ONCE AGAIN, LORD....YOUR WILL. YOUR WAY.

With all the jumbled thoughts I have swirling I don't think I should be writing out loud, Lord!

It can be dangerous to let people see vulnerability. Or confusion. Or ho-humness. I usually am

the first to admit that I do not know what to do a good share of the time. I can have a scheduled

day or not.....and one phone call can wreck the whole thing. I am in the mode to keep going , so

I do, but the plan has changed. Someone has called and given you an update on a situation.....or

you check your e-mail and someone's life has literally changed directions because of an unexpected turn of events.....so, now what, do I go on like nothing has changed? Do I try to move

mountains to show someone I really care? Do I ..... just ..... pray? Is there nothing else I can do?

To go. To comfort. To cook a meal. Or, wash someone's dishes.....all of this takes a concerted

effort. To walk into someone's life and roll your sleeves up is not always the thing to do.....and,

then, sometimes it is. I always need a shove from You to do this kind of stuff. Some people do

appreciate this kind of help. And, some do not. I guess it is why I depend on You to help me

know how to proceed. I have always downplayed prayers. I think it's because I have known it

to be a way to put people and situations off. To say....." Listen, I'll pray about this and get back

to you!"......or "Let's pray and see how God lead's us.".....I think, are all exercises in futility, Lord.....IF I do not really believe my own words. I learned long ago that prayers said by those

who are unable to do anything else (at the time) are prayers that keep one sane in any situation. I have been in situations Lord when I was desperate for wisdom and direction and

I know You had someone praying....because I was thinking and speaking in a manner that exuded Your wisdom. I knew it was You , Lord. I knew. I am filled with many anxieties today.

I know the scripture says....not to worry about things that are happening today.....because you

just are borrowing trouble from tomorrow....so, I will lay all of my concerns at Your feet. I

do know that the magnitude of many situations do not lay within my capabilities. I can fear.

I can worry. I can give You my suggestions. Or, I can curl up on the couch in a fetal position

and try to shut out the drama.....but, Lord.....when all is said and done ..... if I haven't prayed....

and left my burdens at the foot of the cross.....then I have done a dis-service to You and to

those I should pray for. It is with the wisdom of Your word that I lay my concerns at Your

feet. You do what You will. Right now, I am fresh out of ideas to fix anything. So, You are on

Your own Lord. Once again....Your will. Your way. Your time. In the name of Jesus. Amen.

Daring to be an Abraham?

Lord, as I read the devotional for today, I began to wonder how obedient I would be. Thinking
that if I was in the same age bracket as Abraham was, I might have more of a willing heart. I
don't know. I have difficulty thinking about that whole scenario. What in the world, Lord? How
could You ask him that? All the years he and Sarah had yearned for a child....and then You ask
him to do the unthinkable. A nicer daughter would not ask You these questions, Lord. I just know it....but , I have all these anxieties swirling around....I need to say them to You so You can
set me straight.
I can see from the scripture what You expect from us. OBEDIENCE. You want our full cooperation in accepting what You say and being willing to do what You ask of us (me, specifically). Do You accept that I would be willing but not necessarily happy? Do You accept
that my heart would be desperately crying out for You to save me (and mine)? Do You accept
that I would be taking forever and a day gathering the wood for the sacrifice...perhaps accidentally forgetting the rope or the flint or the knife or .......(the list goes on....doesn't it, Lord?)
Father, my angst shows through loud and clear, I know. In a life that is fully committed to God,
there should be no question that my ultimate will is for Your will and mine to coincide knowing
that in that fact, there's no question that peace will reign. I hope I am not missing something
here, Lord. You have got to stop me in my tracks if my thinking is skewed. I read in a "Reading
Course" book, long ago, that when we are obedient.....even if we are unhappy about it....even
kicking and screaming a bit.....You take what we can give You (our obedience; even when we
don't understand) and do an amazing feat of magic and make it "all work together for our good".
I know, Lord. I know this is someone else's idea....and apparently it worked for them, so they
thought they could share this information (for lack of a better word). Now I wonder, Lord....is
this right? And, the reason I ask is because I felt a connection to this tidbit....and wrote it down.
I wanted to remember it. I wanted to believe this could work for me and help me be a better
instrument for You. So, basically, I see what You have for me....or how I can serve You better.
And, then, because of my reluctance to do things Your way....I baulk. I think better of it and
decide to be obedient, but not too happily doing so. Do You accept this childish behavior? And,
I know it is childish. I know You know too that I am stubborn.
This devotional shows me how much farther I need to go to be an "Abraham". I cannot even
see myself in this position. But, I can tell You this....I want to be an "Abraham". I want there
to be no doubt to any soul watching my life that I would even dare to go there. I want You to
help me be willing. I want You to make me willing to be willing. Yes, I remember ! You will
do that for me too. Quoting the writer, Lord....."Abraham not only took God at His word, he
fully trusted Him with the situation. You and I would do well to do the same. The Bible is
full of God's promises to provide for us in times of sorrow, hardship, weakness and fear. Standing on His promises during adversity gives us the support we need until our troubles pass."
Lord, I thank You for the promises You provide. I lean on them heavily....and do so even when
I'm not sure You mean that "particular one" will "work" for me.
Forgive this anxious heart, Lord. Bless me with the wisdom of Your own heart....so I can better
serve You. Did I just say that? Yes, Lord....I did say it and do mean it. "....to better serve You."

Your will. Your way. In Your name. Amen.

Cleaning Out the Closet...in my mind!

Sometimes I find myself thinking of excuses not to write, Lord. And, it sure is shameful to even say it. I hate that I am so human. I wish I were more like You. I know. I could be. If I
would really like to be.....it's all in the book. I've heard it. I've read it. I've tasted, and even seen
that You are good and I can be as close to You as I choose to be. It just takes work. And, resolve. And, real commitment. And, determination. And, it seems to me those words sort of
all mean the same thing.....spiritually speaking. I sometimes hate to write because I find myself declaring to You that , "Yes, I aim to be the best creation You want me to be." I push the
"PUBLISH POST" button and there I am claiming to work on being the best Christian I can be....and then , I get up and go start the wash.....or walk a couple miles with some friends....or
start that load of clothes thats growing everyday......and sort of forget about my "plan" to grow
closer to You. Not that I mean to, Lord. I just sort of fall off my spiritual perch and walk into
the areas of our home that need attention like cleaning, cooking, washing, dieting, sorting out, complaining, cleaning, cooking, washing, dieting, sorting out
and on and on and on. My halo constantly needs adjusting. Especially when I'm trying to look
for a second shoe or a lost shoulder pad at the bottom of the closet. Yes, my aim is to be all I
can be for You. And yes, now it's out....I still wear shoulder pads. (This too shall pass...when I get thinner....). And, I'm still trying to decide what project to tackle first. Spring is around the corner. And, I've got to plan something for the LADIES at church.....And,
Mary expects me to have something "worthwhile" to say at the Oasis in a few weeks. How can
I talk about cleaning out and clearing the schedule when everything is all mucked up in my
mind? I looked out the window the other day when we were driving and I saw a part of winter
that is so depressing. I looked at the disarray in the woods and areas of brush along the highways. The broken and dead trees and brush. Gnarled branches filled with dead vines and
foliage. It was so messy.....and nasty looking. Unkempt. Even the yards of homes we passed
were unattractive. And....then, Lord.....I thought about how so soon the little green buds would
appear....and before too long, the vines, the gnarled branches, and not so pretty trees would be
in bloom with beautiful green leaves and gorgeous foliage. The same mess....just covered up.
I thought about our hearts, Lord. I think it's so much better when I find a way to get into the
closet of my mind, and start digging out the lost shoe, a missing sock, that elusive shoulder
pad, and finally the dust balls.....and make that area a nice clear place to think and preserve the
real desires of my heart. Memorizing scripture has become important to me.....even if I can't
remember all of the "King James" wording and references....I like being able to rattle off a few
verses here and there without having to "look it up" all the time. The older I get, the more
important this seems to be to me. Hiding Your word in my heart is a goal for me to accomplish.
Atleast one more verse than I knew yesterday, is a good goal.....even if that is all I can manage.
Lord, grant me as much of Your favor as I can have today. The areas that are too numerous
to think on right now.....bring them to me another day. All I ask is that Your name and glory
would be in every area I request. Thank You. Amen.

Again and Again: You are There!

Lord, it seems when I find myself repeating to someone else the same phrase or verse
of scripture, it's something I need to think about. You know how easy it is for me to preach to someone about something that they need to change about their thinking. I do it on a regular basis, it seems. Well, I'll give myself a little credit.... "Only on occasion" (when I feel the need) to my children, or my husband, or my brother's or anyone that seems to need my "advice"....and then I wonder, "Hmmm....maybe I better pay attention to what I am spouting off about."
Lord, I find that no matter what it is or how You do it....it is amazing how You bring out the worst in me that You would like me to address and make me think about what I need to do to change my thinking. And....You already know how I want to please You....(I tell You so pretty often) and want to feel Your smile of approval on my life....so, do Your work, Lord. I'm paying attention now. I want You to change the different aspects of my life that annoy You....actually, knowing that they annoy me too, is such an eye-opener. I don't know if I read it or not, Lord....(I probably did....it just surprises me that I can remember it! Uhhh....what was I saying.....? Oh, yeah....that was it.....) In the life of a committed christian, your desire and His desire for you, all sort of "meld" together....so, basically....I really want what God wants in my life! And, I really believe it.
Lord, I have found myself saying several times this week and part of last , that, we .....as
Christian's, should not fear what tomorrow holds....because, God has already walked there....He
knows what's waiting for us....and nods in affirmation as it comes to us, knowing we can walk through it without being afraid because He is walking with us. I'll be honest, Lord. Knowing
it....believing it.....and living it, are all very different things. Knowing it and believing it are not
hard. Especially when I am giving out all of these "very spiritual truth's" to those who are
listening to me. But, when I am thinking about the "living it" part.....well, Lord.....that is an
entirely different ballgame. One, I fear, I may fall on my face on or be called "out" on first
base.....that is if I even make it to first base. As I spoke about this this morning with a
daughter....I was reminded of a few of the actual events in my life where I had no recourse....
where the answer basically was already set in stone.....and, I wonder if because I was in a
precarious place.....You had no recourse. You had to do what You did. I would fall hard for
sure....and probably be lost. I wish I could go through the file drawers in heaven (that may or
may not be there) to see the paper work that went back and forth on me. I am so thankful,
Lord....that without any doubt, I know , "IRRECONCILABLY LOST" is NOT stamped on my folder.
With Your power and Your hand guiding me, I will listen to You, at all cost. I will follow You.
I may be kicking and yelling a bit.....but, I will follow. Okay, You may have to shove at times.
But, I will be Your child until the end comes for me. And, I will do my best to be obedient. Long story short....I really do my best work when I am following Your lead. "Lead me and teach me in all my ways.....Your ways....Even from a distance, You know what I am thinking....You know when I leave and when I get back....(You know where I am headed and what I will be doing when I get there...) You know everything I am going to say before I speak the first sentence....Your reassuring presence (and smile) coming and going....It's too much...too wonderful....I can hardly take it all in".......just a few of Your promises to all of us as Your children. Thank You for watching over me.
Lord, I am filled with joy knowing You are there for me....and anyone else who may call on
You. Thank You for the gifts of abundant life....and eternal life. You are too much to take into my brain....but I accept the gift....and ask that You would grant me Your favor this day....I
ask and speak all in the name of Jesus. Amen and Amen.

VACATION: Ready to Go Home? Hmmm...guess so!

I'm wondering how to go home, be up-beat and excited to "get back to the grind" when I really
am not ready to. How, Lord? Can You fix this for me? Most of the time when we are able to
go away for awhile, I am always ready to get home....and get back to business. Some days when
I feel I'm on display....I get weary. Wondering if what I say, how I say it, when I say, or if I say
it....will be taken in the way it is intended. And, always.....I pray that You will attend to my heart. I ask that You will make it the example of what a heart that loves and serves You is
supposed to be. That is and always will be my goal. And, I realize Lord, that I cannot always
count on me to be the warrior for You I need to be.....that's why I lean so heavily on You. The
scripture says that we are given a bit of the mind of Christ in us .(Lord, I wish You would make
me a little more cognizant of that fact.) Perhaps, I'd get in less trouble. I also believe that in a
fully committed heart of a christian, You impress us often to move into Your area of thinking
and speaking. I feel uncomfortable when I have displeased You in my talk or behavioral thinking . You Lord, are my comfort zone. I want to feel and see Your smile. I want to know
that as I come and go in my various duties in and out the church, I will see at the end of the
day, the knowlege that Your presence and Your assuring eye have followed me throughout.
I have enjoyed each day that we have been privileged to enjoy the sunshine....a nice room to
view the vastness of the ocean and the various activities we've enjoyed. Thank You Lord for
allowing us this gift. Miles and miles to go are not even possible without the safety of Your
watchful eye. Lord, Your will and Your plan is all we desire. Each of the words I have used
to express my heart thoughts and requests, I ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Uhhh.....Lord, I anxiously await Your response.

Help Lord! I Can't Do This Alone!

Lord, as soon as I finished reading her post....I wrote a response. I am thankful that I am not in
her shoes today. Understanding the sorrow and hopelessness of a suffering child you
have borne is a place no mother wants to go. As I read parts of her heart thoughts...her trying and trying to get to the place of understanding why You are allowing this to happen to her
precious daughter.....and on and on and on.....I can't even begin to understand, Lord. It's so
hard to watch this heartache and being unable to help. I don't even remember playing this
song that came to mind after I finished writing this morning. "There's a Wideness in God's
Mercy" was written in 1862, by a man named Frederick Faber. Lord, I wonder what prompted
him to write such poignant words. I wonder if he was desperate for an answer from you, too.
Lord, there is a wideness in Your mercy, as there is a wideness in the sea. I feel there is always
mercy in your answers to us. I wish Lord, even as a child would wish, that sometimes You
change Your mind....in the troublesome events that we find ourselves in. Could You? Would
You? I see in many places in the scripture where You gave Moses a pass when You told Him
to lead Your people....and he continued to argue with You that he was not capable and You
finally gave him permission to have his brother, Aaron, help him. ( I also saw that Aaron was
not exactly the icon of virtue that Moses could have used to assist him.) And, Lord....I saw that
when You wanted to do away with the city of Sodom.....and were intent on doing so because of
their abhorrent sinfulness , You were willing to defer when Abraham asked if he could find
some righteous individuals.....You did, Lord.....and very patiently too, while listening to his pleas. I
ask, Lord, for your divine intervention in the life of this child and her family. I know You have
intervened heretofore and given them more time....I just would ask for more for them....and a
divine temporary healing if You please. Living with the sadnesses that life brings, I know, is what makes and/or breaks an individual....and their surrounding family. Lord, no one can live in this life without dealing
with the issues of life. How are we going to live with the next thing that comes into our life. How are we going to see Your face in the unhappiness that puts a person to their knees's. Lord,
I think I know.....but I have to admit I do not even like to write words like these....mostly 'cause
I don't want to think of what I might have to endure. You cannot give me grace for what hasn't
occurred. There's no point. The grace and strength will come as I walk into the water's of
doubt and despair and sorrow. Lord, I believe, from past areas of suffering, that You will provide the power of Your mighty hand to lift me above the serge of the waves. Lord, as I contemplate Your
way, I do feel contentment in Your power. As I look at the words from the song...."there is
kindness in Your justice....which is more than liberty.....there is no place where earthly sorrows
are more felt than in heaven....there is plentiful redemption in the blood that has been shed....
there is joy for all the members in the sorrows of the Head....." . Some I understand and some
I don't. But, we are a wide range of peoples, Lord, as You know. What I don't see, someone
else will. And that is how You work. I believe Lord, that You will take care of us. That You will take care of me. We who
love You and worship You as our Lord place our trust in You. Give me Your peace this day.
All that I have spoken....and asked for are expressed in Your name. Amen.

WORDS: YOURS. MINE. OUR'S.

I'm not sure what to say, Lord. I am overwhelmed with the things You do. Over time, I see that
so many have looked at You, thrown up their hands in exasperation and questioned...." What in
the world are You thinking?". Dear God in heaven.....there have been times when I sincerely
thought about throwing in the towel. (spiritually speaking) Lord I am still in that number at
times. I guess it should make me sad when I think that way.....and then, Lord.....I realize that
being human is just that. Being human. I call on You. I beg of You fairly often. I breathe in
the essence of being closer than a hair's breadth.....but, I know that essentially I can only strive
for the perfection You ask of us and deal with the fact that I will have to continue that my whole lifetime. You Lord, know that what I think and feel is not always "God-like". Even on my
best days.....I can fall into that mode of disagreement with most of what I entertain that day. It's perhaps in the car, behind someone who is not paying enough attention to what they're doing or interaction with a sales lady or cashier, or just a conversation with someone that is
a bit contentious to me. My reactions are not always what may be pleasing to you. I am so
conscious, so often, that my usual mode of operation was to overlook a tone, an unkind word,
or an issue I chose to not confront. As the years crept by....I saw that I would get tired of never speaking "my mind". I also saw that when I did (speak my mind) it was not received
with "great joy". Lord, I also saw that the occasions when I did let my thoughts be known, and
it was not received well, I was miserable. I was very often compelled to apologize for my "need" to speak and choice of words. I can honestly say Lord, that I still struggle with the
notion that since I am 66 years old, have lived for You a long time, carried around a bundle
of guilt for this and that (even breathing!) at times and wonder if it's just better that I keep
my thoughts to myself and use You as my sounding board as I have for years. Honestly, Lord,
You have "aright-ed" me on many, many occasions
offering an opinion (if I had one), because of someone looking at me "funny". Lord, that's one
thing I have wondered about many times. I love being able to depend on You to help me be a
mouthpiece for You. I want so very much to NOT offend any of Your children by my words.
Even when I THINK I am "helping them".....help me "SOS" quickly to You for Your approval.
You have a way of stopping me......like taking the next thought or word completely away from
me. HeeHee! You do it Sunday School class quite often! And, it used to annoy me, scare me,
etcettera. But, now or atleast 'til I am diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I am going to figure You are
just trying to "save" me from myself! Lord, there are days I write You and jump from subject
to subject, knowing You know exactly where I'm going. It is such a relief to me to know that
You do. And, I also depend on You to give me what I need for the day. You know where I'm
going to be today...You know if I shop.....whether I really NEED what I buy....You also know
where I could find myself in a conversation....thinking...."Should I just go ahead and say it?" or
keep my mouth shut! All of these things could be in this day. And, Lord....it is a day to rejoice
in You and thank You for. We are in one of our favorite places....looking out on an unending
ocean....in fairly gorgeous weather for February. Thank You for allowing us this respite. And,
thank You for the gift of eternal life. Thank You for the salvation You provide. Thank You for
answers to prayers I didn't even pray. Thank You too, for answers I did not want to happen.
Thank You that You have allowed me to live through it all.
"I love You, Lord. And, lift my voice to worship You. Take joy my King.....in what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet sound....in Your ear."
For each word....and request....I speak all in the name and power of Jesus Christ. Amen.