It's so funny, Lord!  And, not "funny/ha-ha"!   I have,  for the last couple of days...... tried to write my Prayer Blog post.  I have lost one.....I have started two......(still in draft form) and cannot seem to join my thoughts in a cohesive manner.  Every sentence seems disjointed.....or a little foolish.....or a bit needy sounding.  And now, Lord,  I write with every intention of finishing before I leave this house today.  It's Sunday.  The demands are usually exhausting for me anymore.  By the time I get home, change my clothes, and sit down to rest a little.....it's time to go back for Sunday evening service.  No....I do not want sympathy.  I just want some peace.  In all of the demands of my time, somehow, somewhere, I need the promise of peace.  Joy does reign.  I'm thankful for that.  Yesterday, I was writing about loving the precious gifts You've allowed my husband and I to have.....having them under our roof for a few days.....just seeing them laying on the couch, clicking the TV or just napping,  is a joy.  As each family member departed, I found, amid a few tears, that one day "good-byes" will be over with.
We enjoy our family.  That is a fact.  And, we have You to thank, dear One.  I, for one, am so very blessed to be a recipient of the "quiver being full".  You know, Lord......You give us the desires of our heart even when we do not know what that might be.  I never imagined that when I married 48 years ago, I would be the mother of this group of people that visit "home" on occasion.  Thank You Lord.  Thank You for helping me (and their father) grow them into nice people.  I have worried, sometimes incessantly, that I wouldn't be able to fill the areas of need they would have.  And, I'm not talking about math homework. (That tended to be an area someone else had to fill.)  The ultimate teaching tool for mothering and fathering a child, I believe, You provided quite nicely.  The scriptures are the nurturing tool every parent needs.  I love the promises that fulfil each of our needs.  I've been especially aware each day as I look at "Today's Verse" on my I-phone.  (Thanks for the idea to send verses to my grands that are in college and a few others You've suggested).  I am touched by the promises that fill the pages of Your Word.  "Having confidence that we can ask anything according to His will......He will hear us"........to......."Teach me to do thy will, for thou art my God....thy spirit is good;  leading me into the land of uprightness"......to......."A soft answer turneth away wrath;  but grievous words stir up anger"........to......."For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil......thoughts that give you hope and a future"......to......"For the word of God is quick, and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword......".    Lord, these words are quick and powerful.  They do speak to us.  They do lift us.  They encourage me.  Giving ourselves over to You when we feel so inept at the challenge at hand, is and was my salvation in growing my children and now, as I am a senior adult, my solace.
Continue Lord, to guard my heart.  To sustain my anxious thoughts.  Help me to maintain the sweetness of Your spirit that tends to be elusive to me at times.  I would so love to never have to "regret unkind thoughts or words" that have proceeded out of my mouth because of an unruly nature. " I need You every hour.  Every hour, I need Thee.  Oh, bless me now, my Savior.....I come to Thee."
For this day.....and the possible hope of a new year coming very soon.....I ask.....in Your divine name,  each blessing.  Amen.

Every time Lord......yes.......just about every time I want to write You.....I have umpteen reasons why I can't.  You know what the excuses are.  Dishes.....beds.....garage to be straightened.....downstairs decorated....make new ornaments for the tree....do some shopping....make up the food list....decide the menu for Christmas day....do the Christmas calendar for the Church family....plan the music for Sunday.....ei-yi-yi!!
And these are just a few of the happenstances that take up a day and all of a sudden, it's time to go to bed.  The list gets longer after I cross off and add to it!  And, You, Lord.....You stand by and watch me get more and more frustrated as I try to finagle all of my comings and goings.  I watch the busy-ness.....and  I see the frustration of others.  I remember so well how my mother would go to a store and just stand there.  She couldn't find anything she wanted.....because she didn't know what she wanted.  I never understood.  But, it's funny Lord, how you finally see.....and understand all of the desperate confusion.   Nothing works.  Nothing is "special" enough.  Finding something that doesn't cause me to be looked at "funny" is an exercise in futility at times.  I guess there is always a place for that.....if you can keep a sense of humor and laugh along.  Somehow, as it says in Your word Lord, there is nothing new under the sun.  Trying to get a special reaction (a pleasant one)  from gift receiver's is something I have decided to leave  with You.  I am often dismayed after the fact that so many find little need to ever react.  And, You know, I am not talking about my kids.  I taught them better.  Why is there so much ungratefulness in our world.   Even discussing this is cumbersome.  I think there is  something to the "why-did-you-give-me-something....I-didn't-buy-you-anything" scenario. You know, Lord....I wonder if You are distressed about the fact that You graciously extend to us Your gift of salvation.....and so many just refuse to accept the gift you offer.  I'm not sure, Lord.  But, I would guess the commitment of opening your gift, and then making this change in our life is the drawback.  I think in some cases, folks like to hang onto their anger issues as their "reason" for lack of desire to have a clean heart.....or, they just don't believe at all.  
 I am filled with joy that You have given us such an extension of Yourself.  We are so blessed.  I feel that to not fill Your ears with our songs of praise to You is so disrespectful.  We are loved....and Lord, I feel  it so much of the time.  (Yes, I have to admit, there have been times when I was so angry with You I couldn't see straight.....but, Lord.....in the life of a committed Christian.....that doesn't remain for long.....it can't.  You cannot dwell where there is that kind of sin and/or behavior.)  The joy that You allow to be contained in the heart, is joy unspeakable......and full of glory.  I am convinced that it is the life's blood of anyone who bears the name, Christian. 
Lord, Your name is above all names.  It is the time of year when we celebrate Your birth.  Yes, we entertain ourselves with special parties, gifts, foods, and celebration with our family and friends.....but, lest You think differently.....this celebration is ALL  ABOUT YOU. 
I praise Your name, Lord.  I ask that in all I pray.....ask for.....and thank You for........that all would be done in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Dear One......What do we say?  As I have heard, probably a hundred times since 10 am yesterday......"There are no words".   And, yet, we hear them anyway.  Word after word ....statement upon statement.....edict upon edict......and still, nothing rings true.  Everything said falls on deaf ears.  No one is listening.  No one.
The sad fact is we live in a dangerous world.  We manage at times to skate through life virtually unscathed, but, sadly,  some are not so lucky.  Or, I guess, blessed, would be the better word, Lord.  I usually never use the word, "lucky".   I like to think I'm above using  that particular word.  I'm not better than anyone who does say it.....I like to think with You running things in my life.....bad or good, I am blessed by You.  Oh, Lord......what in the world do we say about this.  Everyone chooses their words carefully when asked,
"What happened?"  Some can't speak.  The tears that flow though, are the real language here.  The children are as articulate in expressing their thoughts as the adults.
Lord, all of them will forever be affected by what they heard....and experienced....and perhaps, saw.  Now,  already.....and will continue to hear......"Where in the world was God when this was happening?  Over and over we hear the same exact thing.....often expressed more angrily.  "If He is such a God of love......then how....?"
Oh, Lord.....my heart breaks because of the lack of real and meaningful change.  Our cries should be ....."Oh, Jesus.....Savior of the world.....change my heart.   Let me be a light in a darkened world.  Help me to stop obsessing about what I need and what I want, and be a help to someone else for once.  Someone who is incapable of doing anything for me back.  I believe with all my heart, You were broken to the core when You saw Your beloved Son bloodied, bruised and crucified.  Although, You could have stopped it.....You didn't.  You allowed the horrible act to be played out......to show us Your miraculous plan for our salvation.  To experience that, Lord.....tells me that You saw the horror exhibited yesterday, and grieved with all of them that were there and still are.....at this moment.  We concentrate our words and tears on the little ones who were innocently shot and killed yesterday.  Standing or sitting  with their little friends.....playing or talking.....doing their numbers or reading out of their books.
They looked up, saw the evil, and then saw You.  Gathering them to Yourself, dear One, I pray You will surround them in Your arms, giving them all the love they can stand....for they are experiencing such joy, there with You.   
Oh, Lord......for each and every adult.....perhaps, now childless.....their pain and anquish should not be analyzed.  They are now and forever will be, broken spirits.  There is no understanding this.  There is only a level of acceptance of fact and living through the nightmare.  Trying and failing perhaps.....but most,  certainly trying.  Our prayers perhaps can benefit them.  It doesn't matter what words we use.....for, as many have already said.....there are few words in any language that can explain the awfulness of evil.  Jesus.....this is where we lay on our faces....and moan our prayers to You.  These utterings.....I believe......  You perceive and hear us grieve.  You know.  You understand the cries of our hearts.  You even understand the cries of a demented heart.....but given no access to the heart of such a one....You can do nothing.  Our hearts break as we see in our minds the process of going to a funeral home, picking out a casket......going to a closet and picking out a special outfit to clothe these little ones in......perhaps even placing already wrapped Christmas gifts in the casket.  Who else would want them?  Jesus.....Savior of the world.....Bright and Morning Star......help us not to think that we have to have "words" to explain our grief.  No one understands as You do.  Draw these wounded individuals to You.  No matter what their faith might be, no matter if they even believe in You......Jesus, just be there.  And, when they call
out.......go to them.  Hold them.  Love them.  The  husbands, children, parents and loved ones of each adult killed......Oh, Lord......surround them.  I believe there were folks yesterday that decided they just might believe in You, after all.  I pray that is so.

Lord, for the young man who did this terrible thing....I wonder about his demise into doing  such a dastardly deed.  His life is over.  The day someone looked at him and called him "stupid"......or "retard"......or never allowed him any respect that any human should have........should make us THINK carefully about the words we say to one another.  Everyone needs to feel they have some worth.  Everyone needs to feel that they are important.....to someone.  Jesus, as I pass by people on the street or  at the mall......help me remember to perhaps smile or say a word of encouragement to them if the opportunity arises.  I hope to be a better ambassador.  I want to help You, Lord.

I need You, Lord.  More today, than I did yesterday.  I  thank You for the blessings I enjoy.  I praise You for the sun that is shining today.....so many need to see the Son of God shining on them today.  It is so dark without You.

In the name of Jesus, I pray.  Amen

I've stared at this page long enough to think I may have "writer's block".  But....that does not make any sense to me, Lord.  Not when all I have..... comes from Your hand.......unmerited.   I should have multiple things to say and rejoice over.  Regrettably, I've been "under the weather" for days now.  Taking some time away from the church to visit our son and wife, I thought it would be a good time to get sick and really have some quality "off" time.  NOT. But, that's exactly what happened.  I wish I could redo these last few weeks......I accomplished nothing I'd hoped to......I sat like a slug for days waiting for the next to show a little improvement.  No life.  No energy.  Short of knowing I wasn't dying, I still had little thought of "hope" for a better day.  Sort of depressing.

Thankfully, I guess, You have a way of making us rest whether we feel we have need or not.  Not often do we plan times to get sick.  I'd prefer, maybe Sunday  evenings about 5:30 or quarter to six.
Not long....maybe just a couple hours!  Lord, I don't know if there is a slight smile on your face or not......so, I think I'll move on to another thought.

I often see no reason to write......or talk.  I like to just be quiet......sometimes.  Then, of course, I believe that I am being totally ungrateful to you when I don't talk with You more often.  Sometimes, I feel it's better that we just talk instead of the constant "Lord, could You give me....." or "Lord, I need for You to......" kind of conversation.   I am not always wanting something from someone else all the time.
Lord, I hope You don't become annoyed when I constantly am asking, whining, and needy so much of the time but I am so very aware that all I need.....I can find in You and in the power of Your Word. I find that talking to You as I would a friend comforts me.  You listen.  You don't look at me funny.

A few Sunday evenings ago at Choir practice, I found myself enamored with the words in one of the songs we were doing for a cantata.  "Mary, did you know that your baby Boy would one day walk on water.....Mary, did you know that your baby Boy would give sight to a blind man.....or calm a storm with His hand.....?"  Would we raise a child differently if we knew they would change the world?  I think not, Jesus.......I think not.  Oh, dear One.....hear my cry.....help me.  Change me.  Love me.....forgive my lack of empathy at times.  Make me the individual that will shine for You.  I heard that recently.....You heard it too, Lord.  This dear boy said to me....."I want to shine for Jesus, Corrine."  Oh, Lord......help him......and help me to remember that "shining" is important.  It's not easy all the time.  I felt pretty dull this last few weeks.  There was no shining.

Jesus, I give it all to You.  I know You know my heart.  I will never be the example for You until I learn that You take the dullness and everyday life of an individual, the good, the bad, the ugly.....and You provide a sense of joy and fulfillment that provides the shine that produces a bit of a glow.  The glow of You, dear One.

I think, Lord........that when I write a whole page.....and it disappears (?) ......that You sort of want me to NOT publish that particular page.  It just happened.  I put all of my heart thoughts out there......and it disappears.  What else am I to think?  Soooo......I am starting over.  I know You read my thoughts and calculated my thought process and/or perceived my questioning.  You and I will work on these things together.  Okay?  Okay.

Thankfulness is what this week has been all about.  Our thankfulness to You for the prayers answered; the blessings received; the events that are shaping our lives in front of You and others watching our lives.  Who we are and what we portray to the world around us is often questioned.  To the outside world, we are looked at as odd sometimes.  Especially if we are honest to a fault.  People look at you and think,  "Hmmm.....wonder what they're trying to prove?.....or ......Good grief!  I'd have taken that extra change and not thought twice!"  Lord, I think my goal in this world is to live according to the laws You have set up for me.  To not lie.....or steal.....or use Your name in vain.....to not "wish" I had something someone else has.....or be less than honorable to my parents.  The list is a little longer, but I am aware that these edicts were set up for our survival in a sinful world.  Why else would You have given them to us.  You want us to be different.  Not necessarily weird-different but, unusual-different. Is there a difference?  How we are perceived though, is not what You want us to be concerned with.  I do have trouble with that, Lord.  I want to be "cool".  I want to have people look at me and think....."I'd like to be like that."  I doubt very much that they ever do;  I'd just like them to.  What "they" think is up to You, Lord.  I'm never happy with looking foolish to anyone.....You already know that......therefore, I will leave that up to You.  DID I just say that?  Yeah, I did.  And, I know that when I allow You free reign in my life.....You will work out all that is good and Your perfect will in my life.  

I find that being thankful.....grateful......appreciative of all You have given me.....(and allowed ) , is the easiest thing to do.  The scripture does tell me to ....."Be thankful in all things...."  several places.
If I do not praise You for all You've done,  I cannot ask for another thing.  The times I have cried out to You for providing me the strength to pursue  forgiveness I need....for me or for another; the needs I have; the things I JUST want; and the personal salvation for my own soul.....a home in Heaven......all of it......I am so blessed by Your gifts to me.  I thank You.  The song a few years back about "being thankful for unanswered prayers" rings true too.  I have learned that in my heart of hearts, waiting for Your answers is really what is best for me.  (I'd love to be thinner though before I die.  You know, Lord.......so, I can enjoy it awhile.).

I honor You, dear One.  I ask for Your divine will to be done in my life.  I ask in the name of Jesus.
Amen.
 

How I love You, Lord.  You are a miracle worker.  You forgive me.  You love me unconditionally. You surprise me over and over in Your written words.  You nudge me when I am supposed to do something I don't really want to do.  You are patient when I fail to be the vessel for You I should be.  You always help me do whatever You are asking me to do......even when I feel inept.  Lord Jesus, I am overwhelmed by the gift of eternal life that You have provided and even though I barely understand how it all can possibly work.....I accept it.  The gift, I perceive, is as if it were handed to me physically.....is in a white box....perhaps wrapped in a white satin type paper.....and, tied with the most gorgeous red satin bow.  Nothing else.  I open it to receive this precious gift of life....presented to all who would believe and receive.  It is not a hard thing to do.  But, the commitment  that is attached to it is what bars so many from receiving salvation and the assurance of life everlasting.  "How can it be that I should gain an interest in the Saviour's blood?  Died He for me, who caused His pain?  For me, who  Him to death pursued?  Amazing love!  How can it be.....that Thou, my Lord, should die for me?" I guess, Lord.....that I will forever wonder why You would do that for me (if I can even take that fact into my brain!)  because most of my life I never felt that kind of worth.  But, after a year of study of "Self Talk, Soul Talk"....."Lessons I Learned In The Dark"......(by Jennifer
Rothschild).....  I truly am trying, dear One, to change my thinking.  I need Your constant nudging.  I have this habit of running myself down, speaking unflattering about my worth to You.  Lord, I seem to forget that I am Your child.....therein a child of the King.  Believing I am a King's daughter is hard.  Singing it and saying it doesn't seem to make it real enough. It's enough I think, Lord.....that I just look at You and say, "I accept this, Lord.  I don't really understand. But, I love thinking that I am loved this much."
Whatever has happened.....what is past and so very difficult to "own"......I give to You.  You have promised to accept me as I am.   Loving me, forgiving me, accepting the ruins that I and others hand You from the chaos we have created in our lives.....all of it, Lord......is Yours.  To re-create or make anew.  However You choose to do it.......it is Yours.  I am overwhelmed and loved.  I know it.  I believe it.  I am amazed.
What is Your plan?  What is my next job?  Show me....help me.....give me strength.
For all I ask....I ask in the name of Jesus.  For all I need.....I ask for wisdom.  For all I am needed for....I would like to have Your strength.  Thank You.
Amen.

Sometimes, Lord.......okay, maybe more than sometimes....... I do wonder what is going to happen.  I hear all of the doomsday announcers and the like, and wonder....."Who do we listen to?"......and "What do they really know?"   And, for my information....."Who is 'they'?"  It is frustrating at times to listen to those who propose that 'they'  "have it all together".  I suppose that's what books and movies, newscasts and actual reality is made up of.  Someone who knows......and someone who doesn't.  What does one do when they actually do think they know?  They have a responsibility to be right.....don't they?  And, if they aren't......then what?  The prophets of old......IF they truly were God's prophets.....were always right.  They received their information from God Almighty!  If 'they' were found to be wrong....they were in the obituary section of the paper the next day!  And, that was God's rule......right, Lord?  I found it so weird that several men who would have "taken it to the bank".....were proven to be profoundly wrong.  And, yet ......I saw them smiling and giving us their reasons of why they were wrong the next day.   I would like to say Lord.......no one deserves all that air time.  They talk to hear themselves talk and disgust those who agree and disagree with them because of all the excessive use of sound bytes and meaningless words.

I propose that our information system is overwhelmingly skewed.  I love to watch the news from all the angles.  I don't understand the bulk of it perhaps but, I like to be informed.  That is why I am thinking  that maybe I don't need a lot of useless information clogging up my brain.  I think I need to concentrate on the scriptures of Your divine word to us, as Your children.  I have heard over and over, since just a little girl, that Your word......"is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path".....and that, in itself should inspire me since I am always wondering what You want me to do next.
And......besides that......"my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus' blood and righteousness." (I honestly don't know if that one is scripture but I think it's a good one liner.)  Knowing that .....if I acknowledge You and don't lean on my own understanding in any given situation.....that YOU will  direct my way.....and lead me into the paths of righteousness.  I like the sound of that, Lord.  I have, on more than one occasion, suggested we take a side road that sort of looked a little more exciting.....and You stepped out of my way.....and let me go.  (I have always found that walk back a little disconcerting (and uncomfortable) with my tail between my legs.)  Stupid.  That really is the correct word for it.  And, bullheaded.   But, no matter how old I get......I seem to always want to try "my way".  I really need to change that, Lord.  Could You nudge me a little harder the next time?  Less foolish than usual.......that's a good plan!

Again, I quote Your words to me from that favorite verse in Psalm 139: 5 and 6.  Sorry, Lord.....I know You know it but when I repeat Your words to us, it comforts me......" I look behind me and
You're there, then up ahead and You're there, too.....Your reassuring presence, coming and going.
This is too much.....too wonderful.  I can't take it all in!  Lord....to me....those words are special.

That is what I can count on.  Your word to me.  It has never failed me.  Even though I have questioned You and what Your promises say to me......You complete the story of what Your plan for me actually is.  I will drink in the Word.  I will maintain my feeble attempts of being "informed" with the scrutiny of Your word to me.  I ask Your divine blessing on my life and ask all in the name of Jesus. Amen.

"Who's Voting For You, Lord?"

It's a little scary, Lord.  Today is the day the citizens of the United States vote for their choice for President.  Some are voting with clear hearts and anxious spirits....knowing that it is possible they won't see their hopes realized.  Others, with obvious agendas, try to work their magic to see their hopes come to fruition.  Someone will win.  Someone will lose.  Savior of the world......help us live in the knowledge of Your Word to us.  Help us to seek what is Your good and perfect will for us.
Whether we are on the winning team or not, could You show us how to exhibit Your spirit of love and empathy.  The fact that the divisive nature of  any election can tear us to pieces......there will be no hiding from making a decision.  It has to be done.

 Lord, how does anyone know that I vote for You?  Can they tell from the way I look?  That's doubtful.  My hair is short.  I wear lipstick.  I even wear nail polish.  My word.....I even carry extra earrings in my purse in case I forget to put them on when I get ready to go out.  That is HOW everyone used to know if someone was a Christian.  (No woman that was a Christian would ever look like that.) Well, that takes care of the women.  I'm not sure how anyone could tell a man was a Christian. (Just sayin'!)   Of course, as usual, Lord.....I digress.  I'm just being a smart Alec!  Years later now, my concern is not so much in HOW I look.  It is, how I act.  "They'll know we are Christians by our love.".......is a tune written years ago when praise songs became popular.  Determining what is good behavior and what is not,  often takes us to our knees......or should.  Lord, I need Your constant surveillance of my life.  My comings and goings.  My words.  My reactions.  The fact that my "age" warrants that my drink be refilled as soon as I empty it.....and the words, "Can I get anything for you?" be uttered throughout my stay at a lunch date...........well, Lord.......what can I say? ( I am human, you know!)  Seriously, Lord......(and, I am).... I need for You to continue to whip me into shape.  How can I win anyone for You and the kingdom of Jesus Christ if I am unkind?  If, to all around me, I am being a bully.  I vowed to my Sunday School class on Sunday, I would ask a waitress at a restaurant we frequent, to come to church.  I was determined to do it.  The time came later that same day.  I freaked out, Lord.  You saw me.  I would have almost  rather  taken a beating than do what I had promised to do.

I like to think that when I vote to do the thing I have promised.......or made the effort to mend a heart I have broken......that satan takes a step back because I have gained a little more back bone.
I like to think that if You were running for anything.....I would vote for You.  And, that seems to be a ridiculous statement.  But, so true to form, individuals form a conclusion of You because their life has not "turned out" as they had hoped.  Their dreams have been squashed.  Loved ones have been taken away.  Circumstances have given them no place or time to rest.  And, so, Lord.....their view of You is skewed.  They have their own ideas of what You should be doing in their own hearts and lives and regrettably, Lord......You just aren't holding up Your end of the bargain.  You know, Father....I am being facetious.  But, You know what I'm saying is true.  I have had a few times in my life when I was singing that same song.....even the same verse. Jesus.....dear Savior of mine......help me make a difference in someones life.  I don't know what You will do.  I don't know how You expect me to handle this.....but , I will be watching for my time to act.  And, I am praying that Your continued blessing and favor would be upon me.  I'm voting for You, Lord.  I want everyone to see that.  I do not want to hide that fact.  I do not want to ever be embarrassed to say so.

Help me, Lord.  At times, I am so weak.  And ineffective.  Grant me any favor I deserve.  And, in all I pray, I say in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

It was funny yesterday, Lord......I just kept waiting for a tree to fall or water to start pouring in somewhere......I kept trying..... but, I couldn't really rest.  None of those things happened.  All my little things I have sitting on my front porch didn't even move....even with the wind swirling around.  The gusts of wind that would come apparently weren't even in the direction of that little cove where the porch is positioned.  And, now.....today, I have the words of the song "Resting Through The Storm" going through my head.  With all of the pictures of the weather maps, areas around us getting hit pretty hard with "Sandy".....not once did I think about the song I'm mentally singing today.  The disciples were not particularly pleased when they were sure they were going to perish in the storm that came up on the Galilee and no one could find Jesus.  They were frantic.  They needed him in bodily form to come and assess what was happening and stop it (from happening) immediately!  (Lord Jesus......in my life, how often have I wondered where You were when I needed You the most.  Granted, Lord.....that hasn't happened very often.....BUT, when it does......I  am almost in a state of panic, too.)  Anyway, Lord......I find that I am NO BETTER than these anxious men when they believed their life was being threatened.  I've often thought, Lord, that I was.  (Better than them.)  I don't even know if  others ever feel that way.  I'm afraid I wouldn't like the answer.  ( I also like to think I wouldn't have been in the group of the whiny, never satisfied , constantly-asking- for-more -Israelites following Moses to the Promised Land.  How about we not even "go there", Lord?)  The song lyrics move to the chorus which says......"They found Jesus, resting through the storm.....trusting in His Father's words......knowing He was safe from harm......".

Lord, my life......my heart.....my mind.....my words, all need this lesson to be driven home to  the door of my heart.  Toggle-bolted to the door would be  a sign......"This is Corrine's home.  She's resting through the storm!" 

I need Your love to guide me.  I need Your arms to hold me.  I need Your wisdom to empower me.  I never want this to change.  I never want to be self-sufficient in Your eyes.
I have driven myself to distraction wanting "my ducks all in a row" so no one could say, spiritually speaking, that I hadn't fulfilled all of their expectations of me.  Lord, one thing I have come to learn after 45 years of ministry with my husband, is that NO ONE can fulfil all the expectations one may need attended to for another.  I have tried.  

I need Your intervention today.  Lord, as soon as I write my heart thoughts.....I am often deluged with exactly what I have praised You for.  I know the presence of evil in this world is nothing to dabble with;  argue with; try to understand, we should know by now   there is no understanding of any of it.  (In my case, Lord, that's the hook he uses to get me on his side!)   Help me Lord, to always be aware of his tactics.   Jesus, You are the world to me.  My hope.  My fortress.  I lay at Your feet the concerns of my heart and the needs of others.  

Bless us today with Your favor.  Thank You for the safety You provided during the storm.
Stay close, Lord.  I'm not sure, Lord.....but, another may be on the way. 

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Savior of the world.  Amen.

It amazes me, Father.....that You are my friend.  The actual conversations we have are pretty one-sided.  I tell You what I need; what bothers me; what I really want;  my innermost angst, confessions of my soul.....just to name a few.....and You have this way of nodding.....listening.....probing.....and  suggesting.  It is almost indescribable.  In actual fact, it is indescribable.  At Praise Team practice, I pulled out this song and I'd forgotten how it went, it had been so long since I played it.  "Indescribable, uncontainable!  You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name!"  It is a "keeper" song.  We have to do it soon.  "You are amazing, God!" is a line at the end.  And, it's true.  I call on You at any time of the day.....sometimes in a not-very-good-frame of mind......and, there You are, just waiting for me to finally tell You what is on my heart.  My heart thoughts.  Not everyone has the patience or the time to listen......I tend to go off on tangents.....lengthening my prayer to You.  I, of course, think it's important to give You the "back-story" or explain in words I am sure will help You understand me better (!) knowing full well, You know me best!  I just can see You roll Your eyes a bit....maybe even smile.....and, then....maybe not. 

I remember some thirty-some years ago standing in the kitchen, talking on the phone to a parishioner.
She'd called to ask my advice.  Remember her, Lord?  I listened as she described her feelings about wanting to wear her wedding ring after 50 plus years of marriage.  She couldn't wear it when she married because of the "church rules".   She talked....and I mostly listened as she laid out the whole story.  My heart went out to her.  Even now, as I remember the conversation, I still feel the same.  I
suggested she pray and seek God's voice to her and go with her instinct to wear that sacred piece of memorabilia.  She was atleast the age I am now, Lord.  Men have made rules for years.....following what they feel is Your edict to us.  And, men preached all of that from the pulpit.  Confusing the mere desire of wearing an outward expression of our love and devotion to someone......to falling into the pit of Hell for being an instrument of rebellion. I remember thinking....."Why is she asking me?
What do I know?  Why after all these years of being a Christian, is she struggling with this?  And, now.....of course, I know.  He, (satan) never stops.  He will always integrate himself into our lives.  Confusing and deceiving us.  (Help me, Jesus!)   Lord Jesus, I hope and pray that the fact that an unforgiving heart......an un-bended spiritual knee......a critical tongue......all play a part in the real message of a confessed sin and committed heart.  I truly believe the crux of our faith falls there.

Jesus, I just want to thank You for helping me see what is truly important.  Atleast in the areas of
my life that need correcting and changing.  I will obey Your plea to me that I pay attention to the places that displease You.  I will forfeit my desire to bully my opinion of what I think Your Word says.  What it says to me........is not necessarily what it says to another.  Help me not to forget that.
Help me to remember  what the picture says to me.  (You know.....the one You draw for me to show me what I am to do!) . 

I praise You, Lord.  Give me the favor I deserve today.  I honestly feel that breathing and living is enough......but, I will accept all You give.  In the name of Jesus Christ, I pray and ask You will in all I do and in all I say.  Amen.

It must be so frustrating to You, Father.  I ask for You to present me areas of service that I can do for You......and You do.....and , then I cower.  Would You help me?  As I read the devotional from Oswald Chambers today, I thought.....Are You talking to me, Lord?
Are You saying....."For Pete's sake, Corrine......what do I have to do for you?  You ask, I answer.  And, then you stutter and stammer your way around the issue at hand, wondering why you are here.  I AM WHO I AM......and I will help you." 

The line of one of our praise songs hits my "inside airwaves"......."In all I do.....I honor You."  ( Thank You, dear One.)  "I'm alive and well....Your spirit lies within me.....because You died and rose again.  Amazing love....how can it be.....that You, my King, would die for me?  Amazing love....I know it's true;  It's my joy....to honor You."

You know, Lord.....I was sure You were not talking to me.  I was.  And, as I started to read just a little while ago.....I couldn't even make sense of it.....thinking, this is " too hard for me today!  I'll read this another day."  I guess You, more than anyone, knows  I am SO sure sometimes.....and find out later, with great embarrassment.....that I am totally wrong.  Isn't  that amazing, Lord?   Wednesday evening, as I spoke to the Prayer Meeting crowd, I was quite adamant that we....ie; all of us who love and serve You , have a duty to be your hands and feet....and perhaps, even, a mouthpiece, to be used by You.  The verses You pointed out to me today just sort of hit me in the face.  "Who am I that I should go....? from Exodus 3:11 is so reminiscent of my thoughts the last few days.  So.....Lord......I am Your servant......I believe You have chosen me......and that You haven't rejected me at all.....and I will let You lift me up with Your righteous right hand......and give me peace. 

I asked my friend, yesterday, Lord...... " Do we ever really learn anything from our trials and tribulations?"  I have figured that the reason we go through these places, is for You to give us a bird's eye view of what You see after we are through the trial.  I like to think You don't have to send me into that same scenario for me to finally "get it"!  Lord, I submit to You that I have always thought that "You don't have to tell me twice".......and then I find that regrettably, You do.

Give me the courage and strength I need, Lord.  I cannot rely on strength from any other avenue.  Overwhelm me with Your peace......  the portion that passes all understanding is what I would like to have.  I don't need to understand any of it. 

I will bless You, O Lord.....by being obedient.  I will bless You by being faithful.
Grant me Your favor.  I ask all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.  

What was it that I wrote a while back, Lord?   I am going to condense my travel paraphernalia down so I don't have so many bags to carry?  Yeah....that's what I said!  I should have said, "......so I don't forget something everywhere I go!"  It was a favorite outfit and my cosmetic bag that I found missing when I arrived home yesterday from a week of living out of a suitcase.  I get so annoyed.  It's my own fault and I know that too!  I don't even pretend to blame it on anyone.  Aren't I mature, Lord?  Great.  I'm mature...... but still would forget my head if it wasn't attached!
The moment we arrived home, I felt a big sigh of relief that we were in our own driveway, safe and sound.  Thank You, Father....for allowing us to be able to visit our loved ones and try to encourage them by just being there.  It is sometimes all you can do when folks are going through hard places and are not sure which way to turn.  Just being a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on or a hand to hold is often all You expect us to do.  Praying, not withstanding, is expected and definitely not the least we can do for one another.  I guess I always grew up feeling that those things weren't quite enough.
I have flailed with the "what to do?" mantra forever.  I always think I have to have a "ready answer" for any question that comes up and so often Lord, it isn't what You expect at all.  Just having the ability to keep quiet and listen is important too.  I like that You have placed different folks in our lives, at different times, to perform what needs to be done.  Not everyone has to do every  single thing.  I appreciate that  especially when I fail to listen, You allow someone else the blessing of hearing  (what You originally meant for me to do) Your call.....they pick up the ball that I have dropped and get the blessing.  The laxness is never my intent, Lord.....and even though I do fail You on occasion....You keep giving me places to serve.  Thank You Lord for allowing me the privilege to follow Your calling.
For the sad, forgotten, lonely, bereft and alone individuals I am responsible for.....I pray I will be Your messenger.  Never failing them.  I ask for Your divine word to be implanted in my heart for
their encouragement.  Over and over, Lord, I have been discouraged by my submission of souls for
Your kingdom.  I do submit to You that my job is to plant a seed of hope.  The spiritual laws and
specific scriptures I worry over not getting quite right, are Your department, Lord.  I will be Your
instrument.....to do Your will, living Your word, and keeping Your commandments to the best of
my ability. 
Where I go.....what I do.....who I speak to....(or don't speak to)......the words I use.....the attitude with
which I express myself.....all hinge on how close I stay to Your side.  I expect Your nudge when I
need it.  I aim to be the lighthouse that shows which area is safe to go.  Shine away, Lord.  I don't
want the lens of that light to ever become cloudy and diffused.  Help me see anything that would
deflect the light of Your word to me or anyone I speak to. 
I pray in the name and will of Jesus Christ, our Lord.  Amen.

Lord, I've read so many devotionals this week and I wonder to myself......what is this supposed to teach me?  Isn't that what they are for?  To reprove us....to improve us.....to make us think?  I know you use whatever is available to get your thoughts and laws through my head.  I remember buying one of our children that picture Bible......and I'm wondering if I should go buy another one in an updated version.  I'm always saying, "I need a picture drawn for me."  It is sometimes a little disheartening when I read Your words.....and I don't understand what You are trying to tell me.  People often feel that because I am the pastor's wife....and in a leadership position that I should have some answers that are in line with Your thinking.  Often....way too often, I am wondering if I gave the wrong advice....or suggested  a too-human response in what I feel You want me or any of us to know. 
Lord, first of all.....let me assure You, I know without a doubt that You are God.
Your patience will forever amaze me.  I consider You at the helm of my ship, a
loving, concerned, faithful Captain.  And, I have the utmost respect for Your ability to do for me as no one else could.  But, secondly....I view You as my true friend.  One that will give me honor, if I deserve it......favor.....if You choose to, and discipline when I have failed to learn what You need me to know.  What I find difficult, Lord.....is sharing what You have taught me without intimating to another that...."If I can do this, you can too."  I wonder, Lord.....do I step over the line of duty when I infer this? The enemy is bound to jump on that. I need Your intervention in any words I use.  
 Is this what Amy Carmichael meant when she wrote...."If I belittle those to whom I am called to serve...talk of their weak points in contrast to what I view as my strong points.....and essentially wonder why someone "is not quite as spiritual as they could be"......then, I KNOW NOTHING OF CALVARY" ?   Jesus, Savior of the world.....help me to always be at Your feet.....  never to even suggest I have "conquered this spiritual journey" I'm on.  Save me from the wiles of satan that would ever suggest that.  That's all he needs.  I do know that when I speak to You or speak about You to someone , oftentimes I am looked at with a questioning eye.  And, of course, I know why!
I speak to You as if You are sitting in front of me, drinking a glass of water or a cup of coffee.  I speak to You as if I were in the back seat while You are driving me on my road of life , leaning forward to touch Your shoulder with my hand to make a point or to make sure I heard You correctly. 
Lord, my job is to pay attention.  My job is too follow the guidelines You set up for all of us that follow You in the scriptures.  My job is not to judge what another is doing and how they are doing it.  My hope is to be Your light in the lives of those that need me to be a light for them.  Never to overstep.  I believe You will be my encourager and my guide as I do what You lead me to.  I'd like so much to draw folks to You by my behavior.....and to never discourage.

Lord, I am quoting a special poem that I found years ago by Marjorie Holmes.  I
love what it says.....I wish I had written it.

                          "Lord, somewhere I read that when two
                           people love deeply....living together.....
                           sharing....caring....giving.....forgiving.....
                           that they begin to resemble each other.
                           Tell me, Lord.....how long will it be before
                           I look like You."

This is my prayer too.  Lord, I ask all I do, request of You, and dream of....to be done in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Dear One......Thank You so much for listening when I call.  I am always wondering what I should say....."how to say it"......and always,  if I should say it "out loud".  Lord, after prayer meeting the other evening, I have wondered about a few things we covered.  I know when it's my turn to lead the service, I always try to cover any territory I think we will discuss ....and then, often, a "Plan B", just in case my subject matter isn't being well received.  I'm not sure why I like to bring up ideas Christians do not want to talk about. Jealousy, an unforgiving spirit, lying, spitefulness, hateful attitudes, etc., just to name a few.
I suppose it's because, even though I have my own hesitations for one reason or another, I love for people to think....and read.....and find out what Your thoughts are...... to discuss their issues with You and not glide over the uncomfortable places with pious thoughts and scriptures to prove them. I suppose too, I like for people to regard their hearts very carefully.  I remember at one time, I felt that I was "above" being bothered by the wiles of satan.   Lord, I am so very aware that You made me to think very human thoughts , regrettably.   Even though I have been careful to whom I am confessing a fault.....(if I do at all).....I am not afraid that You will  smack me down  to shut me up (not that You would do that)....but I do remember some times of dead silence between You and me.    I have spoken to You some fearful heart thoughts that swirl, unbridled at times in my mind.  I have received a measure of peace just sharing them with You.....and, then, with Your compassionate heart.....You speak words of hope and peace to my fractured spirit.  I am often embarrassed, Lord. What I am so very amazed at......is that You forgive me and show me in Your Word where I am to change.   I'm getting on the "old" side and still, when You speak to me about my unkind attitude,  my anxious spirit, the elusive forgiving nature that I always want to have.......well, Lord, I feel like a young christian again......forging my way into the world.  I wish that "once it is taken care of", I wouldn't have to deal with it again.  I hate that satan has this power  on the earth.   Lord, he is such a menace.  He is such a liar.  Sidling up to us with his slick moves......I just  pray for Your continual hand of mercy, and precious blood shed on Calvary to keep us from allowing any of his messages to trick us.  (Me, specifically!)   I have to realize that You have given us Your power to over ride the evil he places in our path.  The side roads that beckon.  Thank You for Your protection when I have faltered.....tripped over my own feet moving too quickly before assessing the move.....and  even argued by my "silent rebellion".  Jesus, You have given us the Word to lighten our way.  I saw a picture the other day with open Bibles depicted as step stones for the walkway.  Way too often I have fussed because the darkness was keeping me from seeing where You wanted me to go.  I saw a different way of seeing the direction You want me to go.  
"Greater is He that is in me......than he that is in the world."  First John 4:4 speaks it loud and clear.  It is my hope.  It is my solace.  It is Your love guiding me to my future with You.  I will not fear.  I have the power in the name of Jesus to defeat this angry man who will undoubtedly dog us to the gate.  And, all I can say is "Help, Lord!  Defeat the power of satan.  I plead the blood of Jesus.....which changes everything!"
In Your name I ask for Your will and any blessing you choose to favor me with.  I say,
Amen!

All around me is chaos.  The news of the day.  The fighting abroad.  The deaths of soldiers trying to ensure our freedoms.  The lives of some of my family.  And, some  that are about to experience sadness they have never had to endure.  Lord,  what can I do?  I've heard the classic christian response a thousand times.  "I will pray for you."  And, I recall thinking......"Really"?

 Lord, that is so cold.  I'm sorry.  It has often been an over-used, perfunctory answer for the dutiful christian.   I've said it....especially when I needed a quick get-away retort.  Lord, forgive me for ever being so unaffected by the concerns of our friends, family and acquaintances.  To mean it......now, that is a different scenario....and where I always want my allegiance to be.
I am so in need of Your mercy, Father.  I want to be Your servant.  Your emissary.  And, when I tell someone "I will pray"........I will.  I need to always be aware of how vital a mission this is.  It's not a
"way out" of a situation I find uncomfortable. 

I remember so vividly how incapable I was in the first few weeks and months of my mother's life ending stroke.  I remember how inferior I felt in having to answer question after question about life saving procedures she should have;  her prognosis;  and care that would endure until her life ended.  I knew that the fact that the people who wrote and called and visited.....and all said the same words... did say them with all sincerity;  I knew they were my life's blood at that time.  Now  years later, as I think about the events of that five year time period.......I know, and am totally convinced that I survived one of the most catastrophic events of my life.....only because someone said....."I am praying for you" and did pray for me.  Without fail.  Probably morning and evening.  And, in between time, too.   Lord, without a doubt, You placed those people there for me to depend on.  I had enough strength in the beginning to say only a few things to You.  I remember a few times that all I could utter to You, was "help!".  (I didn't capitalize it because I was using my quiet, inside voice, Lord.)  I had no strength.  I had no words.
I still can't believe You thought I was strong enough to handle all of that chaos.  I am glad, though, as I look back, that You were there for me.  Each and every minute I inwardly groaned about "how I was stuck in a situation I couldn't get out of".  I knew......without a doubt, that You were soothing my anxious, hurting heart. Those thoughts that come when its quiet....the  " No one knows...... ", " No one could understand......", "  No one cares....."   thoughts.    Those were the lies satan would throw at me.  Those hateful darts that he can throw.....with wild abandon.....and there I  sat thinking,  "Why doesn't somebody help me?"  And......Lord......that is when......someone prayed for me and I could breathe again.  You saved me from satan.  You gave me strength when I had none.  You allowed a little breath of peace to reign in my spirit.  Even if it was just for a few minutes,  it was all I needed.   And, what is so wondrous about that, is...... that you already knew that. 
You are ever interceding for me and for those I love.  You tend to us right where we are.  So, whether we are in past tense.....or present tense......I depend on the truth of Your word and Your promises to us all.

Thank You, dear One.  I love You so much.  I cannot count the ways.  I cannot count that high.
You are precious to me.  Help me to help someone today.....for Your glory.  I pray in the name and will of Jesus.  Amen.

You know, Lord......I find it hard to write "out loud" when there seems to be no pressing issues in my path.  I have put this off, knowing that "thing" in my being keeps poking me.....like something is not quite right.  And, so I write to You.  Not knowing what I should say.....or how I should say it.  My heart is full.....even to the point of running over.  I am blessed.  It is not a statement I say lightly.  I am.  And,  I know, that You know,  I haven't always made that claim.  Not easily, anyway. 

 I am thinking about difficulties of life that others are enduring right now.  Watching others wade through the options of "how to handle this" effectively, and be able to live a somewhat normal life is heartrending.  I watch and listen and hope to possibly render a possible solution, but, I find that each one has to find their own way, in their own time.  I ask that You, Lord.....would give each one wisdom and a special touch of Your love to soothe their own spirits.  The hard places in our lives are often what draw us closer to You.  And, sometimes that is only after we have vented to You how disappointed we are in You and that You ever saw fit to send this particular trial our way.  Yes, I know.  How dare I even put that in print?  I put it in black and white because I am human.....and You are God ......and I have a feeling that YOU know how I feel anyway.  I cannot hide from You.....nor, do I want to.  Do people really think that if they don't say it out loud, You don't know?  When I began to put my heart thoughts down on paper, I began to see how  my communication with You, benefited me.
I loved telling You how I felt.  As I wrote in my introduction to "letters".....I could go back through my notebooks and see that I was not as bad as satan had convinced me I was.......or.......I was a "whole lot " meaner than I knew You could ever be pleased with.  It is then, Lord......that real healing begins for me.....  when I am honest with You.  That "deep down" honesty.  Please help me, Lord.  I want that to  ALWAYS be  my life.  When I cover up and ACT LIKE I can handle it all.....I know one thing.  You'll let me.  And, yes.....I will handle it as I see it should be done.......but , there will be no peace for me.  When You are at the helm......showing me the direction, I may get sidetracked but I won't get lost.  I know that You know me well.  I do get sidetracked.  I often think I have a better solution.  I nudge You.....or tap You on the shoulder and SUGGEST, ever so gently, that maybe we could "check this way out first".  And, we do.  Often, my choices, are dead ends.  I admit it; You smile  and we move on.  Sometimes,  Lord, You tend to make Your way, a maze, You know......  And...... I tire easily......but You nudge and shove a little.....and finally, I have succeeded in doing things Your way.  The choices are difficult at times, Lord.  But, You and I both know, when I follow You and pay attention to Your "red flags", I am more contented. 

Jesus, help me to remember that.  To be content.  To be quiet before You.  To listen.
Thank You for loving me....and giving me Your peace.  I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

"The 'Holding Tight.....Letting Go' Scenario"

How do You feel about letting us go, Lord?  Do You think....."Well, I think I've held you long enough.....I believe I'll see how you do walking alone".......and then, you let us go?  Do You ?  Or, do You sense our anticipation of seeing the wonders of life ahead and hold us a little longer?  Do You place us on our own with concern that our wobbly legs (not used to holding us up) will meander off-kilter a bit to an unknown road than You originally meant for us to go?  What are the worries that You have for Your child. Us.  ( Me, specifically.)   Sometimes a bit too stubborn and willful.....yearning to be independent, yet still wanting a hand to steady me.  Lord, as I peruse the corners of my heart and mind.....I entertain the fact that so much of our lives, are filled with the "holding tight and letting go" scenario.  I watched, with reluctance, the separation of a Mother and daughter this week.  The "letting go" part was  a little torturous....for the Mother.  My girl. ( I remember praying as all of the departures of my children were imminent.  I had prayed about the various scenarios for several years.....not wanting to be the mother being dragged by holding too tight to the leg that was walking out the door .....yelling, "Pleeasee, don't go".)  Lord, You were there holding me and mine as we saw that part of our relationship go into the photo albums.
The best place for me to always go when I am bereft......and have no words......is to run to You.  I'm glad You don't have to worry about hernia's , Lord, because   I feel as if You pick me up, spin me around and say....."It's okay.  It's going to be okay!"  Honestly, though.....I prefer just resting my head against your heart.....knowing that "All is well."  The most wonderful part of that to me.....is, when I come, sad or content,  all things are well......because You are in control.  Okay....yes.  I have to admit when there have been places in my life that I wondered who in the world was running things....I was mad, sad, dejected, unable to breathe......yet, still.....I knew You watched me carefully.  You led me to the right people to comfort me......You showed me areas of strength and growth in the Word.....You gave me new life in future plans I hadn't thought of before.  And, You do that because of the love You have for us.  And, another thing You do for me, is show me areas of concern to You.  Areas of my life that I have avoided doing anything about for years.  Areas that need fixing.
I rest in knowing that You are watching my life.  You are merciful.....and gracious.  You are ahead of us, watching out for the issues that COULD mow us down.....You are deciding what can grow us into the best image of You we could ever be.
Thank You, dear One......thank You for having any confidence in me at all.
I ask and breathe each prayer in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Today, Lord.....I lean on a verse that just breathes Your love to me.  From Psalm 139, in verses 5 and 6......"I look behind me and then, up ahead.... You're there, too--Your reassuring presence, coming and going.  This is too much....too wonderful.....I can't take it all in!
Thank You, Jesus!

"What now?" "What's next?"

Scary thoughts!  And then, I wonder......why?  When You are running the show....I should be content to sit back.....worry free.....and just hang on tight.  Somehow, I don't think those two things connect......do they, Lord?    The "sit back, worry free....and just hang on tight" part?   No, you hang on tight because you don't know what's coming......'cause sometimes the ride is bumpy......closing your eyes against something you fear is heading your way.  I do not think this is what You intend.  I am so often filled with the sense that if I had prayed harder.....or longer.....or said just the right words.....things would have been  easier to deal with.  And, yet.....now I can see that You gave us the healing we yearned for......and the sense of peace we needed to see all of our "issues" come to fruition.  The joy we feel when You have given us the end result You believed necessary for our spiritual growth is beyond compare to anything else I have ever experienced.   I believe, Lord, when You supply that for me, I feel like I am doing what You called me to.  A step at a time,  A little here,  and a little there.  I remember when You brought me to the verse in Isaiah 28  that assures us You are not going to overload us.  Those precepts of the scriptures that  teach  us  the concerns we  need to address (and  I love that, Lord...most of the time, anyway!)  will be addressed!  You know what I need.....and You know when I need it.  My problem before I learned this truth was knowing that I needed to change many things;  and the difficulty in doing it all at once.....and becoming less than enthusiastic in knowing that is what you needed from me.....and me thinking.....and whining a little....."This is too hard, Lord"........."Am I the only one that needs to change my thinking?"......"Why is there so much?".   What a whimp I was.  A willing and anxious spirit to do all You expect of me.   That verse, the 10th one...... encouraged me.  I remember reading......"For precept must be upon precept, precept upon precept, line upon line, line upon line;  Here a little, there a little."  I knew after that, You demand one thing.  A willing heart.  A willingness to learn all You want me to.  I think it took me a while to get to that place.  I have learned.  Slowly.  I know, there are times when You do have to draw me a picture.  But, You are gracious.  And, I am thankful You are.  It is a blessing to have a friend that compares to no other.
I ask Lord, for You to encourage me to encourage those close to me to not try to "do it all themselves".  That independent streak that runs in most human beings who "do not want to be told" and are "sure that they can figure out their own way" and want to " do it by themselves".  I know the world thinks we are weaklings.  Needy.  Dependent.  But,  to have God on our side enabling us to change our world is not weak.  You give us direction....and help us choose the right path......if we stay connected to You.  I remember saying  as a little girl that  "I know the alphabet!" .  Insisting I did, to my first teacher  and, to my class.  Standing aside my desk, and starting a,b,c,d,e,f,g quite loudly and then, blurring and mumbling the rest very fast.  I knew the first six.  The rest, not so much.  I hadn't learned them.  I did not know how to recall something I hadn't been taught.  Yet,  I still insisted I could say them by myself.  Stubborn and determined.  And, all wrong. 
Jesus, help me to continue to call on You for direction and guidance even as I travel throughout the senior years.  To continue to want to be led and taught by Your direction.  To live effectively, to be a light for You, to be content in the circumstances I find myself......I give to You......hoping and praying I will be faithful to all You call me to do.  Or say.  Or be.
In the name of Jesus, I pray and ask for Your favor and blessing in my life and in the lives of those I love. 
Amen.

"How Far Have I Come?"

Earlier in the week, Lord.....I was confronted by this question?  Actually.....a question of my own making.  I forced myself to go digging into the old prayer journals and find some answers.  Lord, I think, that first of all I was amazed at the nauseating and incessant prayers for help, strength, courage, and forebearance over and over and over again.  I confirm to You that if I had been in Your place....dealing with my prayers (often the same words, over and over)......I'd have left town!  Lord, thank You for abiding with me.....and upholding me in my times of need.  Having no other option, You were there for me to lean on, time after time.  I got so tired of reading the same thing over again.  I thought to myself, Lord....."Good grief.....why don't you get a grip!" But, dear One....You were so kind to me.   Lord, You have shown us in Your Word to us  that You are our hiding place.  That You are the "Strong tower" that we deperately need.  You give our faith a "resting place".  You speak to the Father on behalf of us.....in words we are incapable of speaking.  You allow us only what You are sure we can navigate through!
The actual inquiry to "How did you handle your feelings when this happened?" was so stunning to me that after giving a perfunctory answer, I was surprised by the feelings it brought to the surface.  Lord, You and I had this connection that I still marvel at and now, after researching my words to You, I see how gracious You were to me.
I remember feeling at the "end of myself".  I remember not being able to function in a manner that could ever make You proud of me.  Tears were about the only language I could manage.  (And, Lord....I know You are well acquainted with grief and understood me, but, fellow christians.....(?)....well, not so much! As I perused the journals, the devotionals and scriptures I leaned on.....I saw without fail how You comforted me over and over.  I also saw that many, many places.....in scripture and devotionals, that You urged, suggested, and commanded that "I wait."  How that wearied me.  I remember, even now, years later.....not wanting to.  Wait?  To wait means hold off making a decision.  To wait means staying still.  To wait means to think.  To wait means not asking everybody and his brother what they think.  I'm really not very good at it.  And...... I found out something quite interesting as I was on the precipice of walking into what I viewed finally as Your answer.  Your assurance of being content to wait while a storm was about to be unfurled.  Your assurance of being quiet and waiting for Your intervention while all around me was a furious gale.  Just waiting.  Just being quiet.  But, as I read my words......I wasn't quiet.  I was crying.  Moaning.  Groaning.  Trying not to blame.....but, it came through loud and clear anyway.  And, in all reality, being a pain in the neck for You to deal with.  Lord, You were gracious.  You listened to my pleas.  You saw my hurt and confusion.  You understood and came to my rescue and gave me the peace I needed even after I failed to just be quiet and wait.
 I want to tell You that reading these journals has helped me see that I have learned a couple of things.....and with You guiding me, I will be patient enough to see how I have grown over time.  It still amazes me , Lord.  If I could, Lord....let me refresh Your memory! (Actually, Lord....it's my memory that needs refreshing!)
Remember, June 13th in the "Streams in The Desert" devotional?  The verse was from John 14:27, "My own peace, I give to You."  The devotional was about 2 artists rendering paintings that emphasized their own conception of rest.  The first chose a scene of a serene lake nestled against the foothills of a far-off mountain.  The second chose to paint a thundering waterfall, with a fragile branch of a birch tree bending over the foam of the spray and at the fork of it sat a robin sitting restfully in it's nest.  As soon as I read that Lord, I knew You were in control of our situation.  What I didn''t know is that bird in the nest was me.....and the ride was about to be bumpy.....and I should not fear.....because You had it all under control.  Needless to say, Lord.....it takes me awhile to learn the lessons  You teach.  I never was very good at figuring out the parables that You taught.  You know I need a picture drawn for me....practically....okay, almost always.  Anyway, Lord.  Thank You.  Thank You for showing me how much You love me.....and how far I have come.  I love You, Lord....and I pray all of my prayers and ask all of my needs in the name and will of Jesus.  Amen.  It's been a blessed week for me.  I praise You.  And, bless Your name.

"I Don't Know About Tomorrow...."

I wish I did, Lord!  I wish I knew what was coming.  Okay....scratch that, Lord.  I really don't.  I am not able to see the end from the beginning as You do.....so, each day has all I can handle and I would like to perfect that part before I am allowed a little more leeway. I have no idea why I would ever think you would choose me to be Your right hand man....but  I often think You and I see things alike.  You are just a whole lot nicer than I would ever be.  This is such foolish talk.  There IS NO PERSON like You.  Not one.  You were created by Your Father.....to be the intermediary for us with Him.  Our access to Him is all through You, Lord.  And, I am grateful that You see the good in us.  Our worth is totally up to You.  So often I view myself as worthless and unfulfilled because of my own stubborn wishes and then hang on to the follies of the past.  Could You.....Would You give me the transplant I need?  I would like to see the generalities of life dissipate and the real depth of our existence....ie.....my existence......contingent on one thing.  Your ideal of what my life always was to be.  I pray and hope, Lord.....that I am "getting warmer" to what your plan is.  I have (so often) gotten off the track at times....wanting to pursue "another" plan.....but, I know my ultimate happiness is to live as close to your plan as is humanly possible.  I know You take into consideration all of my drawbacks, my imperfections, my hangups and my stubborn will......and I think You know  that above all of that stuff......Your plan for me is what I want more than anything else.  Therein, I will be fulfilled.  And, ultimately happy.  I remember hearing once that You never promised us happiness. I disagreed.  The dictionary describes it as "the state of enjoyment" among other terms of satisfaction.  To believe that You do not supply a heavy dose of contentment and joy for us as Your people is foolishness.  You supply us with wisdom, strength, and hope to live our lives according to your will and plan for us.  How often have I wondered if You had my "best interests" at heart?  Yes.....Lord, I am sorry......there have  been a few.  As I continued to walk with You, though stubbornly, at times, I saw that You had it right all along. I know Your plan is the best for me to follow even though there are days I don't understand.
I guess that is my conclusion.  All things, work together for my good and Your glory.  If You're happy, Lord.....then I am too.  Are You?  My life remains in the hollow of Your hand.  I don't know about tomorrow.....but, I know that You do.  Your presence is all I need.
All I ask......and pray for is in the name of Jesus.  I say amen.  And, amen again.

"My Favorite Things: Your Words!"

Running through my head a good part of yesterday, Lord, were the words to a song from "The Sound of Music".  And, that was in between the breathless prayers to You for the needs of our family.  Lord God.....?......Please help us.  Please heal our wounds.  Inside and outside.  Intercede for us to Your Father.  We feel so sorrowful......and sadness is so pervasive.  It colors everything around us so gray.  We long for bright and soothing shades that make us smile and reflect the goodness You provide all the time. 
I believe the name of the song is "My Favorite Things", Lord.  There is  a line that kept repeating itself to me.
"......When the dog bites......when the bee stings......when I'm feeling sad......I simply remember my favorite things.....and then I don't feel so bad."  It points to me one thing that just about always comforts this heart of mine......and that is the comfort of the words in the scripture.  So many are there to warn us and convict us.  Some make us miserable at times because we do not want to change our ways.  But, the ones that move me to fall at Your feet, are the words that lift a shattered  and distressed heart.  Those verses touch me as nothing else can and shows me how You are touched by our grief....and how you understand our sadness.  I am so thankful that You care about what concerns us.  When our loved ones are touched by the incidents of life that send us rushing to the Emergency Room, it always stops us in our tracks and immediately makes us do the "What it?" game.  It is exhausting.  It is self-defeating. And, as everyone knows....it is normal behavior  for those who are looking on, knowing that the control we desperately try to hold on to is not in our grasp at all. 
I leave it all to You, Lord.  My favorite thing that I love to do when I am in a sad place is to look at verse after verse that I have written down for such a time.  You always seem to cover the territory I need to have covered.....and it comforts me to read and re-read.....re-write and quote the inspired written words.....that were given to us for just such a time.  You have covered every aspect of our lives in the scriptures.  It truly is a " lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path".  My heart is filled with a sense of joy when I read from the Psalms that "Your heart is touched by my grief...."  and that "You are close to the brokenhearted and (You save) those who are crushed in spirit."  So often, Jesus, we are so very sad at what we consider the injustices of life.  The illnesses.  The split second decisions that cause regrettable accidents.  All of it affects us.  Sometimes directly....and then some just indirectly.  What we need, Father, is the insight to fall into prayer immediately.  Words actually are not necessary.  You decipher the groaning of our spirit.....You know how we ache......You know what to tell Him!  And, so, dear One......tell Him.  Tell Him what we need.  And, I won't worry so much anymore.  I will trust in You.  Sometimes I just don't have any answers.  I just have a precious connection to SOMEONE who does. I will depend on Your wisdom to help ease our worries.  I will depend on Your love to surround us. 
"No one understands like Jesus".  That's the friend we have that is beyond compare. "Meet Him at the throne of mercy......He is waiting for You there."  Lord, I thank You for the precious word.  Thank You for loving us enough to provide that message of hope while we wait for You to return for us.  I need Your peace to reign in my soul.  And, I ask for the healing touch of the "Great Physician" to minister to those in need.
For all I ask and beg Your favor for....I ask in the name of Jesus, my Savior.  Amen.

"The Question is: Throw Out? or Save?"

Finally home after vacation and then a couple weeks of  'not so much'!  Thank you, Lord!  Thank you for helping me do the required work and strength to do so.  How do we compare the two?  Packing up the result of parents, three children and 8 years of belongings in a 3000 square foot home.  I love to compare the possibilities of how You see us.  The bags and boxes of our belongings placed at Your feet.  What would You  throw out Lord?  What would You save for future use?  What belongs in the trash?  What is the possible regret for throwing out what is the best?  Either by sheer will or mistake?  At this juncture in my life....I am mentally perusing the important and the unimportant.  Reading the scriptures and not forgetting that You wired me the way I am......(and often, me badmouthing the end product) I want to be, I read from Ephesians 2:10....." For we are God's workmanship, created in Jesus Christ....to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."   The phone calls keep coming.   "Mom, do you remember where you might have put this?"
Straining my brain to remember where I might have 'tucked it away'.....and hoping I am right...I wait to hear...."I found it.  What a relief!"    One thing I do know......I basically threw nothing away.  Paper clips, pennies, pieces of puzzles and games....are all yet to be uncovered. 
Lord, I want my life and heart to be an open box.....left to be thoroughly checked out by You.  Could You check out the places I have tucked things that are really not important for me to concern myself with.  There is so much I think You want me to concentrate on.  All of the fodder just mucks up my life.....distracting me from the important issues I  have been commissioned to do for You.  Whatever they are.....wherever they are......I will do my best to bless You , Oh Lord.   I am determined to make this happen.  Truly Lord.....when I find myself distracted by the unimportant....I lose time and mental acuity.  Yes, I want to stay up-to-date on the happenings in the world....the events that affect us....tangibly, physically, mentally and emotionally. But, my concern has got to be the areas that deter my focus.
To start my devotion time today, I read a prayer from a 'Proverbs 31 Ministries'  post by Lysa TerKerst.  "Oh Lord, You made me in Your image and that is something I seem to forget daily.  Please help me to remember to celebrate and live in who You made me to be and not in what I wish I was. In Jesus name."
So often.....rather, too often.....I forget this.  I thank You for making me.  I balk at the result of what I have done with the creation You made at times.  I do know what I have to do. 
Once again, I pray for wisdom and strength.
In the name of Jesus, I pray.  Amen.

Everything I Want....Except What I Need!

Lord...I feel a little "not quite right"!  I've been living out of a suitcase.  You and I know what that means.
I have too many  clothes with me for what I really need.....so there's not enough room left to put in there what I really need.  I have extra stuff to carry besides the suitcase.  I have a bag for my Bible, my notebooks, and a book I'm currently reading for Sunday School.  I have another bag for my "pills".  I have a bag for my current craft interests....and a special light I use for it.   Since there is a little extra room in that one, I place all of my sleep apnea paraphernalia.   I also have a really nice bag for my computer and cords.  Writing all of this out looks ridiculous, Lord.  A special pillow and "blanket" added to the mix is added humiliation.  I am most certainly the highest form of the term "bag lady".  Yet, with all of my stuff......I rode away from my last stop on the list without my "notebook".  I feel like I left a limb behind.  "Can you do without it, Mom?", they called and asked.   "Yeah, I guess so.", I answered.  Dumb and dumbest move I could make.       

I feel like my life is in there.  I write everything I find that I think is important....recipes, devotionals, prayers to You, unsorted trivia, addresses and phone numbers.  All that I take into my brain for about 4 months.  Lord....how do I sort all of this out?  What lesson can I take from this?  First of all, I think the "less clothes" thing could be an answer for me.  Like leaving some room for what IS important.
The extra bags just add to the confusion in packing and "finding where I put something" later.  One place.  One place.  One place.  One place.  Have I mentioned.....one place for it all?  Okay.  So I have settled that.  Haven't I?  Oh, brother.....dear One.  My focus is slightly off-kilter.  Always has been.  I always contend.....if I take it all with me.....then I don't have to buy it when I get there.  So, I have it all with me.  I just never can find it all when I want it.  I have a few sewing supplies with me.  I have a glue gun and glue sticks.  I have breakfast bars here and there.....plus a few other snack items.....that are more than likely crushed.  Wouldn't You love to go on a trip with me?  Now......where is that hair dryer.  Yes, I KNOW I brought it.  Which bag is it in?   "My hem just ripped.....where is that thread and needle?  No, it's not in this one......okay, here is some tape .....that will work in a pinch!"  What is the point of bringing the house with me?  So, I will feel like I have "it" all together?  No.  It never seems to work for me.  I end up going to buy more....because I can't find what I brought.  I think I could start a reality show about "Hoarders on the Road".  I do feel like my Mother.  She took it all with her too.  I think she must have had an index system though!  So anyway....Lord.....what do I take away from all of this jumble of words I have written to You.  Help me think.  Show me what is the most important for me to remember.  Give me an insight as to what really is needed to be content for the time I spend away from home.  Clothes to wear...a few cosmetic needs...my iphone... my computer...my notebook and Bible....my sleep machine.....and duck tape for good measure.   Okay.....let's see if I can pare it down a little more.  Yes, Lord.....I will work on that.  I'm pretty sure I can!

  As a little girl, I thought one day as I looked out of that second story window.....what would I need when you would come to take me to heaven.  All I could think that I needed....honestly and truly.....was that favorite long white nightgown that I loved to wear to bed.  I had to have only been about five or six.  Lord, that's all I wanted to take with me.
As I age.....and think about the years that have passed.....and the things that have changed throughout,
I wonder.....and think that the little white nightgown gave me a sense of security.....within and without.  Lord, provide my white nightgown of complete fulfillment on the journey I take with You every day. 

"All I need....I've found in Jesus".  I can't remember any more words to that song, Lord.  But, I think I already know what is most important.  YOU ARE ALL I NEED. 
I feel as if I need to say I am sorry, Lord.  I bother You with all of this rambling....when there are so many with so much to bear.....yet, I know how You understand me.....and take my thoughts and turn them into what I need for today.  I'll be watching.  I'll be waiting.  You won't believe what a gem I will turn out to be.  I promise, I will make You proud.

I speak all in the name of Jesus.  I bless You, Lord.  Amen.

Loving God With All our Soul, Mind and Strength!

Why is it, Lord?  Why do I hesitate writing when it's really what I need to do?  Is it because I find myself asking the same old stuff?  Talking of issues  I've prayed for dozens of times before?  Is it because I think You just want me to pay attention to the areas of concern to You about me that I tend to just slide through?  Things I've acknowledged.....but find too uncomfortable addressing.  I think it's more like "too lazy to address!"  Jesus, I have lived my life for You so many years.  And,  I regret none of those years.   It is You that I have leaned on and asked advice for my issues over and over again.  I woke up so early today and  I read a devotional posted by "Joni and Friends" about starting the day out with time alone with You, Lord....and I feel encouraged immediately.  The vacations we have enjoyed with our children are turning into the highlight of so many of our lives.  Making our Sunday morning "church time" a very poignant time.  The sincerity of our thoughts, laughter at our blunders, tears about the anxieties that have plagued us all....are what our service consisted of this year.  It seems that each year we pray for something that stands out for all of us as we ask for prayer concerns to share.  Lord, You know about our concerns.  You know that as we express our anxious thoughts and concerns for ourselves and show our hearts to be vulnerable, our grandchildren will catch the glimpse of You that we yearn for them to know.  That to take our troubles to You.....and expect You to help us solve the concerns of our hearts....is our
expectation....and ultimate joy.  We believe in the power of prayer.  We do not necessarily want You to erase all the endless troubles that arise in one's life......but we do ask, incessantly, that You give us
Your wisdom in the choices we make.....the words we use to express our heart's cries....the behavior we exhibit in the day to day of our lives.  I say "necessarily" because it isn't even realistic.....but, it would be okay once in a while, Lord......wouldn't it?  No, I guess not.  Forget I said anything!
I remember the day we left.....John prayed that You would watch over us all through any of the events that would surround our family.....I remember thinking, ' maybe he should have prayed that we would be protected by anything that would hurt us, etc., etc., etc..'  But, Lord.....to have You give us wisdom throughout the hard places of life that come so swiftly and sometimes totally unforeseen is a special touch from heaven.  We all see Your hand on our lives.....protecting, saving, loving, enduring.  We do need a special touch, though.  Our precious granddaughter is suffering from an unlikely source.  Four kidney stones are making their way through her system and wrecking havoc.  For a moment, we beg for a miraculous pain free exit.....and then, we say.....Lord, allow what You will.....and give peace.  Your peace.  That special, quietly sustaining expectation of Your power that calms our soul.
The verses that we listened to yesterday are the ones that give us Your precious thoughts about how to live our lives.  From Deuteronomy 6:6-9; I love how You don't just 'suggest', but command us .....to let Your words be in our hearts......teaching them to our children diligently....talking of them when we sit down, when we walk on the road, when we lie down and when we rise up.....writing them on the doorposts and gates of our homes.  That is a lot of talk.  Especially when they are rolling their eyes.
But, Lord.....consistently, diligently, ever-so-sweetly speaking about the name and words of Your teachings and life will never return void.  I am encouraged today, dear One.  I believe.  I love the nature and depth of Your word.  It has never led me astray.  My hope is in You.  Help me evermore to speak the name of Jesus , without fear. 
I pray this prayer in the name of Jesus.  I am thankful for that.  I bless Your name, Oh Lord......I love You today.  Amen.

"I Know What I Should Do...."

Lord, a few months ago I made a pact with a friend that we would do our devotional time with You before we got into other areas of "time consumption" on the internet or daily habits.  I think we  both have been successful.  I insist on continuing this (almost) habit.  I want my first order of the day to be  some face to face time with You.  I have entertained several good devotionals this week.  Each one speaking to the issues everyone has to deal with at some time in our lives......and/or...... over and over and over.  Slow learner?  I wish I could say I wasn't but I can't.  Dr. Phil says.....(sorry, Lord!) ......to repeat the same behavior and expect a different result is ......well, I can't remember what he says it is.  I call it "The Human Condition".......and stupid, to boot.  Lord, why can't we grow strong and effective in Your Word and stop the "Two Steps Forward and One Back" behavior?   I really think I can, Lord.  How about we start today.  Soooo......here I am, sitting on the couch  with my coffee.......writing.  There's nothing wrong with that......is there?  I love writing to You  "just about" all of the time.   I love to commune with You.  I love thanking You for the gifts You've given me.......the blessings,  some never even prayed for.  Just an overwhelming abundance of Your mercy and grace.  I am blessed.  And, I am so aware of it......I guess......most of the time.  See?  There it is.  That inner edge of sarcasm that allows a little wiggle room to think about the "What if's".  I don't like that.  It's not a blessing to have that idling around in my mind.  I am sort of wishing my mind would just shut off when I start doing that.
Everytime we stop at a red light, we have to turn the air off, otherwise the car will stall.  Sometimes we forget to turn the air back on and we are just stifling hot.....until we crank the knob to full blast!  Lord, I think I need to have this mental knob to turn off the issues that satan loves to flood the mind with.  Some are so non-sensical.....some are serious.....some are evil.  And, Lord.....since our adversary is such a stifling reality,    I have to be ready at a moments notice to speak the name of Jesus through the verses of scripture I have retained or hymns and spiritual songs that I know.  He will flee.  The engine of my soul will not sputter and quit running.  It will be smooth sailing.  Well, almost.  You know, Lord....when I am assured You are at the helm.....I have no worries.  I know You know the route You are taking me on ......and the pitfalls that could change the direction of this ship of mine.....but, I have given You permission to make the journey for me.  Sometimes I do wish You didn't allow me so much freedom.  I would probably gripe though, if You didn't.  I just am amazed at what a "slow learner" I seem to be.  Could You help me work on that?  I'd like to feel that after all You have done for me, I could bless You by assuring You that I am listening to You and working hard.  My intention is to see You Lord.  My intention is to watch You go down the list with Your finger and then stopping, looking up to see my anxious face awaiting Your nod to my name being in the Book and your affirmation to enter the gate.  Thats what my life is about.   So, I end with the resolve to make this day a special one.  One where I can worship and work at the same time......after I reheat this cup of coffe that has gotten cold.   I praise You for the power of Your Word to assure me.....and the gifted authors that write the devotionals that inspire me.  Jesus, You are the answer......and a gift.
I pray and ask for all in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.