I don’t have  any excuse. Months have disappeared.  I keep thinking “I really need to write.”  And of course then I find something I have to do. 

And now, it’s August 14.

And You say…..”Huh…..Sorry, you say!  How about ‘Not sorry’.  That’s the real truth! Isn’t it?”

And, I say, again….I am sorry, Dear One.  Please help me do better.  You know, Lord…I have run into an issue with advertising my blog.  Ever since they changed some things on “Facebook” , I can’t find the place I always tried to post.  Any facet of this tech thing is hard for me.  Just like I have 20,000 emails and don’t know how to get them gone. I am frustrated and the enemy knows it, and I cower, because asking someone to help me makes me feel weak and not in control.  Or something!

Back to my saga for the day.  I heard a preacher the other day, and again, this morning.  I thought, Lord….I think I need to try this.  I’d like to see more of my prayers answered. I figured that it would always be your will, your way!  Perhaps this is how you go, but just in case, I could do a little more about …..”You have not because you ask not!” Or maybe simply, “Ask and you shall receive.”  He mentioned 4 tips to send you into your prayer closet a little more often.  First tip is to Make sure you are “clean”.  Clean as in bathe first? He was quick to mention Psalms 139:23-24. That kind of clean.  Too often, we do things, we say things, we see things that are not helpful in our growth spiritually. And , we do not fix those things. We gloss across some of these areas so easily until habits are adhering to our brain, making us less careful in our walk with You.  The second tip is to simply ask You. And to be specific.  To tell You the truth, Lord…..I’ve always thought that it wasn’t right for me to tell you what I want you to do, especially if you didn’t want to do things that way. You know what?  I’m going to go this route, until You let me know I should change direction.  So, the third tip is to pray fervently.  What is that exactly?  To mean what you say without reservation. Simply.

The scripture tells us that the prayer of a righteous man availeth much.  James 5:16  Forgive each other. Don’t be afraid to be honest with each other.

The fourth tip is to be persistent.  Do not just do the “one and done” thing.  You have a lot to answer. When we persist….You can’t take a rest!  You have to be aware of how badly we need you to answer us.

I’ve said prayers for years.  I’ve been careful to be sure not to ask for what I really want.  I just usually figure it’s up to you, and I will abide by your plan whether if I want it or not!  

Lord. You know me well.  I cannot live without You! Nor, will I ever think I  can!

Give me life Lord.  More than  I deserve.  I will forever give You praise.

All I speak are the words of You, to you and for you. In the name of Jesus.  Amen.

It is with a grateful heart, Oh Lord, that I come to You just to talk. The old song says…..”I didn’t come here, to ask You for anything….I just came to talk with You, Lord.”  Very seldom…..and most probably ever…..do I pray and ask nothing of You. It’s just a blessing to be Your child and consistently need Your love and support to keep on going…..and so, dear One. I will always ask for Your help with worries and concerns

I remember so vividly when I had practically taken up residence in my Mother’s hospital room in ICU, in Lapeer, Michigan.  I’d been there nearly three months.  I was her warrior, I guess.  Decisions had to be made.  Procedures were required after she had been on the ventilator so long.  A tracheotomy had to be performed…..I felt so responsible for anything that might happen to her.  She had gone past the probability that she might not live….she’d only been given a 10% possibility to live through the first week.  No one believed she would live after what had happened.  I was in shock.  I think all of us were.  No one really knew what happened to her.

Finding out she had laid on the floor of her apartment for two days…..just barely conscious was like hearing it in a foreign language.  Lord, I will never forget the magnitude of that catastrophic event in our lives.  Never, never…..would life as we knew it would ever be the same.  For her or for us.

Sometimes I wonder, Lord , how I lived through it.

Those verses that I wrote down, were my refuge then.  Not being able really to form the words to say a prayer, did not seem to be something I could do.

I found myself going day to day to day on the prayers of others.  For my Mother, for my family, and for myself. I remember where I was when You gave me something to hold on to…..it was so perfect.  I knew it was You speaking through the scriptures to encourage me…..and my Mother.  It was powerful and so exciting to believe that You, my Savior, were concerned about my emotional state and wanted to encourage me. Whatever You might have thought about me…….what You gave me is a promise I will forever hang on to. That day I went into the hospital with renewed vigor.  I’d written that verse down on a little piece of paper and read it to anyone that day who would listen.  Even Mom appeared to be touched by it. Let me remind You Lord……it’s in Isaiah41: 9-10. “I brought you from the ends of the earth and called you from its farthest corners. I said to you; You are my servant;  I have chosen You.  I have not rejected You….so do not fear, for I am with you.” 

So after one, then two, and finally three months passed and it looked like my Mom’s condition had stabilized, I knew I had to make some kind of change.  You knew what was coming.  Most patients in ICU are not there long term.  Decisions had to be made.  Insurance…..how this was going to be paid for…..when and if she could be moved. This saga could go on for years.  And it did.

Five years later, You took her home with You.  Looking back, I wonder how I, my brothers, my husband and children walked through that time.

That beautiful scripture took my life and encased me in it.  For along, long time I was sure You were punishing me for not being more respectful of her as I was growing up. I just could not understand why You allowed this to happen to her. It was awful.

I do believe You expect us to pursue our walk with You in good and bad times in our lives.  Life is hard.  Hopefully as I continue to live…..and live for You…..I will be the warrior for You until You take me to Heaven to be with you.

For the time I have spent writing these words…..for all that You mean to me….for the time I have to serve You… I speak only in the name of Jesus.

Amen. And amen.

Lord, I think You already know what my concerns are…..don’t You? I consistently moan (inward sighing) because I don’t stop my tirade against myself long enough to write to You.  “My hands hurt……my fingers are stiff and sore…..I get tired of saying the same stuff over again and again”.  I am refusing to let go of my way of setting my mind, soul and body into a sense of peace I enjoy.  The incessant murmurings of the enemy of my inner refuge never seem to stop him clamoring at the door of my being.  Hmm….maybe my heart is a better choice of a word.  My soul tries to magnify the Lord and the desire to bless You with my words. Sometimes, I feel like it’s just a loud noise, a cacophony….all simply to weary me.

Earlier this week I looked up all of the lyrics to the song, “How Long Has it Been”.  John and I used to sing it when it first was published and recorded.  I take so much for granted when I try to take care of my life by myself.  There’s never a reason for it….its just simply laziness. If You don’t mind, Lord, I’d like to write down some of the words to let myself see exactly how I miss the blessing of telling You my heart thoughts.

             “How long has it been since you talked

               with the Lord…..and told Him your 

                hearts hidden secrets.  How long since 

               you prayed…..how long since you stayed 

               on your knees till the light shone through.

                How long has it been since your mind felt

                 at ease…… 

                 How long since your heart  felt no 

                burden.  Can you call him your friend…

                 how long has it been, since you knew 

                 that He cared for you.”

Of course there is more to the song as You know, Lord, but this verse sums it up for me.  It is so true.

I feel exactly that  way when I pray. The enemy lies all the time.  Why do I let him do all his posturing?  Why do I pay attention to his murmurings against me?

I know he’s going to ……and I could stop him…..why don’t I?  Help me, Jesus to stop putting

off what I know is right.  He continually kills my spirit.  He does what he does with such ease….”I need You every hour.  Every hour I need Thee.  Oh, bless me thou my Savior….I come to Thee.”

Another song that I just thought of is just a little chorus we used to sing.  “We’ve got the power, in the name of Jesus…..We’ve got the power, in the name of the Lord.  Though Satan rages, we will not be defeated…..We’ve got the power, in the name of the Lord.”

“Jesus Is the Sweetest Name I Know”, is another “old faithful”!  Lord, why do we find ourselves suffering day after day? Why? You have given us all we need.  I find myself still…..after all these years I’ve depended on You…..trying to do it myself.  Why, again?  So I can hear people say….”Wow, Corrine! You really have it all together!”

Why is that important to me?  It’s stupid!

What I want to hear at the end of my life….is…

…”Well done, thou good and faithful servant….Enter in to what I have prepared for you.”   Or something as meaningful. 

Help me to remember You want me to come to You.  That Your delight is answering my requests.  “Yes. No. Maybe.  Not yet.  No, not ever. “

I pray for that delightful peace that passes all understanding.  Forgive my righteous nature that tries to make it on my own.

I pray in the name of Jesus, my Lord.

Amen. And amen.

                

Lord, I told a long time friend today that living for You today in my 80’s, is probably as hard as I ever imagined it would be.  I’ve always encountered obstacles when it’s time to pray or read the scriptures.  Years prior, it was my children I’d decided……they demand so much time and just learning to cope with being a good parent was so hard sometimes.   Just coping with demands of a Pastor husband who worked a second job, his concerns, the church duties, keeping our home presentable to whoever would “stop by”….often kept me in a tizzy!  That was one reason I’d started writing my prayers to You.  So, even if interrupted, I could usually go back to my writing and pick up where I left off. 

 The enemy still threatens to take away my freedom in letting You know how I feel on a  daily basis.  I’ve just skidded by , a lot in my life.  Even, skidding from my preacher Dads coat tails, to my preacher husbands coat tails.  Eventually, You caught up with my spiritual gymnastics, and called on me to make my own spiritual decisions, as indecisive as I had always been……You forced me to take responsibility.  I’m so glad You brought me to that place. I have enjoyed that wonderful gift for a long, long time.  It has relieved me of so much sadness and angst in the trials that we encounter in our lives usually on a daily basis.  I’ve had You to lean on when I felt too weary to go it alone.  I know.  I know.  I know that is what You want us to do, but, even me, in my meek manner want to show You I can be counted on if You need me for a big-time project!  I’ll be faithful for You.  I’ll encourage.  I’ll be Your warrior.  Those are my dreams. If I am the “go-fer” for the big jobs, that’s okay too!  As long as I am centered in the will of God that You have for me….I’m good.  (You never know when I might have to lie down for a quick nap!). 

Anyway, Lord, it is cemented in my thinking that my hope is in You, Lord. I may have days when I feel that YOU are my all in all and my goal for eternal peace with You as my goal and obviously there will be times when I feel that all my hope is for naught and there is nothing I can hold on to, spiritually speaking.  I will contend that YOU are my rock.  The God I believe in…. Now and forever more.

I speak the name of Jesus.  The One that I cling to.

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen and Amen.

Lord, I am filled with anxieties and issues and requests galore.  A classic answer to someone who has a problem……”Have you prayed about it?”  Is a question I have posed to others in the past. Sometimes I’m sure someone would like to give me a punch in the nose.  And, sometimes it’s me that needs it!  I’m not sure why….. but it’s all too often it’s the last thing I want to do!  I am always wanting to do something else first.  Of course then it’s too late.  I’ve gone and forgotten, while a few more issue's are added to my list. Why is it so hard to talk to You?  I tell You all my heart thoughts…..I speak almost too real, knowing that You are aware of how I feel already, so why candy coat it!  I do get tired of doing all that is expected of me all the time!  And, sometimes I wonder why I can’t say what I really think!  I’m old now.  I think it should be a rule.  I get tired of trying to anticipate what someone wants or needs…..doing or saying what I’m pretty sure they need to hear or need from me………and find out I am totally wrong.  Yeah, finding out about two years after or two weeks later is not funny to me.  Expectations are funny.  And not necessarily funny (ha!ha!)  No, not at all.  I’ve done this for years……and usually am always disappointed because it wasn’t what the other person needed or wanted.  I remember having a study one time at church.  Everybody seemed excited and I was looking forward to it.  I had an awesome group of women.  Don’t You remember Lord!  There must have been 15, maybe!  I gave a rundown of what we would be discussing for the next few weeks and started asking some questions.  Sent them home with a little homework on what they felt their deepest needs were. All anonymous.  I think I ended up with four that stuck it out.  Why do people want answers for their problems and concerns but if it requires thinking and writing it down……it’s not going to happen. It takes commitment, honesty and consistent prayer.  I know, Lord……I talk a good game but when push comes to shove, I find my get up and go, got up and went already!  I’m as guilty as the next one….I’ve just been working on flaws so long…..I think someone else needs a turn!  I’m finding myself a little silly writing these little quips to You….I just listened to a devotional by DL Moody.  I’m sure he wouldn’t deem me too funny!  

Lord, I’m always wondering what YOU want me to do for You.  I am willing.  I think You know that, but most of the time it takes me a while to get to it.  By then, the steam has settled and I become lazy.  Could You give me a jacking up?  Be gentle.  I am trying to be your ambassador…..instrument…..servant…..whatever You need…..I believe You will give me the strength when I need it and when You know I’m serious.  I recently tried expressing my thoughts…..I found myself struggling for the right words.  I forgot the advice my Mother gave me a long time ago……”It’s better to have people think you are a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt”.  So, help me with that, Lord!

I am forever grateful that You came to provide us with eternal life.  I want more than anything for You to be proud of me…..and to let me into the Heavenly Portal.  I pray always in the name of Jesus.  Amen and amen.

, 

Lord, Here I am……at long last.  It seems my “get up and go “ has disappeared to another place. I recently felt compelled to do 40 days of fasting to get myself back on track to continue writing for Your glory….not mine. I have to admit that if I see a positive comment, I feel I’ve made a difference to someone.  And then, I analyze and re-analyze until I begin to worry.  I guess it’s all in my nature to do this.  

Lord….whenYou made statements and touched the lives of so many, did You worry how it would affect your ministry?  When You healed someone and told them not to tell, was it to give You more time to preach and teach before Your time was over.  I think I need to be more like You….every day…every hour.  To be like You, means putting up with the pokes and slaps of a society that analyzes the meaning of everything that’s good.  I am amazed at the crooked ways people see things.  Two people can read the same thing and get two different theories of what they read. And then spout off their theory as “their truth”.  No one seems to even consider another way of looking at things.  My hope, Lord, is that I would see how I should live better than I have been…..that the things I perceive as Your words to me to re-access what I think.  Very often what I think comes out of my mouth. Guard me, Lord. I probably need a muzzle at times.  Yeah….I do.  You usually cannot take back something said in anger. You cannot un-ring a bell that has been tolled.  The sound reverberates so nothing said AFTER is ever heard.

This morning I heard a little girl trying to play her ukulele and singing with her Mama, “I Need Thee every Hour”.  It took me back a bit because what little kid even knows that song? And she sang it with a little gusto too.  “ I neeed Thee, ohhh I neeed Thee, ev’ery hour I need Thee….”.  Lord, we will never be self-sufficient.  You crave for us to neeed You!  I know You do.

Today I started out looking up the lyrics to “For those Tears I Died”.  I was playing this song the other day and couldn’t remember the title.  All I  could remember was the phrase, “You said You’d  come to share all my sorrows…..You said You’d be there for all my tomorrows…..” , so I looked it up, and it continues……I came so close to sending You away….but just like you promised…..(key phrase here)…”I just had to pray.”

You make it easy . Lord.  All we have to do is pray. All we have to do is read (ie listen) Your word. You will do the rest.You have all our bases covered….theres no room for error…..(unless we stop to analyze). It’s then we make mistakes.  We forge ahead until You stop us in our tracks by words we don’t want to hear.  Stop.✋Talking. Lord, that hand is what I’ll be looking for.  

I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

To You, Oh Lord, my Lord……Once more I come into Your presence to thank you for watching over me.

Each of my children and their respective families all have their own mountains to climb…..and valleys to go through.  I know the valley road is a difficult one to manage with any air of dignity. As You were beaten and humiliated on Your path to the cross…..I doubt that you were thinking about being dignified.  

I think I might need to admit and amend that flaw in my life. Change me, Oh dear One. Only You can, I believe.  I’m so sorry that it’s taken me 80 years to see this. When I think about the time my mother took me out of church and spanked me on the front steps right outside that door….I remember looking up and seeing a man on his front porch across the street watching…..I was thinking about looking “dignified” when it was happening. ( Not that it was hurting me. ) I can only guess I was three or four years old. It is as vivid to me right now as it was then.

Lord, it was not my intent to talk to You about this.  My mind goes to mush sometimes when I’m talking to You.  There’s so much I want to complain about.  How’s that for undignified 🤓?

I do though want to thank You for watching over me through the holidays.  My oldest granddaughter asked me yesterday!  Everything changes. Once life makes our decisions for us…..what can we do.  Going through that beloved holiday (Christmas) without some of our loved ones……our focus has to become the REASON for the season. And, of course that would be You coming to earth as a babe for us to have a way to see You as our only hope to escape the evil one and his power to enslave us. As I thought about how sad that so much grief changes us and our demeanor…..it is only the resolve to choose JOY when no one remembers why you look so bereft…..Joy has a way of sneaking in the crevices of your face and even surprising you. Lord, we have to remain thankful for the circumstances we are in…..even when You don’t share with us “the why” of it all. I’m learning to lean on You as my only respite . I thank You for always being there for me.

I told a friend the other day at work when she asked how I was……that I felt pretty good.  I said, as You remember, Lord……I just told the Lord all of my worries and needs.  I was talking pretty fast.  It took me 10 minutes to get here, so don’t bother Him for awhile.  He’s busy tending to all my requests. We laughed at my little joke.  So, yes….I do feel pretty good.  And, Lord…. I honestly did.  I had no pen in my hand a piece of paper to scribble on.  I was driving.  It’s been awhile since I just called out to You…..out loud like that.  As I watched my mother cope with no way to write and or communicate for nearly 5 years…..there were times when my own heart worried about not having the capability of writing You my heart thoughts. 

Lord, it seems I don’t want to end my thoughts to You. I have to, for the shot -in-the-eye appointment. Thank You dear One for the fact that for this day and time in my life You have provided a temporary cure for Macular Degeneration. Not too long ago, I would have had to worry about total blindness.  I am forever grateful.

I thank You, Father, for Your goodness to me. I am forever grateful. I pray with that in mind.  All in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

 It seems to me, dear One, that without the blood of Your sacrifice to us, all of it is being misrepresented right now in our lives.  I am so disgusted as I listen to rhetoric from TV, with the miscommunication of those in power to the lowly citizen, and the unfairness of it all creeping in to our own personal lives….our precious families.  EVERYBODY  wants to speak “their truth”…..AND they want everyone to hear it….and then abide by it. From what I’ve experienced in the past….yes, they might listen….maybe they’ll let you finish your thought…..but, then they jump in debunking everything you just said.  And then of course all that does is tell you they think your ideas are stupid and if you would just listen…. They have a better fix. You and I both know,  that the fight will go on forever.  It will never be solved unless one defers to the other.  

Our habit of representing “ truth veiled with sarcasm” is not an ideal way to solve a problem and speaks low of the character of a Christian man or woman.  It seems that the enemy is busy taking the wrecking ball machine and aiming it at our families…..and we are letting him.  My hope and prayer is that his plan to take us out in pieces would be smashed by us pleading the blood of Jesus and pulling the plug on his  hope to wreck our loved ones with his lies and  evil tactics. That seems to be the answer for so many instead of a kindly worded explanation in a private conversation.  It does not solve the problem, but, somehow even Christians can end up acting like stinkers.  I don’t think that’s very nice either…..especially to You, Lord. I pledge to You, Lord, that I will try very hard to show Your example of all that you would say and do.  It sounds a little bit “Pollyanna-ish”  but we have to be determined.  The enemy will roll right over us.

Please Lord, give us the strength to plead the blood of Jesus in ridding ourselves of the lies the enemy spews at our vulnerable times.  We cannot survive without that blood.  Nothing is sacred.  Nothing is sweet memories.  Nothing is good.  Help us , Jesus to pray effectively.

A song to You, dear One……

“I love You, Lord…OH, your  mercy never fails me….all my days , I’ve been held in Your hands

From the moment that I wake up…. Until I lay my head….Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful…..an all my life You have been so, so good…..

With every breath that I am able….I will sing of the goodness of God

I love Your voice….You have led me through the fire, And in darkest night You are close like no other…I’ve known You as a Father…..I've known you as a friend…..And I have lived in the goodness of God

And all my life You have been faithful, Oh and all my life You have been so, so good…..with every breath that I am able…..I will sing of the mercy of God…..

‘Cause Your goodness is running after, its running after me…..with my life laid down I surrendered now…..I give you everything…..your goodness is running after, It’s running after me.”

With His abiding love……His ever present mercies surprising us and surrounding us……how can we possibly give in to what the enemy touts as “living our truth”. …….effectually abandoning our testimony in our network of friends and family…..God help us!  We do not want to fail you!

For all of my many words……thoughts and feelings…..I give them to You, dear One…..to decipher as you will.  In Your name , I pray.  Amen.

Dear One…..I am so filled with words and feelings and desires of things to be done and said.  I never know exactly when to start in my writing. Probably sooner than later. That’s what always happens.  

I really miss him today, Lord.  The one who always said, “I love you, Hon!”  Or “I love you, Corrine💕!”  I always loved the way he said my name! No one else said it that way!  How do I tell you how much I appreciate what you did for me in giving me what I didn’t know I needed.  Thank you for that, Lord.  I think nothing else needs to be said since you did the work.  I’m so grateful for the man You gave to me.  I felt our 56  years were my whole existence……and the five children we shared together. My accomplishment…..and gift. When John disappeared I had to scramble to get my momentum back.  

You also are aware of how I always think I am right. Thank You for showing me that I can still have joy in my heart when I don’t get my way. (How childish does that sound?). Thank You that I still have the joy of playing music and enjoying comments of appreciation.  Every time I’m reminded of how old  I am, I’m grateful  I can still  cook a meal, wash my dishes, and make jewelry for myself.  Decorating my home makes me happy!  Having a job that contributes to this “habit”, is a bit bothersome, but am determined   to find a happy medium.  Determining if an item gives me memories of happiness or contentment helps pair things down a bit. 

After a conversation with a friend not long ago, I found myself a little jarred when I quoted a verse  that I felt was a spiritual answer for a dilemma and then couldn’t back it up! I know the devil delights in it. Us, thinking we are so God-like! Yeah right!  Not too many of us fall for that anymore!  Anyway, isn’t that what Google is for!  Or is that a dirty word? I feel our attempts to calm another’s fears and then not finding “who said it” doesn’t take away the importance of the act. Knowing the context of a verse can stymy me into silence or catapult me into greater awareness.

Lord, I choose this day to be more like You.  I plead the blood of Jesus to blockout the demons that determine to bind me.  I know there are those whom I’ve hurt, who will not forgive me.  I, in the power that you have given me, have done all I can to amend these errors.  Haven’t I.  Helping, or hoping to help….. isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  It does take a bit of courage to cross the lane from “I’m telling you this to help you”….You need to stop doing this” to “As a Christian, your testimony will be a lie” if you do not repent.   As a Pastors wife, a Christian, not withstanding, teacher, writer……I’ve lived to try to lead those I am called to lead, live, rub shoulders with and love….. to a better, stronger walk with God.

I want nothing to keep me from seeing your face someday and hear you say,  Welcome home Corrine!  I have your place all ready!  

I want to say more.  Maybe I will, tomorrow!  I pray all of these words to you hoping the combination will be pleasing toYou in the name of Jesus.  Amen and amen.

It has taken me almost an hour, Lord.  I thought this morning when I woke up…..that I would finally write a blog prayer. I just read my last post. Tearfully, I ask for Your forgiveness in being so lax in writing. I put pressure on myself to write.  And, then when I don’t, I throw all kinds of aspersions at myself.  Or else, it’s the enemy, and I just let him drone on because it’s easier than sitting myself down and admitting in front of everyone that I’m truly a mess and no one has picked up on it yet. At any rate, I honestly thought I could not function today without emptying my soul thoughts.

The middle of December caught me off my game for lack of a better word.  Our oldest daughter was seemingly standing at a crossroad to life or death. With the gamut of tests and more tests to find out the root cause, we were watching how scary it is to watch a Doctor say, he really didn’t know what was happening. That is not reassuring, Lord.  After a few more tests and drugs were administered, more Drs opinions, a hospital change…….we found a few more answers.  Lord, in the events and fulfillment of a happy Christian life, what can we do when the answers are not forthcoming?  I delve into fixing the problem myself. Of course, You have tried to tell me before, that my way is not always best.  That…..right there is my whole problem. There are reasons You don’t reveal all WE think we should know.  That being me.  All I think I should know!  Lord, forgive me. Help me. Sustain me. Fulfill me only in the manner You choose. As for our family……I leave them in Your care. I try to do what I can…..but the enemy is right there at my neck whispering, if only I were “more” things could be better.  I admit, Lord…..I spend too much of the energy I do have, trying to fix more than I have the capability of.  If You would put a sign on the door of my life that says “S. Corrine Davis, Asst. to Jesus”…..I would see real quick that I’d have to resign!

You have a place for me.  I have tried too hard for too long, trying to be the answer to the needs of everyone who has a need I think I should fill. I’m turning that quirk of my nature into what I feel is the best choice for me. And, no shock here…..once again, it’s You Lord.  I submit my ideas to You. You do what is best.  For anyone I know about.  

Thank you Father, for the forgiveness of sins.  Thank you Father, for giving me the grace to keep moving forward….especially when You see me faltering.  Give me a gentle shove.  I am in your care.  That’s when I can breathe better.  See  You better, and actually love better.

I am amazed at the way You have given my girl her life back with restrictions.  You and she will work that out.

I thank You for the forgiveness You provide. It’s the only way I can live victoriously.  That supernatural power.

I will await the next day I live,  in the plan You have for me. 

I burden You with all of my burdens….and I do it with all I have in me.  And, I leave it in Your capable hands. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen and amen.

It’s February 28th, Lord …..the day John left us 4 years ago. I’m not sure I was even in my right mind.  I was somewhat unaware that You were requesting his presence.  See, Lord…..John had convinced me he was going to get through this Cancer battle that he was in…..and we would carry on our little ministry at Martin Grove. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.  I was just not reading the signs….and the roadblocks that were happening. 

As we stood around his bed, I was very aware that there was no movement.  There was nothing that would indicate he heard any of our stories or the songs we sung (rather badly).  At one point, we all looked at each other trying to discern if what we were seeing was really happening.  Now, we all agree that his body was being transformed into a translucent entity. We saw what was the most perfect face literally glowing with the light of Your own presence, I believe. It was a sight that took my breath away.  At one point, Marcy touched his lip to peek at his teeth.  They were a beautiful pearly white.  We just stared at what was a beautiful moment in time in all of our lives.  John mentioned one day how he thought the chemo and other meds had discolored his teeth and didn’t think he could ever get them white again.

I’m believe that God allowed us to see these happenings as gifts for us to remember and to cling to. At the time, I was unsure how to process all that happened.  I still couldn’t believe You were preparing him to stand in Your holy presence. After that day, about 1:30 in the afternoon…..I was surprised after I found myself breathing the next day.  Now, a few years later, and I  still can’t believe he’s not here with us anymore.

Lord, I miss his laughter. I miss how he could do some of his antics and have me laughing when only moments before I was moaning about something I could not do anything about.  I believe there will always be an empty place in my heart.  I’m not angry, Lord.  I just miss my best friend.  You fill the recesses…..the space where he always was. Keep on doing that for me, dear Jesus! I needn’t worry…..I know.  I try not to, but You know those doubts and lies that the enemy throws up in our face….just trying to block Your light from me…..well, with Your help in providing strength and power from the Holy Spirit, I will stay on the path to meet You one day. Thank You dear One.  I am so thankful to have You to lean on and I might as well say it!  To complain to. 

I say these words, to form the sentences that make my prayers mean how I feel. I do this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Lord, here I am…..I’ve come to find You!  Not because you’re hiding…..it’s just that even though I know where You are…..I’m too tired, too sad, too depleted physically, (the list can get pretty long) I know that ultimately, it’s pure laziness.  Many times when I write, I have a plan in mind.  Sometimes it works and often it doesn’t.  One thing I don’t like to do is start over. Sooo……with nothing in particular in mind, I start.  I don’t like rambling either….sort of waiting to see where it leads me. 

My main purpose, I think, is to thank You.  Often, when I sit down to reread some of my letters to You,( I mean the scribble ones in my composition book),  I wonder if you get tired of my whining…..asking for the same thing over and over…..it seems so redundant.  Like….I’m thinking You might just want to take a snooze in the middle of it.  Lord, I know You are so gracious and merciful and would not want to suggest in any way I’m right….but, if You were honest……would You? (Take a snooze, that is?) As much as I have ever taught others how important it is to tell You how we really feel….I don’t. Mostly because I know what You expect but don’t want to be that honest. And maybe, mostly because it’s lame.  Things like”asking for healing, money to pay a bill, forgiving someone who has been unkind and/or disrespectful, trying and failing at something we want to do…..I don’t know…..it’s all that and more.  

You know what I struggle with.  I wouldn’t even have to say a word, but, You require very little from me/us!  It seems like I would be grateful that You even want to know the little stuff. I think sometimes that is what the enemy gets a kick out of….my negligence in telling You all….out loud.  I have tried to be true and honest for the most part, I guess….but, even though I know You know, I prefer not to bring everything out in the open. Sometimes I feel my family or folks that love me, wonder.  

When I began studying and searching for answers about forgiveness…..I thought….”Wow! This is fantastic.  Everyone will love this.”  For a while I’d preach my new “strategy” in my classes and some would be nodding their heads in agreement or some would just give me “the look”.  The one that says , I have no idea what you’re talking about!  I realize now, dear One, that You let me in on a formula to help ME get over the words that hurt, the actions that hurt, the incidents that break a heart….it was for me.  I remember how You brought me to decipher what could work for me.  I still have no concept of the amount of garbage that comes out of someone’s mouth to hurt another and they have no remorse or feel the need to say “I’m sorry!” …..or, even feel they had a right to tell you what they think you need to know….”because somebody has to.”Over and over I have listened to this kind of thing and I’m just baffled by the unkindness that creeps into the whole scenario, making it even more egregious.  

I remember listening to a “reason why I don’t feel I don’t have to ask forgiveness”……and finally realized it wasn’t my problem. I started to get upset.  I wanted to argue my point. And, then I realized in the life of a dedicated Christian, that is all Your job!  Not mine. 

You have a way with words, dear One!  I love what You’ve brought to my life.  I will forever be a servant of “Quick to forgive”!  Okay, okay! I’m not perfect…..sometimes I struggle awhile…..but for the most part, You have given me an out.  

Thank You forYour quick forgiveness to me.  I know You don’t struggle with it….it’s pretty much as easy as breathing.  And….yes…..there have been times when I know I’ve failed to recognize that I NEED to.  You’ve always been gracious in pointing out my need to stay on the right path. 

Thank You dear One, for the prayers answered that were recently prayed for my eldest daughter.  One early morning when we were called to the hospital…..I cried out to You (quietly) “Jesus, please don’t take my girl!”  I couldn’t think of another thing to say right then.  I knew others were praying…..so, I just kept repeating myself.  Lord, I know it’s not always that easy….I know that well-prayed prayers don’t always get answered the way we hope……but for this time, I praiseYou from all that is within me.

All I pray and ask for….in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Well, Lord…..Seems like I am continually in need of a kick in the pants!  I wish it wasn’t so……but I find it to be true. 

I have been reminded over and over how very blessed I am. “How can I say thanks for the things you have done for me……things so undeserved, yet you did to prove your love to me. The voices of a thousand angels could not express my gratitude….all that I am, or ever hope to be…..I owe it all to Thee.”  That is my heart song to You this morning.  I feel that the little chorus we used to sing as children….”Running over, running over….my cup is full and running over. Since the Lord saved me….I’m as happy as can be.  My cup is full and running over.”

I do have to admit…..I’m not always “happy as  I can be.”  I remember when You pressed me to fulfill the scripture that suggests we “be thankful  in all things”  after John died.  I inwardly groaned…..maybe outwardly too.  I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.  You say it.  You sing about it.  But, until you face the facts of what you have to  live with now…..it’s so very hard to say the words.

Lord, You may remember that my attempt to write it out was a little pathetic.  I didn’t inwardly speak those words and really mean them.  I wrote the words because I believe it is what You want from us.  I believe too, that You require obedience from your children….so there’s that!  Plus, I wanted to see how You would work this out for me.

I do remember sitting on the couch, writing out my letter of thanks toYou.  I felt You wouldn’t be pleased because I didn’t really mean it…..but, I did it because I wanted to show You that you could count on me to be faithful in what You wanted me to do.  It had to be You suggesting it…..it certainly wasn’t me.  My first reaction wasn’t respectful. “You’ve got to be kidding…..what do You want from me?”  Anyway Lord, I think it took a few days for me to realize that You did suggest it and if I didn’t do something about it, I wouldn’t get any rest.  I knew then that You would just keep bringing it up again and again until I wrote out the words to You. 

I have to say, Lord…..I don’t know what I expected when I wrote out my letter to You….but, I did feel a sense of peace within my heart and spirit.  A sense that You would fill in the gaping holes of my distress and give me a sense of serenity about it all.  I think about these dates of November.  It was when John and I received the news that he had a rare form of Hodgkins Lymphoma.  You took him to be with you almost exactly three months later.  How precious he was to me.  Thank you for letting me have him by my side for 56 years.  I will forever be grateful.

I would suppose….You will “suggest” throughout my life other things You are concerned about. I will pay attention, Lord.  This close to Your coming back for us, I want nothing to hinder.

I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Lord……I feel a little out of sync.  I can’t seem to wrap my head around these feelings that seem to plague me.  I’ve gone through stuff….but so has everybody else.  I’ve managed to keep breathing after John died…and today, I wish I wasn’t .  Okay, I guess I shouldn’t have said that but, who are You going to tell. Please, Lord….no one needs to know.  The hope that I can be faithful in all things You expect of me is hard enough.  I do feel though, that it is my life  right now.

Before we left the pastorate, I assumed that all of my “teaching moments”from You, were for me to use not only for me, but my classes as well.  I remember the time that I used a really significant one, and after I said it, all the eyes that were on me sort of looked glazed.  They didn’t get it at all. So, that particular lesson You showed me….was for me. (I have to tell you, Lord….I hate when that happens!!) When I am teaching or advising, I like to think I have a corner on it , because most of the time, I’ve been there.  And….You have given wisdom to me to help me through. Boy, do I ever still have a lot to learn. Just a week ago, maybe two…..I watched an interview with a servant of Yours called Helen Roseveare. Without looking back, I think that’s it.  She just said some things that exploded in my being. I think she’s in her late eighties now…..but her wisdom of how You ministered to her in her darkest hours will forever resonate with me.  I can’t even relate to her situations, partially because she was a missionary in Africa…..a doctor…..well-respected and loved by the People she worked with….and then forced to face the annihilation of many of these same people, facing the torture of herself  and the humiliation of rape….again, for herself.  I could barely make myself listen to her words. It killed my heart that she suffered in such a way. I knew that the words she said were vital for me to remember.  I listened as she felt that You were sort of silent!  I think she felt alone in her torture and cried out…. “Where are You?”

I am sustained by the fact that You gave her an answer in the midst of her horror.  Although it was not exactly being rescued by the cavalry…..It was a “privilege” for her to allow You to use her body as a sacrifice for You. Phillipians 3:10 was Your message to her. “  “ …..that I may know Him And the power of His  resurrection ….. and the PRIVILEGE to share in Your suffering…. “ .  It was at that time You gave her her “Mission Statement” .  That’s how I see it.  You said to her in the midst of all this chaotic turbulence she was in…..” Can you thank me for trusting you with this experience…..even if I never tell you why?”  

I’m telling You, my dear One…..I can only conclude that if I have to serve You in a way that no one would consider “a privilege”…..then I can only trust and believe that Your strength and wisdom would infill me…..at that exact time.  Even if You never tell me why.  

Serving You this long is why I can say it.  But, I barely know how to end this prayer.  It makes me afraid.  This is an honest statement.

I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Dear One…..I guess You already know, my birthday was a couple days ago.  You know last year, I felt so mournful that I “soon would be 80 years old” that I could barely enjoy my day.  I know! 

Lord, I find it stupid that “the number” is so intimidating.  I found that the 13th day of July just was so special to me this year.  I woke to thanking You for my life and that I woke up well. 

“I find” myself blessed beyond measure…..pressed down, shaken together, and running over, will be poured into your lap. This verse, from Luke 6:38, (I’m not even sure I understand it all)….. is all I can think of.  I feel like  I need to keep my “grandma apron on” to hold all of the wonderful blessings in.  She always used it to hold all the eggs she collected and/or flowers or too ripe vegetables from her morning trek. When John died, Lord…..I felt that everything stopped.  My hope, my plans, my future…!  The next day, I was still breathing.  I had different children leading me, telling me, showing me things to do, plans that had to be made, phone calls  and all that goes with taking care of arrangements. After all of that chaos ended and I was really alone….I could hearYou.  Very softly and ever so slightly You were moving me to a new way of thinking.  

As I view my life after three years without the man that married me August 22, 1964…..I can’t get over how I have allowed You to refuse to let me crawl in a hole….I really wanted to,You know!  Okay…. I have to admit, You did allow me a few days of doing that. After a few months, I began to ponder the question asked me by one of my son-in-laws.  “ Would you consider coming to live with us? “  A questionI would never have dreamed he would ask me.  It really takes a quiet place….and a time of seclusion to pray earnestly for Gods will to be revealed and to follow His leading.

Lord, You have given me a home, within my own daughters home.  A place where I feel content, fulfilled, and happy.  Why not not confess that?  I am as blessed as anyone could be without the love of my life with me.  

My 79th birthday was probably one of the nicest of my whole life.  A party at work with my workmates. Dinner out with a few friends and family, with live music playing.  It was wonderful fun.  And, loud!  But Lord, it was so nice.  Having two birthday cakes wasn’t too bad either!  Thank You, dear Lord, for allowing me this privilege.  I really consider it a gift from You. Sooo….thank You for giving it….throughYour emissaries!

What can I do for You, dear Lord?  I will try to seek out a few  places out of my comfort zone to serveYou.  I say this in “fear and trembling” for fear You really will. Going to see the film “The Sound of Freedom” is one of those things I’m afraid to do…..and I supposeYou can think of.

I will try to honorYou, in all I do….say…..and think.

This letter is to the glory of You, Lord.  I write it in the name of Jesus.  There is no name under Heaven that exudes such authority. 

Amen.

  

   In Psalm 34:18 , it says….” The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

 When she called, Lord….I could barely process the words she was saying, in my mind.  My own daughter was telling me that her precious son, our “Bailey Boy” had taken his life and she had found him.  

To hear your child wail in such a place of agony, is truly what the description of agony is, I think.  How I wish I could have carried this pain for her. 

This verse, Lord….has gotten me through some hard places. I have imagined myself thrown across my bed in such deep despair thinking these words were written just for me. “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself, intercedes for us through groans too deep for words.”  (Rom.8:26)

 Now, I know….You go before….behind and beside us. How could this boy/man leave us like this.  How could He feel so unworthy to live. We’ll never know the reasoning. We could see that  he was such a great father to his little twin daughters. I wonder if they will ever have a memory of his wonderful smile. Lord, I’m asking you to take care of that for me.  

While we await Your coming back to get us… I need You to provide wisdom to help encourage, to acknowledge the grief and to stop thinking about “the right words to say” and to just listen through the tears. Tears are a language only You can understand.  Each of the family is mourning this loss.  But You Lord, grieve with us.  You know the needs of each one.

“First things first, I seek Your will….not my own….surrender all my wants to You….Surrender all my wants to You…keep the first things first.  To live Your truth, walk Your ways, set my eyes….Lord, I fix my face on You….all my desires reversed…..to keep the first things first.”

I’m not sure, Lord how all of this fits together.  These words are a part of one of our praise songs and it has been going through my mind.  That told me that I needed to write.  Like now. I couldn’t even drink a cup of coffee first.  Until this,  I realized all I could ever manage to say was “help”…..not even “HELP”!  I’ve really not had the strength.  Lord, it is so very depleting.  I think the enemy of my soul is such an awful being. I’m a senior adult. I’ve been in  “The Lords Army” forever….yet, he still thinks I’d be such a prize for him….it’s maddening to me that I have to fight him off like the vicious dog he is!  But, I know all of us who love You, have to do the same thing. EvenYou, Lord.  I wonder….if he thinks he is so much wiser than You….why hasn’t he gotten the message that he’s lost the battle!

You are the Master of the wind.  You are all we need.  I regret that I forget too often that You are.  As I continue to live for You, strengthen my resolve to be the Christian woman You planned for me to be. The years I’ve lived, I pray, Lord… that You will consider me to have been faithful. I will, with You helping me, to continue.

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Lord…..here I am.  Reluctantly I say, “Send me!”

For goodness sake, I fear You could turn Your back!  I don’t deserve Your love or Your mercy! Yet You give me all that and more. Love. Mercy. Grace. My excuse is that forever (it seems), I have done all and more of what has been asked of me…..rarely saying “no”.  Of course, saying “yes” and complaining about my weariness sort of makes me a poor candidate for anything.  Often I have thought about who You use when I fail to come through for You.  The fact that You use another because I have failed or just said that I could not, makes me feel like I should sit in the corner for a while.

How do I discern what it is that You need me to do for You and/or my desire to show others how important I am to You.  It is ridiculous to put those thoughts into words….I think it shows great shallowness.  It also opens the door to unneeded accusations from the enemy of my soul.  He has great delight in making us feel like failures.

The fact that I have tried for years to fulfill the plans You have for me…..and do hope I have made a positive difference.  Lord, I remember when Mom was in such a tenuous place the last years of her life.  I know after Dad died, her sorrow in losing the love of her life, I never really understood.  One can try, but that grief is only known by one who has known it personally.  Lord, then after her life was so dramatically changed….so many wondered what good You could derive from her situation.  It was a traumatic time…..boy, Lord…..I can’t even believe howYou took me through that nightmare. After all was said and done…..she lived 4 more years. Not being able to move….dependent on a ventilator to breathe…..unable to speak…..what could You do with that?  Also, that last year she was in an unconscious state….so there was no more communication.

I remember so well the day You showed me how You worked through her life…..as broken as it was.  I walked into her room at the rehab center where she stayed and saw a favorite nurse which had been placed on another wing.  She’d probably worked on mom’s side many months.  We all liked her so much. I excitedly asked if she would be coming back to work with my mom. “No!”, she replied. “ when I am upset or need a break to just breathe a little, I just walk down here to Sylvia’s room.  When I see her, I see peace!”

A lightbulb went on in my being.  God will find a way.  He does that.  

I guess I will just let You run the show of my life…..I guess as I always (mostly) have.  If we give You our selves, in total commitment, then You have the reins.  Lead on, dear One. 

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

 Father in Heaven…….Humbly I bow in Your presence.  Trying to even find my blog website tells me I am so in need of your assistance in finding my place again.  I submit to You, dear One, I sometimes wonder if I ever had one.  I know of course, that the enemy has this power to raise up my flaws, so I continually let him do so.  I maintain that he has no power IF I call on Your name…..why don’t I?  Why do I dishonor You this way.  Is it the old, familiar “why’s and lies”……”I’m too tired!”…..”Let me rest a little and I’ll feel better”…..song and dance tune?

You must get so annoyed with my constant need of assurance.  I get tired of me.  I know.  I do. Why can’t I remember I know?  Perhaps if I go back to the beginning of writing my blog.  My purpose, I thought, was to encourage others to realize they could talk to you as honestly as they could as if you were in the room (with skin on) and they dared.  Sometimes, I wonder if you would look at me and say…..”Really Corrine.  Again?”  I don’t know, Lord.  I don’t think You would.  I know I can come to You…..and you will not get tired of listening to me….and you will not scold.  It’s a constant barrage sometimes.  Maybe I give the enemy too much fodder.  Lord……one thing I do remember is that “Greater are You that is in me….than he that is in the world.  “

It is a battle of the wills, I believe.  We (especially Me) need to be on guard against the enemy of our soul. As the days of Your coming  back, draw nearer…..the prince of darkness will hasten his efforts to deceive, intimidate, delude and confuse everyone.  Plead the blood of Jesus.  I’ve heard it since I was a girl.  I wasn’t even sure what it all meant……I just knew that if somebody older and wiser than me would do it…..I would too.

Another thing I felt was important to remember was that the power of Satan is broken, when the name of Jesus is spoken.  Scriptures that use the name of Jesus….I would suggest  are the ones to put to memory.  Here I am telling You, dear One, how to defeat the power of the enemy.  You have already defeated him.  Lord God, I am amazed at Your power.  I am amazed that I have Your words at hand, in word and song, to use to diffuse the evil one’s power.

What amazes me most, is that I hesitate…..wait…wonder…moan and complain.  I vow to stop this behavior.

I will work, till You come for me to remember not to wait ‘til I’m so beleaguered I cannot think.

Help me remember.  Help me, Lord.

I pray this in the name of Jesus.

Amen.  And, amen.

Dear One…..Why is this such a trial for me?  Is it sheer laziness…..?  Or is a plan of the enemy to dissuade me from ever writing to You again?   

I allow this.  I’m not disabled. I still have my senses. I seem to have this feeling of “Why?”  Or worse, “Why bother?  I ask, once again…..would You forgive me.

Lord, I am ashamed to admit these flaws in myself.  

My hopeless helplessness in “pulling up my bootstraps” and getting on with it eludes me way too often.  I am ashamed that I get caught in this web of the usual “What should I do?  How do I do this or that? What do “they” expect me to do?  Not really knowing who “they” are.  

You have given me the privilege of witnessing some pretty life -changing events recently.  I’ve been able   To watch You allow my brother to be taken from death’s door to a walking miracle.  What the Doctors did in a 24 hour period was truly a modern day miracle.  When I am allowed to see the blessings that You allow us as Your children to experience and enjoy…..how do I fall so hard , so fast….seemingly on my face.  Our …..(my) incessant worrying about things I cannot change……events that are coming and I prefer to stick my head in the sand till everything is over…..is all too familiar territory for me.  For over a year I dreaded knowing my beloved oldest child would need surgery.  The right surgeon could not be found that could and would do the operation.  Lord, You handled things for me. I am under her roof helping her to relax and heal from all of the trauma her body encountered.  I’m so very grateful that You step in….You fill in the gaping holes I am sure I will fall into…..and free me from the ties that bind me.  I’m so grateful You refuse to tire of my constant fears of my future.  

When I let You, You fill my mind with the blessings, that You give me.  The family and friends that love me despite my flaws.  “There is none like You.  No one else can touch my heart like You do. I could search for all eternity through…..there is none like You.”  

In all I write…and think to pray….I ask in the name of Jesus Amen. And amen.

 Lord, I don’t even how to start.  I’ve needed to write for so long…..sooo long.  To tell You how I feel is almost impossible.  Maybe as I write ….the words will come and the feelings will too. 

“How can I say thanks for the things You have done”……are the first lines of a well known song written quite a few years ago. I believe Andre’ Crouch wrote it.  At the time it was written, I, along with the millions of other listeners felt it was the truth in their lives.  It is truth.  It has touched the hearts and lives of many…..and yet, here I am …..sitting in my living room, on my couch, writing You this letter to find out…..just how I am supposed to say “thank you” to You for what You’ve allowed to happen in my life.  

I believed John would get well, Lord.  I believed him when he told me he planned to live until You came back ….or until he got to be 100 years old like his Grannie Bell. I thought I’d be safe either way.  You know that we always sort of just laughed it off and went our way.  It’s soon going to be two years that You came to get him.  I know he was already at the gate waiting ……as we stood around his bed.  We watched every flicker on his face….his shallow breathing……the pulse beating on the side of his throat.  We talked softly.  We whispered at times.  We sang …..rather badly…..we held his hands….patted him….willing him to not leave us.  We also saw his countenance change.  We saw his face become almost luminescent….no lines …..his teeth looked like the color of white pearls.  The only thing that didn’t change was the lack of his beautiful white hair. As I think back at the day, it was like I was standing in a very sad place….watching the man who had begged me to be his wife……and the love of my life…..leave us all.  I think, that each of us, as we look back at the scene, knew he wasn’t there.  He may have very well been watching us from above.  It truly was such an empty feeling.  An emptiness that You Lord, and the Holy Spirit can ultimately fill.

I’m not sure how I am still breathing after all of it.  I’m not quite sure how I continue to do this without him.  I know, Lord…..it’s all You…..but……somehow….You’ve got to show me how to be……what?  I do not even know how to say it.  I have people say “So, how are you doing?  Or feeling?”  I live as happily as I can!  Without him! Isn’t that what the people want to hear?  I guess it is.  I am thankful, Lord, that I am safe.  I live in a wonderful place.  I live in beautiful section of daughter, Christy and her husband and family’s home.  I have a little bit of a job at their store. A special couple gifted me with a beautiful car to drive.  I’m able to get around and see folks…..go out to eat…..play the piano at church……what more?

Lord, I do feel that my inability….or stubbornness to be thankful in all things is preventing me from  a greater blessing.  Relief.  Is that it?

Haven’t I been accepting of what You’ve allowed in my life?  Or have I been considering this “acceptance” as a “reasonable sacrifice” on my part?

I truly think I need Your peace to fulfill my hearts cry. My willingness to say those words (that heretofore I have not been able to say)…..even though I don’t really want too, I believe is vital for me.  (Lord, You and You alone, know how I think…..I know, it’s scary…..but, You understand my thought process).  So….what I will do is compose my very own private message to You….telling You what I need to…..and, with You knowing I don’t really want to…….but need to…..because it is a command that we be thankful in all things. 

Lord…..I know that preachers and teachers all try to decipher what the word of God tells us.  That words like “for”….”in”….”all”……serve the very different ways we interpret scripture.

You also know my anxious heart and know that my love and devotion to You depends on my honesty with You.

I pray and believe that I will remain Your child and stay in Your “Good Graces”  (for lack of a better term)…..and serve You to the end of my days, faithfully.

In all of these words written, I pray in the name of Jesus.

Amen amen.