"MY LETTERS TO GOD": October 2018

Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Oh Lord, My God! When I in awesome wonder....consider all the works Thy hand hath made. I see the stars.....I hear the rolling thunder....Thy power throughout the universe displayed. Then sings my soul, My Savior God to Thee. How great Thou Art! How great Thou Art!
Lord.....I am amazed at how You love me. You are constantly by my side.....even though I wish You'd leave me alone. What ….How could I say that? Sometimes, even though I am silenced by my own stupidity.....sometimes, I look back at how You wait for me to understand. I wonder, Lord...….I wonder if I will ever understand. I do not think I am that wise. So, then....My only recourse is to ACCEPT that I will not ever rise to that level. It's okay Lord......I give You my heart. Handle it however You need to. I really haven't done such a great job on my own.....I keep thinking that I will do alright because I have been Yours for so long. I think the longer I live.....I hate to say it.....the worse I get. Honestly, Lord.....Why do I think I have all the right answers....not only for myself.....but, for everyone else. Score 1 point for just maybe, "getting it"! For once.

All week I have thought about a song I heard one Sunday Morning. It was at our church, I believe, in Muncy PA. Beth Steele sang it. I only remembered these words...until I looked it up.....but it cut through the nonsense of some and went right to the crux of the matter. "You're the Only Jesus Some Will Ever See". You're the only WORD of life, some will ever READ. I remember thinking that day....I wonder if I have made a difference for anyone....that perhaps has watched me from afar and have made anyone thirst for the Jesus in me.

Lord.....it as been years and years ago that I heard this song and thought those thoughts. If I am "the only Jesus some will ever see"..... how many have been disappointed in my responses, in my demeanor, in the fact that I am human and forget people are watching. AND THAT....Oh, Lord....is my only excuse. Help me. Help us all, that claim to love You, to remember You are counting on us to be Your instrument. I fear dear One.....my instrument has been terribly out of tune.

I am open to being Your child forever. Please, forgive my failures....Give me just what I need.

DID I JUST SAY THAT?

I did. Make it so, Lord. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Tuesday, October 30, 2018

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