.....I had married the right man for me.  Never really discussing having a family.....we began creating one a couple years after we married.  We were Blessed by You, dear One.  Five of the most beautiful babies I had ever seen in my life were given to us.  I will forever be grateful for the apparent trust You had in us to raise these children.  They are grown now.  And, You have chosen to keep me sort of long distances from them.  I could very possibly be an interfering mom if given too many chances.  My goal was to pray instead....and let You handle the details of their lives.  Their spouses?  I prayed and hoped and believed that my interjections of "what I thought" were God centered.  Lord....You always know best.  Even the shattered dreams.....are sometimes turned into the glue that helps pay the repair bill.....when ultimately turned over to You.  Anyway, Lord....I have thought and re-thought what it takes to make a close family.  (i.e. close-knit; solid; impenetrable)  I haven't really read anything lately that strikes me as an answer to my queries.  As I fixed supper last night, I was watching/listening to an episode of "The Walton's".  Mary Ellen was in a wanderlust sort of mood and kept running off to see if she could satisfy these longings in her heart.  She decided she did not want to "enjoy" the comforts of home anymore and didn't want what it offered.  The family was desperately trying to make some money by picking apples from a neighbors orchard.  Certain reward for a job well done.  She was not interested in the slightest.  Everyone seemed to have the greatest patience with her moaning and complaining and sassing.  Even her running off to parts unknown "to think".  As I entertained how her family loved her through this time.....I thought of the story of the  Prodigal Son.  Unfettered by the strings of home and the responsibilities, he came to his senses after a time of loss and sadness.  Choosing to accept the love and devotion of those who welcomed him......(and Mary Ellen too,) back.....I think, Lord....shows that You are the one who provides this willingness to show that we, as  a people, need the unconditional love a family can offer.  And, not only need it, but can give it, too.....without holding it over each other's heads forever.  That love....the unconditional kind is hard to manage.  It can be done.  Being able to "go home" and feel you are loved and appreciated is another gift I think family should be able to execute.  Every day, it seems the "rules" change.  Lord, help us to remember the rules You originally set down in stone.....that do not change......ever.  Lying, coveting, using the Lord's name in vain, stealing, murdering, dis-honoring our parents.  It is the acceptance of what other's do and say without having to use it as a pulpit to preach "the truth" as we see it.  Lord......I love the way You move in and out and through our lives.  I love the way You show me what not to say.....after I say it.  Even the hoops I feel I have to jump through to get myself back into Your good graces......it's good for me, Lord.  Bottom line:  I already am in Your good graces. I keep forgetting that.  Jesus, help me.  Guide me.  Encourage me.  Love me.  Forgive me.  Show me.  Forgive me again.
Thank You, Lord.  I speak this prayer in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I think You are amazing, God!  Let all the people praise You. Oh, dear One..... I wish they all would.  Wouldn't that be amazing?  'Course, here I am, sitting at Your feet or nearby.....for the inspiration to write.  It seems I always have to have a reason......and yet, I know I do not need one.  Bottom line for me though, is, if I intend to accomplish anything today, I need to write to You.  I can't even think straight.
Earlier this week I read at the end of a devotional, words that really described me.  I know You probably put it in my line of vision so I could utilize this in my prayer.  C.S.Lewis is an icon of sorts for his prolific writings, that many enjoy.  Children and adults alike.  I hate to say it out loud, Lord.....but, I can read pages of his work and never understand one word he is saying to me, the  reader.  This quote, however, spoke volumes to me.....because it sounded like something I feel all the time.  Just in case You need to be reminded, Lord, I quote.....
                    "I pray because I can't help myself.....I pray 
                      because I am helpless....I pray because the 
                      need flows out of me all the time-waking and 
                      sleeping.....It does not change God- It changes
                      me."  C.S.Lewis  
  Another thing I read only this morning was that "Praying at all times.....is to take up the pen of faith and pray without ceasing.....and to pray words of praise, intercession or supplication as the need arises."  Does that make me appear to be a "goody-two shoes"?  I am not.  You know it.....don't You?  I am Your child....trying as hard as I can (most of the time) to behave myself.  As I watched the children in VBS this week.....as an almost 70 year old woman, my thoughts were....when am I ever going to really grow up?  The feelings and anxieties over "what people think.....and why they think it .......the fears of  worries that plague me.......the dreams and hopes for tomorrow".....all seem to surround my thinking.  Jesus, only You can alleviate the dreaded fears that threaten to make me cower in the corner-basically believing the enemies' lies.  When this happens, he knows I am completely ineffective for You and the kingdom.  Lord, with all my heart, my desire is to be like You.  To be the example for You in whatever state I happen to be in.  I remember, time after time when leaving the nursing facility my mother lived in....I wondered why You allowed her life to seemingly wither away.  I remember, after she was no longer conscious.....going to her room and seeing a worker just standing at the foot of her bed, staring at her.  She responded to my question of why she was there with a simple but succinct answer.  "Because I needed some peace......and when I look at Sylvia.....I see peace."  I knew then, Lord, that no matter what state we happen to be in.....You can use us.  We can always continue to be an instrument of peace.....wherever and whenever You choose.  I concede, Lord.  If peace is what You need people to see in me.....I beg You....let it be so.  You are the delight of my heart.  I thank You for Your presence.....for speaking to me through the scriptures I read and the happenings of a day.
I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen. 

A Prayer for Madison

Lord......One of Your little ones has come to the point in her life when she walks across the platform of a school gym......and receives a diploma for her mastery of a High School education come to fruition.  She is at the top of her class.  She is headed to a prestigious college for the duration to study for her selected profession. Lord, she'll be stepping into the arena of new and exciting ideas, plans, and other's expectations.  She will see and hear the inner thoughts of the other students who have come to the same place.....perhaps, and most likely,  already disenchanted with the world and their own expectations.  Lord, I ask that as my sweet Madison enters into the unknown....she will hold to the philosophy that she has been born to.  The inner work of grace that an individual experiences when their life has been given to You, dear One.  Being at the beginning of this new adventure for her is perhaps, scarier for us (as we watch her go) than for her.  No one knows what will happen next.  The goals can be set and determination to reach that place can happen.....or something entirely out of the blue, can turn us in another direction.  My prayer for this granddaughter of mine.....(mine and her Pappy's) is that You would guide her in the plan YOU have for her.  To be successful is admirable.  To be successful in the endeavors You plan for us as Your children, supersede any other.  I ask, Lord, that the ultimate goal for her would be to enjoy her days as a student....planning her future.  That You would protect.....in every sense her heart and mind against the foils of the enemy.  I ask that You would give her wisdom in knowing that the armour of protection will protect her.  The helmet of salvation, the sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God......the breastplate of righteousness,  and shoes prepared with the gospel of peace.  All of these, Lord, sometimes seem silly and child like.  Thinking about it as an adult though, makes me feel that understanding the issues that You knew would  affect us and even, plague us, are impossible to ignore.  The enemy is watching and waiting.  Protect our girl.  Keep her strong in You. We count on You going with her.
Our hope and our joy is watching our children grow and glow in You.  Now, we watch another grandchild find her way.  She has made us proud .  We love and adore her.  Her parents stand back in unbelief at the beauty she has become.....both inside and out.  And.....Lord, we give you praise and adoration for the wonderful gifts You allow us to have.  We bless You and thank You for our gifts.  And, we ask all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Most of the time, Lord.....I open my "out-loud" prayer like this. I have followed the rules in the past......on "How to Pray".  But, Lord,  I like to just pick up where I left off.  I like to just keep adding to the saga which happens to be my life.  One where I have given You access to every nook and cranny.  Full disclosure.  Nothing is hidden from You.  You have every key to all the rooms of my house!  Yes.  There are things I have confided in You.  I don't intend on ever  being disrespectful in any way.  The cleansing of my heart required a full and complete work.  Something "Stanley Steemer" can't do. And, Father.....I am fully aware that You are a powerful God and able to do anything You desire.  Lord, You are amazing.  And, gracious to me.  I can never show my thankfulness enough.  I am blessed beyond any measure, I could have asked.  Loved.  Even honored.  I can hardly believe it.  I wish I felt like I was doing You justice by being Your child.  Of course You know  I feel so inept at times.
Trying to honor You with my words often ends badly.  The enemy would never have me honor You, Father.  And, sometimes after I have tried to say what is in my heart, I  wish I hadn't tried.  I think I need to stick to writing.....only because, You know exactly what I am trying to say.  Several times yesterday in the worship time I felt the need to speak.....and,  did.  But, I wonder, Lord.... does anyone hear?  As I listened to the soloist  yesterday, I knew the song was special.  "I'm so tired of being stirred....but, never changed"......was a line that stood out to me.  I do feel Lord....we all have those times......when we are stirred.   It is pretty much like  the  conviction that comes upon us.....but,  if we do not make a concerted effort to change (what we are stirred about).....You can do nothing for us.  We have to ......(i.e.) I have to......make it happen.  You do the work.  It's not hard.  It  just takes a time of actual commitment to allow You to do the work.  Sometimes I think You have made it entirely too easy to live for You, Lord.  I do appreciate how You love me, dear One.  
I will live the way You want me to live.  I will.  I will do what You ask me to do.  I will.  (I have to admit, this is harder.)  I will also say what You need for me to say.  I will.  And.....I will be quiet as long as You help me.  Just  have duck tape handy.  You really have to help me make this a reality.  I think it's better that way.
Give me Your grace....and Your strength today.  I need Your touch on my life today.  I pray always, Lord....in the name of Jesus.  Amen.