Dear One…..I am so filled with words and feelings and desires of things to be done and said. I never know exactly when to start in my writing. Probably sooner than later. That’s what always happens.
I really miss him today, Lord. The one who always said, “I love you, Hon!” Or “I love you, Corrineđź’•!” I always loved the way he said my name! No one else said it that way! How do I tell you how much I appreciate what you did for me in giving me what I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for that, Lord. I think nothing else needs to be said since you did the work. I’m so grateful for the man You gave to me. I felt our 56 years were my whole existence……and the five children we shared together. My accomplishment…..and gift. When John disappeared I had to scramble to get my momentum back.
You also are aware of how I always think I am right. Thank You for showing me that I can still have joy in my heart when I don’t get my way. (How childish does that sound?). Thank You that I still have the joy of playing music and enjoying comments of appreciation. Every time I’m reminded of how old I am, I’m grateful I can still cook a meal, wash my dishes, and make jewelry for myself. Decorating my home makes me happy! Having a job that contributes to this “habit”, is a bit bothersome, but am determined to find a happy medium. Determining if an item gives me memories of happiness or contentment helps pair things down a bit.
After a conversation with a friend not long ago, I found myself a little jarred when I quoted a verse that I felt was a spiritual answer for a dilemma and then couldn’t back it up! I know the devil delights in it. Us, thinking we are so God-like! Yeah right! Not too many of us fall for that anymore! Anyway, isn’t that what Google is for! Or is that a dirty word? I feel our attempts to calm another’s fears and then not finding “who said it” doesn’t take away the importance of the act. Knowing the context of a verse can stymy me into silence or catapult me into greater awareness.
Lord, I choose this day to be more like You. I plead the blood of Jesus to blockout the demons that determine to bind me. I know there are those whom I’ve hurt, who will not forgive me. I, in the power that you have given me, have done all I can to amend these errors. Haven’t I. Helping, or hoping to help….. isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. It does take a bit of courage to cross the lane from “I’m telling you this to help you”….You need to stop doing this” to “As a Christian, your testimony will be a lie” if you do not repent. As a Pastors wife, a Christian, not withstanding, teacher, writer……I’ve lived to try to lead those I am called to lead, live, rub shoulders with and love….. to a better, stronger walk with God.
I want nothing to keep me from seeing your face someday and hear you say, Welcome home Corrine! I have your place all ready!
I want to say more. Maybe I will, tomorrow! I pray all of these words to you hoping the combination will be pleasing toYou in the name of Jesus. Amen and amen.
