I just re-read my last letter, Lord.  I can see that I haven't moved much from that thinking.  I write You.  I complain.  I promise.  I forget that the things I give You in prayer are meant to stay in Your files.  My wheelhouse is not big enough.  Plus, my processing skills are not very good.  I cannot seem to move fast enough, or think fast enough, or remember what is first on the list.  See?  All of that, before I've had my coffee. My problem is such that You should want to turn Your head.....You've seen it all before......and You've heard it all before.....and I'm still struggling with it.  Lord....I need to be Your example.....I need desperately to leave my troubles with You.  My constant dabbling in "making things work" never works. I always have had this thought process that You and I see things pretty much the same.  Some people thought it comical.  I find anymore that I see it as egotistical.  Help me Jesus!  I need to have Your Spirit give me a going over.  I'd like to believe that I could still learn how You need me to live.  How that now.....I could be a real example for You.  Yes.....besides getting myself all healed in my body.....I'd love to feel that my heart would be Your heart. 
 It used to be a little like that at the parsonage.  "I've got to get dressed before someone comes in and see's this place or me looking like this."  I guess that will always be a problem.  I wish I could keep people out.  Good grief!  I can't believe I just said that.  (See, Lord......that's what I give You to work with.....and I am sorry......but, that's so often my issue.  Why do I just about always feel this way?  I wish I understood me a little better.  Maybe then, I could help myself do better.  I suppose Lord.....I guess.....I will have to "own" myself.  Maybe You can change me.  I've lived forever it seems with that mantra......"Lord, Change Me!".  After I read Evelyn Christenson's book......I felt that that could be an answer to my dilema.  For years, I followed the content....as much as I could understand it......and applied it to my life.  I was sure, Lord......that I could come out of that discipline and be just about perfect!!  Instead, to my amazement, I found that I was not as "right" as I assumed I was.  You know......the "I'm sure that I am not the one that needs to change in this situation, Lord"........and "Okay, fine!  You see what You can do, Lord!".....stomping my feet at You, mentally.  Oh, Lord!  I have found that You have had Your hands full, trying to reign me in as I always want to go off full tilt to conquer whatever needs to be handled......forgetting to ask in Your will and way.
I wish I knew what I should do with everything I have amassed over the years.  I have cleared out, and re-packed everything again as I get it.....trying to pretend I don't care....and I still can't seem to get ahead.  So far, I have tried to maintain some dignity.  Why in the world do I have to explain WHY I would like to keep the overstuffed song notebook that hold all of the music my mother and dad sand through the years of their ministry,  I tend to resent my friends, family (ie: anybody) telling me I don't need it.....never will need it.....probably won't ever look at it again.....so I might as well throw it away!  Lord......as You have previously witnessed, I am not capable of too much right now.  So, I will simply say to You....."Lord........Change me.  You know my heart.  You know my weakness.  You know how I need to clear out.  You know my need.  You know.  Boy, do You ever.  All I can say is  "Help!"  This is my need. 
Hmmm.....sounds like spring cleaning to me.  I know You are always in the business of getting out the unpleasantness and anger.  Each thing clogs our thinking.....giving the enemy the upper hand.  You and I have to keep this soul of mine in sparkling, working order.  Could we please work together to make this happen.  In all things, I pray and believe in the name of Jesus.  Name above all names, I give You my heart.....I live for You alone.....every breath I take ......every moment I'm awake.....This, dear One.....is my desire.  Amen.  

Lord.....dear One......I have to admit to You, OUT LOUD, that I am so ashamed for not writing.  Only a few times since my surgeries have I actually posted a prayer and with the blessings You have provided......that, in itself is pretty pathetic.  I am well.....and whole.  I am able to walk without limping.  I am able to do a days work, without any pain.....well, not quite yet!  I have put a lot of wear and tear on this 71 year old body.  You have, without any question, blessed me with a quick recovery time and I am so grateful.  Now, Lord.....for all You have provided, throughout the decision process, the preparation to move, the surgeries, the actual move, and the interim process for my recovery.....and the living arrangements for all of that time....I praise You for it all.  It seemed like too much rest.....too much peace......too much quiet.....but, You knew what my husband and I needed.  It was a perfect prescription.  Thank You, dear Lord.  And then, our recent move to South Carolina.  Our little apartment and my maneuvering 2000 sq. ft. of stuff into 1000.  Ha! Ha!  Lord.....You and I have gone around and around about this.  I have finally relented.  I have finally let go.  Don't put my face on any one's radar.  If they wanted anything I had.....I have probably given it away.....or I'm in the process of doing so!  You know how that bothers me.  I hate giving something away......even selling it....and then want it the next week.  Lord......how well You know me.  I have had the same issues for years.  I ask and ask for You to fix things.  I feel better because I ask You.  A few months down the road, I'm asking again.....for the same thing to be taken off of me.  Is that my fault?  Sadly.....I surrender to You that it is.  I have to bear some responsibility.  I have to stop the madness.  I have to not buy because it's on "sale".  I have to walk by something at a yard sale to put on my wall.....that Grandma Janacek used to use when she cooked.  (And, now.....have to get rid of.  No place to hang it!)  Help me let go. I love stuff.  I love the feeling of nostalgia that sweeps over me when I see things we used to have at home.  Whether, it would be the old crank up record player......or the potato peeler like the one my grandma used.  I feel hopeless.  People are dying.  Crying over loved ones lost.  Losing their homes from floods as I speak to You right now.....and I am moaning over this stupid stuff.  Forgive me for being so self absorbed.  Help me to be the individual You need me to be.  Even if I don't want to be.  The other evening, as we walked into our "new home".......I walked over to the piano.  I hadn't seen any of my stuff for months.....and I felt "at home" immediately. (By the way, Lord......I really appreciate You doing that for me!"  I opened the cover to the keyboard and put my fingers on the keys.  I hit an F.  I hit an A.  I hit a C. And, another A.  "Hmmm", I thought, "I will serve thee".  "No!", I thought again.  We just retired.  I'd like to stay out of trouble for awhile.  I'll hole up in my little house.....nobody can get to me here!"  I know, I know, Lord.  That is not the kind of servant You want me to be.  Even, retired.  I can tell You one thing!  Just sitting here, trying to compose a letter to You that makes some kind of sense......I feel pretty foolish.  Why would I turn my back on all You have done for me......and given to me?  
As per usual.....I end up saying, "I'm sorry for doubting You, Lord".......and do what I should do.  I praise and thank You for making things clear......again.
For all I have rambled on and on about.  For all I have ask  You to forgive.  For all I have asked that You would help me do better with......I ask all in the name and will of Jesus Christ.  To God be the glory .......great things He hath done.  Amen and amen.

Is it time, Lord?  Are my words ready for retrieval?  I am so thankful for what You have allowed in my life.  All ingested, spiritually speaking, shows how far I have come......or how You have tended to my heart as others prayed for me.  I couldn't seem to put my words together as You were healing me.  I couldn't seem to manage a prayer.  I am grateful that You took....."Help me, Jesus" to mean......exactly what the words implied.  You came.  You held me.  You gave wisdom and understanding to my Doctor and his attendants.  You kept me safe while they worked.  I am being given back the gift of writing to You.........and  I do thank You for allowing this one more time. The ability to speak to You in my heart and mind are a blessing, Lord......and no one appreciates it more than I do.....but, this form of connecting with You......well, it  gives me an edge.  It makes me feel closer to You, Lord.  I need it.  In all of the life decisions that have been made......or are about to be made.....Your plan for us is first and foremost.  We......(I) thank You for the "respite" You have given us in all of this drama that we call living.  You have taken what we both thought was the "right thing to do".......coupled with some of our wishes and hopes and the issues that needed to be solved......and did all of that with a phone call.  How you handle what You do in my little world.....and take care of everyone else that needs Your intervention, makes my head spin. I am thankful for my very faithful husband who has eased my suffering with His constant care for me.  I think of the souls who handle their issues without someone to help.....and I realize I am blessed beyond measure.  Perhaps, shaken down, and a little dizzy.......but blessed all the same.  So many need You......the list is never ending.  All we do is cross things off as we go, and add to it .....again and again.  I am in need of Your touch all the time.  I need Your wisdom all the time......I make the dumbest choices at times...just to get a laugh or a quick fix.  I guess that just shows how very human I am.  My family......well, Lord.....sometimes they need for me to have an answer.....the answer.  And, Lord.....You know I do not.  Any wisdom I have comes from You.  I pray I can be accepting of that.  Strength comes from seeking You.....finding You and then searching each day for the strength to follow Your plan for us.  Each of us has that responsibility.  For those of us that are Your followers.....I pray that even the words...."Help me, Jesus!" will do.  Sincerely spoken, I have no doubt that they will.  
Thank You, dear One, for listening to my heart thoughts.  I give them all to You and dream for a better day.  I speak all of them in the name of Jesus.....in whom, I believe is our coming King.  Amen.









For those of you interested to buy my book, "My Letters to God".....I ask that You would contact me on the Facebook site or buy it on the AMAZON.COM  site.  It is my hope that those that read it would realize that Jesus appreciates the fact that we talk to Him and gives us very often.....what our raggedy hearts need.  His attention.  Thank you so much. 

Dear One......This morning I come to You asking if You would be especially close to some friends of mine.  They have lost their precious wife.....mother.....friend.  No one ever is ready for this.  You can expect it......you can prepare for it.....you can talk of it, cry over the prospect, but, the word comes, and so often,  you immediately think of all you didn't do or say.  I opened a card last evening to write a "Thank You" note sent to us for our retirement.....as I looked at the signature, I saw my friend's name.  Lord, I think You know exactly how I felt.  Her personal words to us to wish us well, were thoughtful and precious.  Oh, Lord.  I wish I hadn't waited so long to write my regards.  Nothing changes that thought.  I fail over and over at this.  Yes.  I know, Lord.  My life has been a little uprooted and excuses distress me.  Judge Judy doesn't put up with them. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.  I have always aimed to temper my strengths and improve or obliterate the weaknesses. It is a job I don't particularly like to do because it is hard to do.  And, yes.....there's more.  I always told my Sunday School classes my heart.  Yes....that's right.  All of the unvarnished realities of my life.  I had told them that I'd  always prayed that You would help me to be a nice old lady.  To be honest, Lord....I have always thought that "I was" a nice lady.  Now I wonder if I am at all......even...... ever was.  That is sickening, Lord.  I hate to say it out loud to You.  Are you listening?  Or, are You tired of my moaning.  No. I am  serious, Lord......I'm not kidding.  If my mind is failing me and I need help, I want to be kind.  I think no one benefits if I am not  Christlike. So.......... I tell my girls about "the new plan" to get the other knee done.  The only response I wanted to hear was...."Oh, Mom.....Do you think you can handle this so close to the other one!"  or something like that.  No, Lord!  You heard it too.  "Now, Mom.....You have got to be nice this time."  Well....since I was under the influence of medication and not very willing to wait for attention.....I guess I was a little lippy.
Wonder how it would have gone over (?) if after a time.....I got what I wanted.....when I wanted.....and I smiled sweetly and said......"Oh, by the way, I had a book published and it has letters in it that I wrote to God......and uh......would you like to have one to read?"  And, her comment to me would be to  suggest I read my own book.....or worse.  Lord.....as You can see......I am sorry to be called out by my own kids.  I'm sorry You had to hear it. I'm sorry too, that it took me a "minute" to own it.  It allowed them to see that although I try to make You proud of me, I am a long way from being a paragon of virtue.  I'm not even sure what all that means, but, Lord.....I do want the smile of the SON on my life. Always.  Help me Jesus to be what You want me to be. This would be when I wonder if I will always be talking to You as a child.  I tend to think that if I post this prayer, I will lose all credibility. And, if I would...."I need You more."
My concern.....my hope......is that You know I do pray in the name of Jesus.....and I trust in You.  Amen.




I do have new copies of the second edition.  You can get my book by contacting me via facebook.....or you can order it on AMAZON.com.  I thank you. 

Isn't it interesting, Lord?  I can find myself in the midst of a busy day.....lots of people demanding my time.....overwhelming duties.......and I find myself creating dialog with You, wishing I could just sit down and write. Thank You for giving me that need, but, Lord.....there is one thing I'd like to change.  The enemy and his intention to keep me busy with all of the things that take my intention to talk to You for "another" time.  He did it yesterday and the day before.  No one understands like You do.  You are a friend beyond compare.  What amazes  me is that You will stop what You are doing when I need to speak to You.  And You listen.  But then, I think.....realistically, I hate bothering you with my piddly wants and what I think are needs. So often, the opinions  others wield over me and go against my inclinations, Lord......well, they do influence too often what I do.   As we get to this place in our lives where we have to depend on the kindness of others.....or not, is hard to handle.  So often we feel so indebted, it really is hard to know how You want us to reciprocate.....if it is even possible.  There are needs and desires in everyone's life.  Some just want better health.  Others......feel that just to have someone think they have worth.....Oh, Lord, I guess that is about the saddest.  You know my heart.  The inner workings and the aches and pains of it.  I pray, dear One, that I will never let You down.  I want to show You how I can be true to the  fact that You called me to be a disciple of Yours. When we left the parsonage the other day......I felt free, Lord.  I felt as if I had done the best for You that I could.  (I do realize, sadly, that my best.....is not enough for me.)  As I picked up my ipad and read the verse for the day, I was comforted by the words I saw.  From Hebrews 6:10, I saw....."God is not unjust;  He will not forget Your work and the love You have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them."  It happens so often.  When I feel "not good enough" , You take the time to show me what I need to see in Your word.  I'm getting used to this, Lord. I am grateful for your love to me.  Thank You for Your presence in my life.
I speak these words in the name of Jesus.  Amen. 

Good morning, dear One!  I have ached to write to You.  I have made up letters to You in my mind and heart.....but, I haven't actually been able to put anything together.  Today.....I have plugged in my "Hotspot" and I am going to get this done.  I am.  It is vital to my sanity today.  I am anxious to give You praise and thanks for putting together this plan for my life.....(which for all intent and purpose).....is our life.......(John's and mine).  I couldn't have thought of all of the nooks and crannies I have gone through.  You always leave a level of wonder.......a smidgen of a question.....an aura of peaceful hope.  And, it is in that place, I just try hard to lean back and depend on Your sustaining power to guide me into all the truth You have for me.  I have to admit, Lord.  I began to think that this whole scenario was a little odd.....even, out of sync with anyone else's thinking.  Who plans major surgery in the middle of a major change in one's life.  John's retirement, moving to a new place to live......in another state......packing up 50 some years of living......need I say more, Lord?  I am stunned at what You plan and how You do it with such little fanfare.  It's just "out there".  And, as I nodded "yes" to surgery, I thought....."No one would plan this but You, Lord!"  I do thank You for allowing me to have healed as nicely as I have plus working out all of the kinks that have fallen into Your  plan.   
Thank You, Father......for the years You have given us in the ministry.  We have been so blessed in the churches You have allowed us to pastor.  Thank You for giving my husband the wisdom, the energy, and the health to preach and teach Your story of salvation to so many people.....for so many years.  You created a man of honor and distinction, who lives and breathes a sermon every day he lives.  I am thankful that You insisted I share His life....and that he chose me to love 52 years ago.  I am blessed and loved and have nothing but praise and thanksgiving for all You have allowed in our lives.  (Smiling.....I say, the good, the bad and the ugly!)  
I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.





As I have mentioned to all of you, before......I want to tell you that I appreciate your purchase of my book, "My Letters to God".  I have recently received the shipment of new books.  If you would care to order, you can order on AMAZON.COM.......or you can order from HOPEFREELANCING.COM    I want you to know I am honored by how many of you have purchased my book. scd
   

Father in Heaven......Hallowed be Thy Name......Thy kingdom come.....Thy will be done......on earth, as it is in Heaven.  Give us this day.....our daily bread.....and forgive us our debts.....as we forgive our debtors......and lead us not ......into temptation.....but, deliver us from evil......for Thine is the Kingdom.....and the power, and the glory......forever.  Amen

It is with great joy that I can write my heart thoughts to You......and You, dear One.....listen.....with bated breath......to my words.  I am forever grateful for the grace and strength......to be the instrument for You that I need to be.  I want forever to be the horn in the brass section......or the flute, in the wind section.  I can hardly see myself in the drum section.....but......I could be, if that is what You would like me to be.  Each note.....tempered with grace.  \

I am filled with thanksgiving and praise for You.  For health and strength.....love and a grateful heart.  "The End is Near"  is a sign you often see in a joke setting.  But, this is not a joke.  We are blessed to be the recipients of a lengthy ministry and are still living to tell the story!! Lord, it is only because of You and Your abiding and deep love.  The tools You allow us, as Your children to have, can get us through the most difficult times in our lives.  We are beyond blessed.  Favored.  Yes, that is a good word.  And, yet.....how do You figure that, Lord?  I am so UN-perfect.  And, I always wanted to be!  Perfect, that is!   Yet, You.....I would surmise....get a kick out of our constant attempt to be so.  I looked at my Son-in-law, David, last evening.....and said,  "I hate it when I turn out to be wrong!"  Too often.....I will make a statement.....or answer a query......with such fervor.....and turn out to be soooo wrong.  I don't like to be wrong.  I want to be right. Is it because I would love someone to say....."Just listen to Corrine.....she's always right!"   But, since I am Yours.....and have to strive for the unreachable......I have to tell You, Lord......I get tired of trying to be like You. Mostly because the older I get.....I remember things like I want them to be!  Whoa!  I can't believe I just said that, Lord.  But, since, I am trying to be honest....I have to admit, I wish I were not so human!  I love knowing that You take me as I am......clean me up.....and make me Yours.  A member of Your family.  To be in Your family makes me proud.  And, I guess that would be a "good  kind of proud".  I hope, dear One.....that my attempts at "being all You want me to be"  don't nauseate You.  I hope, I am still a promise.....a possibility.....a light for You,  in a dark world.  Lord, help me to be the individual You need me to be.....wherever I am.

Thank You, Lord.....for allowing to me to be "The Pastor's Wife"  for such a long time.  I praise You for that reality.  It has been a dream come true.....for me.  I thank You for giving me the tools in Your word to help me handle the sometimes terrible attitudes and spirit I ended up with after a particular encounter with someone "in the church".  The fact that You wave Your magic wand, and allow the gift of forgiveness to reign in my life.....after I have "blown my cool"......or listened to someone blow theirs about me or mine.  The web of lies the enemy uses to paralyze me afterwards......well, Lord......it's frightening how it can wreck my spirit and make me so miserable, no one wants to be near me.  How in the world You take that......and ask only that we say the words.  Lord.....and You  change my heart and spirit.  You are the miracle worker.   Thank You, dear One.....for doing that for me.....over and over and over.  I  love being the recipient of Your grace.

It has given me peace that passes all understanding.  I have loved serving You in this role I was given.  I thank You, Lord.

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen

A second edition of my book, "My Letters to God" is at the printers now.  (same book, just a few changes)  You can order it from AMAZON.COM   or  from the hopefreelancing.com website.  I thank you so much for taking an interest in reading "My Letters to God".