Dear One....my Lord and Savior

I come to You, once again, asking for what I cannot provide for myself.  There is no strength like Yours.  There is no place safer than in Your arms....and of course the peace that passes all understanding....is what only You, God, can provide.  No one......not any one individual.....understands like You do.  Way too often, Lord....l wait too long to come to You for my consolation.  Today, I will put that all to rest.  It seems as if I do not  it "write it outloud" , it doesn't get said.  Atleast not sufficiently.

A few months ago now, You were there when a cousin of mine, died.  You saw him.  I like to think that he looked up as You held out your hand.... and said, "I knew You would come, Lord".  A beloved son, and brother , his father and mother and siblings, have grieved for him. We all have.  This young man had his life mapped out.....atleast, all that a young man just out of High School can plan.  Out of the blue.....illness reared its' ugly head.  Lord,  when that happens.....we find ourselves reeling from news that nothing we do, can fix it .  Even after years go by, we find it hard to accept that all we hoped for will not be realized.  We find it hard to accept  what we see happening.  We find it too hard to accept what is.  

Only believing. Lord.....will save us.  When we are broken.....bleeding.....and can find no hope, believing YOU and only YOU will sustain us and bind our wounds, can we survive such sadness in our lives.  That healing balm of Gilead, is a source of comfort to our souls.  I ask that YOU, dear One, will minister to my beloved family.  Their loss is ours too.  We must bear each others burdens.  This fullfils the laws You have given to us.  These laws were made for our benefit.  I pray that  You would be near and dear to those of us who call on You.
      

"Precious Lord, hold my hand.....lead me on, help me stand.  I am tired.  I am weak.  I am worn. Hold my hand through the night...lead me on....to the light.  Hold my hand, precious Lord, lead me on." 

All of these words.....are my plea to You, Lord.  I ask Your will be done in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Honestly Lord....I truly wonder if all the hoops I have to jump through to write this letter to You is

worth it.  And, now that I just said it...I can't believe You don't  wonder if I am worth it.

I know...I am constantly threatening to stop this …...and  every few months, I purposefully make this a job I wish I hadn't created for myself.  Lord, I need to write.  I need to.  I overflow if I don't.  Words come out.  Often, they are words that shouldn't be spoken...especially if I see them in print.  I'm embarrassed. I might just need a diary.  Then I wouldn't write at all.  You know why, Lord (?).  Yeah, I know.  It would be something like this.  I got up....drank my coffee.  Thanked you that I woke up.  Then, I proceeded to sit on the couch to watch the news as long as I could stand it....then, decide.....I believe I will just shut my eyes a little.  Twenty minutes later, more or less, I am still wondering what I should do OR not do. I don't care to read that.  

 Jesus, dear One.....I have a venue for talking to You....I am Yours, yet ashamed I don't accomplish more for You.  Can You give me a swift kick back to reality?  What do I pray about today?

For me, there is so much.  Our children.....our grands. The folks we are responsible for at our church. Each of them have so many issues.  Mostly, We just need to pray for each other.  Some things are so hurtful it just takes our breath away....and others, well....No one understands like You do.  You are a friend beyond compare.  I find it a pleasure to think about You listening to me.  Could You give me wisdom and knowledge from the scriptures to make decisions.  You want us to be Your instrument to give those we talk to Your wisdom.  Not mine.  My experiences may or may not help.  When we are in the position of advice giving.....It is certainly my intent to inch those I speak to, closer to You.

Sometimes I have found that when we are "listening", we are not at all.  We are waiting for someone to take a breath so we can "tell our story".  It ends up in a group setting to be a "Can You Top This" 

session.  Lord, I am anxious to be Your messenger.  Not everyone is interested in what I think.  (Lord.....I still don't understand that!!)  That is supposed to be a joke, Lord!

Could we talk later....I found myself  floundering awhile ago.  You have a way of calming me.  I call it PEACE in the midst of a storm.  When that happens, I could go on forever.  I need to get myself a shot of that.  Or, get a jar to slather onto my face.  I hate to be such a needy child....but, EVERY single time I try to manage things myself.....well, You and I both know what happens.  I am so predictable.  

For the words I pray.....for the thoughts I generate in my head.....I pray in the name of Jesus.

Amen.