I Think My Halo Is Crooked!

Help Lord.  I can't seem to get off the couch.  I find all these excuses to sit here.  I've got notes to write.....I have lists to make......I have devotions to catch up on.....I have some online shopping to do.  Oh, and did I mention?  More lists to make.  Lord....I am going to need a forklift soon.  Help, I say!
After I finish this letter to You.....I am up and at it!  Christmas tree will be decorated.....and the living room done by suppertime.  I wish I could leave it from one year to the next.  It is cozy and homey and I love it 'til Spring comes.  Then, I have no patience for evergreen.  Lord....of all the stupid things....when so much is happening in the world.  I see that Lebanon has done some bombing in Israel.  People everywhere are going to bed hungry.  Life and death issues are confronting people we know and love.....and I have .....lists to make?  Forgive me and help me concentrate on what is priority for me and mine right now and do the best I can.....with what I have.  Give me the energy to push through the saggy feeling I will get in the middle of it all.  Help me to remember  that "the joy of the Lord is my strength" and the fact that You always have given me the strength and direction I need.....when I stop.....ask.....and wait.  It is just a matter of turning over to You the battle of mind and body. 
As I peruse the devotionals I've got in my inbox, I see that the wonderful habit You have of reminding me of the things I intend to incorporate into my spiritual journey.....is ever-present.....and awaiting my attention.  As I am beginning to review the areas of concern to You for me, I see that keeping my mind and heart on the things that are beneficial to my growth .  Spiritually speaking.  The forbearance and longsuffering.....kindness and forgiving nature.....all of it, I want to be second nature for me.  Just about the time I think I have it covered.......someone cuts me off on my way to Walmart.....or pulls into the parking spot I've been sitting and waiting for .....properly, with my blinker on!  Those are the times I find a little irritating and the "longsuffering" nature I yearn for , goes out the window.  You know Lord, I have always found it to be maddening to be around people that are always so "perfect acting" and always have the most profound thoughts......is that really what You want me to be?  Childish behavior is not so bad.....is it?   As one of my kids once said......"Being a Christian is so annoying!"
Why?  Because it's hard to be good?  Especially when someone needs an earful!  The scripture says that when we are children we see things as a child would.....but , when we are older (and wiser)......well, I wonder dear One......do we ever really grow up?  Being a Christian means we are changed.  Oh, Lord.....I don't even want to delve into that statement right now.  All I know is......being like You is important to me.  I want to be Your instrument.  Whatever that takes.....at this point in my life......well, Lord.......that is what I am willing to do.  Yeah.....that's what I said.  Now.....what I need is for You to help me really mean it. 
I ask all.....Lord Jesus......in the name of the precious Son of God.  Amen

"Thank You....blessings abundant!"

It's been quite a few days since I posted a prayer, Lord.  This computer isn't cooperating and I have enough trouble keeping my thoughts in tow without having to keep turning this thing on after it goes off.   I have been relaxing too, while we're away a few days.  It's nice to get away from our regular routines and see how others do their day to day.  I'm grateful for grace and mercy you provide everywhere we go.  It's nice to watch our grown-up children as they live in their corner of the world, interacting and ministering to those you have them in contact with.  Each one of them, has this nucleus of people they minister to.  Continue to uplift them.  I often wonder, Lord, if You were walking along with us (in human form), if our words would be different.  Or, our demeanor.  Or, even the thoughts we entertain before we open our mouth.  I think I behaved myself today when I interacted with the thrift store people.  I wasn't crazy about losing the three dollars I paid for those pants.....but, I handed them the pants and said I would donate them back to them.  Wasn't that big of me?  And, ended up spending four more dollars.  I find it difficult at times to be graceful when I am not so grateful.

 I found the song "Broken and Spilled Out" a real saga to my life for a while a few years ago.  I resented the fact that I had been .....(broken and spilled out and used up) and was looking for a way out.  It was only when I accepted that if I was not willing.....then You could do nothing for me.  It took a little  while.  I wanted to be pitied.  I was waiting for the party to begin. I can listen to that song now, Lord.....and enjoy the fact that I am working with You and not against You. Continue to prompt me, Jesus , when I am in need of someone to be in my corner.  Sometimes I feel I am alone in this role I play.  I want to be Your instrument in understanding and being understood.  I'd like to be Your instrument in speaking words of encouragement and receiving such.  In these days when I tend to be very aware of my flaws, could You help me to stand on the promises You have given me (over and over), to carry on the business of living.  I believe in the security of Your Word.....the fact that You know my name.....it's written on the palm of Your hand (in case You forget....smile....sorry, Lord!) and my concerns are Your concerns.  That always amazes me and reminds me again of the love You have for Your children.  I hold tight to that piece of inspiration from Your Word.  I bless You, O Lord!  Give me the inspiration to do that.
 
Thank You, Father.  Thank You for the favor of Your love and blessings You provide.  Thank You for the peace You provide that passes all understanding.  For all I ask....and pray for....I ask all in Your name.  Amen.

It is always hard for me to sit down and write to You when I have fifty things to do.  But, today.....since I do not feel like doing any of it.....I'm writing.  I love You, Lord....and I lift my voice to worship You.  You are the keeper of all of my heart thoughts.  You are the provider for all the needs I feel I have to have.  You are the giver of gifts I absolutely do not deserve.  You are the author and finisher of my life.
I praise You and give You thanks.  It is the desire of my heart to please You, Lord.  In all of my ways....in all of my conversation.....in all of the business of living and loving our family and friends.....there really is no happiness without knowing You are running the movie of my life.  I am the star of this one and I want to give all the royalties to You, Lord.  Mostly I want to please You in the areas of my life where I struggle.  My time and how I spend it.  The projects I really need to just let go of.  The concerns that should be first and foremost in my own life.  Forging into unknown territory that You are  pressing me to step into.  All of these and more, Father......I need Your touch and perhaps even, a shove.
I am so grateful for the areas of accountability that I have been cornered in and to.  Lord, I have found it a wealth of inspiration that I can see will make me a better instrument for You.  Thank You, Father for giving me the instincts that urge me to keep my spiritual house in order.  Areas I need to improve on ..... areas that draw me in, not away.....each one is what I want to accomplish for You.  I have given You all access.  I want the nudges.  Don't forget that, Lord.  I know the important things of life are not all about me.....but I do know that what concerns me, concerns You.  Jesus, Savior of the world.....give me Your blessing this day....grant me the favor I am due today.  I love You, Lord.  All the concerns, all the heart thoughts, all the requests......each one I speak in the name of Jesus.  Amen, for now.

"In all my ways....acknowledging You!"

More and more I realize how lazy I am, Lord.  It takes effort.....real effort to make myself  decide to move my body to the treadmill.....or the "ten minutes a day and you'll be fit" machine I paid in monthly installments forever....or the stationary bike I just bought at a yard sale for 15 dollars. Now I hear that it has been studied and pronounced that if you just SIT, you are more likely to get colon cancer than one who moves around a bit during an hour.  These things are facts of my life that are troublesome.  Lord, I know I should move more.  I know I should exercise.  I know.  Boy, do I ever.  I also know that this is not a commandment.....and so......I often defer to the couch!  (It's a nice couch.)  As for my spiritual body,  I need  (way too often) Your shove to do as says to me......"In all your ways acknowledge HIM, and He shall direct your paths....".  (Does this include exercise?  I'm not sure I want to know Your answer to me, Lord.)  I will move on to the more spiritual side of my life......and that is the information You send my way on a steady (almost every single day) basis.  I was so interested in reading my devotionals this week.  I thank You Father.  I have seen tidbits of inspiring scriptures and thoughts all week.  I love analyzing and writing down these ideas to make my life coincide more with Your plan for me.  I had read it before and even applied it but never quite saw it like I did the other morning.  When I read from Oswald Chambers devotional for the day, I saw these words......"Our Lord never insists upon obedience;  He tells us very emphatically what we ought to do...but, He never takes means to make us do it.  We have to obey out of a oneness of spirit."  Lord, I was stunned when I read it in that way.  I know You expect us to obey.  I just ......well......I know......uh.......what I should do.....and sort of......forget.  You know, Lord......to uh, do it right away!
Seems like my prayers the last few weeks sort of all say the same thing.  "I know what I should do.....so, will You help me do it?"  I don't think, Lord, that You are going to "help" me to obey You.
I think IF I LOVE YOU AS I CLAIM TO......that I will obey You freely, immediately if not sooner, and in compliance with all You have enabled me with.  I noticed Oswald was very direct when he said that if one does not comply as suggested, then one loves themselves more than they love the God who created them.....(as if I am in competition with You).  I didn't like what I read very much, Lord.  It tended to pronounce me guilty of sabotaging my own spiritual welfare because of my spiritual laziness.  So, now I find myself in the middle of an "out-loud" letter to You.  In essence, making myself accountable to You and whoever, as to what I need to do.  As far as the body goes, that is probably an exercise in futility.....but, Lord......the other part......I can do.  And, I will.  I promise.  To you, my dear , sweet Lord.  I do love You.  And, to put off my pursuit of knowing Your will and plan for me more and more.....is ridiculous behavior. 
Lord, there have been so many requests this week for the sadness and sickness in the lives of those we care for.  Father, thank You for being so loving to us.  Thank You for giving us the reprieve of laying our burdens at Your feet.....and knowing You will allow what is best for us.  Oh and to even say that, is scary, Lord. 
How do I love Thee, Lord......let me start counting the ways.  I can't .  It's too much.   Thank You for taking my heart thoughts.  I ask them all in the name of Jesus.  Amen, Lord.

"IT'S ALL IN THE NAME OF JESUS!"

You know, Lord......the more I pray....the more I watch.....the more I wait....I can see.  We can go off on our own journeys alone without asking for direction from You or place ourselves in that spot of paralyzed fear to even make a choice.  I've done both, Lord.  And, probably will again.  But, today, I see that my best source of wisdom is coming to You, again and again and again.  I cannot tell You how I love that You provide us this oasis.  I love to think that I am wise.  I love to have my kids call and say, " Mom, what do you think I should do?"  What mother doesn't?  To be honored in that way always touches me.  It makes me feel like I am still worth a hoot!  But, Lord.....You are the ONE  to be honored.  You are my touchstone.  You are my coming King.  You are my God.  Thank You Father.  Thank You for Your presence in my heart and life.  I am given honor to name You as my number one wisdom provider. I always love it when I read how Solomon was given the choice of gifts he would want.....and he chose wisdom.    It tells me that wisdom is a smart choice and it also tells me that even with that gift, you have to remember where that comes from. For even with great wisdom, if our hearts are not inclined to include You in our decisions....You stand back and let us go.  Eventually, I think, everyone always knows they need to come back to You. In all of this,  Lord, I know that  you love us . Still.   I know You love me and are concerned about all of my comings and goings.  To be like You, Father.....now that is the ultimate goal for me.  Is that so I soar above the masses with my heavenly truths?  I do not ever want to be viewed as so heavenly minded , I am no earthly good.  To have people avoid me like the plague so they don't have to listen to my latest "word from the Lord" is not a level I yearn to be on.  Oh Lord!  My hope and prayer is to be the image of Yourself that You created me to be.  Not  everyone that loves and serves You is honored....or revered....or loved.  I am not begging to be viewed as less respected.....just to be the servant You need me to be.  I hope I am not asking for trouble.  But, You know my heart, Lord.  You know how I mean what I say to You.  I remember when that song came out years ago....."Whatever It Takes".  I remember after we sang it as a special one Sunday, I heard someone say how they disliked the words that were written to that song.
"Whatever it takes, to draw closer to You, Lord....that's what I'm willing to do....". I guess I would hesitate to make a statement that would garner someones thinking.  Naturally, I don't agree with what everyone in Christendom says or does or writes, but many feel they have their truths in sync with You, Lord.  I beg to differ pretty often, but, I realize my thoughts are not everyone Else's.  I can count on You though, Lord.  I can believe that what You say and make known to me through scripture and prayer and the books I read are Your heart connecting with mine.  Lord, You know I hear comments different times from women (and men) that have been in my classes......and while they are expressing their opinion or experience, I have found myself thinking.....".....uh, Lord.....how do I get out of this one? "......and then, I realize that to be honest and forthright with someone on a "point of view" scripturally speaking is one thing.....but spiritual truths.....the perception and precepts of the same are
so very much Your business, Lord.....I believe that is truly Your area.  I pray , dear One , that I will always defer to Your way of perceiving.  Not everyone sees "the truth" as I see it.  But, You Lord.....You can help any one see any thing.  I ask, Lord, that You will help me as I attend to my servant duties.  That I will always let You be the Only Teacher.  Today is Yours, Lord.  As is tomorrow and the day after.  I choose to serve You.  I can do nothing without Your leadership in my heart and life.  I ask all in the name of Jesus and through the shed blood.  Amen.

IN ALL MY WAYS....I ACKNOWLEGE YOU!

Before I barely have a chance to make a list, Lord.....the week has disappeared.  How does this happen?
I had some plans that did not hit the light of day.   I can always see that what I want is to make my life
more accessible to You.  I want that what You see would be good changes for me, would be realized.  Way too often, I am aware of these changes, and I continue to put off what I need to do.  I say to You....."Lord, I want to do Your will."  And then, I go my way.  Monday, I rested from Sunday.  Tuesday, I went to the outlets with some ladies from church.  Wednesday, I cooked for our Wednesday Supper at church all day.  On
Thursday, I recovered.  And, Friday?  I thought I would look for a new purse.  That did not happen. When I think about the young woman I saw walking in the parking lot today.....I wonder what her need was.  I saw her approach a couple people.  She saw me but she didn't acknowledge me.  I have asked You Lord, to bless her heart and give her what she needs to get through today.  I remember thinking her countenance was sad and I prayed an SOS prayer for her. Lord, You know  I am always
nervous......when I go out.  Especially when I am coming out of a store.   I am usually looking out and around to see what is going on near my car.  Of course, it  always helps when I remember where the car is!
The areas I concentrate on are the ones where I feel somewhat competent.  I am sure that You are okay with that but would appreciate me stretching a bit.  When the cashier at Walmart said, "Have a blessed day!" today, I looked at her and said,
"What did you say?" and she repeated it.  I responded with, "Thank you, and you too!"  .  I imagine she wondered what she may encounter when I asked her what she had said.  I think that was really bold of her to attempt that at a secular store.  Some folks are not  appreciative of that kind of communication with another.  Lord, I need to be a little bolder.  I need to be  a little more courageous.
I need to stop with negative thinking.  My "Self Talk, Soul Talk" work on myself has a lot more to be desired.  Father, my life is in Your hands.  Your hearts desire for me is what I desire.  I plan to be Your instrument with all that is within me.  There is hope that my witness for You will be seen by those who come in contact with me.  When I get an opportunity to run to the store, often, I grab the keys and my purse and leave as quickly as possible....so I can get back.  Those are the times, Lord, that I need for You to overtake my thoughts.  You know who needs me.  My words or my touch.  Lord, this is when I depend on You to give me Your wisdom.  The scriptures that I have looked at and written down this week are comfort to my soul.  I am thankful.  And, I am grateful.  But...I know that there are days when I fall down in spirit and fail You and myself.  My talk is not helpful.  To me or to anyone else.  Those days are the ones I wish I could do over.  I try to legitimize my thought process and outspoken thoughts.  They are days I wish You would put soap in my mouth.  People have enough trouble  these  days without thinking someone would say something negative about them...and they
don't know.  I ask Lord, that You would stop me in my tracks.  Help me to count to 10 or some other
inane thing.....just to think about what is about to come out of my mouth.  Loose lips sink ships.  Isn't that a verse of scripture, Lord?  No, I don't think it is....(smile)  but it may be close to one.  I think James 5 gives some words of wisdom in comparison to ships.  Lord, You are my guide.  You see what damage I can do with words said aloud that are completely unnecessary to be said at all.  Would You watch over my ship.  I need this.  I want Your heart to agree with mine on this. (Is that possible?)  I ask that You would make my mind thoughts into Your heart thoughts.  You are the best One to do the communicating.  Through me. For me.  Take heart, dear One.....I am Yours.  And, soon.....I will be the image of Yourself.  I will work as long as I breathe to accomplish this for You.  In all I pray and ask wisdom for, I ask in  the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

Thank you, Lord.....for so many things.  I do love it when You place me in the middle of situation where I would never normally go! Going to the Alumni gathering was hard for me.....and  even though I tend to grump and complain a bit, it's good for me and I do  recognize that.  I found myself enjoying "the getting together" part.  At first, I was ready to go to the bathroom and stay there.  (If they'd only had a relaxing chair to sit in. It really was quite pretty in there!)  Or, even better, the car.  Yeah......that's where I could have really relaxed.  Well, as You know, Lord....I didn't.  I stayed.  I talked to people.  I don't think I embarrassed myself.  (I wish I wasn't so consumed with that!)  I hope  anyone who interacted with me felt better after doing so.  Several didn't recognize me.  I knew that would happen. I'm a "blond" now.....and  I am on the "plus-side"now.  ( Hoping and praying doesn't change that, Lord. )  Anyway....another day, another prayer for that one! 

I thank You too for the gifts of writers who press us to press a little harder to be the instruments for You that You want us to be.  It is with honor and thanksgiving I give them what they are due.  I praise You for this latest challenge I find myself in.  I also can see something else.  I can read.  I can furiously write down the rules and special notations....the scriptures and the exercises to work on....and I do that so religiously....but,  there is one thing I fail to do.  Many times.  I "put off" the actual part of "doing" the work.  "Someday when I have a little more time.....", I say.  And on and on it goes.....until later on sometimes, months later.....and I re-read as I go through my prayer journal.  "How did I forget that?"  "Why didn't I carry that through?" Lord, You know what I think?  I believe that most of the time when that kind of thing happens....satan knows of my hope to change into the image of You and my "need" to express that.  Often, he plants another need in front of me....all very legitimate....all very important too!  And, when that happens, I go off in another direction....gathering all my supplies to put out a fire that was never really going to start anyway.  Therein, taking my thoughts and my time away from an issue that could help me to be a more effective Christian.  Once again Lord....I ask for Your intervention in my heart and life to make me more and more aware of what I can change that is indeed worthy of change.  I realize that You did a wonderful job when You put me together.  It was as the years went by that parts of my personality were skewed in a way that You never planned for me....and I didn't have the wisdom to fix it. Or, even have the sense to ask for that wisdom.

It is with joy that I write to You and give You the thoughts and needs of my heart.  So many have need of Your intervention in their lives.  Physically, mentally and spiritually.  And, much of the emotional need for them can be fixed by my moving out of my comfort zone and doing what I can and/or listening to their heart thoughts.  I am amazed that so often I am told that "I didn't know I could ask God about something so simple."  Simple.  Complicated.  Sordid.  Awful.  Each request and heart ache is something that You, God , concern Yourself with.  I will always tell You about what ails me.  Even if anyone else would think it foolish.....I know You love me and the way I think.  It is my solace.  It is what gives me peace. 

I praise You, Lord.  I ask that You would supply the needs that concern my husband and myself...and for our family.....each one.  You are the saver of all that is important to us.  Keep me close to yourself
Lord.  If You see me wandering off ..... well, You know what I need You to do.  Trip me up.  I need to do for You and myself what is the most pressing today. 

I ask all in the name of Jesus.  Amen, Lord.  Amen.