Thank You, dear One.....thank You for the privilege of prayer.  I am so grateful for the power of it, plus the sweet relief of telling You how I feel.  So many "feel" that their "feelings" should run the basic needs of their lives.  I tend to, also.  In all reality, Lord.....Your plan for me may not always coincide with the "want-to's" of my heart.  Could You work that out for me?  I'd like to always feel that Your presence would overwhelm my being to the point where I would feel that You and I are thinking alike.  I always want to help You to entertain angels.  And, there are times when I really would prefer not to mess up my plan for the day!  It means that when I would like to just NOT talk or keep moving on with my plan, I would be willing to stop; look at someone.....in the eye; let them know I intend to listen if they need me to!  You know Lord.....this is not my idea of rest.  It means.....getting involved, sometimes.  It means....giving advice, sometimes....which always scares me.  It does however mean too, that I would just listen...... and look like I care. That really does sound awful.....doesn't it, Lord?  But, for me.....I need help.  It takes so much energy to do that.   It does take time to do that.  Could You give me the added empathy I need to do this for You.  Help me Father.  I am not always available, mentally.  I think You know that.  I do know though, that, You fill my heart with joy and resolve and fulfillment.....when, I realize I am being the instrument for You that You need me to be.  Being in the senior age of my life, I almost feel like my work is done.....and I know that is the devil's lie to me.  I am worthwhile to You.  I have a place......and I have a job to do for You.  No matter what condition I am in......and what place I feel I can fulfil for You. 
Yesterday was Christmas day.  All year long, we either groan or delight in the coming of this holiday.  It is the remembrance of this sacred time that we as Christians find hallowed.  I'm not sure that is the word to use, Lord. But,  I love to think of how You came to be born.....and then finally,  to become the Savior of the world.   It is special and sacred.  I enjoy doing the gifts and decorations.  Looking at the lights that shine in the night.  Nothing though, outshines the bright light of love and adoration You have for us as Your children. 
I'm thankful for the promises You have given us.....and for Your gift of eternal life. 
Thank You for the love You provide.  Thank You for the gift of family.  Thank You for my own precious brood.  I am forever grateful.  I find as I go longer into life......I need You every moment.
Give me Your presence today.  And, Your abiding love.  And, I ask it all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I've been trying to figure out how I feel today, Lord.  Between all of my naps!  I'll tell you....."the old gray mare ain't what she used to be"......is true in more ways than one.  I feel ancient today. But, I really feel so thankful.  Having an Open House for Your Church people, for all intents and purposes means you have to clean your place and decorate. Plan for 60.... 23 show up.  It is a let down.  I guess I will never understand why folks don't come when you ask!
Of course, Lord.....You have an inkling of a notion, don't You?  You have held out Your hand for centuries.  You have knocked on millions of doors.....and, still, no one feels the need to answer Your call.  And You.......You offer eternal life in Heaven.  Like I said, there is no comparison.  I offer free meatball sandwiches. End of story!   I will use them another day. The decorations I carefully arrange.....I enjoy! And, I think my hubby does too.  Remember, the other day, Lord?  He said....."Why do you do all of this?"  I couldn't answer, then.  I do love Christmas.  The sounds and smells.  The very reason for it all.  Jesus, the Baby in the manger.  How God planned for Mary to be the Mother to this precious child.  Chaste.....and beloved...and willing to go through the trauma of people thinking she had been unfaithful to Joseph.  I was so sorry Joseph thought so too.  But, Lord.....what I mostly loved....was how You informed him of his true involvement in the most wonderful story of love and devotion.  You didn't make him wait....and suffer too long. 
Lord.....I have often thought.....could I be faithful?  Could You count on me....when the heavens are quiet....and the silence I hear.....is deafening?  I know.  I've talked to You about this before.  And, You assured me that when I need Your strength, I will have it.  And, I have to believe that this is true.  I have needed it a few times.I will believe that You will provide the answers I need when and if it is necessary.  I like to think that what I teach to Your people......I truly believe, is true.  Last evening as I visited with a friend from college days.....I remembered what I wrote my last prayer blog about.....as we spoke of a similar situation.  (You know, Lord.....the prayer that is floating in cyber space!)  I was bemoaning how fickle some of Your children are.  I was complaining.  I was thinking  little more highly of myself than I should have been.  Thank You for helping me see the things that need to be changed about my thinking.  I do believe there will always be something You need to point out to me.  Could You see to it that I always recognize Your hand.....molding me and making me into the image of Yourself that I need to be. I am forever trying to be obedient when You show me places I need to change IN MYSELF.   I always seem to get a little agitated when I hear about or experience the behavior of one of my sisters or brothers in the faith that have to be a disappointment to You.....in thinking, "Why don't You get ahold of them?"   You know what, Lord?  It's not my business.  It's Yours. 
So be it, then!  Have Your way, Jesus....in our hearts and in our minds. Aha!  Mostly, my mind.  
To God be the glory!  Amen and amen!

 I really think You are testing my patience, Lord.  Are You?  Are You aiming to show me something I need to work on?  I can't find my latest blog post.   The one I just wrote minutes ago.  It disappeared.  Okay, yes!  I was complaining. I know. I know.
I think I told You awhile back that I needed to stop complaining and be accepting of what I cannot change.  Okay.  I accepted that.  I told You that I would  work on my complaining nature.  I guess I did for five minutes.  And, then, the old habit rears its ugly head again.  Okay, yes......I accept that I need work here.  I guess I have to make this into a project.  Every time I feel the need to complain and gripe about something I don't like.....I need to use that opportunity to quickly try to negate that attitude and the words, and the spirit that drives it......plus,  the look of disdain upon my face.  I don't have to look at it in the mirror......I can feel it.  Oh, yeah!  I am doing well here.  In the previous post, (the one that disappeared), maybe You were trying to save me from totally embarrassing myself in front of my readers.  I must have sounded pretty righteous.  Lord, I do wonder what good You see in me.  I just hope that You can always forgive the ineffective (the "I'm right and you know it") nature that sometimes just trickles out of me, unwittingly.  Uh......I think it's unwittingly!  Maybe not.  Anyway, It appears that I am in a constant need to ask forgiveness and wanting You to show me a better way.  I do need You, Father.  I know that when I feel "I am getting a little better control of my behavior"......I begin to tout spiritual platitudes and almost bragging of the work You have done in my life.  I wish I could reach a happy medium.  Or, Lord.....is this what You need to do to force me to examine and re-examine Your insistence that to be a warrior for You......I have to keep my heart right.  I hate that part of me that tends to "act righteous".  Is there a place for it at all in the life of a dedicated child of Yours?  It seems to spawn such unlovely behavior.  Is there a happy medium for us, Lord? 
My desire and hope is to continue in my quest for the hope that I will do "My Utmost for Your Highest".  And, very honestly, I know I don't.  I'm too tired to work at being nice all the time.  Sometimes I would like to say what I really think.  Sometimes, I think You need to pull a "Zacharias" on me......until, I promise to behave myself.
Lord, as You can see......I understand why that post disappeared now!  That will now and always be a "draft"......to view as "for Your eyes only". 
"I  want to live the way, You want me to live.....I want to give until there's just no more to give.....I want to love, love.....'til there's just no more love.  I could never, never outlove the Lord."  This is what the song says.  I'm not sure I want to do all this......or even feel like it......but, I do know this.  If  THIS  is what You expect of us as Your children.....then, I know I can......and ask You to help me want to.  And, please, give me the desire to.  Right now, I'm just too tired.  I thought I was righteous.....and now,  I'm all depressed because I found out I'm not!  
  Is this what Peter felt like when he proclaimed his great and abiding love for You, over and over......then, completely wiped out his whole belief system when asked if he was Your follower?  I can only imagine, dear One, how awful he must have felt. 
This is why, Oh Lord......I need You every hour.  Give me Your strength so I can be sustained.
I pray this and every prayer in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Okay, Lord.......I know.  I have definitely put this off too long.  For all my indications of "how wonderful it is to talk to You in such a manner".....I am a poor example to anyone who would like to try.  It is in doing this form of communication with You that I find my solace.  It clears my mind of clutter.  It shows me that I am not as mean spirited as I thought I was........or it shows me I am due for an overhaul,  or replacement surgery. Now, You know how busy I have been, Lord.  Travelling takes every ounce of energy I have anymore.....and packing, unpacking and re-packing exhausts my resources.  I take everything I am sure I will need and then, throw in what I think could be unforeseen needs..........It does have to stop.  I don't even know what ALL I have with me (since I have so many "unforeseen" items).....and usually have to purchase more.  It's ridiculous.  You absolutely have to shake your head and wonder "where You went wrong!".   I cannot tell You how many times I wanted to write and tell You things these last few weeks.  I either didn't have any availability (wifi) or time or fervor.  Jesus.....help me.  This is my life.  I need Your intervention and I need to show those who watch my life how important You are to me.  I need quality time with You.  All the time.  Could I ask forgiveness one more time for my laxness of spirit?  I probably drive You crazy with all of my SOS prayers.  Every time I turned around in the last few weeks,  it was....."Lord, help me." or  "Lord, I need for You to show me......!"  or a dozen or so other quick prayers to  satiate my desire to have You run my life.  I am tired of trying to do this myself.  So often, I am "wanting" to take charge....but I can not do this.  These last few weeks have been so filled with plans made, and,  plans upset because of  just life's happenings.  Everyone deals with it.  Sometimes, it's just a little more hectic at times.   I don't like for those times to interfere with my writing to You.....and they do.  Way too often.  I remember when Mom lost her ability to hold anything in her hands.  She was always  writing something down.  A recipe.  A joke.  A letter.  And, I do too.  But, I really love typing on this keyboard.....to talk to You.
I told the ladies in S.S. on Sunday that we have to watch the way satan intrudes himself into our lives.  When he wins......I lose that special time we can talk to each other.  I can read Your Word.....but.....I just love telling You how I feel.  I can feel free to tell You my flaws.  And in doing so, in this "blogspot", everyone else can see how imperfect I really am.  I am so fulfilled though, dear One.....when I realize, once more,  that YOU forgive us.  Immediately. 

Take my life and let it be lived according to Your plan for me.  I come to You, again and again, for Your nurturing and direction.  One of those pieces of music we are doing for Christmas this season, says, "This must be the place......where I bow down before You.....This must be the place believers come....This must be the place....I worship and adore You......and confess, You are my Lord, my God......my God."   This is what comforts me.  If the day comes I cannot write to You......then, You, Lord......You must show me how to love You more.  My place.....ultimately, is at Your feet.  Until that day, I ask this then, in the name of Christ, my Lord, and say Amen and Amen. 

There are times when You really can shake my system up, Lord.  I am nicely resting and enjoying my sleep.  You can wake me up with such ease......well, I even think it's my idea!  And, then I realize.....Aha!  You have a reason I'm awake at 4 am.  So, I write.  And, yes!  I am happy to do so.  I am not particularly thrilled about the subject matter of this particular prayer.  It seems that You have made it quite clear, though.  After I devoured the devotional from "Joni"  the other day.....writing down every word so I wouldn't forget all of the context......I remember thinking that "this would make a good study for Prayer Meeting".  Yeah!  All of that.  Lord, You are so sweet not to bombard me with all of my foibles all at once.  Notice how I don't mention they could possibly be sins or deterrents to my spiritual victory.  But, I do know it, Lord.  I should after this many years.  I am so sorry I am turning into "one of them".
 For years I have read and listened to stories about the Israelites and their saga of the journey from Egypt to the promised land.  I heard the other day that in all reality, it should have taken about eleven days.  That absolutely does not seem possible after all the drama that they created with their diverse mentalities.  Maybe I should just state the obvious, Lord.  Their constant barrage of murmuring and complaining probably would have driven a lesser leader to drink.  Quite heavily, I would venture to guess.  Lord.....I always have said......either out loud or to myself.....I hoped that I would never be in that crowd of complainers......or like them in any way.  I can see now, that I would have more than likely have been a possible follower. 
Joni pointed out the verses in Jude that knocks all question aside.  I can put any spin on it that I want to.  I can pretend that "I am just expressing myself".  I can raise all of the legitimate reasons till the cows come home.  But, You and I both know, it is time to address it. The 'ungodly-ness' of it all.  My complaints.  My murmuring.  My sarcasm that can mask as unkindness.  I recently saw a comment from someone on my Facebook site, Lord.  They wanted to "see" themselves as others saw them.  I remember asking You one time......(Notice:  I said "one time", Lord!)......and  You did.  Very quickly, I might add.  I remember that I did not like what I observed.  Good grief!  Do I not learn anything quickly?  I feel as if I may have a learning disability. 
I am going to be watchful, Lord.  I am going to change this spirit of being disappointed and disenchanted with whatever situation I seem to be in.  These days I am always trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of every encounter I am in.  I want to be more accepting.  I want to be more empathetic or sympathetic.....whichever is needed most.  I want to be kinder.  I would suggest, Lord.....that my "sarcastic wit" be eliminated.  I want to be the ambassador for You that You planned on me being.  I don't think this is what You had in mind.  Yes.  It's true.  I am 69.  Yes.  I have a melancholy and phlegmatic personality.....and tend to defer quite often.  I have a tendency to think that at my age, I have a "right" to be heard.  Well.....Lord?  What do You think?  I think You have shown me in a decided way through this devotional what You expect from me.  I will work on my 'ungodly' behavior.  Yikes.  It looks awful.  It is embarrassing.  I thought I was "above" this.  And, that looks awful, too.  Forgive me for being "one of those" kinds of people.  I will desperately work at my  level of  understanding......and I will adventure into the realm of the possibility that if there is a clique for the Israelites who didn't murmur and complain.....I'd be in that group.  Being called "ungodly" is not my idea of being an Ambassador for Christ.  Give me Your power.  Your wisdom.  And, Lord.....give me Your understanding of what I need to do to fix this. 
Thank You for loving me enough to show me what I need to remedy.  And, I ask all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.
P.S.  Excuse me while I go and adjust my crown, Lord!

As I go over the devotionals I've read for the week on my computer, I hesitate to hit "delete" for any of them.  I fill my journals with them....."so I don't forget".....and find that I do, indeed, forget what I wanted to remember.  I sometimes write word for word....and then for some I just outline what I think I already knew.  I find, though, that when I was sure I would remember "that one"....I can't quite remember like I want to.  Lord, all I can say to You is that I want You to show me what to keep.  And, what to let go.
It sounds like the mantra I quote when I am getting ready to do some organizing in the garage or in the basement.  Over and over, I want to let go.....and throw out what I don't want or need in the trash.....and then, I agonize.  "What if I need this next week?"  As much as I have accumulated, I  probably could go to the Dollar Tree and buy another one!!  But, getting back to my first thoughts.....I do love reading that I am not alone in my quest for spiritual fulfillment.  I wonder, Lord, is that going to be forever..... or until You come for us?  I know.  Why do I always ask that question?  I think I have said the same thing, in different words at least a 1000 times.  My security in You is often tempered with...."What if I was wrong?"  "What if I misunderstood what You promised?"   What if....?  What if....?  What if....?  I think that probably satan enjoys my confusion.  When he can plant a seed of doubt......and then stand back with arms folded waiting for me to cave on what I believe (?) ......then, certainly, he has done his job.  I often fail to call on You as quickly as I should.  I defer to the sadness and difficulties of our lives too quickly.  When I heard about "Lizzy" and the Cancer diagnosis, I have to admit I faltered a little bit.  I hear of the same stories of sadness and death that everyone else does......and realize that this is life.  We learn to accept, acknowledge and bear with the fallout of what turns out to be the new normal.  Lord, I wish my questions would cease.  I ache for the sadness that occurs when suffering comes. 

 I spoke to her the other day, Lord.  I could easily have walked by.  I recognized her face and saw her look down.  After our little talk.....when I heard that "the church people were so unsympathetic or unwilling to get involved".....I felt so sad.  Who are we, Lord?  When I am aware that we, Your children, are the first to criticize....or abandon our sisters and brothers in Christ....it must not make You very proud of us.  I am thankful that even in our clumsy attempts to love and accept each other.....You take it and translate it into "The Greatest Story Ever Told". 

I'm thankful for the cross, Lord.  And, for the mercy You show to us all the time.  We truly are not worthy .  Me? It is not about "we".  It is about "me".  And, how I am doing as a member of Your family.  I'd like to be in the gold star category.....I'm not sure I can do it.  Last week I complained about being a slug.  Hopefully, this week, I am doing a little bit better.  Give me all the help You can in my private time.  I will count on this one thing.  When I need a particular answer......for myself or someone I am helping.....I will believe that You will bring to the forefront of my heart and mind, what You need for me to convey.  (Like for instance...."When people show you who they are.....believe them!   Oh, wait a minute!  That's not scripture, Lord......that's "Oprah". )  Was that a smile, Lord?  I love You.  Thank You for loving me too!

It's all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

 I have sat here this morning, Father .....(now, afternoon) and thought about writing my prayer blog post.  First, I drank coffee.....close to six cups.  Then, I read my scripture for the day.  I drank more coffee.  I played a couple games.  I caught up on the facebook site.  I caught up on my email......called an aunt and caught up with her.....played more games.  Other than doing an activity that requires getting off the couch, I have put off writing.  This is soooo stupid, Lord.  You are my friend, dear One.  You never are that hard for me to unveil my thoughts to.....and yet, I put You off, silently saying, "I don't have time now, Lord......which is, as You know, a lie.  I am tired of being a slug.  Please help me.  Let's play "Kick the Can", and I'll be the can.  When I do this......when I falter in coming to You..... quickly and often, I berate myself terribly.  Why is praying.....out loud and/or written word.....so difficult?  Baring my soul is about the only way I know how to write to You.  Even when I speak aloud in prayer (and always sort of "go on and on").....knowing that only if my heart is speaking truth to You...You will respond in kind.  I guess.....or surmise that it is, indeed , the energy it takes from me.  If I am not speaking truth to You.....well, I guess, there is no need to speak at all.  I love believing that You read my heart thoughts with all the empathy You have.....noting where and when You will entertain any possibility that my thoughts and concerns are worthy of Your consideration.  Of course, I have to admit, when I am pretty sure we are on the same wave length....and You answer according to how I see things.....I love that.  But, I have learned a time or two, that You definitely have higher and loftier ways to deal with what I pray for.  Considering that You are God, and see the end from the beginning.....I treasure the thought that You love me.....and mine.....and want our best for Your glory.  I have to also admit, that what I assumed would bring You glory, always does not.  I am stunned at how presumptuous I tend to be.  I am apologetic for that, Lord.  I am surprised too at how clueless I really can be.  I am also amazed that when I think I "have an answer"......"Your answer".......I am really wrong.  Jesus....help me.  I do need answers.  But, You already know that.  I guess I am figuring that since You know me so well.....I will start planning and executing before You want me to.  I can presume 'til the cows come home'.  What I want and need  to do, is to lay my requests in Your care....turn around and walk away.  I want You to have full access to my carefully laid out concerns.  Give me what I need.  And, show me.....lead me into all of Your truth.  So, Lord.....there You have it.  Once again.....I open myself to Your perusal.  See if there be any wicked way in me......anything that would make You sad or disappointed in me.....alert me quickly and then, help me to be obedient.
I ask all......in every way and will to be done.....in the name of Jesus.  Amen.