Trying to find the right place for posting a prayer on my  blog gets me confused, Lord.   Lately its been close to impossible.  Of course I always think because it is so unlikely that You want me to do this, I defer very quickly to the tricks of the enemy......I don't.  I am so anxious to tell You that I love having a God to be my true friend.  The hope of the season.....the excitement of so much to put our hopes and dreams in.....the sadness of life that comes to us (and us accepting it) is all mixed up in what is our life.  I truly think, Lord.....that there are so many who suffer more.  I don't understand why.  It just seems that way.  I know there are phases of life, as it says in Ecclesiastes, that the bad and good in life is as the seasons are.  I remember so vividly as I read a book written by a woman who had suffered a horrific life of abuse as a child.  As a little girl the abuse was so profound and disgusting, I could barely look at the words that were written.  I was so upset with You, dear One.  I could not believe You would allow such a thing.  My answer came later from the same woman in another account.  God needs children that have gone through the fire.....to show others the level of healing and forgiveness He can give to us, as His children.....If we ask Him to.  I still don't understand the sadness so many endure.  Sometimes I don't understand the sadness I encounter. The acceptance of less than ideal situations, is vital to our spiritual growth.  I had a question posed to me awhile back.  It made me really think about my life.  How I feel about You, Lord.....and what it is in life that makes me happy.  Sure....it is wonderful to have a nice little happy family.  Everybody is loving Jesus, and ready to go to Heaven.  All are anxious to serve the Lord.  No one has a problem.  Every day our encounters are all God centered.  What is the catalyst to having a squeaky clean life?  I am grateful dear One, that I have loved You for a long time.  I don't talk to You as much as I should....I find the Word, while enlightening to me and disciplining to me.....very elusive, as I schedule a day.  It needs to be at the top of my list of "to do" chores.  "Chores" isn't a very good word, Lord.  But, some days, that is what it feels like.  Help me do better.  Jeepers, I prayed about this same thing when I was in my teens.  I wish it would get easier.  I am grateful, Lord.....that You allow us the humanity we seem to all live with.....I just really desire more and more to be like You.
Here I am.  In the senior years.  I have no job.  No one is waiting for me to do anything.  I don't have to study for Sunday School Class.  I don't have to practice my music for Praise Team.  I don't have to.  I don't have to do anything.  Do I miss all my past  responsibilities.  You know, Lord.....I've had a year to think about this.  I am at a peaceful place.  I have accepted this age in my life as graciously as I can.....I am loved by my family.  I am loved by You.  I am blessed.  I feel blessed.  Am I happy?  I am where You want me to be.  I am contented.  I am waiting for You.  I pray all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

"My Jesus.....I love thee.  I know Thou art mine.  For thee, all the follies of sin, I resign. My gracious Redeemer....My Savior art Thou.  If ever I loved Thee.....My Jesus 'tis now."  

Getting back to the basics, Lord......that's my goal.  We read.  We study.  We plan.  We write.  We talk.  All to show to You (?)......ourselves (?).......others (?) how wise in the word we are.   Your plan is to us, Your children. I remember, feeling so sure about telling a class about something I was sure was very significant.  So, I proceeded to tell that particular verse of scripture and the illustration that You had given me.  Everyone was kind in their receiving it....but there just was no "AHA!" moment on anyone's face like I had.   I knew then.....not all our "views" are for the masses.  I know there is nothing wrong with studying the word.  There is nothing wrong with sharing the Word.  I think You want us to search the scriptures.  I think for me, the confusing part is listening or reading a rendition of someones understanding to a particular subject....and just NOT getting it.  For years, I really felt that I was just too immature in my understanding of the scripture.....which in a way, stifled me into no studying at all.  Now that.....in my reasoning.....is the way of the enemy.  I will not be stifled by his tactics.  I cannot be.  If he can do that, he will have done his job.  To discourage and deceive me.  That is his plan.  I cannot allow that.  I haven't fought back very hard this year.  I have sort of stayed back in the pack......resting?  Not sure.  I just know it's not too good.  Time lost with God is a crucial loss in my life.  Yes.  I do need rest.  Yes.  I have to take time for me.  It's possible though, I believe, to rest and have a nice quiet time with my friend and Savior.  You know, Lord.....I have learned that You are always there for me.  Quietly waiting 'til I get it together.  Thank You for the scriptures this week  that seemed to speak to me.  Just about every verse I read....I felt love from You.

I find, Lord, that when I expect You to answer my prayers, my way........and  uh........You don't.......I tend to waver a bit.  It makes me a little shaky.  It unnerves me.  Sometimes, I get a little ticked off.  And, sometimes.....I just sit there and wonder....."Okay, Lord.....what do I do now?"  I place my heart thoughts and my heart cries into Your care.  You will do what is best for me.  And, I have to believe You will show us how to think like You do.  

Give me Your peace, Lord.  Give me Your wisdom.  I pray all of these things in the name and will of Jesus.  Amen.

Lord.....I think You know me well enough that You are aware I am once again in a quandary.  I make myself so tired.  Knowing You are my loving Savior and Lord.....and how You want to accommodate each of Your children......I hate to constantly ask the same questions.  There are times when I feel that You are sick and tired of my same old songs.  I have various and sundry verses of this song floating in the recesses of my mind.  I do think that the enemy loves to confuse me into thinking that You are "sick and tired" of me.  When I become convinced of that, I fear letting You know my heart........thereby allowing my esteem in the trash.  
I have included You in the thoughts and anxious moments of my life.  I have allowed You to push me to what I have believed to be extremes of any areas of my heart that are beyond my attempt to repair. 

 I have watched You take the pieces I've often handed to You of a broken situation I am responsible for and return to me far and above what I've ever believed could be created.  Almost to the point where I have deluded myself into thinking I've done something great.  I know and believe it is always You, dear One.  Always. 

Remember Lord?  Way back when I started talking to You in the form of letters?  I was so embarrassed someone would see what I had written, I threw all of my writings into the trash can.  You know the secrets of my heart.  You know how I tick.  Since I began to talk to You in this manner, I felt that since You knew me so well.....we had a certain connection.  I know though, dear One, this is how You relate to all Your children who love You.  I have forever asked You to watch over our family.  I have believed that You would always  allow what was best for us to grow into the people for You that would best be Your example in the world we live in.  I am convinced.  I'm not particularly fond of all the fodder that is created in my mind......while You are creating Your plan, though.   I have a tendency to analyze the daylights out a situation....put my own spin on it......and then worry to death about the outcome.  The end never turns out as I believe it will.....You always take the pieces of the broken creation.....and make it fit Your own plan.  

I wish I weren't so quick to jump to the wrong conclusion.  I wish I could believe You ALWAYS know what You are doing.  I wish I could be more like You.  I will, however, learn to be content to be human and hope that the front porch of my home in heaven will be a favorite place for You to come and visit.  I believe in You, Lord.  I will live for You, Lord.  I will be Your servant, in life and in death.  

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.   

O Lord, Our Lord, My Lord.  So often, especially these days, I look at my computer and think.....I really should post a prayer on my blog.  I am frustrated and angry with myself......yet, walk by to  lay on the couch.  Too busy?  No.  Have nothing to pray about?  No.  I have an overload......way too much to "write out loud"!  Everyone that thought I was a jerk........ will know for sure I really am a jerk!  So I continue to pretend I am this "holier than thou" woman, have it all together and.......... since You don't "tell on us"......I get away with it!
I am trying, dear One.....to be done with that kind of living.  It's not that I want anyone to know all my secrets.....or really understand my heart.  It's enough for me that You do.  I am touched by Your mercy, dear Lord.  I am amazed by the example You set for us.  I am shown love by the husband You saw fit to give to me every day.  I will never forget how You took charge and gifted me.  
I woke up this morning thinking about the song that Dotty Rambo penned several years ago.  I looked up the lyrics on Google this morning.  The words that kept going over and over in my mind were so poignant.  Words that John and I sang together when the song was first released.  But, Lord.....seriously, unless I am thinking especially about NOT asking.......I cannot hardly get through a prayer without wanting something from You.  I find, even though I have way more than I need.....that I am in desperation to have You push me to another level.  (Actually, Lord....I hate that term used today so much. )  "To another level."  I think it is true though, Lord.
The words from that song should move me "to another level".  
                           "  I didn't come here....to ask you for anything.....I just
                                         came to talk to You, Lord.  You've answered a million
                                         prayers or more, that I forgot to thank You for.....I just
                                         came to talk to You, Lord.
                                         Maybe tomorrow there'll be trouble and sorrow and a
                                         thousand teardrops may fall....but, until I face tomorrows
                                         I have no special favor to ask.....I just came to talk with 
                                         You , Lord."  
Thank You Father......for Your perfect love.  Thank You for the gift of eternal life to all who ask for Your forgiveness.  Thank You for
for loving me when I am often found to be so unlovable......way too often.  Thank You for giving us (me) peace when it is so desperately needed......so often.  Thank You for the gift of the words of the Bible that speaks to my heart.....that teaches, admonishes, and provides encouragement.  
I will forever be grateful.  I will freely give You my heart.....it is my desire to.  I will honor You.  I will love You.
I speak all of these words in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I can't tell You how many times I think about starting a letter to You saying....."Lord, what do You want me to do for You today" ?  ......and I don't.  Mostly because I'm afraid You're going to suggest a few things I don't feel comfortable doing!  There!  I said it for all the world to see.  I know that as I go through a day....whether I am out and about.....or just at home.....I usually obey what I feel You are pushing me to do.  Most of the time....when I obey, I find that you are not suggesting I do any more than a part of someone's day.  Perhaps not even an integral part.....just a message that God is wanting to send to someone.  These "acts" are often just off the top of my head.....like......"I love your long sweater!"......."Your hair is so pretty!"......"Is there something I could carry (do) for you?".  I have often been put off by my own thoughts, thinking I will somehow insult or bother......resulting in nothing done.  Lord, I find that so often I have missed out on what could be very well be perceived as a blessing from You. Right now, I am so very aware of not wanting to be "too involved"!  Thus, I tend to stay in my shell till the knocking drives me nuts.  I am so "not wanting" to get into a place where I am expected.....or depended on.  
Oh, Lord.....understand me when I say these things.  I really do want to be what You need at this time in my life.  I know my Mom did.  She was always taking meals to people in her at the Senior Living place where her apartment was. Whether it was checking their blood pressure, getting a grocery item or taking them to the Doctor......she was always running around helping someone.  It made me proud of her, that she was so interested in making someone else's life easier.  
Go ahead, Lord,  if You please.  I'll be watching for Your cue.  I am pretty sure I mentioned this to You the last time I posted a prayer.  I thought that once we retired my role as "caregiver" was done.  I see that I can still be useful to you.  For me, it's the "broken and spilled out" part that still tends to be painful to me.  Perhaps that is what keeps me from wanting to be an instrument for You, Lord.  Help me see that You will protect my anxious heart.  I give it to You.  All of my weakness.....I find I can be assured, that You will strengthen me.  I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen. 

I wish I knew how to change some things, Lord!  I wish I knew when to keep my mouth shut!  I wish You could make me do what I should......!  When I come to You.....my first thought is....."Lord, what can I do for You, today?"  And, then.....I almost immediately change it to......"Hey there, Lord!  Thank You for loving me."  That way, I can keep the conversation moving....and not leave any time for You to interject what You want me to do!  What in the world ails me, Lord?  Why am I so aimless?  Why do I draw back when I hear the word "service"?  What is Your plan for me?  Why do I not want to stay still long enough to decipher what Your answer is for me?  I find it hard to write to You.  It used to flow so much easier.  It provided a spiritual comfort to me.  
Return to me the caveat of consolation I have relied on for so long.  Or, if You wish.....take me to a new place I've never realized before.  Whatever Your desire is or wherever You take me.....I am anxious to fulfill that place.  The floundering is wearing me out.  "Yes, I'm retired.......No, I don't want to DO anything!  I can be as involved as I want to be!  Then if I do that....I have to put up with people!  Lord, as You can see.....I still need a kick in the pants to get me started.  Yes, I'm willing to move.....if that is what You want.  But, You know my anxious thought process better than anyone.  You also know my ability to say "No!  I can't do that right now!"  is .....well, you know my track record.  "I will serve Thee, because I love Thee" has always been in the back of my mind!  That's nice.  And, obedient.  The other words that come to me aren't part of that song.  "......not because I want to."  Lord, I wonder if that little bratty kid that flows in my veins, will ever be tamed?  It seems that the older I get, the louder her voice rings in my ears.  Eleven or twelve years old, the verse from Psalm 19:14 became a special mantra for me.  "Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in Thy sight....O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer."  I always loved thinking......now, that verse should keep me in tow.  I have a tendency to stuff things down inside.....not speaking aloud.  I have found throughout my days.....well, there are times when I have found the floor of my heart and mind a little damp.  And, under further inspection.....see that a leak in my spirit has been under the surface.....causing damage to the inner workings of my being.  
Sometimes, irreparable.  You, O Lord.....are the guardian of my inner being.  I depend on You to provide the strength I need.  I've always known You are all I need.  Remind me often.  I need to be reminded.  Annoying as it is to me.  I like to be on top of those things.  
You and I, Lord.  It's not that hard.  Persistent.  Consistent.  I can do this.  Oftener than I have been, anyway!  In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Father.....Lord.....You are the beginning and the end to me.  You brought us (me, in particular) to this point.  I've lived quite a few years now.  I realize that the next decade  may not be free of troubles.  I wonder, dear One, what it is I can do to ensure Your constancy in my heart and life. You don't have to answer that.  I already know it.  Since the word RETIREMENT came into our daily (almost) conversation, I have a very different view of said word.  I really wish I could understand the feelings that plague me. People do look at you differently.  Your opinions are not usually required.  And, that, Lord.....is my honest view of the whole thing.  I think I don't like it too much.  Going into the "why's" of it, I suppose is not necessary.  You know my heart.  And, You know why I have this innate desire to analyze everything.  I do that for one reason.  You know that.  I feel if I have already decided why.....or what the reason is.....I am "on top" of  any situation.  Huh?  What did You say, Lord?  No.  I concur that  it has not helped me at all.  Not really.  At this time of my life, I know that the drama of my life would not win a prize.  I do believe, however, that I have a story to tell about different events of my life.  Those events did happened to me.  I was and am the author of it........ if I choose to share it.  People  have a way of asking a question or just promoting conversation.  I really never know just how much to tell.  I have always tried to be aware that my words can move people to You or I can see that folks break into a run when they see me coming"!  Okay, I know!  I jest a bit.  I do know that trying to stay ahead of the enemy of my soul takes some prayer and meditation.  Concentrating on Your words to us as Your children....trying to put myself in the position of the warriors of old.  Am I brave enough to face the lion's den?  Can I believe that the pit I find myself in so often, will become more and more elusive?  Physically and mentally, emotionally and spiritually stronger.  Lord.....do You really believe I can be.....all I need to be for You?  
               I will believe that You just nodded "yes!" to me.
I thank You, dear One, that You will draw Yourself to me as I draw myself to You.  I thank You, that all I say and pray, is done in the name of Jesus.  And, once again,  I say........amen.

 Lord.....You know why I act like I do.  I wish I knew why I act like I do.  Sometimes its good.  Sometimes its bad.  And, sometimes its ugly.  Regrettably.  You know, Lord?  Sometimes, I wonder if You felt bad when You threw the money changers off the temple steps  or out of the temple.  Did You think about going back to them and apologizing for dumping their stuff all over the place or feel You had to "make nice" for ruffling every ones feathers......You know, the ones that go off saying things like...." Humph.....I thought he was a Christian!"
I'm always wondering if and when  I say something, should I have?
I am still thinking about the sermon our pastor preached last Sunday.  It was about "always" having something to say (usually negative) about some "body", or some "thing".  What else is there?
Actually, the text eludes me, but.....I knew You were talking to me!
The blame in any situation always has a little of my name in it some
where.  So.....I have no right to blast anyone else.  I had another epiphany this week.  I had the privilege of watching the movie that came out not too long ago.  "War Room".  I wasn't going to watch it......!  Why?  Well, because I am a Christian.  I love You.  I talk to You.  I have issues all the time.....and, I ,uh......well,mostly......give them to You.  Now that everyone can see what a jerk I am.....it sounds to me like I think I am too much of a Christ follower to lower myself to go to a movie about prayer.  I do pray.  Yeah, well.....Miss "Holier than Thou" decided she is due for an oil change.  Maybe a totally new transmission.  (Actually, we're not sure what she needs, Lord.....but, stand by while we fill out the estimate for damage done.)  I might understand it better, dear One, if You'd knock me for a loop once in a while.  I am so dense, it's pathetic.  Yes, yes!  I know.....I am badmouthing Your child......but, have You spent time with me  lately?  I think I need  a makeover.   My devotional time has dwindled.  My prayer life, too.....!   That's not very good to say out loud.  I guess I could have kept that between us, but, Yeah!  That's me!  All out there.  I have had soooo much trouble concentrating.
  I have spent time doing what I have to do.  Paring down our belongings to a bare minimum has become my job.  I have stopped complaining......but, I haven't quite stopped moaning about it.  
When You hear from me, Lord......I know You know it's another long drawn out prayer about "my stuff",  or "my life",  or  "my needs."  Thank You, dear One, for not passing me by.  Thank You for calling me out though....warning me.....chastising me.....(Okay, being honest, I feel like You also give me grief!  I also know I do need it!)
When I thought of writing.....I thought of a song we used to sing.  I haven't heard it in a long time.  "This is my desire.....to honor You."
Just one line that I read and say.....I am not sure I have been living like that.  The apathy that can crawl up into your being and put a strangle hold on you is scary.  I can almost feel the skinny fingers closing around my throat.  I pray to You, dear One......to be on guard for the quiet ways the enemy tries to silence me.  Ways that appear to be nice and polite.....yet, no one really knows who you are and who you live for.  I think I need a choir director, Lord.   will be watching for the starting cue!
I speak in the first person and the second person.  But, I speak in the name and honor of Jesus Christ. Only in You, Lord.....do I put my trust.  Amen

My dear Lord......Thank you for allowing me to live to see this day.  Its so hard to believe that we are writing 2016.  The years seem to disappear so quickly.....hardly leaving us time to breathe. Over and over, I contemplate what has "happened" up to this point in my life.  I have told You how thankful I am that You have given me so very much of what I didn't even know I wanted or needed.  You, so often, provide what I forget to pray for.....sometimes finding myself, taking the goodness You have provided...... for granted.  To have the love of a kind, loving and faithful husband.......well, Lord......You have found me to be overwhelmed. 

 A friend just wrote an open note to her Facebook friends.......she said....."We don't know what tomorrow holds......but, we know WHO  holds tomorrow."  Lord, it's certainly a few simple words, placed in a  simple context.....but, the meaning takes on new meaning when I depend on YOU running the show of my life.  It's not like I have breezed through these 71 years of my life.  Places I never thought I would go.....I went to.  Things I never believed I could do......I did.  The sadness that life brings and  I couldn't even believe I was living through......You  allowed me to have peace and helped me live another day.  I am not sure how You do that. 

 Now that I look to the year ahead, I will endeavor to make You proud of the choices I make.  I realize that too often You are handed the pieces of a mess that I have created.  Somehow, You do make all of it work together for my good.  (Okay.....I have to admit, Lord......this is one of the hardest things for me to believe!  And, not just for me.  The hard, unfair, disgusting things that sometimes enter our wheelhouse to deal with.........well, those are the times I struggle to understand how this can be for OUR good.  I am so sure I am not alone because life is hard.....and so we do struggle to understand.  I guess I will have to believe YOU know what You are doing.  Help me, Lord......I try.  But, I fail in accepting what You allow so often.  You know me.  I'm not a hardnose........ but, I sometimes think if I pout long enough, You'll change Your mind. My hope is to be a servant You can use......not a know-it-all.  To accept Your decision in my life and why You allow it......and what You do is key to my having any kind of victory.

Over the holidays, I made an "out loud" statement to someone close to me.  They looked at me like I had two heads.  I re-thought what I said......(and no Lord.....I'm not writing this out loud!  And I think You know why!)  I honestly believed what I said.  Now.....since I have not thought about this in weeks, until now. I need for You to set me straight.  It doesn't matter......"if I honestly believed in what I said".....what matters is......Do YOU think I am wrong?  I need to know.  I want You to show me in the scripture, or by a teacher, or a book I'm reading......or from the new preacher we've been listening to lately!  I need to hear from You.  The fact that we can twist people in knots......shatter what they've believed forever.......and deflect from what You are trying to do in their lives......well, this is not good.  Especially, if You think I am all wet!  I don't ever want to discourage any of Your children.  The enemy always "gets" me here.  I remember going home after teaching Sunday School, thinking of something stupid I might have said that would confuse or be misinterpreted.......I'd beg You to take an eraser or a white out bottle and take that from any of their minds.  Lord......if all Your children are as pathetic as me......well, I think You surely have Your hands full.  
One thing I am sure of.....is that I am loved.  I don't understand it......because I believe that to be impossible too, but, I decided to make a decision to ACCEPT it.  So I thank You.

And, all that I have said......I pray it in the name of Jesus.

Amen.