"MY LETTERS TO GOD": February 2015

Saturday, February 28, 2015

This is a day I have hoped for ........well, probably for a little over a year now. You know me so well, Lord. After I finally make a decision......I like to see an end result or a plan to make it so, pretty quickly. Whether it's wallpapering a room.....redecorating an area in our home that I have disliked for a long time, or buying something I've wanted. I like instant results. In the day of our computer technologies, the events are loaded and downloaded make things quite often done in hours .....even minutes. Ordering a meal, being served, eating it and leaving the establishment is often done within one hour. Even quicker at a fast-food restaurant. Having to wait for days......being put off.......for various and sundry reasons.....trying to be patient .....is not what I do well. Perhaps, no one really does. Yet, often we have to fake being calm and serene through it all. I guess it is the thing You would have me do. It is a wonderful thing when you make a decision to give us surprises. Some people enjoy a new child.....or a car they have wanted.....or a letter or phone call giving an answer they have long prayed for. For me, Lord......I now am the recipient of a book that has my name on the cover. It is literally unreal to me that this is a reality. The pages bare my heart thoughts. The prayers are from my heart to Yours, Lord. I am wondering as usual if I have done the right thing.....but, I will leave it with You. There's been more than one time, I was sure You were doing the leading and the directing. I found later, after a time, that I wasn't so sure at all. Lord, all I know is it seemed like it was being orchestrated by You, dear One. I pray and ask with all sincerity that You would give this book the review that it deserves. It's all about Your name and Your glory. It's all about the fact that You, Lord, listen to the cries of our hearts. You decipher our feelings into words that can be understood to the point of reference that we can understand. There are so many times I start talking to You.....just throwing words around trying to see how I really am feeling.....and You turn it into a prayer. I cannot continue (and won't)to try to figure out what it is I want anymore.....or think I need. I do confess I love knowing what is going to happen.....and what I think I will do about it. And yet, there is a part of not knowing that I find so exciting. Lord, I pray that You would continue to be patient when I struggle with this. I tend to struggle especially when friends and family query me about things I want to leave with You......and the resultant comments that sometimes come leave me feeling a little prickly. I know I have given You permission to run the show of my life. I have confidence that You will do what is best for me and mine. I guess, too, I have another concern. Take it and bear it for me. I am looked at often, as a little juvenile. Taking my little prayers to You....whining and complaining as I write. I can't apologize for what I feel is my right to do. Leaving You to the messes I make and the trouble I can stir up is not fair......but, it is what You do best. I praise You for that. I thank You for that. And.....I sure do love You......knowing that I am Your child. You are my strong tower.
I ask and speak all in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

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Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Saturday, February 28, 2015

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