There are times when You really can shake my system up, Lord.  I am nicely resting and enjoying my sleep.  You can wake me up with such ease......well, I even think it's my idea!  And, then I realize.....Aha!  You have a reason I'm awake at 4 am.  So, I write.  And, yes!  I am happy to do so.  I am not particularly thrilled about the subject matter of this particular prayer.  It seems that You have made it quite clear, though.  After I devoured the devotional from "Joni"  the other day.....writing down every word so I wouldn't forget all of the context......I remember thinking that "this would make a good study for Prayer Meeting".  Yeah!  All of that.  Lord, You are so sweet not to bombard me with all of my foibles all at once.  Notice how I don't mention they could possibly be sins or deterrents to my spiritual victory.  But, I do know it, Lord.  I should after this many years.  I am so sorry I am turning into "one of them".
 For years I have read and listened to stories about the Israelites and their saga of the journey from Egypt to the promised land.  I heard the other day that in all reality, it should have taken about eleven days.  That absolutely does not seem possible after all the drama that they created with their diverse mentalities.  Maybe I should just state the obvious, Lord.  Their constant barrage of murmuring and complaining probably would have driven a lesser leader to drink.  Quite heavily, I would venture to guess.  Lord.....I always have said......either out loud or to myself.....I hoped that I would never be in that crowd of complainers......or like them in any way.  I can see now, that I would have more than likely have been a possible follower. 
Joni pointed out the verses in Jude that knocks all question aside.  I can put any spin on it that I want to.  I can pretend that "I am just expressing myself".  I can raise all of the legitimate reasons till the cows come home.  But, You and I both know, it is time to address it. The 'ungodly-ness' of it all.  My complaints.  My murmuring.  My sarcasm that can mask as unkindness.  I recently saw a comment from someone on my Facebook site, Lord.  They wanted to "see" themselves as others saw them.  I remember asking You one time......(Notice:  I said "one time", Lord!)......and  You did.  Very quickly, I might add.  I remember that I did not like what I observed.  Good grief!  Do I not learn anything quickly?  I feel as if I may have a learning disability. 
I am going to be watchful, Lord.  I am going to change this spirit of being disappointed and disenchanted with whatever situation I seem to be in.  These days I am always trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of every encounter I am in.  I want to be more accepting.  I want to be more empathetic or sympathetic.....whichever is needed most.  I want to be kinder.  I would suggest, Lord.....that my "sarcastic wit" be eliminated.  I want to be the ambassador for You that You planned on me being.  I don't think this is what You had in mind.  Yes.  It's true.  I am 69.  Yes.  I have a melancholy and phlegmatic personality.....and tend to defer quite often.  I have a tendency to think that at my age, I have a "right" to be heard.  Well.....Lord?  What do You think?  I think You have shown me in a decided way through this devotional what You expect from me.  I will work on my 'ungodly' behavior.  Yikes.  It looks awful.  It is embarrassing.  I thought I was "above" this.  And, that looks awful, too.  Forgive me for being "one of those" kinds of people.  I will desperately work at my  level of  understanding......and I will adventure into the realm of the possibility that if there is a clique for the Israelites who didn't murmur and complain.....I'd be in that group.  Being called "ungodly" is not my idea of being an Ambassador for Christ.  Give me Your power.  Your wisdom.  And, Lord.....give me Your understanding of what I need to do to fix this. 
Thank You for loving me enough to show me what I need to remedy.  And, I ask all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.
P.S.  Excuse me while I go and adjust my crown, Lord!

As I go over the devotionals I've read for the week on my computer, I hesitate to hit "delete" for any of them.  I fill my journals with them....."so I don't forget".....and find that I do, indeed, forget what I wanted to remember.  I sometimes write word for word....and then for some I just outline what I think I already knew.  I find, though, that when I was sure I would remember "that one"....I can't quite remember like I want to.  Lord, all I can say to You is that I want You to show me what to keep.  And, what to let go.
It sounds like the mantra I quote when I am getting ready to do some organizing in the garage or in the basement.  Over and over, I want to let go.....and throw out what I don't want or need in the trash.....and then, I agonize.  "What if I need this next week?"  As much as I have accumulated, I  probably could go to the Dollar Tree and buy another one!!  But, getting back to my first thoughts.....I do love reading that I am not alone in my quest for spiritual fulfillment.  I wonder, Lord, is that going to be forever..... or until You come for us?  I know.  Why do I always ask that question?  I think I have said the same thing, in different words at least a 1000 times.  My security in You is often tempered with...."What if I was wrong?"  "What if I misunderstood what You promised?"   What if....?  What if....?  What if....?  I think that probably satan enjoys my confusion.  When he can plant a seed of doubt......and then stand back with arms folded waiting for me to cave on what I believe (?) ......then, certainly, he has done his job.  I often fail to call on You as quickly as I should.  I defer to the sadness and difficulties of our lives too quickly.  When I heard about "Lizzy" and the Cancer diagnosis, I have to admit I faltered a little bit.  I hear of the same stories of sadness and death that everyone else does......and realize that this is life.  We learn to accept, acknowledge and bear with the fallout of what turns out to be the new normal.  Lord, I wish my questions would cease.  I ache for the sadness that occurs when suffering comes. 

 I spoke to her the other day, Lord.  I could easily have walked by.  I recognized her face and saw her look down.  After our little talk.....when I heard that "the church people were so unsympathetic or unwilling to get involved".....I felt so sad.  Who are we, Lord?  When I am aware that we, Your children, are the first to criticize....or abandon our sisters and brothers in Christ....it must not make You very proud of us.  I am thankful that even in our clumsy attempts to love and accept each other.....You take it and translate it into "The Greatest Story Ever Told". 

I'm thankful for the cross, Lord.  And, for the mercy You show to us all the time.  We truly are not worthy .  Me? It is not about "we".  It is about "me".  And, how I am doing as a member of Your family.  I'd like to be in the gold star category.....I'm not sure I can do it.  Last week I complained about being a slug.  Hopefully, this week, I am doing a little bit better.  Give me all the help You can in my private time.  I will count on this one thing.  When I need a particular answer......for myself or someone I am helping.....I will believe that You will bring to the forefront of my heart and mind, what You need for me to convey.  (Like for instance...."When people show you who they are.....believe them!   Oh, wait a minute!  That's not scripture, Lord......that's "Oprah". )  Was that a smile, Lord?  I love You.  Thank You for loving me too!

It's all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

 I have sat here this morning, Father .....(now, afternoon) and thought about writing my prayer blog post.  First, I drank coffee.....close to six cups.  Then, I read my scripture for the day.  I drank more coffee.  I played a couple games.  I caught up on the facebook site.  I caught up on my email......called an aunt and caught up with her.....played more games.  Other than doing an activity that requires getting off the couch, I have put off writing.  This is soooo stupid, Lord.  You are my friend, dear One.  You never are that hard for me to unveil my thoughts to.....and yet, I put You off, silently saying, "I don't have time now, Lord......which is, as You know, a lie.  I am tired of being a slug.  Please help me.  Let's play "Kick the Can", and I'll be the can.  When I do this......when I falter in coming to You..... quickly and often, I berate myself terribly.  Why is praying.....out loud and/or written word.....so difficult?  Baring my soul is about the only way I know how to write to You.  Even when I speak aloud in prayer (and always sort of "go on and on").....knowing that only if my heart is speaking truth to You...You will respond in kind.  I guess.....or surmise that it is, indeed , the energy it takes from me.  If I am not speaking truth to You.....well, I guess, there is no need to speak at all.  I love believing that You read my heart thoughts with all the empathy You have.....noting where and when You will entertain any possibility that my thoughts and concerns are worthy of Your consideration.  Of course, I have to admit, when I am pretty sure we are on the same wave length....and You answer according to how I see things.....I love that.  But, I have learned a time or two, that You definitely have higher and loftier ways to deal with what I pray for.  Considering that You are God, and see the end from the beginning.....I treasure the thought that You love me.....and mine.....and want our best for Your glory.  I have to also admit, that what I assumed would bring You glory, always does not.  I am stunned at how presumptuous I tend to be.  I am apologetic for that, Lord.  I am surprised too at how clueless I really can be.  I am also amazed that when I think I "have an answer"......"Your answer".......I am really wrong.  Jesus....help me.  I do need answers.  But, You already know that.  I guess I am figuring that since You know me so well.....I will start planning and executing before You want me to.  I can presume 'til the cows come home'.  What I want and need  to do, is to lay my requests in Your care....turn around and walk away.  I want You to have full access to my carefully laid out concerns.  Give me what I need.  And, show me.....lead me into all of Your truth.  So, Lord.....there You have it.  Once again.....I open myself to Your perusal.  See if there be any wicked way in me......anything that would make You sad or disappointed in me.....alert me quickly and then, help me to be obedient.
I ask all......in every way and will to be done.....in the name of Jesus.  Amen.