It seems to me, dear One, that without the blood of Your sacrifice to us, all of it is being misrepresented right now in our lives.  I am so disgusted as I listen to rhetoric from TV, with the miscommunication of those in power to the lowly citizen, and the unfairness of it all creeping in to our own personal lives….our precious families.  EVERYBODY  wants to speak “their truth”…..AND they want everyone to hear it….and then abide by it. From what I’ve experienced in the past….yes, they might listen….maybe they’ll let you finish your thought…..but, then they jump in debunking everything you just said.  And then of course all that does is tell you they think your ideas are stupid and if you would just listen…. They have a better fix. You and I both know,  that the fight will go on forever.  It will never be solved unless one defers to the other.  

Our habit of representing “ truth veiled with sarcasm” is not an ideal way to solve a problem and speaks low of the character of a Christian man or woman.  It seems that the enemy is busy taking the wrecking ball machine and aiming it at our families…..and we are letting him.  My hope and prayer is that his plan to take us out in pieces would be smashed by us pleading the blood of Jesus and pulling the plug on his  hope to wreck our loved ones with his lies and  evil tactics. That seems to be the answer for so many instead of a kindly worded explanation in a private conversation.  It does not solve the problem, but, somehow even Christians can end up acting like stinkers.  I don’t think that’s very nice either…..especially to You, Lord. I pledge to You, Lord, that I will try very hard to show Your example of all that you would say and do.  It sounds a little bit “Pollyanna-ish”  but we have to be determined.  The enemy will roll right over us.

Please Lord, give us the strength to plead the blood of Jesus in ridding ourselves of the lies the enemy spews at our vulnerable times.  We cannot survive without that blood.  Nothing is sacred.  Nothing is sweet memories.  Nothing is good.  Help us , Jesus to pray effectively.

A song to You, dear One……

“I love You, Lord…OH, your  mercy never fails me….all my days , I’ve been held in Your hands

From the moment that I wake up…. Until I lay my head….Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful…..an all my life You have been so, so good…..

With every breath that I am able….I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice….You have led me through the fire, And in darkest night You are close like no other…I’ve known You as a Father…..I've known you as a friend…..And I have lived in the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful, Oh and all my life You have been so, so good…..with every breath that I am able…..I will sing of the mercy of God…..

‘Cause Your goodness is running after, its running after me…..with my life laid down I surrendered now…..I give you everything…..your goodness is running after, It’s running after me.”

With His abiding love……His ever present mercies surprising us and surrounding us……how can we possibly give in to what the enemy touts as “living our truth”. …….effectually abandoning our testimony in our network of friends and family…..God help us!  We do not want to fail you!

For all of my many words……thoughts and feelings…..I give them to You, dear One…..to decipher as you will.  In Your name , I pray.  Amen.

Dear One…..I am so filled with words and feelings and desires of things to be done and said.  I never know exactly when to start in my writing. Probably sooner than later. That’s what always happens.  

I really miss him today, Lord.  The one who always said, “I love you, Hon!”  Or “I love you, Corrine💕!”  I always loved the way he said my name! No one else said it that way!  How do I tell you how much I appreciate what you did for me in giving me what I didn’t know I needed.  Thank you for that, Lord.  I think nothing else needs to be said since you did the work.  I’m so grateful for the man You gave to me.  I felt our 56  years were my whole existence……and the five children we shared together. My accomplishment…..and gift. When John disappeared I had to scramble to get my momentum back.  

You also are aware of how I always think I am right. Thank You for showing me that I can still have joy in my heart when I don’t get my way. (How childish does that sound?). Thank You that I still have the joy of playing music and enjoying comments of appreciation.  Every time I’m reminded of how old  I am, I’m grateful  I can still  cook a meal, wash my dishes, and make jewelry for myself.  Decorating my home makes me happy!  Having a job that contributes to this “habit”, is a bit bothersome, but am determined   to find a happy medium.  Determining if an item gives me memories of happiness or contentment helps pair things down a bit. 

After a conversation with a friend not long ago, I found myself a little jarred when I quoted a verse  that I felt was a spiritual answer for a dilemma and then couldn’t back it up! I know the devil delights in it. Us, thinking we are so God-like! Yeah right!  Not too many of us fall for that anymore!  Anyway, isn’t that what Google is for!  Or is that a dirty word? I feel our attempts to calm another’s fears and then not finding “who said it” doesn’t take away the importance of the act. Knowing the context of a verse can stymy me into silence or catapult me into greater awareness.

Lord, I choose this day to be more like You.  I plead the blood of Jesus to blockout the demons that determine to bind me.  I know there are those whom I’ve hurt, who will not forgive me.  I, in the power that you have given me, have done all I can to amend these errors.  Haven’t I.  Helping, or hoping to help….. isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  It does take a bit of courage to cross the lane from “I’m telling you this to help you”….You need to stop doing this” to “As a Christian, your testimony will be a lie” if you do not repent.   As a Pastors wife, a Christian, not withstanding, teacher, writer……I’ve lived to try to lead those I am called to lead, live, rub shoulders with and love….. to a better, stronger walk with God.

I want nothing to keep me from seeing your face someday and hear you say,  Welcome home Corrine!  I have your place all ready!  

I want to say more.  Maybe I will, tomorrow!  I pray all of these words to you hoping the combination will be pleasing toYou in the name of Jesus.  Amen and amen.

It has taken me almost an hour, Lord.  I thought this morning when I woke up…..that I would finally write a blog prayer. I just read my last post. Tearfully, I ask for Your forgiveness in being so lax in writing. I put pressure on myself to write.  And, then when I don’t, I throw all kinds of aspersions at myself.  Or else, it’s the enemy, and I just let him drone on because it’s easier than sitting myself down and admitting in front of everyone that I’m truly a mess and no one has picked up on it yet. At any rate, I honestly thought I could not function today without emptying my soul thoughts.

The middle of December caught me off my game for lack of a better word.  Our oldest daughter was seemingly standing at a crossroad to life or death. With the gamut of tests and more tests to find out the root cause, we were watching how scary it is to watch a Doctor say, he really didn’t know what was happening. That is not reassuring, Lord.  After a few more tests and drugs were administered, more Drs opinions, a hospital change…….we found a few more answers.  Lord, in the events and fulfillment of a happy Christian life, what can we do when the answers are not forthcoming?  I delve into fixing the problem myself. Of course, You have tried to tell me before, that my way is not always best.  That…..right there is my whole problem. There are reasons You don’t reveal all WE think we should know.  That being me.  All I think I should know!  Lord, forgive me. Help me. Sustain me. Fulfill me only in the manner You choose. As for our family……I leave them in Your care. I try to do what I can…..but the enemy is right there at my neck whispering, if only I were “more” things could be better.  I admit, Lord…..I spend too much of the energy I do have, trying to fix more than I have the capability of.  If You would put a sign on the door of my life that says “S. Corrine Davis, Asst. to Jesus”…..I would see real quick that I’d have to resign!

You have a place for me.  I have tried too hard for too long, trying to be the answer to the needs of everyone who has a need I think I should fill. I’m turning that quirk of my nature into what I feel is the best choice for me. And, no shock here…..once again, it’s You Lord.  I submit my ideas to You. You do what is best.  For anyone I know about.  

Thank you Father, for the forgiveness of sins.  Thank you Father, for giving me the grace to keep moving forward….especially when You see me faltering.  Give me a gentle shove.  I am in your care.  That’s when I can breathe better.  See  You better, and actually love better.

I am amazed at the way You have given my girl her life back with restrictions.  You and she will work that out.

I thank You for the forgiveness You provide. It’s the only way I can live victoriously.  That supernatural power.

I will await the next day I live,  in the plan You have for me. 

I burden You with all of my burdens….and I do it with all I have in me.  And, I leave it in Your capable hands. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen and amen.

It’s February 28th, Lord …..the day John left us 4 years ago. I’m not sure I was even in my right mind.  I was somewhat unaware that You were requesting his presence.  See, Lord…..John had convinced me he was going to get through this Cancer battle that he was in…..and we would carry on our little ministry at Martin Grove. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  I was just not reading the signs….and the roadblocks that were happening. 

As we stood around his bed, I was very aware that there was no movement.  There was nothing that would indicate he heard any of our stories or the songs we sung (rather badly).  At one point, we all looked at each other trying to discern if what we were seeing was really happening.  Now, we all agree that his body was being transformed into a translucent entity. We saw what was the most perfect face literally glowing with the light of Your own presence, I believe. It was a sight that took my breath away.  At one point, Marcy touched his lip to peek at his teeth.  They were a beautiful pearly white.  We just stared at what was a beautiful moment in time in all of our lives.  John mentioned one day how he thought the chemo and other meds had discolored his teeth and didn’t think he could ever get them white again.

I’m believe that God allowed us to see these happenings as gifts for us to remember and to cling to. At the time, I was unsure how to process all that happened.  I still couldn’t believe You were preparing him to stand in Your holy presence. After that day, about 1:30 in the afternoon…..I was surprised after I found myself breathing the next day.  Now, a few years later, and I  still can’t believe he’s not here with us anymore.

Lord, I miss his laughter. I miss how he could do some of his antics and have me laughing when only moments before I was moaning about something I could not do anything about.  I believe there will always be an empty place in my heart.  I’m not angry, Lord.  I just miss my best friend.  You fill the recesses…..the space where he always was. Keep on doing that for me, dear Jesus! I needn’t worry…..I know.  I try not to, but You know those doubts and lies that the enemy throws up in our face….just trying to block Your light from me…..well, with Your help in providing strength and power from the Holy Spirit, I will stay on the path to meet You one day. Thank You dear One.  I am so thankful to have You to lean on and I might as well say it!  To complain to. 

I say these words, to form the sentences that make my prayers mean how I feel. I do this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Lord, here I am…..I’ve come to find You!  Not because you’re hiding…..it’s just that even though I know where You are…..I’m too tired, too sad, too depleted physically, (the list can get pretty long) I know that ultimately, it’s pure laziness.  Many times when I write, I have a plan in mind.  Sometimes it works and often it doesn’t.  One thing I don’t like to do is start over. Sooo……with nothing in particular in mind, I start.  I don’t like rambling either….sort of waiting to see where it leads me. 

My main purpose, I think, is to thank You.  Often, when I sit down to reread some of my letters to You,( I mean the scribble ones in my composition book),  I wonder if you get tired of my whining…..asking for the same thing over and over…..it seems so redundant.  Like….I’m thinking You might just want to take a snooze in the middle of it.  Lord, I know You are so gracious and merciful and would not want to suggest in any way I’m right….but, if You were honest……would You? (Take a snooze, that is?) As much as I have ever taught others how important it is to tell You how we really feel….I don’t. Mostly because I know what You expect but don’t want to be that honest. And maybe, mostly because it’s lame.  Things like”asking for healing, money to pay a bill, forgiving someone who has been unkind and/or disrespectful, trying and failing at something we want to do…..I don’t know…..it’s all that and more.  

You know what I struggle with.  I wouldn’t even have to say a word, but, You require very little from me/us!  It seems like I would be grateful that You even want to know the little stuff. I think sometimes that is what the enemy gets a kick out of….my negligence in telling You all….out loud.  I have tried to be true and honest for the most part, I guess….but, even though I know You know, I prefer not to bring everything out in the open. Sometimes I feel my family or folks that love me, wonder.  

When I began studying and searching for answers about forgiveness…..I thought….”Wow! This is fantastic.  Everyone will love this.”  For a while I’d preach my new “strategy” in my classes and some would be nodding their heads in agreement or some would just give me “the look”.  The one that says , I have no idea what you’re talking about!  I realize now, dear One, that You let me in on a formula to help ME get over the words that hurt, the actions that hurt, the incidents that break a heart….it was for me.  I remember how You brought me to decipher what could work for me.  I still have no concept of the amount of garbage that comes out of someone’s mouth to hurt another and they have no remorse or feel the need to say “I’m sorry!” …..or, even feel they had a right to tell you what they think you need to know….”because somebody has to.”Over and over I have listened to this kind of thing and I’m just baffled by the unkindness that creeps into the whole scenario, making it even more egregious.  

I remember listening to a “reason why I don’t feel I don’t have to ask forgiveness”……and finally realized it wasn’t my problem. I started to get upset.  I wanted to argue my point. And, then I realized in the life of a dedicated Christian, that is all Your job!  Not mine. 

You have a way with words, dear One!  I love what You’ve brought to my life.  I will forever be a servant of “Quick to forgive”!  Okay, okay! I’m not perfect…..sometimes I struggle awhile…..but for the most part, You have given me an out.  

Thank You forYour quick forgiveness to me.  I know You don’t struggle with it….it’s pretty much as easy as breathing.  And….yes…..there have been times when I know I’ve failed to recognize that I NEED to.  You’ve always been gracious in pointing out my need to stay on the right path. 

Thank You dear One, for the prayers answered that were recently prayed for my eldest daughter.  One early morning when we were called to the hospital…..I cried out to You (quietly) “Jesus, please don’t take my girl!”  I couldn’t think of another thing to say right then.  I knew others were praying…..so, I just kept repeating myself.  Lord, I know it’s not always that easy….I know that well-prayed prayers don’t always get answered the way we hope……but for this time, I praiseYou from all that is within me.

All I pray and ask for….in the name of Jesus. Amen.