I think, Lord........that when I write a whole page.....and it disappears (?) ......that You sort of want me to NOT publish that particular page.  It just happened.  I put all of my heart thoughts out there......and it disappears.  What else am I to think?  Soooo......I am starting over.  I know You read my thoughts and calculated my thought process and/or perceived my questioning.  You and I will work on these things together.  Okay?  Okay.

Thankfulness is what this week has been all about.  Our thankfulness to You for the prayers answered; the blessings received; the events that are shaping our lives in front of You and others watching our lives.  Who we are and what we portray to the world around us is often questioned.  To the outside world, we are looked at as odd sometimes.  Especially if we are honest to a fault.  People look at you and think,  "Hmmm.....wonder what they're trying to prove?.....or ......Good grief!  I'd have taken that extra change and not thought twice!"  Lord, I think my goal in this world is to live according to the laws You have set up for me.  To not lie.....or steal.....or use Your name in vain.....to not "wish" I had something someone else has.....or be less than honorable to my parents.  The list is a little longer, but I am aware that these edicts were set up for our survival in a sinful world.  Why else would You have given them to us.  You want us to be different.  Not necessarily weird-different but, unusual-different. Is there a difference?  How we are perceived though, is not what You want us to be concerned with.  I do have trouble with that, Lord.  I want to be "cool".  I want to have people look at me and think....."I'd like to be like that."  I doubt very much that they ever do;  I'd just like them to.  What "they" think is up to You, Lord.  I'm never happy with looking foolish to anyone.....You already know that......therefore, I will leave that up to You.  DID I just say that?  Yeah, I did.  And, I know that when I allow You free reign in my life.....You will work out all that is good and Your perfect will in my life.  

I find that being thankful.....grateful......appreciative of all You have given me.....(and allowed ) , is the easiest thing to do.  The scripture does tell me to ....."Be thankful in all things...."  several places.
If I do not praise You for all You've done,  I cannot ask for another thing.  The times I have cried out to You for providing me the strength to pursue  forgiveness I need....for me or for another; the needs I have; the things I JUST want; and the personal salvation for my own soul.....a home in Heaven......all of it......I am so blessed by Your gifts to me.  I thank You.  The song a few years back about "being thankful for unanswered prayers" rings true too.  I have learned that in my heart of hearts, waiting for Your answers is really what is best for me.  (I'd love to be thinner though before I die.  You know, Lord.......so, I can enjoy it awhile.).

I honor You, dear One.  I ask for Your divine will to be done in my life.  I ask in the name of Jesus.
Amen.
 

How I love You, Lord.  You are a miracle worker.  You forgive me.  You love me unconditionally. You surprise me over and over in Your written words.  You nudge me when I am supposed to do something I don't really want to do.  You are patient when I fail to be the vessel for You I should be.  You always help me do whatever You are asking me to do......even when I feel inept.  Lord Jesus, I am overwhelmed by the gift of eternal life that You have provided and even though I barely understand how it all can possibly work.....I accept it.  The gift, I perceive, is as if it were handed to me physically.....is in a white box....perhaps wrapped in a white satin type paper.....and, tied with the most gorgeous red satin bow.  Nothing else.  I open it to receive this precious gift of life....presented to all who would believe and receive.  It is not a hard thing to do.  But, the commitment  that is attached to it is what bars so many from receiving salvation and the assurance of life everlasting.  "How can it be that I should gain an interest in the Saviour's blood?  Died He for me, who caused His pain?  For me, who  Him to death pursued?  Amazing love!  How can it be.....that Thou, my Lord, should die for me?" I guess, Lord.....that I will forever wonder why You would do that for me (if I can even take that fact into my brain!)  because most of my life I never felt that kind of worth.  But, after a year of study of "Self Talk, Soul Talk"....."Lessons I Learned In The Dark"......(by Jennifer
Rothschild).....  I truly am trying, dear One, to change my thinking.  I need Your constant nudging.  I have this habit of running myself down, speaking unflattering about my worth to You.  Lord, I seem to forget that I am Your child.....therein a child of the King.  Believing I am a King's daughter is hard.  Singing it and saying it doesn't seem to make it real enough. It's enough I think, Lord.....that I just look at You and say, "I accept this, Lord.  I don't really understand. But, I love thinking that I am loved this much."
Whatever has happened.....what is past and so very difficult to "own"......I give to You.  You have promised to accept me as I am.   Loving me, forgiving me, accepting the ruins that I and others hand You from the chaos we have created in our lives.....all of it, Lord......is Yours.  To re-create or make anew.  However You choose to do it.......it is Yours.  I am overwhelmed and loved.  I know it.  I believe it.  I am amazed.
What is Your plan?  What is my next job?  Show me....help me.....give me strength.
For all I ask....I ask in the name of Jesus.  For all I need.....I ask for wisdom.  For all I am needed for....I would like to have Your strength.  Thank You.
Amen.

Sometimes, Lord.......okay, maybe more than sometimes....... I do wonder what is going to happen.  I hear all of the doomsday announcers and the like, and wonder....."Who do we listen to?"......and "What do they really know?"   And, for my information....."Who is 'they'?"  It is frustrating at times to listen to those who propose that 'they'  "have it all together".  I suppose that's what books and movies, newscasts and actual reality is made up of.  Someone who knows......and someone who doesn't.  What does one do when they actually do think they know?  They have a responsibility to be right.....don't they?  And, if they aren't......then what?  The prophets of old......IF they truly were God's prophets.....were always right.  They received their information from God Almighty!  If 'they' were found to be wrong....they were in the obituary section of the paper the next day!  And, that was God's rule......right, Lord?  I found it so weird that several men who would have "taken it to the bank".....were proven to be profoundly wrong.  And, yet ......I saw them smiling and giving us their reasons of why they were wrong the next day.   I would like to say Lord.......no one deserves all that air time.  They talk to hear themselves talk and disgust those who agree and disagree with them because of all the excessive use of sound bytes and meaningless words.

I propose that our information system is overwhelmingly skewed.  I love to watch the news from all the angles.  I don't understand the bulk of it perhaps but, I like to be informed.  That is why I am thinking  that maybe I don't need a lot of useless information clogging up my brain.  I think I need to concentrate on the scriptures of Your divine word to us, as Your children.  I have heard over and over, since just a little girl, that Your word......"is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path".....and that, in itself should inspire me since I am always wondering what You want me to do next.
And......besides that......"my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness." (I honestly don't know if that one is scripture but I think it's a good one liner.)  Knowing that .....if I acknowledge You and don't lean on my own understanding in any given situation.....that YOU will  direct my way.....and lead me into the paths of righteousness.  I like the sound of that, Lord.  I have, on more than one occasion, suggested we take a side road that sort of looked a little more exciting.....and You stepped out of my way.....and let me go.  (I have always found that walk back a little disconcerting (and uncomfortable) with my tail between my legs.)  Stupid.  That really is the correct word for it.  And, bullheaded.   But, no matter how old I get......I seem to always want to try "my way".  I really need to change that, Lord.  Could You nudge me a little harder the next time?  Less foolish than usual.......that's a good plan!

Again, I quote Your words to me from that favorite verse in Psalm 139: 5 and 6.  Sorry, Lord.....I know You know it but when I repeat Your words to us, it comforts me......" I look behind me and
You're there, then up ahead and You're there, too.....Your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much.....too wonderful.  I can't take it all in!  Lord....to me....those words are special.

That is what I can count on.  Your word to me.  It has never failed me.  Even though I have questioned You and what Your promises say to me......You complete the story of what Your plan for me actually is.  I will drink in the Word.  I will maintain my feeble attempts of being "informed" with the scrutiny of Your word to me.  I ask Your divine blessing on my life and ask all in the name of Jesus. Amen.

"Who's Voting For You, Lord?"

It's a little scary, Lord.  Today is the day the citizens of the United States vote for their choice for President.  Some are voting with clear hearts and anxious spirits....knowing that it is possible they won't see their hopes realized.  Others, with obvious agendas, try to work their magic to see their hopes come to fruition.  Someone will win.  Someone will lose.  Savior of the world......help us live in the knowledge of Your Word to us.  Help us to seek what is Your good and perfect will for us.
Whether we are on the winning team or not, could You show us how to exhibit Your spirit of love and empathy.  The fact that the divisive nature of  any election can tear us to pieces......there will be no hiding from making a decision.  It has to be done.

 Lord, how does anyone know that I vote for You?  Can they tell from the way I look?  That's doubtful.  My hair is short.  I wear lipstick.  I even wear nail polish.  My word.....I even carry extra earrings in my purse in case I forget to put them on when I get ready to go out.  That is HOW everyone used to know if someone was a Christian.  (No woman that was a Christian would ever look like that.) Well, that takes care of the women.  I'm not sure how anyone could tell a man was a Christian. (Just sayin'!)   Of course, as usual, Lord.....I digress.  I'm just being a smart Alec!  Years later now, my concern is not so much in HOW I look.  It is, how I act.  "They'll know we are Christians by our love.".......is a tune written years ago when praise songs became popular.  Determining what is good behavior and what is not,  often takes us to our knees......or should.  Lord, I need Your constant surveillance of my life.  My comings and goings.  My words.  My reactions.  The fact that my "age" warrants that my drink be refilled as soon as I empty it.....and the words, "Can I get anything for you?" be uttered throughout my stay at a lunch date...........well, Lord.......what can I say? ( I am human, you know!)  Seriously, Lord......(and, I am).... I need for You to continue to whip me into shape.  How can I win anyone for You and the kingdom of Jesus Christ if I am unkind?  If, to all around me, I am being a bully.  I vowed to my Sunday School class on Sunday, I would ask a waitress at a restaurant we frequent, to come to church.  I was determined to do it.  The time came later that same day.  I freaked out, Lord.  You saw me.  I would have almost  rather  taken a beating than do what I had promised to do.

I like to think that when I vote to do the thing I have promised.......or made the effort to mend a heart I have broken......that satan takes a step back because I have gained a little more back bone.
I like to think that if You were running for anything.....I would vote for You.  And, that seems to be a ridiculous statement.  But, so true to form, individuals form a conclusion of You because their life has not "turned out" as they had hoped.  Their dreams have been squashed.  Loved ones have been taken away.  Circumstances have given them no place or time to rest.  And, so, Lord.....their view of You is skewed.  They have their own ideas of what You should be doing in their own hearts and lives and regrettably, Lord......You just aren't holding up Your end of the bargain.  You know, Father....I am being facetious.  But, You know what I'm saying is true.  I have had a few times in my life when I was singing that same song.....even the same verse. Jesus.....dear Savior of mine......help me make a difference in someones life.  I don't know what You will do.  I don't know how You expect me to handle this.....but , I will be watching for my time to act.  And, I am praying that Your continued blessing and favor would be upon me.  I'm voting for You, Lord.  I want everyone to see that.  I do not want to hide that fact.  I do not want to ever be embarrassed to say so.

Help me, Lord.  At times, I am so weak.  And ineffective.  Grant me any favor I deserve.  And, in all I pray, I say in the name of Jesus.  Amen.