Peace in His Presence!

I guess You know better than anyone, Lord, the thoughts that I am mulling over today. Some of them are anxious and worrisome. Some are filled with thanksgiving and praise. And....Lord, what I would like is for them all to be combined into the "thanksgiving and praise" part. ( That part is so hard Lord....because You know how hard it is to be thankful for the "junk" of our lives.) The stuff that You realize never takes us to "our knees" unless You send it our way. You know my
heart and the inner angst I suffer today. The worries of the world are sort of off in the distance.
I asked my husband the other day as we saw people running for their lives on a news clip we were watching....." Do you think that will ever happen here....?" Lord, to live here in this little
corner of Your world is for right now a huge blessing. No worry of armed gunmen interrupting
our suppertime, with any qualms of being dragged out into the street and stoned or shot or
beheaded. These are events that are happening everyday in too many parts of the world and we
sit idly by, watching, oohing and aahing, and going to get ourselves a glass of iced tea and head out to
enjoy the evening breeze , basically thinking little or nothing more about it. I guess all of us do
that Lord. And, the reason is not because we're not concerned.....we're just too busy thinking
about what we have to do tomorrow and how we are going to accomplish it. I, for one, wish I
could see what You see....(only once in a while, Lord....) . I know I couldn't handle any more
than 30 seconds worth. The sadness You see has to be overwhelming. I hate to see the basics
of human behavior at the level of depravity that it seems to be. Lord, it is not what You meant
when You said ...."to love one another as we love ourselves....". Where in the world did it ever
say to ....." Do unto other's as THEY do to you......"? I am at a loss as to how to aright things.
Is it possible? Everyone it seems has their own "truth". I really do not know if this has changed
or if it has always been this way. In some ways....I think it has changed. People used to defer
to one another if they had any question about what "truth" is. Now, since so many have seem-
ingly found their voice, they have a definite way of expressing what their thinking "the truth"
is and have no qualms in telling anyone who will listen....what that might be.....(and usually have
no trouble telling you...."if you weren't so stubborn, you would see it my way"). Lord, all I care
about is this one thing. How I feel... and what I discern from Your Word and the conversations
we share.....is that I am pretty confident that I KNOW when You are displeased with my words. My attitudes. My actions. My expressions. I find myself miserable beyond belief in
my whole being. And.....my victory is only a prayer away. Since I am human and feel pain and
insults and abuse like a human, the only respite for me is to call on You to give me the peace I
have to have. No one can touch my heart like You do, Lord. No one can fill the gaping hole of
emptiness like You can. No one. And, Lord.....on this day.....I ask for You to do Your work. In
me. And.... in those I love and can do nothing for.
I ask Your favor in the lives of those who are desperate for Your touch today. And, for Your
ever-present peace in the midst of the storms that arise so unexpectedly....trying to stomp out
our light and make us non-existent. You are the Light of our world, Father. Don't let me ever
forget that when I am about to go under the waves that roll over me. I will forever be treading
the waters until You rescue me. In Your precious name I pray today and always. Amen.
In Your presence Lord.....that is where the peace lies. Without that presence....there is none.
Amen, again! And, still....here I still am trying to continue to make sense of all that happens
and can't.....I write all of this and close the book and I read....."My brethren, consider it all joy
when you encounter various trials....knowing this...that the trying (testing) of your faith
worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire,
wanting nothing".....James 1:2 (He does not allow problems to come your way to hurt you....
but to build you.) Hey, Lord.....thank you! I see I could go on and on. You have given me a
plethora of verses today and I am going to lean on them. Amen, for now.

What's so GOOD about FRIDAY? (My Faith!)

Lord, when I write my heart out to You , I often find myself exhausted afterwards. I guess that's when I actually turn my areas of concern over to You. Release it all. For years and years,
I've practiced it, taught it, talked of it as if my life depended on it. And, in all reality , I think it
did...does. I cannot hardly remember when I started writing.....I think it was when we lived in Rebuck. That trashcan I had under the sink was my hiding place. I'd write You a letter.
Feel better. Then, rip it to shreds and stuff it into the caverns hiding in that can. I would have been embarrassed to death if my husband could have seen the stuff I wrote to You. I didn't want him to think I had any flaws. I knew You could take it....in fact You already had and I did
love having You to talk to. But, I was sure if my husband saw my heart's cries....he'd think for sure he'd made a mistake and married a mad -woman. My life was diapers, dishes and deflection. (Deflection: Anyone getting too close.) Those years of raising children were just about all my life consisted of. It really is a full-time job. I think of those years as training for me, as well. In the time I spent at college, I studied music thinking that piano, voice and organ would be my future. I knew You intended for me to be a pastor's wife....but those first years in the parsonage were not some of my best work. I had forgotten, Lord....I guess.... that everything I said, and did, would be scrutinized and placed in the file cabinet marked: "Don't ever let her forget she said that!" You know, Lord.....I didn't start this journey today to end up feeling sorry for myself. And, I refuse to allow satan to slip in the back door of my life to carry on any further conversation about this. So I will stop with the complaining or whatever this is.

It is Good Friday today. It is the day that You tore the veil. You made a way....when You said, "It is done." There is no telling of the suffering that people are experiencing today. In Libya...the lost and dying....the fear in so many hearts....the sirens that sound on a regular basis in areas of Israel.
Lord, so many that suffer are undeserving.....and You, because You made the choice to follow
Your Father's plan, have made us as free and clear of evil as You could do for us. I think of the
recent film that depicted Your suffering in such a violent manner. And, how it seemed to never end. The days prior to Your crucifixion. (I wonder, Lord.....did You wonder if it was ever going
to end, too?) And, how it showed the horrible beatings You endured. And, the abuse....Lord, I believe it was probably all that and more. And, for me.....I hate to think about it. I honestly do not like going to see the dramas that depict it. Why do I feel that way Lord? Is it because I am "used to" seeing it depicted. No. I don't think so. Because I am uncomfortable watching it? Yes, I am uncomfortable. It is sickening to see....but no....I don't think it's that either. Is it because I don't believe You went through all of that for me? Or, Joe Schmoe down the road? No. I don't think it's that, either.
I believe that part, because You said in Your word that it was for "us" that You suffered and died. By faith.....I believe that. So.....what? Why am I doing this mental juggling act? I do
think Lord that satan enjoys this kind of pull and tug game on my spiritual wellness. As I was
writing I thought of the song that was written in 1891 (which tells me I am not alone)...."My Faith Has Found a Resting Place". Some of the lines....."Enough for me that Jesus saves--This
ends my fear and doubt; A sinful soul I come to Him--He'll never cast me out.....My heart is
leaning on the Word--the written Word of God; Salvation by my Savior's name, Salvation thro'
His blood.....My faith has found a resting place--not in device nor creed; I trust the everliving
One; His wounds for me shall plead.....I need no other argument; I need no other plea. It is
enough that Jesus died, and that He died for me."
Sooo.....anyway.....there it is. Uncomfortable or not, You suffered for me. I would like it Lord if You will always allow me to feel "uncomfortable" if thats what it takes to never forget the horror and the glory of the cross. I want it to awaken me to NEVER become "used to" the suffering You went through.
I am forever grateful for the cross and Your love for me. Eventhough I DO NOT understand it.....I accept this gift. For those who do not....and will not.....let me shine some light if You will. Thank You Father for this day and for the gifts You have provided me and mine. Life in You. The greatest of all.
I ask Your favor for this day. Thank You for Your forgiveness. And , the power of what all of
that means. In the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

WISHING, HOPING, BELIEVING and RECEIVING!

Secretly wishing and hoping someone would affirm me happens occasionally, Lord, and I appreciate it. You do this for me and I know it is a gift from You. I do not ever take it for granted.....because I do really see it as a gift. I recieved comments recently , but Lord, am I always going to need them? Are You always going to have to put people in my life that will affirm me? And, is that going to be something I will forever crave. I wish I could tug on Your arm as I speak to You....sometimes I wish I could touch the hem of Your garment to heal these areas of my psyche that seems so weak. To know that You affirm me is all I really want. Too often I ask and need too much, I think. Thank You for Your understanding and acceptance of my piddly offerings. Offerings that at first I think are pretty adequate....and then I realize later.....not so much. I suppose thats the human element I have to deal with. It sounds like a good statement. But, I don't think I really live there. I wish at this age, I could be assured that I am "there" instead of striving to get "there". Lord, I know, in all reality, that this is not to be. I will have to "fight the fight" 'til the bitter end. And, Lord.....You know that I feel so tired of striving and am never quite sure if "this is the way You want me to go." I guess Lord.....that I....for all my blustery words at You....realize that I do have to WEAR I John 4:4 around my neck.....sincerely and securely. I cannot let down my armor for a minute hardly even to readjust the headgear properly so I can see where I am going. Almost blindly, I am following Your lead. I cannot pursue another goal....foresee another project....until I have concluded that YOU....YOU ARE GOD.....YOU ARE ALL I'M LIVING FOR....YOU ARE KING.... OF EVERYTHING.....I WANT MY LIFE TO PRAISE YOU!!! And.....I can't do that....or say it.... or sing it....and mean it.....IF....I do not believe that You are IN ME.....and indeed, GREATER.... than he that is in the world. He (satan) seeks to ruin.....destroy.....and corrupt. Knowing he can't do that to me without You allowing him to is scary to me. I admit it. Being like Job is not on my bucket list. Can you help me to get there, Lord.....or is that where the faith we have to have in You comes in? The "with- out-faith-it-is-impossible-to-please-Him" part. You have my heart....and I am Yours forever. To please You is my goal. To see You and have You smile and say "Well, done...Corrine!" is all I want to hear. Give me the heart and the faith to keep walking and waiting.....being a faithful servant to all that need me. I ask this sincerely, Lord....in the name of Jesus. Amen. And, I don't mind telling You.....I am exhausted after all these words. Because they are not just words. They are my heart thoughts to You.....the cries of my heart to Yours. Lord, please hold them carefully and show me the way I should go. As I go through the days You allow me to live...I am wondering if You weary of my constant needs....or what I think are needs. Often Lord....some- one usually reminds me of my "asking for the same things".....and I think to myself....."Lord, shouldn't I have learned that lesson by now?" When I do this....(listen to outside comments, that is)....I begin to falter in my plan to lay everything at Your feet. I think that maybe You are sick and tired of my whining. Lord.....all I can say is.....I'm sorry. I need You. No one can lift me like You can. No one loves me and accepts me like You do. I will bring my worries to You. No one can answer my heart thoughts like You can. And.....Lord, I don't want anyone else to do that for me. It is my desire to honor You Lord. Right now, the best I can do is in Your hand....I will be Your servant. Extend to me Your favor, today. Amen and amen , again and again.

"THE STRONG TOWER"

I always feel this urge when I need to talk to You, Lord. I am aware that throughout each and every day, at any hour, I can. I just never feel quite connected until the pen meets the paper. I struggle at times to express to You my thoughts because, sometimes it seems there is not an easy word to tap into how I feel. And then, of course, once I do find a word or phrase that describes "it" succinctly....well, then I am off on another course to repair the damage I may have done in trying to explain myself. Thank You Lord.....for ONE thing today. Thank You that anyone that may be peeking over my shoulder today and thinks to themselves...."This woman has so many issues....she makes me tired just reading her stuff "......I am so glad You completely understand me and I don't have to worry about over-explaining anything to You. Now, there is much to be thankful for. The issues last week, the hard places and the questions that needed answering.....for now, have all been taken care of. We are at such a place now in our ministry that I wait on a continual basis to see what You and John are going to come up with next. I shutter at times because I get afraid. Not knowing what is around the corner and knowing that satan does his best to wreck anything positive, I wish I could say I am not fearful. I read the scriptures, Lord. I believe them. I honor You at all times.....and then, I say out loud to You.....I am afraid. I guess that is not being too honorable to You, is it? Okay, so then, what do You suggest I do? Ideas come all the time. Prayerful consideration of each one is a smart thing to do and I usually always do....and when prayers and God-inspired ideas connect.....it's always a wonderful thing? Isn't it? Honestly, Lord...I wonder sometimes who's ideas we are really following. Your's or ours. We who serve You and have a passion for the Word of God and for it to be accessible to anyone willing to listen.....want Your will to be done. It is the hope of all who love God to be a light in a darkened world....isn't it? Lord, let it be true in my heart and life. Once again I am reminded of the man in Mark 9 who believed You could heal his son (or was it bringing him back to life....one or the other) Well, he sort of believed, yet, he was afraid to think it could really be true. I love what he said. "Yes, I believe! he said. Help thou my unbelief!" How fitting. How true of any of us today. I will believe, Lord. I have no other to believe in. I find myself thinking that satan is more powerful than You are when I believe "he will step in and wreck anything that might be positive"......and I really know better than that. "Greater is HE that is in me......than he that is in the world." Why do I forget that? Why do I not have that hanging around my neck for all the world to see? I John 4:4 is a verse I will put on my list of memorized scriptures.....I've known it for a long time.....now, Lord.....I need to start wearing it! Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.....I do, Lord.....and ask Your will to be done and for my fears to be squelched and all that is ask of You to be asked in the precious name of Jesus. Once again, Lord.....Amen and Amen again.

"FORWARD....MARCH! (Move it, sister!)"

Most of the time, Lord.....well, okay.....maybe not...but, I sort of think I know what I need to talk to You about. Maybe today is not a good day to be doing that. No, that's not right. Anytime I decide to talk to You is a good day. Thank You.... by the way for the safe trip home. Arriving last evening with NO clashes with other cars or deer is a blessing. I am so grateful Lord for all I have been blessed with. You are so good to me. I am honored that You love me. As morose as I tend to be at times , people might think I had something to be sad about. I love that I can talk to You in those times and worse times, and You love me. You really love me. Thank You too, Lord, for the blessing of children that love us as parents....welcoming us as we try to blend in to their households for a short time. They always make us feel welcome and special. I remember when my mom came to live with us after my father passed away. I wonder now how welcome she felt.....her own life basically coming to an end , metaphorically speaking. I recall all too well the issues we had to deal with. It was a difficult time to maneuver. But, Lord.....I remember calling on You to listen to the cries of my heart.....I also know full well that You also listened to the cries of her heart.....somehow, You in Your wisdom knew how to absolve our differences....and make us more and more and more into the image of Yourself than we ever knew we wanted to be. I guess as I speak to the ladies of our district today (and I don't honestly expect a lot of them.... but, You know who will be here) I need to speak Your words of wisdom....not mine. Lord, You always have a way of getting us to the place where we need to pay attention to Your admonitions to us......Your encouragement to us......Your way of getting to the "bottom line" of our understanding. Just a mere word....and sometimes I KNOW beyond any doubt, that YOU are trying to get my attention....and You're not going to ask twice for me to "pay attention". Lord, I have always needed an extra bump in this area....mostly because I think that You and I think alike....and I don't need any "work done". I cannot believe how stupid that sounds. I cannot believe how "haughty and high minded" that sounds....and yet, there I am, straight face and all , blinking naively.....and thinking....."Who.....Me, Lord?" Oh brother.....You have to just shake Your head at my "un-humble" behavior. Lord, assure me this....please. If I really try hard....can I ever be like You? Or, will I forever be a lost cause? I will not accept any other answer. You love me. I love You. You must see some worth in this finite human being that I am. I believe You will continue to mold me and make me into the image of Yourself that You want me to be. Forever and a day it may take.....but , to know You love and accept this person I am....I will pursue this level of perfection You want us to strive for. The scripture I will look to today says..... "Be diligent in these matters.....give yourself WHOLLY to them.....so that everyone may see your progress." I Timothy 4:15 I honestly think I could care less what everyone else thinks about "my progress" and honestly don't know why thats important, but I will think on that part a little more. I want to be faithful, Lord. I want to follow Your plan for me.....and I think in a God-centered life, that should be all I am concerned with.......isn't it? Help me , Lord....to be a vessel You can be proud of. All I ask and determine to be best for me....I ask in the name of Jesus. Amen and Amen.