"MY LETTERS TO GOD": February 2024

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

It’s February 28th, Lord …..the day John left us 4 years ago. I’m not sure I was even in my right mind. I was somewhat unaware that You were requesting his presence. See, Lord…..John had convinced me he was going to get through this Cancer battle that he was in…..and we would carry on our little ministry at Martin Grove. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I was just not reading the signs….and the roadblocks that were happening.

As we stood around his bed, I was very aware that there was no movement. There was nothing that would indicate he heard any of our stories or the songs we sung (rather badly). At one point, we all looked at each other trying to discern if what we were seeing was really happening. Now, we all agree that his body was being transformed into a translucent entity. We saw what was the most perfect face literally glowing with the light of Your own presence, I believe. It was a sight that took my breath away. At one point, Marcy touched his lip to peek at his teeth. They were a beautiful pearly white. We just stared at what was a beautiful moment in time in all of our lives. John mentioned one day how he thought the chemo and other meds had discolored his teeth and didn’t think he could ever get them white again.

I’m believe that God allowed us to see these happenings as gifts for us to remember and to cling to. At the time, I was unsure how to process all that happened. I still couldn’t believe You were preparing him to stand in Your holy presence. After that day, about 1:30 in the afternoon…..I was surprised after I found myself breathing the next day. Now, a few years later, and I still can’t believe he’s not here with us anymore.

Lord, I miss his laughter. I miss how he could do some of his antics and have me laughing when only moments before I was moaning about something I could not do anything about. I believe there will always be an empty place in my heart. I’m not angry, Lord. I just miss my best friend. You fill the recesses…..the space where he always was. Keep on doing that for me, dear Jesus! I needn’t worry…..I know. I try not to, but You know those doubts and lies that the enemy throws up in our face….just trying to block Your light from me…..well, with Your help in providing strength and power from the Holy Spirit, I will stay on the path to meet You one day. Thank You dear One. I am so thankful to have You to lean on and I might as well say it! To complain to.

I say these words, to form the sentences that make my prayers mean how I feel. I do this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Wednesday, February 28, 2024

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