Every time Lord......Yes......just about everytime I think....."It's time to write my blogpost"...... I begin to freak out about what I should say to You this time!  I have been annoyed about the context that my brain seems to want to vent to and about.  I give up my desire to titilate an audience in my prayers. There is no way I can write my heart thoughts....speaking to You within the recesses of my mind....and not be bombarded with the evil one dogging me. I need You to know that I need You every hour I live.  I cannot help it.  Is that okay?  It seems so child-like.   I plead the blood of Jesus Christ to protect and guide me into all truth....protect me and mine and any readers of this blog.  Lord, we are totally in Your debt.  We can not do anything of worth without  the armor of Your design.  The Breastplate of Righteousness protects and serves us in the battle when our heart and so many other vital organs are protected by it.  The Sword of the Spirit is the lifeblood of my daily walk.  For me, my shoes shod with the preparation of truth.....and the Helmet of Salvation.....are vital, too!  Mostly for me, Lord.....the Helmet.   I have to discern daily who is doing the talking in my life.  The attacks of satan usually give me such anxiety.  Oh.....King of my Life.....guide me into the truth that exudes the most of Your Spirit in my heart.  Give me the exception to the rule of the world,  that I don't have to live under the foot of the devil.  He doesn't have me.  He won't ever.  Even in my dream state, I request Your presence to ward off the evil that he perveys on us as the people of God.  I will press toward the mark of the high calling of Christ.  Free me of the weights that threaten to drag me to a halt.  I cannot bear to think that I would harbor sin and/or insults that would hinder me.  Jesus, You are my hope.  I am Yours.  Changing me.....using me for Your glory is what I ask You to do.  I have to admit, that perhaps it could mean additional time, work and distress for me.....I believe, with You helping me, I could do whatever You ask.  Years ago, I came upon the study of
"Lord, Change Me!".  I believe it was Your idea.  It really showed to me the power of Your Holy Spirit running the places in my heart where I am the weakest.  Your Word, showing me and pushing me to obey what and where I need to change......well, Father.....it gave me peace;  just knowing You cared about how I would deal with the challenges that come in life.  Mine, in particular.  The grace and strength You provided me....I will never forget....and will always refer to.  I remember that prayer in the book that touched my heart and many others that I quoted it to.......'Lord, somewhere I read that when two people love deeply,  living together...sharing...caring.....giving....forgiving.....that they begin to resemble each other.  Tell me, Lord....how long will it be before I look like You.' I remember now that it was authored by Marjorie Holmes.  Her prayers always touched my heart.  Thank You for her.  Thank You for her inspiration to begin writing to You.  I bless You, O Lord.....(if that is even possible)!  I can do nothing for You but, give You praise and glory for all You have done.
All I speak of and pray for, I  speak in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Lord, I wish I knew how to tell You how I appreciate the privilege of prayer.  Knowing that when I talk to You.....anytime and however I choose to.....You hear me and pay attention to my words.  Too often, I'm speaking like a whiny child....because I've been misunderstood or mistaken.....and You stop and take notice right away.  I hear the rustle in the bush.....I can tell Your presence is near......"the birds hush their singing " and Your spirit enables me to speak as if my voice is the only one You hear.  That is what draws me close to You.....knowing that my concerns are not invalid and/or foolish.  Satan and his accomplices do a bang-up job making me feel as I do.  It is their joy to make our lives miserable.  And, they must get paid well!  (Just sayin'. )  I think my best resolve is to stop giving him so much credit and keep my armor on to deflect the arrows that wound me.  With Your strength helping me, I will......by Your grace.  The living, breathing Word of God is a constant sustainer......I love it.  You are always aware Lord, that the need to read Your word, is our salvation and strength.  I am so sorry Lord, that the times when I seem to be reading and skimming......You throw something in the mix that lets me know......."Hello........Are you paying any attention....at all?"  I love that it stops me and makes me think......You are there for me all the time.  You take stock of what I am doing.....and.....not doing.  Thank  You, Father.....for the "wake- up" calls that I get.  I am forever grateful for Your goodness and Your mercy. 
 I am thankful for the birth of a precious grandchild this week  of a couple who had to deal with their own tragedies of terrible loss. They are now rejoicing with their surviving son and his wife. No one could have told them 20 some years ago that they would ever be recipients of  such bliss......but,  dear One.....You are truly gracious.  And loving.  And ever-present.  Did I say loving? 
 How very special You are to me and to millions like me.   I am so grateful that when I think about You,  I don't see a picture of You in repose.  I don't think of You hanging on a cross.  I don't have a vision of You sitting like a lump as the Buddha is shown.  I have a living, breathing picture of You....sitting by Your Father, touching Him, gesturing to those around You.....blinking and emotion-filled,  bearing our requests.  Gracious Father.....You know what is ahead.  You know my heart.
You have places for me to fulfil that only my hands can do or my lips speak.  I do not want to fail You.  Empower me with Your  Holy Spirit.  I am Your instrument.  In Your band , I am able to play all the instruments.  Whether it be sounding gong or a tinkling cymbal.......let me do it to the best of my ability.  For You and Your Kingdom. 
In all I speak and ask....I ask in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

...

April 21st, 2013.  That was the last prayer I posted, Lord.  I do wonder why.  Uh......let's see.....!   Actually, I have nothing to say that's worth reading?  Shame on me, Lord.  I am the recipient of multiple blessings.  Regrettably, I have one issue.  I have a great memory, Lord.  It's just short!  Not enough time?  Too tired to write?  Take me away from my surroundings.....remove me from the "jobs" I feel I do pretty well.....take away the love of my life (my husband).....and put me down and let me alone awhile....well, it's not good.  Is that the way You felt Lord....when You entered the desert?  I doubt it very much!  But.... I wonder Lord if those are the times You test us to see what we are made of.  Our constant perusal of our life....how we have lived it......what You have seen us accomplish with Your grace and strength given to us........sometimes I wonder if Your are proud or disgusted with the growth aspect of our being.  So much of my time in past days were filled with raising children.  And when  I started doing that.....I tried pretending I knew what I was doing.....but, the books.....advice....all of it.....goes right out the window when You have a child that needs your attention.  The instinctive nature to protect is a blessing, Lord.  I thank You for that.  It alerts You to the intricacies of child rearing that experts try to explain and sound quite knowledgeable.....but not all advice and direction is for each and every one.  I love watching the interaction of a mother cooing and touching a child that needs attention.  An infant, that is.  Right now, Lord.....that is why I am away from all I am familiar with.    A newborn needs attention while the mother heals.  There is no baby that can survive without it.  Lord, I watch with anticipation to see the growth of such a precious bundle.  Within days, we see the effects of proper attention come to fruition.  The cheeks filling out a bit.....a tiny head raise off the shoulder....the barely audible squeaking of a newborn cry transforms into a hair raising squall.  How else to express their displeasure.....or desire.....or the effects of pain?  Lord......do we ever grow up?  Do we ever look to You and ask for what we need?  Or,  do You hear a  constant barrage of squalling?  Or whining?  Jesus.....I do need You every hour.  I need Your tender voice talking to me....even soothing me!  I need for You to sing occasionally of the love You have for me.  I need to know that even when I hesitate to come and talk (mostly because I feel I don't "really want to").....I should, because You love me even when I am obstinate and stubborn.  On the days my thinking is so inward and introspective, satan easily can get the upper hand on me......BECAUSE......I have dropped my armor by the door and left it unattended......just by my hurrying to get to the couch!  When will I learn that satan is always looking for an opportunity to pounce.  I know this.  I realize that as soon as I say it out loud.....he's on his haunches....just waiting.  No one does a better job of making me feel like a piece of trash than he does.....and as was pointed out to me recently.....I don't have to allow it to happen!  I can plead the blood of Jesus.  I can sing Your praises to all who are listening.  I can speak of Your wondrous works in my life.....and of those I love.  A beautiful baby?  Who can create that?  Only You, dear One.  Only You.
But, You Lord......You have to keep me in check.  I have got to be a grown up now.  I can have all the wisdom in the world......and experience......and IF  I  DON'T  ACKNOWLEDGE   MY DEPENDENCE  ON  YOU......I might as well pack it in. 

I do know Lord that You are the one that makes me whole and complete.  My life is in You.  My hope.  My joy.  Thank You, dear Lord.  I ask all in the name of Jesus. Amen.

As I think about the events of the week....I look at this verse for the day I see in front of me from I Peter 5:10.  Lord, is the NLT version what You intended?  Is it necessary for us to suffer as a rule ........ to "make it"?  Is this a requirement?  Do You expect us to "grin and bear it" for the lot of it?  How do we diffuse the anger and sadness that ensues after a tragedy?  How do we believe that "all things work together for our good" when we watch the enduring injuries some suffer throughout their life.....even doing our best to wear their pain as much as we can if we are blessed to have escaped some of the carnage other's experience.  How can we help?  How can we understand what seemingly cannot be understood?  Jesus.....Savior of the world.....I am blessed and I praise You for the safety I have been provided throughout my days.  I just flew through the skies from Philadelphia to Detroit to Indianapolis a few days ago.  A miracle to behold.  How in the world does that work?  You have provided the absolutely unbelievable conveniences for us as Your creations.  I have been the beneficiary of so much blessing.  I do not take it for granted.  But, You know what, Lord?  I believe I do on occasion.  I guess I am not alone.  All of us, have a tendency to.....until a fateful phone call or a doorbell brings an unwanted bit of news.  Often, Lord....I find myself slightly unsettled knowing that life as I know it could change very quickly.  So.....getting back to my original questions.....how do I speak about what we have experienced as a country?  With grace?  With the tenets of the scriptures such as the verse I referred to. The words from the NLT say to any of us who read it...."In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus.  So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation."  Lord, verse after verse after verse, tells us similar information.  We have believed for a long time that Your word is a divine tool You have given to us for guiding us into all of Your truth.  Now, understandably, I don't comprehend a good bit of it.  So many of us see Your "truth" differently.  And, of course, we tend to believe our way of thinking is "the right way".......(Who?  Me?)  I have learned along the way to listen to other's.  You lead us "into all truth"......I believe that.....and how I understand is up to You. My soul looks to You, Lord.....from where ALL I should understand and know and discuss.....comes from. 
I will listen.  I will believe that You are not a masochist.  I believe it does not give You pleasure to see us suffer....scrambling to make sense out of what has happened to us and struggling to find a new normal in our lives. 
I am waiting patiently to welcome a new grandson into our family.  He will be welcomed with love and kisses and a mother and dad and sister that are waiting anxiously for him.
Our hearts are blessed, Lord....to just be alive today....and to be able to breathe and enjoy the blessings we have.....no matter how little or how many! 
Help me not to let You down.  Someone may need me.  Help me to be Your instrument.  On the highways and byways, You need us to be mindful of the needs we can fulfil for another.  Give me wisdom.....just Yours, Lord.  And....Your strength to perform any duty You have for me.
I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Dear One......You are the sunshine of my life.  You make the days worth living.  You provide my soul with the nourishment that I need and You give me peace in the midst of storms that threaten to take me out.  I am so grateful for the power of prayer......yet, just being able to tell You the inner turmoil that I struggle with, makes me feel a little more freedom.  I am filled with the memories of the sadness's of the past....and how, even as I peruse them in my mind, I can see how You worked through them to give me peace and strength.....and bring glory to Your own self.  I do thank You that after I have given my soul thoughts to You and even perhaps, a vow to do better, You give me peace, after getting it out of my system.  It also turns out that after a time, sometimes years, I look back and am reminded that the burden I bore and then gave to You......was indeed, attended to, by You, and forgotten by me.  I feel that You have performed so many of those kinds of miracles in my life, I could never begin to say "thank You" enough.  That's exactly what they are to me.  Miracles.  Who in the world wants to hang onto the sadness  and past sorrows and moan about them all over again.  I remembered that fact the other day as I was speaking with a relative about an event that had happened in my life.  Lord, You have healed me in such a divine manner, and  the details so fuzzy, I couldn't even tell the story!  Now, Lord.....those are the miracles that unless someone tries it, they don't believe it can happen.  So many of my "Lord, Change Me!" experiences have given that to me.  Evelyn Christenson's book made me see that You are the One that does the "changing part" for us....after we have relinquished our stubborn behavior to You.  I pray, Father, that those who sat under my tutelage in those classes, will one day see that miraculousness of how You do that for us.
After all of the years and classes I taught, I think only one person, no.....two, I think, ever came to me and told me of victory that they received by trying that technique in their lives.  I still love it.....I still live by it.....even though, I usually feel that I am NOT the one that needs to change....! ( Sorry, Lord.)  But, I know that, You, once given the task to take over for me....... show me what I need to do again. And again.  And, again! 
The happenings of the week have pushed and shoved my anxiety level to the top.  I did my best to turn over to You the areas I can do nothing about. The phone calls, the devotionals I studied, the "plan of action" I should move on.....all took my effort.  Guess what, Lord......?  I can't lose an ounce of weight riding my bike while I am eating cherry pie ala mode! (No one would believe I did that, would they?)  Like I said, these things took "my effort" but , what I couldn't say is,  they took my "best" effort.  You can do things for us.....shove us to move and make changes.....but, You have to stand back and watch, shake Your head in amazement at how dense we can be.  In what ever journey I am on, Lord......physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.......I can accomplish nothing of worth, unless my heart is truly cooperating with You.  Give me Your strength, Lord.  Only You can give me the direction I need.....and , I will faithfully serve, to the best effort I can give.  
In Your name I pray......Amen.  

Sometimes I wonder, Lord, if doing this blog is doing a disservice to You.  Putting my prayers on "paper" or a computer screen is perhaps showing a side to me no one really understands.......or prompts replies as to how I dare be so bold to write "that" to You.  How dare I talk to the King of Glory in such an irreverent way?  I speak as I would to One who loves me as no one else could ever......One who sees the flaws and failures as a step to loving You more than I believed I ever could.  These letters are the cries of a heavy and forlorn heart at times.  Other times, they are filled with complaints and whining that no one else would care to listen to.  But.....Lord.....sometimes I find I don't write enough.  This particular letter is the only one I have written this week.  I need to re-navigate my thoughts.  And, I will, dear One.  Each day as I read from Your Word, I preface the words with......."Help me understand!.......Show me how to live.......What do I need to change?  Give me Your power, and Your empathy."  In the times when sorrow overwhelms.....  Lord, when our hearts are depleted, You can come in Your quiet presence and fill us with joy unspeakable......glory that is unexplainable ......and peace, that passes all understanding.  It is amazing to me how You can supply what we need, when we need it. 
You know there are days when I look at the scripture lesson......or a devotional that I would ordinarily love......and I just close the book.  Why?  Because I'm weak or lax? Tired of trying and failing? Spiritually dragging?  Maybe I am.  Maybe I am just worn out.  Maybe I just need a little more sleep.  But, don't worry, Lord....I think You know, above all, that I am humanly inept at times.  I pray that You would preside over my being, in the moments I wander off.   I plead the blood of the Lamb that You would help me double bolt the back door of my heart.  I don't need satan pushing his way in when I am having a weak moment.  He is ever-so fervent in watching us letting down our guard.  Lord, give me the ammunition for battle that I will be needing, just when I need to fight!  I'd love to store it up......but, You and I both know I'd probably put it somewhere , and then, never be able to find it when I need it!  (Story of my life!) 
Jesus, use me.  Fill me.  Try me.....and find any thing that makes You sad.  Show me, Lord......so I can repair it.....quickly. 
"There is a Fountain.....Who is the King......Victorious Warrior.....and Lord, of everything.......My Rock, My Shelter, My very own......Blessed Redeemer, Who reigns upon the THRONE."  The song, Lord, "Who Can Satisfy My Soul"......is such a blessing.   Because You, Lord......are all of that and more.  All I need I find in You.
Thank You, Father.  In Jesus Name......Amen.

Thank you, Father.  Thank you for giving us a plan to follow.  Thank you for giving us a wonderful example to express Your love to us.  After seeing the depiction of Your words to us from the presentation of "The Bible",  I am stunned at the realization of how deeply You love us.  Seeing the suffering.....and  the sacrifice  made is not for the faint of heart.  Where in the world did the idea that being a Christian is for weaklings?  I am amazed at the tenacity of the men and women who were determined to follow You and spread the gospel as they understood it to all who would listen. 
Lord, as I watched so many being terrorized.....and how lost they must have felt when Jesus left their presence.....I don't know if I would have made You proud at all.  The "under-the-bed and cover my head" position is the one that seems closer to my reaction.  Thank You for the impact You had on Paul.  He was changed by his encounter with You.  It must have been powerful to see the difference. 
Lord, as our choir presented the cantata yesterday, I praise You for making the words and the music come to life.  After so many ill - sounding practices...... there were so many of us touched by Your presence as we sang.  Knowing You take us just as we are.....broken, wounded, empty, lost.......each one of us You mend, and heal, fill and find.  No one can does that job like You do.  No one.
Lord,  empower me to be a better disciple for You.  One that does not draw away from  the confrontations with those who do not believe in You.....but, I ask for the patience and kind heart that never gives up and always believes there is hope while there is life. 
Thank You for the excitement that comes from being Your child......and seeing how a life can be changed.  From dark to light......it is amazing how You can love us into being all You planned for us to be. 
Your grace is enough.  Even when I doubt.....and falter.  I know my Redeemer lives.....in me and through me.
In Jesus name I pray.  Amen.