Good morning, Lord.  I've awoken and don't seem to feel very tired.   I yawned my way through the day yesterday.....and now?
Nothing.  There is much to pray for.  That is always a fact.  And, the questions that bombard us, only tend to show us how little we really know.  After discussing a song our praise team sings today, I find myself singing it in my mind.....over and over.  These past few weeks, there have been so many odd occurrences, one after the other, I wonder how long it will be when the actual day will happen.  You know, Lord.  The one where You decide to come and get us, as Your children, and take us to be with You.  And, the song, as I repeat the lines, takes on so much meaning.  "I can only imagine....what it will be like....when I walk by Your side....I can only imagine....what my eyes will see.....when Your face....is before me....I can only imagine.  Surrounded by Your presence, what will my heart sing....".  Oh, my....dear One.....who wants to sleep then?  There will be much to see and hear.  There will be many to find who have gone on before us.  And, dear One....there will be You.  As mouthy as I find myself at times when we talk....I have a feeling, that You will find me rather quiet....awe-struck, perhaps.  "Will I stand in Your presence?  Or, to my knees will I fall.....?  Will I be able to speak at all? "  I do know this.  I will be forever grateful that You have received me and welcomed me to this beautiful place to live with You eternally. 
My goal and my primary focus, has been to "make it"!  To live according to Your will and plan for me has been quite the  journey, so far.   So much of my attention has been spent bemoaning the mistakes and the quiet, stubborn will I have nurtured along the way.  So much so, that I forget to remember that You can change our failures into  miracles.  Remember the song written years ago....."Something Beautiful"? How perfect the words were for the likes of us, who often feel so worthless.  "All my confusion.....You understood.....All I had to offer You was brokenness and strife.....but, You made something beautiful out of my life."  The choices, Lord.  Often, that is what gives us so much grief.  Sometimes, I have witnessed what seems impossible to fix.....fixed.  I wish I could yell it to everyone and make them listen.  What?  WHY  DON'T  YOU  PRAY  ABOUT  IT?  Naturally, Lord.....I realize that even after prayers have been prayed and doors seem to be ajar.....seemingly for us to go through (?)...and then, "Lo, and behold", we find it might not have been the right move.  Well, Lord.....I do know You give us rest and relief after awhile.  I remember tears shed, prayers written, and the fear of rejection realized.   I guess those would be what they call nowadays ......."teachable moments".  I think, by now, I should be a genius, Lord!  
I will remain though, Your servant, dear One.  As long as You allow me to live here on earth......I pray for divine guidance.  I want the "wrong choices" to stop.  I'm not very good at making decisions.  I analyze everything to pieces.  Somehow, Lord.....You and I have to come to the right conclusion.  I believe in the life of a Christ-centered Christian.....Your divine will for us is hovering within reach.  Sometimes, a little beyond my reach, I have to actually move to take hold of it.  But, the peace that comes with that decision, makes it pleasing to me and to You.
Lord, until I see Your face.....I want my will to coincide with Your will.  In all I do....I worship You.
In the name of Jesus Christ I pray.  Amen.

As usual, Lord, I am not keeping up my end of the bargain.  Of course, I know.....there really is no bargaining at all.....but, I still haven't done my part in our relationship.  You give, You bless, You provide, You pray, You forgive, and You love.  All of these things and so much more, I depend on from You.  Oh, dear One, how would I live without You.  There are so many blessings to thank You for.  I am so thankful for the years I have been given to live and work for You.  I have been blessed to serve.  I know too, that there have been times I didn't feel so blessed.  I moaned about being overwhelmed with jobs that I said "Yes, I'll be glad to do it!" to .....and realized years later, it wasn't always necessary for me to do the job.  Too often, I thought I was the "preacher's wife" and should do whatever I was asked to do.  One day I realized that the biggest responsibility I had was to nurture our family.  Children have to be given guidelines and taught responsibilities.  Discipline and loving assurance have to be part of the process in their growth.  I remember when that fact was shown to me one day.  All things have their time and place, all ordered by You.  I didn't realize You had a plan all along.  I remember being so frustrated because it didn't appear like You had a way for me to use my talents. I am thankful, Lord, that You did allow me to fulfill so many of my heartfelt desires.  The music. (my heart).  The nursing care that I felt so strongly about.  (When I was able to be a Caregiver for several....I felt Your strength.)  The teaching. (Classes in Women's ministry, Sunday School, Marriage Counseling) All of these things were allowed by You for me to enjoy throughout the years of our ministry.  You truly do give us far and away,  the desires of our hearts......and on top of that.....You give us "above all we could ask or think".  Lord, I thank You for the mountains and the valley's.  While I felt like I was entertaining angels on the mountaintop.....I knew You were helping me keep the door closed when the enemy was pressing in, closer and closer, to ruin what You had accomplished while allowing me to help You.  We couldn't let him win Lord.  He aims to ruin it all.  After all these years, I thank You for empowering me to keep him away.  
Lord, the process of keeping him away.....calling on You.....speaking Your name.....Pleading the blood You shed for us.  Lord, we do ask repeatedly for You to fulfill the desires of our hearts.....to bless our lives.....to give us Your wisdom.....until I sometimes wonder if You tire of our requests.  I know, I have stopped asking.....many times....(but, not for very long!) thinking that You would expect me to do a few things on my own.  After I regained my "sanity", I realized, the scripture tells us to ask You for wisdom.....and You will give it.....and never scold us for bugging You.  Excuse me for not being articulate enough, Lord, but I really felt I was annoying You with my neediness.  After a while, I will remember with joy, what You want from Your children.  
Explaining to someone the "Why's" of my obsession to bare my soul to You is impossible.  No one understands it, unless, they allow You to lead them into all truth, too.  I will never understand it.  How can I explain it?  
Thank You, dear One.  I love You and thank You for loving me.
Your grace and strength is above all I could ask or think.  I am grateful, Lord.  In all I pray, I ask in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I'm never quite sure what I am going to say, Lord......but, during the sermon on Sunday, when we were asked what we would do if we heard Jesus was going to stop by.....(at our house).....I giggled along with some others that I'd do some quick cleaning up!  Yeah....cleaning up, alright!  I wonder if dishes in the sink or a dirty floor compare with a yucky spirit in my heart about someone or some thing.  It is funny how the enemy can deter our progress in our Christian walk with unessential worries and fear of how folks perceive my spiritual acuity.  Is acuity the right word, Lord?  I guess I have always thought that my "spiritual-ness" was a little more perfected than it really is.  Oh, dear One.  That sounds so awful.  So.....full of self.  So......unlike You.  I'm so sorry to be so human.  I guess, regrettably so.....that I am as human as everyone else.....fallible to all the outside energies that try to subvert my attention.  Lord, my job is to honor You.  To be as much like You as humanly possible.  Another responsibility I have, is to allow my self, ample room to move and breathe, think and speak.....but, cautious in my interaction with others.  To be responsible in my advice.  To live and think and act towards those I am to be an example to, thoughtful words and consideration of their own fallibility's.  Lord, it is not my job to fix the lives of those I come in contact with.  My job, I think, is to love as You would. To be empathetic and  open to Your words for us.  Oh, Lord?  Is is possible for us to love as You do?  That seems so far fetched for us to do.   

The small irritations that bug us as humans....the things that build up because we do nothing.....and then, we snap.  Perhaps we have been recipients of a deep held secret.....and one day, it slips out.  A lie......white or black.....they are all the same.  A snarky comment about another......a failure to hold our tongue when You nudge us......and yes, I believe, You have "nudged" me more than once, and I ignored it.  All of these things are not what, by themselves, would be considered huge sins.  But, then, Lord......what is sin?  In Your eyes......I would venture to say that any one thing that has the ability to come between You and me......is sin.

There is a tendency, I guess, to think, we (I), can handle the small stuff.  I will never believe that again, Lord.  You need to run the show, dear One.  I concede the reasoning that I can handle the stuff of life....to You.  I will not try to assess "how big" a sin is.

You, dear One.....are holy.  We have the ability to ask for Your forgiveness and have freedom in that power.  Sin has mired millions for years and years.  Little ones.  Big ones.  They're all the same.....because they do the same damage. To hold to the belief I can save you a little time......I will fail.  You, Lord, are the strength of my life.  My heart is full of love for You.  Give me Your strength.  All I ask.....and speak of to You......I ask in the name of Jesus.

Amen.