When I got the call from her, I didn’t know what to do. She wanted me to come. And, honestly Lord, I just didn’t want to. I knew I would be at her beck and call on a consistent basis for as long as I was there. My relationship with my sister-in-law has always been a bit on the tenuous side. I was always afraid I’d say the wrong thing, the wrong way. There was a strong love and devotion….yet tempered with hopeful approval. I’m not sure I am saying it right, Father……but, I think You are well aware of what I mean. Of course, You know I did go to be with her….You made it clear. If I had only known the last time would be the last time….would I have been more of what she needed me to be? I hope I did serve her well….as You would be pleased as if You had done it yourself. I was so shocked when I was told she was not going to survive this last hospital stay. Lord…..I thought that it doesn’t say much for my “caregiving” skills.
How can I thank You, dear One. You placed me where You wanted me. That was what You wanted. There have been times when I wasn’t sure what You were doing. I remember a verse of scripture You gave me years ago when I was desperate for answers…. Answers that You gave me. From Isaiah 41, ”You are my servant…..I have chosen you….I have not rejected you….”. It was clear.
The years we had together were precious to me. This woman inspired me…taught me…complimented me, right from the beginning of our relationship. She gave me tons of her treasures. I was always grateful because her stuff was always nicer than my stuff. She would laugh and just give me more! (So she could go buy more.)
Thank You Lord, for my years with her. Thank You, dear One, for giving us people that will help us grow in You. Thank you for loving me, tempering and changing me into the image of myself You need the world to see. I am grateful.
I pray these thoughts and reflections in the name of Jesus. Amen.
