There are times when You really can shake my system up, Lord.  I am nicely resting and enjoying my sleep.  You can wake me up with such ease......well, I even think it's my idea!  And, then I realize.....Aha!  You have a reason I'm awake at 4 am.  So, I write.  And, yes!  I am happy to do so.  I am not particularly thrilled about the subject matter of this particular prayer.  It seems that You have made it quite clear, though.  After I devoured the devotional from "Joni"  the other day.....writing down every word so I wouldn't forget all of the context......I remember thinking that "this would make a good study for Prayer Meeting".  Yeah!  All of that.  Lord, You are so sweet not to bombard me with all of my foibles all at once.  Notice how I don't mention they could possibly be sins or deterrents to my spiritual victory.  But, I do know it, Lord.  I should after this many years.  I am so sorry I am turning into "one of them".
 For years I have read and listened to stories about the Israelites and their saga of the journey from Egypt to the promised land.  I heard the other day that in all reality, it should have taken about eleven days.  That absolutely does not seem possible after all the drama that they created with their diverse mentalities.  Maybe I should just state the obvious, Lord.  Their constant barrage of murmuring and complaining probably would have driven a lesser leader to drink.  Quite heavily, I would venture to guess.  Lord.....I always have said......either out loud or to myself.....I hoped that I would never be in that crowd of complainers......or like them in any way.  I can see now, that I would have more than likely have been a possible follower. 
Joni pointed out the verses in Jude that knocks all question aside.  I can put any spin on it that I want to.  I can pretend that "I am just expressing myself".  I can raise all of the legitimate reasons till the cows come home.  But, You and I both know, it is time to address it. The 'ungodly-ness' of it all.  My complaints.  My murmuring.  My sarcasm that can mask as unkindness.  I recently saw a comment from someone on my Facebook site, Lord.  They wanted to "see" themselves as others saw them.  I remember asking You one time......(Notice:  I said "one time", Lord!)......and  You did.  Very quickly, I might add.  I remember that I did not like what I observed.  Good grief!  Do I not learn anything quickly?  I feel as if I may have a learning disability. 
I am going to be watchful, Lord.  I am going to change this spirit of being disappointed and disenchanted with whatever situation I seem to be in.  These days I am always trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of every encounter I am in.  I want to be more accepting.  I want to be more empathetic or sympathetic.....whichever is needed most.  I want to be kinder.  I would suggest, Lord.....that my "sarcastic wit" be eliminated.  I want to be the ambassador for You that You planned on me being.  I don't think this is what You had in mind.  Yes.  It's true.  I am 69.  Yes.  I have a melancholy and phlegmatic personality.....and tend to defer quite often.  I have a tendency to think that at my age, I have a "right" to be heard.  Well.....Lord?  What do You think?  I think You have shown me in a decided way through this devotional what You expect from me.  I will work on my 'ungodly' behavior.  Yikes.  It looks awful.  It is embarrassing.  I thought I was "above" this.  And, that looks awful, too.  Forgive me for being "one of those" kinds of people.  I will desperately work at my  level of  understanding......and I will adventure into the realm of the possibility that if there is a clique for the Israelites who didn't murmur and complain.....I'd be in that group.  Being called "ungodly" is not my idea of being an Ambassador for Christ.  Give me Your power.  Your wisdom.  And, Lord.....give me Your understanding of what I need to do to fix this. 
Thank You for loving me enough to show me what I need to remedy.  And, I ask all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.
P.S.  Excuse me while I go and adjust my crown, Lord!

As I go over the devotionals I've read for the week on my computer, I hesitate to hit "delete" for any of them.  I fill my journals with them....."so I don't forget".....and find that I do, indeed, forget what I wanted to remember.  I sometimes write word for word....and then for some I just outline what I think I already knew.  I find, though, that when I was sure I would remember "that one"....I can't quite remember like I want to.  Lord, all I can say to You is that I want You to show me what to keep.  And, what to let go.
It sounds like the mantra I quote when I am getting ready to do some organizing in the garage or in the basement.  Over and over, I want to let go.....and throw out what I don't want or need in the trash.....and then, I agonize.  "What if I need this next week?"  As much as I have accumulated, I  probably could go to the Dollar Tree and buy another one!!  But, getting back to my first thoughts.....I do love reading that I am not alone in my quest for spiritual fulfillment.  I wonder, Lord, is that going to be forever..... or until You come for us?  I know.  Why do I always ask that question?  I think I have said the same thing, in different words at least a 1000 times.  My security in You is often tempered with...."What if I was wrong?"  "What if I misunderstood what You promised?"   What if....?  What if....?  What if....?  I think that probably satan enjoys my confusion.  When he can plant a seed of doubt......and then stand back with arms folded waiting for me to cave on what I believe (?) ......then, certainly, he has done his job.  I often fail to call on You as quickly as I should.  I defer to the sadness and difficulties of our lives too quickly.  When I heard about "Lizzy" and the Cancer diagnosis, I have to admit I faltered a little bit.  I hear of the same stories of sadness and death that everyone else does......and realize that this is life.  We learn to accept, acknowledge and bear with the fallout of what turns out to be the new normal.  Lord, I wish my questions would cease.  I ache for the sadness that occurs when suffering comes. 

 I spoke to her the other day, Lord.  I could easily have walked by.  I recognized her face and saw her look down.  After our little talk.....when I heard that "the church people were so unsympathetic or unwilling to get involved".....I felt so sad.  Who are we, Lord?  When I am aware that we, Your children, are the first to criticize....or abandon our sisters and brothers in Christ....it must not make You very proud of us.  I am thankful that even in our clumsy attempts to love and accept each other.....You take it and translate it into "The Greatest Story Ever Told". 

I'm thankful for the cross, Lord.  And, for the mercy You show to us all the time.  We truly are not worthy .  Me? It is not about "we".  It is about "me".  And, how I am doing as a member of Your family.  I'd like to be in the gold star category.....I'm not sure I can do it.  Last week I complained about being a slug.  Hopefully, this week, I am doing a little bit better.  Give me all the help You can in my private time.  I will count on this one thing.  When I need a particular answer......for myself or someone I am helping.....I will believe that You will bring to the forefront of my heart and mind, what You need for me to convey.  (Like for instance...."When people show you who they are.....believe them!   Oh, wait a minute!  That's not scripture, Lord......that's "Oprah". )  Was that a smile, Lord?  I love You.  Thank You for loving me too!

It's all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

 I have sat here this morning, Father .....(now, afternoon) and thought about writing my prayer blog post.  First, I drank coffee.....close to six cups.  Then, I read my scripture for the day.  I drank more coffee.  I played a couple games.  I caught up on the facebook site.  I caught up on my email......called an aunt and caught up with her.....played more games.  Other than doing an activity that requires getting off the couch, I have put off writing.  This is soooo stupid, Lord.  You are my friend, dear One.  You never are that hard for me to unveil my thoughts to.....and yet, I put You off, silently saying, "I don't have time now, Lord......which is, as You know, a lie.  I am tired of being a slug.  Please help me.  Let's play "Kick the Can", and I'll be the can.  When I do this......when I falter in coming to You..... quickly and often, I berate myself terribly.  Why is praying.....out loud and/or written word.....so difficult?  Baring my soul is about the only way I know how to write to You.  Even when I speak aloud in prayer (and always sort of "go on and on").....knowing that only if my heart is speaking truth to You...You will respond in kind.  I guess.....or surmise that it is, indeed , the energy it takes from me.  If I am not speaking truth to You.....well, I guess, there is no need to speak at all.  I love believing that You read my heart thoughts with all the empathy You have.....noting where and when You will entertain any possibility that my thoughts and concerns are worthy of Your consideration.  Of course, I have to admit, when I am pretty sure we are on the same wave length....and You answer according to how I see things.....I love that.  But, I have learned a time or two, that You definitely have higher and loftier ways to deal with what I pray for.  Considering that You are God, and see the end from the beginning.....I treasure the thought that You love me.....and mine.....and want our best for Your glory.  I have to also admit, that what I assumed would bring You glory, always does not.  I am stunned at how presumptuous I tend to be.  I am apologetic for that, Lord.  I am surprised too at how clueless I really can be.  I am also amazed that when I think I "have an answer"......"Your answer".......I am really wrong.  Jesus....help me.  I do need answers.  But, You already know that.  I guess I am figuring that since You know me so well.....I will start planning and executing before You want me to.  I can presume 'til the cows come home'.  What I want and need  to do, is to lay my requests in Your care....turn around and walk away.  I want You to have full access to my carefully laid out concerns.  Give me what I need.  And, show me.....lead me into all of Your truth.  So, Lord.....there You have it.  Once again.....I open myself to Your perusal.  See if there be any wicked way in me......anything that would make You sad or disappointed in me.....alert me quickly and then, help me to be obedient.
I ask all......in every way and will to be done.....in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Today is one of "those" days, Lord.  I really don't feel like talking to You....out loud or in written word.  I am weary.  I am tired.  I wish I could just quit. Yep.  That's how I really feel.   And perhaps, since I have just made myself start to type words onto my computer screen......I know that
 You are exactly who I need to talk to.  Way too often, I let that "feeling" take over.  I really don't think it is depression talking.  I'm thinking that it's the devotional I was reading this morning. 
You know how I love to read Joni Eareckson Tada's daily emailed devotions.  She is a wise one, Lord.  She has so much wisdom and spiritual fervor, I usually feel so nourished when I read her thoughts.  But, today I feel "what is she thinking?", Lord. 
Why is it I feel as if I need to protect You?  It's a foolish thought, I guess......but, I am always trying to make "excuses" about why this or that has happened.....how You have "allowed" it to pass my way.....and nodded Your assurance that I can withstand it.  I often try to assess a situation in someones life very carefully in case they would become disenchanted with You.   According to how Joni feels......You have made a specific decision.  Deliberately.  Somehow, thinking this way, makes me very depressed.  I really have trouble accepting that the sad and vile things that occur are a deliberate determination by You. Do I have to get my list out?  Do I have to go over every thing I can think of and re-think about why it happened, what was the cause and effect, what I learned.......and, so much more..... that it makes me too tired to even "go there".  I thought I had all these issues worked out.  Even about Mom.... and how she laid.....hour after hour, semi-conscious, I suppose, hoping someone.....anyone would find her.  And then, when she was found, the awful condition she was discovered in.....all of her dignity destroyed.  Yes, she was alive and lived for several years after that event.....but, was that to show me what I am made of(?) or my brothers(?) or what?  You know, Lord......I am in a quandary today.  I need an answer.  I need to know if  "what works for another" .....will work for me?  Or, do You have a different way of teaching me ?  I am so befuddled today  I am even thinking I shouldn't post this prayer because people might think I am a basket case.  But, Lord.....how do I discern these questions?  I like to think.....that indeed, You did allow what happened.  Through all of it, You taught me perseverance, patience, grace, a greater love for my Mom, a greater love for You and willingness to share what I have learned.  Do you have another purpose, Lord? 
Thank You, dear One.....for bringing this to me.  I know.  I know......I just was complaining.  Now, I see a little light coming through the fog.  I see , right now, through conversation with someone who loves me......I was ready to delete this prayer......but, I am keeping it "out there" to remind me that the evil one is trying to pummel me today.  I will not allow this....thank You, Lord.....for reminding me that  "YOU'VE   GOT  THIS!"  I am giving You free access to my brain today.  Helmet alert.  I will make sure
that it doesn't get askew again. 
I'm praying all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Father in Heaven.....I come to You on behalf of a precious child who is in the midst of treatment.  A poison that is meant to kill disease is also creating havoc in her body.  The fear, anxiety and physical reactions need Your healing hand, Lord.  Our words and our hopes are for naught.  Our only recourse is to plead the blood of Jesus for the protection and peace of this little child of Yours.  We pray You are hearing our cries and our hopes for a brighter day for her Mother and Grandparents.  Yes, Lord.....we dare pray for a brighter day.....and a healing of her body.  We realize, dear One, that our hope is only in You.  The wisdom of the Medical team is in Your hands too.  Our reliance in the areas of life that we have no education in, lies in the wisdom Doctors and nurses have attained through the efforts of research and development of medicines that will heal.  This reliance is filled with anxious fear, when we are left with the reality of a weeping child, terribly ill and dealing with uncomfortable issues.
Lord, quoting scripture and giving the proverbial platitudes are not what is needed here.   We need to see the scriptural application applied to living and breathing diseased tissue.....scriptural application applied to the pain wracked body.....scriptural application applied to the weariness of the realities.....and above all, the spiritual application to peace that passes all understanding.  As recently written by her wise Grandpa.....He doesn't know what the future holds, but, He knows who holds the future.  The spiritual application of these words are fulfilling in that we can have peace.  Believing and accepting the realities that come our way, dear One, are the only way we can have this peace. 
Jesus, our hope and our prayer is for You to answer us.  We will wait and hope and continue to pray for "what we want to see happen"  (and we truly believe that is okay for us to do).......but, our plea for this peace is simply unwavering......for sweet Lizzie, her mama and all who desperately love her. 
I realize, Lord, that  specifically asking You to fulfill our requests is not selfish.  We are Your children.  We have no one else that could possibly give us an answer......no one but You.
For now, we ask all in the name of Jesus.  Each burden we lay at the foot of the Cross for You to bear.  Amen.

I wonder, Lord, if sometimes You could just stop me mid-sentence, when I am on a rant.  I think that perhaps my years of never expressing an opinion.....or, perhaps, no one asking my opinion has spawned this streak in me.  I found myself slightly embarassed at some of the things  I was talking about recently with friends.  I'm finding that I am telling You way too often that I need Your help these days; ie: "Stuff a sock in it, little lady!"  These areas that concern me are the ones where it seems EVERYONE has an opinion, "spiritually speaking", of course, and it's like, I need to get in on the act......so folks can see I have a brain too.  At this point, I'm tired of saying to You......"Lord, I am sorry....I should have counted to 10 first."  There was nothing untrue.....or hurtful.  I just contend that it was unnecessary to speak of at all.  Even when something IS true......it is not something that needs to be spoken of , necessarily.  It is so unnecessary, that I feel that to pursue talking is walking really close to the "gossip" area of verbage.

Jesus, these days are so full of tumult.  The only thing that hasn't happened so far is that the sky hasn't fallen.  Wars and rumors of wars is never ending.  The  pestilence, pillaging and slaughter of human beings seems to fill the news arena's on a steady basis.  Our families are being threatened with the wiles of satan and his imps.  Terrible news of serious diseases are attacking our friends and loved ones.  We pray.  We hope.  We try to praise to combat the fears we have of evil winning.  To speak the name of Jesus, gently and sweetly, calms our fears for a while.  Sometimes I do wonder why we have to KEEP praying for the same thing.....as fervently as we first did.  Simply because of the sin satan besets us with.  If he can discourage us.....demean us......devour us with his taunting....then he has a foothold.  Lord.....we can never give up.  Help us remember to never allow him any access.  What you meant when You inspired the scripture to be written that tells us...."My heart says of you, 'Seek His face!' ".  Obeying Your nudges......(and, I am always pretty sure it is indeed a nudge!) , obeying the words I have read in the scripture, or thoughts from a sermon.....all of this is not to be ignored.  It also sets me aside from the average when I am quick to pay attention and honor Your request for me.  And......it takes me to the scripture in Luke 16: 10 where You "suggest" that if You can trust us with "very little" ......You can trust us with "very much".  I'm not sure I'm there yet.  And, Lord.....to be honest.....I am afraid to say it aloud.
IF......and that is, a big IF.......I will believe always You will give me strength and wisdom WHEN You need me to have it.

Until then, I remain Your faithful servant.....honoring You in what I say.....and hopefully, what I do.  I ask all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I was thinking this morning, after I looked at the facebook site and saw the first post from our friends, the Babbs;  Oh, Lord Jesus.......how wonderful it is to have You to go to.  Our friends are suffering.  Their daughter is suffering because her child is in danger. She's been hospitalized and they are waiting.  We can't say enough of the right words....even if we could think of them...... when we go to You with our incomplete sentences of grief, You, dear One, decipher the thoughts and intercede for us.  Our prayer is for Lizzie, a precious, precocious, bundle of energy.  We would love to see a miracle take place.  We would be thrilled to hear...."The doctor's were wrong......whatever "it" was.....is gone."  Jesus, is that Your will?  Could it be?
And......how in the world do we cope with anything else?

You, dear One, take on our heartaches and pain.  You help us "accept" what we have to live with.....and, most of the time, we can move on and live somewhat  productive lives.  Only You know what we will have to deal with.....until, one day, You deem it necessary for us to climb a mountain we absolutely never believed possible.  Is it truly necessary for us to walk on this road......so filled with unknown pitfalls?  Does it make us stronger, wiser Christian's?  Lord, I have come to believe it does and will......I find, though, that in the interim.....I'd like to not have to find out.  Jesus, I know I probably disappoint You with my analizing......especially when it comes to my spiritual growth.....maybe by now, You just expect it from me.  In all reality, I am so amazed at what You have allowed, and I have lived through.....maybe we could just take a break for awhile?  Oh, Lord.....all I need , I find in Jesus.  The author wrote....."There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus.....".  How can that be, Lord?  I find You a friend above all others.  A friend, in high places, that can relieve my fears....calm my anxious heartbeat and give me peace that passes all understanding. 

I found myself at first struggling last week.....when I posted my "outloud" prayer on my blog.....and it appeared that no one read it.  There were no "likes" on facebook and no comments that told me......."Hey, Corrine.....keep up the good work....etc.....etc."   As the week went by, because of what my prayer initially was about.....I kept re-reading it.  I honestly think, Lord, that I read it about 6 or 7 times.....and each time I did.....I gave back to You what I promised I would.  The flowers were too cumbersome.....the "gifts of words"......too many to carry.  Thank You for picking up the load of gifts I left at the foot of the cross.  You, who deserves all the glory anyway, knew exactly how to handle all of it. The entire process anyway is to bring glory to You....not to me.  "My Letters To God" are just that.  To God Be The Glory.....Great Things He Hath Done".

I am grateful, Lord, that You take all of our anxieties and each request of our cares, to the Mercy Seat of God.  We do beg for Your mercies to surround us......We ask for peace....we ask for  the wisdom to understand, if You would.  And, in and through all, we ask in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.