"MY LETTERS TO GOD": May 2023

Saturday, May 13, 2023

In Psalm 34:18 , it says….” The Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

When she called, Lord….I could barely process the words she was saying, in my mind. My own daughter was telling me that her precious son, our “Bailey Boy” had taken his life and she had found him.

To hear your child wail in such a place of agony, is truly what the description of agony is, I think. How I wish I could have carried this pain for her.

This verse, Lord….has gotten me through some hard places. I have imagined myself thrown across my bed in such deep despair thinking these words were written just for me. “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself, intercedes for us through groans too deep for words.” (Rom.8:26)

Now, I know….You go before….behind and beside us. How could this boy/man leave us like this. How could He feel so unworthy to live. We’ll never know the reasoning. We could see that he was such a great father to his little twin daughters. I wonder if they will ever have a memory of his wonderful smile. Lord, I’m asking you to take care of that for me.

While we await Your coming back to get us… I need You to provide wisdom to help encourage, to acknowledge the grief and to stop thinking about “the right words to say” and to just listen through the tears. Tears are a language only You can understand. Each of the family is mourning this loss. But You Lord, grieve with us. You know the needs of each one.

“First things first, I seek Your will….not my own….surrender all my wants to You….Surrender all my wants to You…keep the first things first. To live Your truth, walk Your ways, set my eyes….Lord, I fix my face on You….all my desires reversed…..to keep the first things first.”

I’m not sure, Lord how all of this fits together. These words are a part of one of our praise songs and it has been going through my mind. That told me that I needed to write. Like now. I couldn’t even drink a cup of coffee first. Until this, I realized all I could ever manage to say was “help”…..not even “HELP”! I’ve really not had the strength. Lord, it is so very depleting. I think the enemy of my soul is such an awful being. I’m a senior adult. I’ve been in “The Lords Army” forever….yet, he still thinks I’d be such a prize for him….it’s maddening to me that I have to fight him off like the vicious dog he is! But, I know all of us who love You, have to do the same thing. EvenYou, Lord. I wonder….if he thinks he is so much wiser than You….why hasn’t he gotten the message that he’s lost the battle!

You are the Master of the wind. You are all we need. I regret that I forget too often that You are. As I continue to live for You, strengthen my resolve to be the Christian woman You planned for me to be. The years I’ve lived, I pray, Lord… that You will consider me to have been faithful. I will, with You helping me, to continue.

I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Saturday, May 13, 2023

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