"MY LETTERS TO GOD": May 2016

Saturday, May 7, 2016

I can't tell You how many times I think about starting a letter to You saying....."Lord, what do You want me to do for You today" ? ......and I don't. Mostly because I'm afraid You're going to suggest a few things I don't feel comfortable doing! There! I said it for all the world to see. I know that as I go through a day....whether I am out and about.....or just at home.....I usually obey what I feel You are pushing me to do. Most of the time....when I obey, I find that you are not suggesting I do any more than a part of someone's day. Perhaps not even an integral part.....just a message that God is wanting to send to someone. These "acts" are often just off the top of my head.....like......"I love your long sweater!"......."Your hair is so pretty!"......"Is there something I could carry (do) for you?". I have often been put off by my own thoughts, thinking I will somehow insult or bother......resulting in nothing done. Lord, I find that so often I have missed out on what could be very well be perceived as a blessing from You. Right now, I am so very aware of not wanting to be "too involved"! Thus, I tend to stay in my shell till the knocking drives me nuts. I am so "not wanting" to get into a place where I am expected.....or depended on.
Oh, Lord.....understand me when I say these things. I really do want to be what You need at this time in my life. I know my Mom did. She was always taking meals to people in her at the Senior Living place where her apartment was. Whether it was checking their blood pressure, getting a grocery item or taking them to the Doctor......she was always running around helping someone. It made me proud of her, that she was so interested in making someone else's life easier.
Go ahead, Lord, if You please. I'll be watching for Your cue. I am pretty sure I mentioned this to You the last time I posted a prayer. I thought that once we retired my role as "caregiver" was done. I see that I can still be useful to you. For me, it's the "broken and spilled out" part that still tends to be painful to me. Perhaps that is what keeps me from wanting to be an instrument for You, Lord. Help me see that You will protect my anxious heart. I give it to You. All of my weakness.....I find I can be assured, that You will strengthen me. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Saturday, May 7, 2016

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