"MY LETTERS TO GOD": May 2020

Friday, May 8, 2020

Lord, this is for Your perusal. This is how I feel. This is what I'm thinking.

When is he coming? When the door opens, and he is not standing there....it makes me sad. Why isn't he home yet? I keep forgetting he's not coming home. And, unless he can see me from heaven....or is aware of my grief....he's not even concerned about the things of earth. The things that I am wrestling with. In fact, he's probably not even praying for me. Is he? I don't say this in a negative way....what I'm thinking is he knows that You, Lord....You are taking my petitions to God, even as I write this. You alone are worthy of hearing my pleas. (I honestly hope it doesn't sound like whining.) Whisper in his ear today how I miss him. How I loved him. How his children grieve for him. I ask Lord, because I know You can do this.....because You do all things well. Tell me what to do, Lord. For 55 years, John William Davis....made the choices for us. He did listen to me! But, I always was keenly aware that You, dear One, called him to be an ambassador for you in the pulpit....I really thought he should be "The Chooser." Now....it's all on me. The decisions. Where do I go? What is best for me? I know You know.....just give Your perspective. I'm not going to make a move until You make it plain to me. Specifically: a picture drawn especially for me. I will thank You now....because I believe You understand my reluctance to forge ahead....blindly. I've done that before and I have found that yes, You will help us even when we don't follow Your plan.....but, Your exact plan will be followed with blessings. Of course, Lord, I have my list. What I want. What I think I need. I am leaving it with You, dear One.

The things we do to be comfortable....are so important. Atleast I think they are. Maybe thats the way You made me. I have this nesting instinct. Now that I am living alone....I find that wherever I sleep or sit, I have a blanket of some sort. I have a drink nearby. Coffee, water or soft drink. I have something to read. I have a pen (black ink) and paper. I prefer a notebook. (The black and white composition book.) A lamp. My phone. Footies. A stool to put my feet up on. Oh, yes. The remote. And a flashlight. (since the recent storm). These things make me comfortable. These things make me feel less anxious about myself. And, now Lord.....I wonder. Is all this necessary?

One thing I discovered when my husband became so ill. Lord, when it happened....I noticed that he wasn't interested very much in his morning coffee. He found it not necessary to run to the bank to check things out. He found it unnecessary to run to the post office 3 times a day. He found it unnecessary to even hold the remote. I'd put on the favorites for him. The Price is Right. Wheel of Fortune. Jeopardy. Everybody Loves Raymond. Any baseball, basketball, football game. There was no interest.
Then a line of an old hymn: ".....and the things of earth will grow strangely dim..."came to me.
"Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus" said what he really was feeling. My husbands eyes were on You, dear One. Nothing of earth....were all that important anymore to him. Nothing, not anymore. He was looking longingly to see Your wonderful face. And, nothing was going to stop him.

Jesus, help me believe that ALL that is important now, in my life, will be made clear
and right for me. My list? Do what You will, dear One.

In Jesus name and will for me. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Friday, May 8, 2020

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