"MY LETTERS TO GOD": December 2018

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

I can only tell You how I feel, Lord. I am anxious, insecure, unable to state my case because I have no words to do so. I found it so unnerving to realize …..just a short time ago.....that the issue I've been dealing with for ages....could be taken care of.
For years.....actually a few decades.....I've lived by the "Lord, Change Me!" technique. I found that the author of this small pocketbook, had written her experiences trying to deal with people or circumstances. I loved the premise of saying....."Lord, Change Me!" Not my spouse, not my neighbor, not my parent, not my sibling. Just change me. I've lived by it so long, I almost felt like I wrote it.
It's funny, Lord....and not funny (haha)…..it's odd to me that for all the days, weeks, and/or months I have struggled with my issues, honestly not even thinking about the spiritual help you provided me with so long ago. I get so disgusted that the enemy of our souls will do anything to knock us off our pedestals.....especially when a body feels the Lord is our strength and shield and all we have to do is go to Him...…"I need You more.....than ever before." This is truth. I will always need You more.
I have often wondered how Your special servant, David, who was a man after your own heart, could fail You so completely with Bathsheba. It is uncanny how the evil one can blind a person, so they are not even aware they have failed. It was as if David was totally clueless until Nathan pointed to him and said, "THOU ART THE MAN".
A piece …a very huge piece of the 'Lord, Change Me' study is the portion on forgiveness. I've needed it over the years we've pastored. No one means to....most of the time....but, some do....so You will understand that they are spiritually superior to you. I found comfort (oddly), in doing the work that the book suggested. It has worked wondrously well for me over the years. In II Corinthians, chapter 2, 5 through 11.
5. If anyone has caused grief, he has not so much grieved me....as he has
   grieved all of you.....6. The punishment inflicted on him by the majority
   is sufficient.....7. Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him so
   he won't be overcome by excessive sorrow.....8. I urge you, therefore, to
   reaffirm your love for him.....(I had a great deal of trouble with this one.)
   9. Another reason I wrote you was to see if you would stand the test and be
   obedient in everything....10. Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what
   I have forgiven....if there was anything to forgive- I have forgiven in the
   sight of Christ for your sake- 11.....in order that Satan might not outwit us.
   for we are not unaware of his schemes.

Actually, Father.....I also think that he talks about the fact that if our nemesis does not receive our
forgiveness.....he, or she will perhaps become so discouraged they would miss the glory of
heaven.

Father, I remember how stubborn I was....I remember how patient you were with my dogged
reasoning. Forgive me again.

Thank you, dear One....I love YOU at this beautiful season. In Jesus name I pray.....Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Wednesday, December 19, 2018

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