WORDS: YOURS. MINE. OUR'S.

I'm not sure what to say, Lord. I am overwhelmed with the things You do. Over time, I see that
so many have looked at You, thrown up their hands in exasperation and questioned...." What in
the world are You thinking?". Dear God in heaven.....there have been times when I sincerely
thought about throwing in the towel. (spiritually speaking) Lord I am still in that number at
times. I guess it should make me sad when I think that way.....and then, Lord.....I realize that
being human is just that. Being human. I call on You. I beg of You fairly often. I breathe in
the essence of being closer than a hair's breadth.....but, I know that essentially I can only strive
for the perfection You ask of us and deal with the fact that I will have to continue that my whole lifetime. You Lord, know that what I think and feel is not always "God-like". Even on my
best days.....I can fall into that mode of disagreement with most of what I entertain that day. It's perhaps in the car, behind someone who is not paying enough attention to what they're doing or interaction with a sales lady or cashier, or just a conversation with someone that is
a bit contentious to me. My reactions are not always what may be pleasing to you. I am so
conscious, so often, that my usual mode of operation was to overlook a tone, an unkind word,
or an issue I chose to not confront. As the years crept by....I saw that I would get tired of never speaking "my mind". I also saw that when I did (speak my mind) it was not received
with "great joy". Lord, I also saw that the occasions when I did let my thoughts be known, and
it was not received well, I was miserable. I was very often compelled to apologize for my "need" to speak and choice of words. I can honestly say Lord, that I still struggle with the
notion that since I am 66 years old, have lived for You a long time, carried around a bundle
of guilt for this and that (even breathing!) at times and wonder if it's just better that I keep
my thoughts to myself and use You as my sounding board as I have for years. Honestly, Lord,
You have "aright-ed" me on many, many occasions
offering an opinion (if I had one), because of someone looking at me "funny". Lord, that's one
thing I have wondered about many times. I love being able to depend on You to help me be a
mouthpiece for You. I want so very much to NOT offend any of Your children by my words.
Even when I THINK I am "helping them".....help me "SOS" quickly to You for Your approval.
You have a way of stopping me......like taking the next thought or word completely away from
me. HeeHee! You do it Sunday School class quite often! And, it used to annoy me, scare me,
etcettera. But, now or atleast 'til I am diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I am going to figure You are
just trying to "save" me from myself! Lord, there are days I write You and jump from subject
to subject, knowing You know exactly where I'm going. It is such a relief to me to know that
You do. And, I also depend on You to give me what I need for the day. You know where I'm
going to be today...You know if I shop.....whether I really NEED what I buy....You also know
where I could find myself in a conversation....thinking...."Should I just go ahead and say it?" or
keep my mouth shut! All of these things could be in this day. And, Lord....it is a day to rejoice
in You and thank You for. We are in one of our favorite places....looking out on an unending
ocean....in fairly gorgeous weather for February. Thank You for allowing us this respite. And,
thank You for the gift of eternal life. Thank You for the salvation You provide. Thank You for
answers to prayers I didn't even pray. Thank You too, for answers I did not want to happen.
Thank You that You have allowed me to live through it all.
"I love You, Lord. And, lift my voice to worship You. Take joy my King.....in what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound....in Your ear."
For each word....and request....I speak all in the name and power of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Hey, I Can't Get this Drawer Open!

Lord, I see that so many are struggling with the "daily stuff" of life. And, it's really so true for
everyone. That
little stuff; the nitty, gritty junk we all deal with is sometimes what can make us or break us. All the time we are looking at the "big" stuff that threatens to hit us and take us out....when in
reality, I find that the junk drawer that refuses to shut is often what can wreck my relationship with
You. So much has been shoved in and pushed in and finally
shut that one more thing is too much. I've had to clean out drawers like that on occasion. I get the metal pancake turner out with the long handle....shove it in upside down to
gain access to anything I can get my hands on. Hmmm....I think as I begin to pull paper's out,
and tape and pencils and pens and pliers and scissors and a D battery.....what in the world is
keeping this drawer from opening? And, then....one more thing, something essentially nondescript.....and the whole
drawer opens with ease. Lord, I find that piling one thing on top of another and another and
another makes my heart so heavy.....it hurts. As I said, nondescript things. Things you really
don't put a lot of thought time on....or if I do, at all.....it's one of those "I'll think about it later"
subjects. I know that often, these things I write to You, no one really can grasp what I am
thinking or even care, but Lord, that's why I tell You. No one understands me like You do. You
understand the junk I shove in the drawer that I don't want to deal with all the time (as I
should). You take the time to help me discern what is truly junk and what I need to keep close
at hand. This mental exercise is often so terribly tiresome. Actually, almost always it is. (tiresome, that is). Help me to not see it as something I can easily lay aside 'til I have "time"
to deal with it. Help me confront the first thing that I might be able to pull out of the drawer
without tearing it......help me to see that with Your wisdom and insight, I can make the right
choice....or have the right words....or the right attitude....or a forgiving heart that makes
that issue a problem. Throwing things in the trash can be a very enlightening experience. I,
actually like handing them to You....and You do the throwing away. That way, I feel very condemned
especially if I go digging for it again. And, You and I both know , I've had my rear-end sticking
out of a trash-can more than I'd like to admit.....thinking....."I KNOW I CAN FIX THIS.....I JUST
NEED TO TRY A LITTLE HARDER".....and drag it back out again....to my own detriment. No
one is ever going to see it like I see it. Why can't I learn that? And, You....stand by....watching
while I entertain the possibility of fixing it and shake Your head.....especially as You watch me
shove it back in the drawer.....'cause I don't want to take the time to deal with it all....again.
Lord, help me think more like You do. You had people coming at You from all walks of life.
People who had real issues to deal with. Illness. Poverty. Sadness. Brokenness. And, what I
can discern from the scriptures, You didn't put anyone on hold. You did what You had to do.
You said what You had to say. And You didn't shove anyone in a box of "Thing's I Need To Do
Later". Lord, as I go through this day, I would like to have Your empowering guidance to over
see all I do and say. The places I usually stash things? Well, keep a light blinking so I don't
forget. I've read so many devotionals and scripture this week that I'm not sure I have a favorite. I just know that You.....Who does all things well....loves me and desperately wants me
to make it to Heaven some day. I want to hear You say...."Well done....thou good and faithful
servant." That's my hope and my prayer. All that I speak...have spoken and requested....I ask
all in the name of Jesus. Amen.

To Do Your Will.....YOUR WAY!

Okay.....so, I just read a devotional from Oswald Chambers....Lord... Why in the world do I ever think I just might be "getting it".....and find out that all I thought I was thinking is skewed? It is very disheartening, You know.....and unfulfilling. Okay. Maybe it's because I haven't had any
sleep. But, Lord....I think I need help in understanding what I need to know today. I, way too
often, just breeze by the stuff I don't see. Now, I am wondering if I should struggle a little bit
harder to understand what seems to not be sinking in. You know, Lord....I was thinking a lot about the fact that too often I think it's important that other's "get" what You have shown me.
I remember the other Sunday when I was exhorting a bit to the congregation at worship time.....I was sure they would appreciate my thoughts that I was sure You wanted me to share. Of course when I did...and they just sort of stared back at me....blankly..... I got it. Not everything You show me is something I need to share with anyone else. It's for me. And , I
truly see that now.....but, this latest thing is troubling to me. How do I hurt You? By serving
You in my own way? Is that the answer for me? I wonder. And, I will seek Your face as I
try to discover what Your plan is....."MY LETTER'S TO GOD" is perhaps best left for my own
closet. I need to continue to feast on Your Word.....to tell me what is the best decision. Quoting
from his devotional....If I feel I have done my duty, yet have hurt Him in the process, I can be
sure that this was not my duty. My way will not be to foster a meek and quiet spirit, only the
spirit of self-satisfaction......."I delight to do Your will, O my God." Ps. 40:8
And, You know very well, dear Lord.....I have not always been anxious to do that. Dragging my
feet....using every excuse in the book....putting off the inevitable....and on and on. I'll be watching Lord. I'll be anxious to see what You want to do with me.
In the meantime, I need You today. I want to be the "Mimmie" You need me to be. What a huge
responsibility it is to take care of my children's children. Thank You for the safety You've
allowed me this week in all of my coming's and going's. I appreciate the privilege. Allow me the
privilege now to get home and attend to my responsibilities and once again, back with the
husband I love. Thank You for the blessings of life that we all take for granted. Walking, seeing,
breathing......all of it. You have given so much. Thank You for the promise of Springtime.
Thank You for the love You have sent my way. Your grace is enough. For all of my needs,
for my answers, for my continual growth spiritually.....Lord, my life is in Your hands. Your
will and way, in the name of Jesus. Amen.

".....For Your Glory....and Our Good"

Lord, I know You know how I feel. As I sit here in my daughter's home....writing and thinking
about all of my blessings....I am filled with praise for You. I am responsible for her little girl this
week. She's enjoying a little time of respite with her husband for their 10th anniversary. Lord,
You know my anxieties. You know my heart. I am in Your care and I believe in Your power to
fulfil all that we ask or need or even think. Of course, Lord.....everything is not always cut and
dried.....rosy....and all we would like it to be. I, even as I write this.....am aware of the heartbreak of some of my friends and the burdens they are carrying today. I wish I could help them. And,
of course, Lord, I look at that word "wish" and know that wishing is not really in Your vocabulary. So, Lord in heaven.....surround us with Your love today. Empower us that lean on You
to see a brighter hope....and a new solution coming for us all. A friend who has been through
some of the most dire straits I've ever known.....questioned Your scripture verse in Romans that
says...."all things work together for good......". And, Lord.....I remember looking at her and saying little.....because I didn't have an answer then , and I still don't. Lord, these scriptures are
often so elusive to my understanding. Because I love You and trust in You and believe in the
power of Your word.....I am sure that the end result will be according to Your plan. In the time
that we await Your implementation of Your plan....I will maintain my love and devotion to You
and believe that Your will for us, eventhough sometimes confused by our own manipulation of
events, will finally be seen as Your glory and our good is realized. Lord, I have too often tried
to play Your part in the lives of those I love....audaciously thinking my plan would be the best
for them to follow. I read in one of my devotionals that I need to be on guard for that kind of
behavior. I remember years ago , when my second daughter was considering re-involvement
with a "comfortable" suitor. I was against it. I was adamant.....but, I did turn to You before
I put my mouth in gear. Thankfully Lord, You led in Your own way.....and I managed to keep
my mouth shut. There was an answer.....a few years down the road,.....she's married to him
now. Lord, I love Your interventions.....and I depend on them.
I am thinking now about the friends of mine who are suffering.....from the sadness of life's end
and decisions made that we cannot control.....and on and on. All of it, Lord is too much to bear.
Alone, anyway. Pick us up, Lord. Hold us. And.... show us how to rest in You. Show us another way to look at the
sadnesses of life that we all have to encounter. Lord Jesus.....thank God for the Fountain....Who
is the King.....Victorious Warrior....and Lord of everything.....my Rock, my Shelter, my very own.
Blessed Redeemer.....Who reigns upon the throne. Who reigns upon the Throne.
That's my hope, Lord. You. It's all You, all of the time. Thank You for Your love. Let us down
when we're able to walk on our own. In the name of Jesus, these requests are made. Amen.
Lord, I put my complete trust in You. Please give my husband strength and wisdom as the
days ahead are filled with sorrow.

Which Instrument Should I Play?

Thank you Father, for being where I need You to be. I am grateful that I have You to bounce my thoughts off of. I am grateful for the fact that You give me wisdom and understanding to
be a servant for You. I do remember back awhile when I resented the fact that I was a servant.
I'm not sure what brought it all on but I am embarrassed to even write it "outloud"....and then,
of course, since I realized that You call us to that calling....and You are a servant Yourself....made
a confession to You and haven't thought about it since. Lord, I think it is amazing how You do
what You do. I know You do it for everyone else too, but, still....it is so amazing to me. I am so
grateful to be Your child.
What is it Lord, that I could do for You today? I am never quite sure what the day will hold....none of us do.....and, all I want is for You to be pleased with my performance today. My
words? No, I am going to start with my mind. Therein lies the beast, of sorts. Clear it. And, then use it for Your purposes. I love the fact that You use us as Your instruments of Your peace.
In a world of such antagonism, deceitfulness, envy and meanspiritedness....and on and on we
could go....You use me to bring forth the sweet sounds of no instrument inparticular....so that
the essence of You and Your presence will be heard and found. To have the responsibility of
this on me is an awesome thing. I love it. And, I cherish the thought. Now, all I need is Your
direction. So, Lord....I will be watching as You raise the baton for me to come in to play my
part. Whether it is one note long or several bars......let me play my instrument like it has never
been played before. Someone needs to hear You, Lord. Someone needs to see You, Lord. If
I can be the conduit....I am blessed.
Let my words be Your words. Honestly, I cannot believe You know what I am thinking and You
also know what the first sentence I'm going to speak before I even say it......and then, what I
wish You would do , is pull the plug when You are not pleased. Sometimes Lord, especially when
I feel words are necessary.....and I speak them....and then sadly realize they are not (necessary)
at all....I'd love it if You could just erase that part. Lord, what is it about perfection that is so
awesome and elusive at the same time.....well, another day. I have my plate full today. I would
love to play for You ...... I'll be watching.
For this day, I praise You and give You glory. For all I ask....I do so in the name of Jesus.
Amen.

Behind Me...Beside Me..You're There!

Lord, I have enjoyed this day.....You know why? I've got Christmas decorations to take down.....I've got to do some clearing out in some closets and under my beds....I've got packing to
do.....I've got some rearranging to do in the garage.....and in the basement laundry area....and,
actually, several other things on the list. I can't keep up with it all and yet, I feel energized. I have actually made a real dent in this list. I'd
like to thank You Lord because I've had this on my mind for so long....and writing the job on
paper is as far as I've gotten....now, I am beginning to mark things off and it feels like a real
accomplishment. Thank You for sort of leading me from one thing to another as I worked today.
I am taking time right now to stop and talk to You. I am thankful too, for a bit of a respite! It is
a blessing to tell You Lord that when I wrote You last on this blog, I was reminded by one of my
girls that when writing You.....and committing my needs and hopes to You....that I do leave it with You.
Lord, when she had to remind me what I wrote to You....worried that I had "put myself out there for all the world to see"....I knew that You had inspired me and given me the strength to
get the lead out and get busy. And then, leaving it with You....I really had done it! I am grateful Lord that I can depend on You to do for me what I cannot do for myself. I
also found a verse I never noticed before.....(this often happens with the varied translations) and
loved the power of it. Psalm 139:5-6 says so very much, Lord. David had such a wonderful
way of expressing how he felt. Can I quote it for You....He said....."I look behind me and You're
there, then up ahead and You're there, too-- Your reassuring presence, coming and going. This
is too much, too wonderful--I can't take it all in!" How You do for me what You did for David....
and countless others....Father, I can't take it all in! And, apparently I never will....but dear One,
I cannot thank You enough for what You do. It is something I never want to take for granted.
Don't ever let me fall into that trap. I praise You and thank You for the blessings You've allowed
us to have. Our children. Our grandchildren. Our heritage. Our calling. You have given, Lord
and You have taken away....You have provided strength. You have given wisdom. I give You
my love and my adoration. You are my God and my strong tower. I love You, Lord. I speak to
You Lord, and ask all my requests in the name of Jesus. Amen.

New Plan: Onward and Upward!

Okay....so, Lord....here I am, finally.....dragging myself mentally to the couch to
write some thoughts to You. I've read in the last few days so many articles and devotionals to
the subject of "turning things around", "making changes", "losing those pounds", "getting rid of
stuff"....'til I am nauseous. And, of course, that is because I need to do a lot of these things. Lord, how many times have I come to You about my weight? How many times have I talked to
You about getting rid of stuff I keep for future use? How often do I talk to You about changing
areas of my personal life that annoy me? Okay! Okay! I know. WAY TOO OFTEN!! The only
solution to the problems I encounter is to make a plan....and then, stick to it. Yesterday, I read
a "Proverbs 31 Ministries" devotional and thought to myself....these women are just like the
rest of us. Why don't I just stop obsessing about why I don't carry through a plan and just be
cognizant that it is human nature to fail on occasion and that the best thing to do when you do....
is pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. (Hmmm....seems like I've heard
that before! Lord, I am not a lazy, good-for-nothing senior citizen. I am a forgiven, beloved
child of God....senior citizen not withstanding....and I am worth something to You. In that article
I read yesterday, the author discussed the fact that it's good to do some self-assessment after
awhile to see if we are measuring up.....and if we are not....why? She mentioned a few reasons
why we fail to see results. I think I have been guilty of quoting them all at one time or another.
I am embarrassed too....to think that I have used these excuses on You, thinking that because
I am so very human, You'd give me a free pass. As I look over the prayers I've written through
the months of 2010....I see many places where I suggested to You, I should work on "this, that,
or another"....and I have not kept up my end of the bargain. Bargain? Bad choice of wording.
I know You don't bargain with anyone. And, all I have to do is be faithful to all You have called
me to. I can make the changes I need to make IF I choose to do the work, be diligent, be faith-
ful, be determined, and be conscientious....ad nauseum. I get so tired of going over the same
territory.....reading the same scriptures....making a plan.....and falling off the track....and thinking
to myself...."Okay, let me rest a minute....I can do this....", but I never really try to re-group and
connect to the plan again. You, Lord....You are the One I am anxious to please. And, when I
feel I have spoiled the temple You chose for me to live in, it makes me sick. Okay, then....so, if
I am disgusted with my behavior.....and want to REALLY please You.....well then, why can't I
stick to a plan until I have conquered it. What is that "thing" that bars me from crossing the
finish line. Determination to not let satan tear me down is something I usually watch out for....
yet, I envision him standing back with his arms folded, perhaps leaning against a wall, watching
me flounder if I fall. Whether I am working on a diet plan, an exercise regimen, or a spiritually
enlightening pursuit I've promised myself I would do.....I am supposing that he delights in my failure.
almost find myself concurring with him that I might very well be a "loser" of the highest nature
and to ever vow to God again that I would "determine" not to fail, would definitely be an
exercise in futility. I realize Lord, he is the inventor of deceit, lies and mistrust. I realize too,
that I have fallen into the grip of his mentoring process on more than one occasion.
For my next area of growth in You, Lord....I will make a herculean effort to get back up when I
fall down. I will not continue this level of defeat in my spirit. I will "call on You for answers that
I could never have known otherwise...." and I will "trust in You....lean on You for understanding
I do not have the capacity for...and believe You will lead me in the areas of righteousness that
I am qualified to know." I realize my translations of the scripture leaves a lot to be desired, but
for me and my soul's peace.....You know my heart. You know the desire of my heart is to please
You. I pray today, that You would take my heart thoughts and translate them into Your own
language....in the name of Jesus, and give me peace. Amen.