"MY LETTERS TO GOD": July 2017

Saturday, July 15, 2017

While I am constantly trying to decide whether to keep this up or not, Lord.....I wait. Waiting for what.....is something I'm never sure of. I love talking to You. I like writing my thoughts and hopes to You. I've wondered quite often if this is offensive to You. I really wish I knew. I am happy when readers say things like....."I love how you say things I am thinking....but, am hesitant to for fear of being disrespectful." I'm not crazy about the comments that make me sound like a little kid whining to get their own way! Whatever the case may be.....Lord, I am thankful I have this blog to do what I feel I have to. Writing in long hand.....has always been my way. The pain from my wrists make it so hard. Typing on this computer really eases my pain and lessens my anxiety. Moving to my need to tell You how I feel.....I suppose is pointless. You already know this. But, I am so relieved after I have finished a prayer, I know I am doing what I need to. You understand my heart. My "English" is clear as crystal to You. You understand my heart thoughts. I know Lord.....I have often thought....."Well, maybe if I use different words.....or explain it differently to You.....then, maybe, You'll give me the answer I am praying for." I am just as anxious though, to end my pleas to You by committing my words and desires over to Your will. See, Lord......I realize that my life is not worth a dime if my will is not coinciding with Your will for me. I love telling You what I want.....and how I think things should go.....doesn't everyone? I have to quickly say in addition to that statement is.....I have learned to try my best to accept how You see things. Granted, there are times that I do not want to do what You are suggesting....I also know that IF I do not accept what You have placed in my life....I will not EVER have one minute of peace. That is what fuels us to keep moving on. To not give up. To keep striving for what we feel God wants from us.
I have to admit.....I'm not sure what You're up to right now in our lives. I was dragging my feet for a while. Not really giving You any credit. But, I know when You mean business. David did quite a bit of complaining.....suggesting how You should handle things....even in the punishment arena. Yes, I could come up with a few ideas there for You.....but, Lord, I realize I am willing to wait and watch and give You permission to change my attitude. I need Your constant watch and care to help me with that. I have no suggestions for anyone's punishment. I guess....(I hope).....You would be gracious to me when I tend to be judgmental....and forgive me.
I am past.....well, for today anyway.....looking and discerning how others should live. Now if You would.... Help me tomorrow!
I ask for this.....and for Your will in my life to be done. I ask for it all in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Saturday, July 15, 2017

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