Lord, I told a long time friend today that living for You today in my 80’s, is probably as hard as I ever imagined it would be.  I’ve always encountered obstacles when it’s time to pray or read the scriptures.  Years prior, it was my children I’d decided……they demand so much time and just learning to cope with being a good parent was so hard sometimes.   Just coping with demands of a Pastor husband who worked a second job, his concerns, the church duties, keeping our home presentable to whoever would “stop by”….often kept me in a tizzy!  That was one reason I’d started writing my prayers to You.  So, even if interrupted, I could usually go back to my writing and pick up where I left off. 

 The enemy still threatens to take away my freedom in letting You know how I feel on a  daily basis.  I’ve just skidded by , a lot in my life.  Even, skidding from my preacher Dads coat tails, to my preacher husbands coat tails.  Eventually, You caught up with my spiritual gymnastics, and called on me to make my own spiritual decisions, as indecisive as I had always been……You forced me to take responsibility.  I’m so glad You brought me to that place. I have enjoyed that wonderful gift for a long, long time.  It has relieved me of so much sadness and angst in the trials that we encounter in our lives usually on a daily basis.  I’ve had You to lean on when I felt too weary to go it alone.  I know.  I know.  I know that is what You want us to do, but, even me, in my meek manner want to show You I can be counted on if You need me for a big-time project!  I’ll be faithful for You.  I’ll encourage.  I’ll be Your warrior.  Those are my dreams. If I am the “go-fer” for the big jobs, that’s okay too!  As long as I am centered in the will of God that You have for me….I’m good.  (You never know when I might have to lie down for a quick nap!). 

Anyway, Lord, it is cemented in my thinking that my hope is in You, Lord. I may have days when I feel that YOU are my all in all and my goal for eternal peace with You as my goal and obviously there will be times when I feel that all my hope is for naught and there is nothing I can hold on to, spiritually speaking.  I will contend that YOU are my rock.  The God I believe in…. Now and forever more.

I speak the name of Jesus.  The One that I cling to.

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen and Amen.

Lord, I am filled with anxieties and issues and requests galore.  A classic answer to someone who has a problem……”Have you prayed about it?”  Is a question I have posed to others in the past. Sometimes I’m sure someone would like to give me a punch in the nose.  And, sometimes it’s me that needs it!  I’m not sure why….. but it’s all too often it’s the last thing I want to do!  I am always wanting to do something else first.  Of course then it’s too late.  I’ve gone and forgotten, while a few more issue's are added to my list. Why is it so hard to talk to You?  I tell You all my heart thoughts…..I speak almost too real, knowing that You are aware of how I feel already, so why candy coat it!  I do get tired of doing all that is expected of me all the time!  And, sometimes I wonder why I can’t say what I really think!  I’m old now.  I think it should be a rule.  I get tired of trying to anticipate what someone wants or needs…..doing or saying what I’m pretty sure they need to hear or need from me………and find out I am totally wrong.  Yeah, finding out about two years after or two weeks later is not funny to me.  Expectations are funny.  And not necessarily funny (ha!ha!)  No, not at all.  I’ve done this for years……and usually am always disappointed because it wasn’t what the other person needed or wanted.  I remember having a study one time at church.  Everybody seemed excited and I was looking forward to it.  I had an awesome group of women.  Don’t You remember Lord!  There must have been 15, maybe!  I gave a rundown of what we would be discussing for the next few weeks and started asking some questions.  Sent them home with a little homework on what they felt their deepest needs were. All anonymous.  I think I ended up with four that stuck it out.  Why do people want answers for their problems and concerns but if it requires thinking and writing it down……it’s not going to happen. It takes commitment, honesty and consistent prayer.  I know, Lord……I talk a good game but when push comes to shove, I find my get up and go, got up and went already!  I’m as guilty as the next one….I’ve just been working on flaws so long…..I think someone else needs a turn!  I’m finding myself a little silly writing these little quips to You….I just listened to a devotional by DL Moody.  I’m sure he wouldn’t deem me too funny!  

Lord, I’m always wondering what YOU want me to do for You.  I am willing.  I think You know that, but most of the time it takes me a while to get to it.  By then, the steam has settled and I become lazy.  Could You give me a jacking up?  Be gentle.  I am trying to be your ambassador…..instrument…..servant…..whatever You need…..I believe You will give me the strength when I need it and when You know I’m serious.  I recently tried expressing my thoughts…..I found myself struggling for the right words.  I forgot the advice my Mother gave me a long time ago……”It’s better to have people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”.  So, help me with that, Lord!

I am forever grateful that You came to provide us with eternal life.  I want more than anything for You to be proud of me…..and to let me into the Heavenly Portal.  I pray always in the name of Jesus.  Amen and amen.

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Lord, Here I am……at long last.  It seems my “get up and go “ has disappeared to another place. I recently felt compelled to do 40 days of fasting to get myself back on track to continue writing for Your glory….not mine. I have to admit that if I see a positive comment, I feel I’ve made a difference to someone.  And then, I analyze and re-analyze until I begin to worry.  I guess it’s all in my nature to do this.  

Lord….whenYou made statements and touched the lives of so many, did You worry how it would affect your ministry?  When You healed someone and told them not to tell, was it to give You more time to preach and teach before Your time was over.  I think I need to be more like You….every day…every hour.  To be like You, means putting up with the pokes and slaps of a society that analyzes the meaning of everything that’s good.  I am amazed at the crooked ways people see things.  Two people can read the same thing and get two different theories of what they read. And then spout off their theory as “their truth”.  No one seems to even consider another way of looking at things.  My hope, Lord, is that I would see how I should live better than I have been…..that the things I perceive as Your words to me to re-access what I think.  Very often what I think comes out of my mouth. Guard me, Lord. I probably need a muzzle at times.  Yeah….I do.  You usually cannot take back something said in anger. You cannot un-ring a bell that has been tolled.  The sound reverberates so nothing said AFTER is ever heard.

This morning I heard a little girl trying to play her ukulele and singing with her Mama, “I Need Thee every Hour”.  It took me back a bit because what little kid even knows that song? And she sang it with a little gusto too.  “ I neeed Thee, ohhh I neeed Thee, ev’ery hour I need Thee….”.  Lord, we will never be self-sufficient.  You crave for us to neeed You!  I know You do.

Today I started out looking up the lyrics to “For those Tears I Died”.  I was playing this song the other day and couldn’t remember the title.  All I  could remember was the phrase, “You said You’d  come to share all my sorrows…..You said You’d be there for all my tomorrows…..” , so I looked it up, and it continues……I came so close to sending You away….but just like you promised…..(key phrase here)…”I just had to pray.”

You make it easy . Lord.  All we have to do is pray. All we have to do is read (ie listen) Your word. You will do the rest.You have all our bases covered….theres no room for error…..(unless we stop to analyze). It’s then we make mistakes.  We forge ahead until You stop us in our tracks by words we don’t want to hear.  Stop.✋Talking. Lord, that hand is what I’ll be looking for.  

I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

To You, Oh Lord, my Lord……Once more I come into Your presence to thank you for watching over me.

Each of my children and their respective families all have their own mountains to climb…..and valleys to go through.  I know the valley road is a difficult one to manage with any air of dignity. As You were beaten and humiliated on Your path to the cross…..I doubt that you were thinking about being dignified.  

I think I might need to admit and amend that flaw in my life. Change me, Oh dear One. Only You can, I believe.  I’m so sorry that it’s taken me 80 years to see this. When I think about the time my mother took me out of church and spanked me on the front steps right outside that door….I remember looking up and seeing a man on his front porch across the street watching…..I was thinking about looking “dignified” when it was happening. ( Not that it was hurting me. ) I can only guess I was three or four years old. It is as vivid to me right now as it was then.

Lord, it was not my intent to talk to You about this.  My mind goes to mush sometimes when I’m talking to You.  There’s so much I want to complain about.  How’s that for undignified 🤓?

I do though want to thank You for watching over me through the holidays.  My oldest granddaughter asked me yesterday!  Everything changes. Once life makes our decisions for us…..what can we do.  Going through that beloved holiday (Christmas) without some of our loved ones……our focus has to become the REASON for the season. And, of course that would be You coming to earth as a babe for us to have a way to see You as our only hope to escape the evil one and his power to enslave us. As I thought about how sad that so much grief changes us and our demeanor…..it is only the resolve to choose JOY when no one remembers why you look so bereft…..Joy has a way of sneaking in the crevices of your face and even surprising you. Lord, we have to remain thankful for the circumstances we are in…..even when You don’t share with us “the why” of it all. I’m learning to lean on You as my only respite . I thank You for always being there for me.

I told a friend the other day at work when she asked how I was……that I felt pretty good.  I said, as You remember, Lord……I just told the Lord all of my worries and needs.  I was talking pretty fast.  It took me 10 minutes to get here, so don’t bother Him for awhile.  He’s busy tending to all my requests. We laughed at my little joke.  So, yes….I do feel pretty good.  And, Lord…. I honestly did.  I had no pen in my hand a piece of paper to scribble on.  I was driving.  It’s been awhile since I just called out to You…..out loud like that.  As I watched my mother cope with no way to write and or communicate for nearly 5 years…..there were times when my own heart worried about not having the capability of writing You my heart thoughts. 

Lord, it seems I don’t want to end my thoughts to You. I have to, for the shot -in-the-eye appointment. Thank You dear One for the fact that for this day and time in my life You have provided a temporary cure for Macular Degeneration. Not too long ago, I would have had to worry about total blindness.  I am forever grateful.

I thank You, Father, for Your goodness to me. I am forever grateful. I pray with that in mind.  All in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

 It seems to me, dear One, that without the blood of Your sacrifice to us, all of it is being misrepresented right now in our lives.  I am so disgusted as I listen to rhetoric from TV, with the miscommunication of those in power to the lowly citizen, and the unfairness of it all creeping in to our own personal lives….our precious families.  EVERYBODY  wants to speak “their truth”…..AND they want everyone to hear it….and then abide by it. From what I’ve experienced in the past….yes, they might listen….maybe they’ll let you finish your thought…..but, then they jump in debunking everything you just said.  And then of course all that does is tell you they think your ideas are stupid and if you would just listen…. They have a better fix. You and I both know,  that the fight will go on forever.  It will never be solved unless one defers to the other.  

Our habit of representing “ truth veiled with sarcasm” is not an ideal way to solve a problem and speaks low of the character of a Christian man or woman.  It seems that the enemy is busy taking the wrecking ball machine and aiming it at our families…..and we are letting him.  My hope and prayer is that his plan to take us out in pieces would be smashed by us pleading the blood of Jesus and pulling the plug on his  hope to wreck our loved ones with his lies and  evil tactics. That seems to be the answer for so many instead of a kindly worded explanation in a private conversation.  It does not solve the problem, but, somehow even Christians can end up acting like stinkers.  I don’t think that’s very nice either…..especially to You, Lord. I pledge to You, Lord, that I will try very hard to show Your example of all that you would say and do.  It sounds a little bit “Pollyanna-ish”  but we have to be determined.  The enemy will roll right over us.

Please Lord, give us the strength to plead the blood of Jesus in ridding ourselves of the lies the enemy spews at our vulnerable times.  We cannot survive without that blood.  Nothing is sacred.  Nothing is sweet memories.  Nothing is good.  Help us , Jesus to pray effectively.

A song to You, dear One……

“I love You, Lord…OH, your  mercy never fails me….all my days , I’ve been held in Your hands

From the moment that I wake up…. Until I lay my head….Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful…..an all my life You have been so, so good…..

With every breath that I am able….I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice….You have led me through the fire, And in darkest night You are close like no other…I’ve known You as a Father…..I've known you as a friend…..And I have lived in the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful, Oh and all my life You have been so, so good…..with every breath that I am able…..I will sing of the mercy of God…..

‘Cause Your goodness is running after, its running after me…..with my life laid down I surrendered now…..I give you everything…..your goodness is running after, It’s running after me.”

With His abiding love……His ever present mercies surprising us and surrounding us……how can we possibly give in to what the enemy touts as “living our truth”. …….effectually abandoning our testimony in our network of friends and family…..God help us!  We do not want to fail you!

For all of my many words……thoughts and feelings…..I give them to You, dear One…..to decipher as you will.  In Your name , I pray.  Amen.

Dear One…..I am so filled with words and feelings and desires of things to be done and said.  I never know exactly when to start in my writing. Probably sooner than later. That’s what always happens.  

I really miss him today, Lord.  The one who always said, “I love you, Hon!”  Or “I love you, Corrine💕!”  I always loved the way he said my name! No one else said it that way!  How do I tell you how much I appreciate what you did for me in giving me what I didn’t know I needed.  Thank you for that, Lord.  I think nothing else needs to be said since you did the work.  I’m so grateful for the man You gave to me.  I felt our 56  years were my whole existence……and the five children we shared together. My accomplishment…..and gift. When John disappeared I had to scramble to get my momentum back.  

You also are aware of how I always think I am right. Thank You for showing me that I can still have joy in my heart when I don’t get my way. (How childish does that sound?). Thank You that I still have the joy of playing music and enjoying comments of appreciation.  Every time I’m reminded of how old  I am, I’m grateful  I can still  cook a meal, wash my dishes, and make jewelry for myself.  Decorating my home makes me happy!  Having a job that contributes to this “habit”, is a bit bothersome, but am determined   to find a happy medium.  Determining if an item gives me memories of happiness or contentment helps pair things down a bit. 

After a conversation with a friend not long ago, I found myself a little jarred when I quoted a verse  that I felt was a spiritual answer for a dilemma and then couldn’t back it up! I know the devil delights in it. Us, thinking we are so God-like! Yeah right!  Not too many of us fall for that anymore!  Anyway, isn’t that what Google is for!  Or is that a dirty word? I feel our attempts to calm another’s fears and then not finding “who said it” doesn’t take away the importance of the act. Knowing the context of a verse can stymy me into silence or catapult me into greater awareness.

Lord, I choose this day to be more like You.  I plead the blood of Jesus to blockout the demons that determine to bind me.  I know there are those whom I’ve hurt, who will not forgive me.  I, in the power that you have given me, have done all I can to amend these errors.  Haven’t I.  Helping, or hoping to help….. isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  It does take a bit of courage to cross the lane from “I’m telling you this to help you”….You need to stop doing this” to “As a Christian, your testimony will be a lie” if you do not repent.   As a Pastors wife, a Christian, not withstanding, teacher, writer……I’ve lived to try to lead those I am called to lead, live, rub shoulders with and love….. to a better, stronger walk with God.

I want nothing to keep me from seeing your face someday and hear you say,  Welcome home Corrine!  I have your place all ready!  

I want to say more.  Maybe I will, tomorrow!  I pray all of these words to you hoping the combination will be pleasing toYou in the name of Jesus.  Amen and amen.

It has taken me almost an hour, Lord.  I thought this morning when I woke up…..that I would finally write a blog prayer. I just read my last post. Tearfully, I ask for Your forgiveness in being so lax in writing. I put pressure on myself to write.  And, then when I don’t, I throw all kinds of aspersions at myself.  Or else, it’s the enemy, and I just let him drone on because it’s easier than sitting myself down and admitting in front of everyone that I’m truly a mess and no one has picked up on it yet. At any rate, I honestly thought I could not function today without emptying my soul thoughts.

The middle of December caught me off my game for lack of a better word.  Our oldest daughter was seemingly standing at a crossroad to life or death. With the gamut of tests and more tests to find out the root cause, we were watching how scary it is to watch a Doctor say, he really didn’t know what was happening. That is not reassuring, Lord.  After a few more tests and drugs were administered, more Drs opinions, a hospital change…….we found a few more answers.  Lord, in the events and fulfillment of a happy Christian life, what can we do when the answers are not forthcoming?  I delve into fixing the problem myself. Of course, You have tried to tell me before, that my way is not always best.  That…..right there is my whole problem. There are reasons You don’t reveal all WE think we should know.  That being me.  All I think I should know!  Lord, forgive me. Help me. Sustain me. Fulfill me only in the manner You choose. As for our family……I leave them in Your care. I try to do what I can…..but the enemy is right there at my neck whispering, if only I were “more” things could be better.  I admit, Lord…..I spend too much of the energy I do have, trying to fix more than I have the capability of.  If You would put a sign on the door of my life that says “S. Corrine Davis, Asst. to Jesus”…..I would see real quick that I’d have to resign!

You have a place for me.  I have tried too hard for too long, trying to be the answer to the needs of everyone who has a need I think I should fill. I’m turning that quirk of my nature into what I feel is the best choice for me. And, no shock here…..once again, it’s You Lord.  I submit my ideas to You. You do what is best.  For anyone I know about.  

Thank you Father, for the forgiveness of sins.  Thank you Father, for giving me the grace to keep moving forward….especially when You see me faltering.  Give me a gentle shove.  I am in your care.  That’s when I can breathe better.  See  You better, and actually love better.

I am amazed at the way You have given my girl her life back with restrictions.  You and she will work that out.

I thank You for the forgiveness You provide. It’s the only way I can live victoriously.  That supernatural power.

I will await the next day I live,  in the plan You have for me. 

I burden You with all of my burdens….and I do it with all I have in me.  And, I leave it in Your capable hands. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen and amen.