"MY LETTERS TO GOD": May 2022

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

Dear One…..Why is this such a trial for me? Is it sheer laziness…..? Or is a plan of the enemy to dissuade me from ever writing to You again?

I allow this. I’m not disabled. I still have my senses. I seem to have this feeling of “Why?” Or worse, “Why bother? I ask, once again…..would You forgive me.

Lord, I am ashamed to admit these flaws in myself.

My hopeless helplessness in “pulling up my bootstraps” and getting on with it eludes me way too often. I am ashamed that I get caught in this web of the usual “What should I do? How do I do this or that? What do “they” expect me to do? Not really knowing who “they” are.

You have given me the privilege of witnessing some pretty life -changing events recently. I’ve been able To watch You allow my brother to be taken from death’s door to a walking miracle. What the Doctors did in a 24 hour period was truly a modern day miracle. When I am allowed to see the blessings that You allow us as Your children to experience and enjoy…..how do I fall so hard , so fast….seemingly on my face. Our …..(my) incessant worrying about things I cannot change……events that are coming and I prefer to stick my head in the sand till everything is over…..is all too familiar territory for me. For over a year I dreaded knowing my beloved oldest child would need surgery. The right surgeon could not be found that could and would do the operation. Lord, You handled things for me. I am under her roof helping her to relax and heal from all of the trauma her body encountered. I’m so very grateful that You step in….You fill in the gaping holes I am sure I will fall into…..and free me from the ties that bind me. I’m so grateful You refuse to tire of my constant fears of my future.

When I let You, You fill my mind with the blessings, that You give me. The family and friends that love me despite my flaws. “There is none like You. No one else can touch my heart like You do. I could search for all eternity through…..there is none like You.”

In all I write…and think to pray….I ask in the name of Jesus Amen. And amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Tuesday, May 17, 2022

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