Leaning on You....trying to understand!

Lord, why do we have to lose those who are faithful, loving, patient and kind. The ones who pose no threat to our spirituality. Who only are the encouragers and lovers of life. They roll with the kind of punches in life that can put one to their knees.....why do You need them? I really
think it's an extra burden on us when we lose someone in our lives that has all of
those qualities. An analyzation of this shows me we should not make it a habit to depend on these people for the various needs we all have. I often found myself moving to his side of the foyer, or church pews after church just
to be near him....hearing his kind words, his neverending praise, his love for YOU,
Lord. And now, he leaves a precious wife who will forever miss his loving words and
his comforting presence. My heart aches for her because she has to carry on without
him. Lord, give her the strength she needs to go through the days that are ahead. A
few days will be filled with funeral arrangements. Filing all the paperwork that tells the world her husband has died. The newspaper, government agencies... that have to
be notified....waiting for the death certificates so she can prove to all of these
agencies that he is really gone. All of this has to be done. It all just confirms the fact that tonight when she goes home, she'll be cooking for one. She'll have the
remote in her hand. She can go to bed early if she wants to. She'll have to make sure
the dogs have been taken out.....and the doors are locked. Every thing will remind
her, Lord, that her life with him is over. No one will ever take his place. No one
will ever love her like he did.....so I ask Lord, that You will be the soft place for
her to fall. That You will fill the empty place in her heart with Your love, Your
grace and Your strength. Bathe her in the quietness of Your presence and soothe her
with the balm of Gilead.....so she will not fear what is ahead, but will trust in You
alone to give her Your peace. I pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen. I'll talk to
You soon about what I think I need today. I praise You for the comfort of Your arms.
I know You do all things well....that Your will for us should never be questioned. I
know it.... but I still do it. Lord, don't ever leave me or forsake me. I need You.

The Sweetness of Your Approval, Lord!

I found myself struggling this morning, Lord. I told my daughter I would fix a meat
sauce for a spaghetti supper tonight. I got to the point where I needed to start seasoning. Therein began a problem. I could not taste what I was doing to the sauce.
The cold or sinus or whatever my problem has been the last 4 weeks has taken away all
my sensitivity to taste. Lord, I thought about You as I did this....I had to depend on the taste buds of everyone else I asked....and no one's taste buds are the same. You know Lord, I find that I do not like to rely on anyone else's tastebuds. I always depend on the sweetness of sugar to offset the acidity of the
tomato....I can usually depend on the end result being a sauce I can savor. I so need you to nudge me to work on the sweetness factor to offset the acidity of my
nature and make me kind.....loving.....patient....thoughtful in my interactions with
those I am called to minister to.
So....Lord, I am wondering why I think I need the approval of all I meet or know. I've read the books. And wonderful as they are,the end result is still elusive to me.
At my age, I wonder why I care so much about what people think. This has been a trial
to me as long as I was aware that having the affirmation of others is more of a need
rather than a want. Lord, as You can see, as long as I am alive, I will seek the will
of Your heart for me....and I will continue to believe that if I am doing my best for
You, YOU are pleased. Help me remember what I just prayed to You. Help me use the "by
faith" concept to grow in Your grace. I love the word GRACE. It shows me the gentleness of the God You are to me.
Once again, I say to You...."I love You, Lord....and I lift my voice, to worship You
O my soul, rejoice! Take joy, my King, in what You hear. May it be a sweet, sweet
sound in Your ear!
That sweet sound in Your ear, is my resolve to be Your instrument today. In Your name
I pray and place my requests....Amen.

Time for You, Lord!

Lord, today is one of those days when I absolutely should have talked to You before I began the day. Too many times, in days past and even now (you'd think I would learn), that I go through days where I breathe sos prayers all day long. SOS prayers
are okay for minute to minute needs, but Lord, it's not enough. Not for someone who
needs You like I do. It is in You I place my hope(s). Every one of them. It is in You I place my dependence on Your will for my life and the lives of my family. Your will Lord, is the desire of my heart. Everytime when I remember my "sit-down" time with You has been lagging, I feel like a delinquent. Lord, I've told You many times that I'd love for You to give me a jolt, or a kick in the pants when I skip through my day just asking for little bits and pieces of You. I guess maybe the gnawing feeling I have is You requesting a little more of my time. I've said it before and
John laughed at me, but it's so true. To have a quality relationship with You-to get
through the terrible situations that life throws at us at times....I need more than
five minutes on the toilet in the morning with "THE DAILY BREAD". Is that the worst
thing I could say or not? But, I mean it Lord. I am determined. And, I have encountered
some hard places. Places where I knew You had appointed and stationed people to espe-
cially pray for me. You are true to Your Word when You say You will "put Your angels in charge over you"......and "I will never leave thee or forsake thee".
My desire is: to be like Jesus. To do this I will re-evaluate my goals, my dreams, my hopes.....therein finding the sweet will of God. Hold me close Lord. Please, don't
let me slip out of Your grip. "I NEED THEE EVERY HOUR". Thank You Lord for the love
and continual blessing of Your presence in my life. Amen and Amen

Be still. Just be still.

I remember Lord, when you and I went through the labor and delivery of my youngest daughter. On this particular day, 30some years ago, I thought perhaps my life as I knew it, would never be the same. My nerves were shot after 10 months of pregnancy. I'll just bet noone believes that could be true, but you and I know it is. I remember sitting on the gurney, waiting to have this child. I remember thinking Lord, "I want to go home now". And that, was the only humorous thing I can recall.It was such a hard pregnancy. I knew ,positively , that my baby would not be normal. There were no tests taken although there were some warnings from the Doctor throughout the pregnancy. The
awful thoughts cramming my brain, in a constant barrage of varied scenario's were about to suck the rest of my sanity to another place............until.......I heard an audible voice in the room, sort of yelling at me. I heard, "WILL YOU BE QUIET!" . "WILL YOU JUST BE QUIET". (I'm not sure. You might have said, "shut up!"). All I know is, You got my attention to where I remembered the verse in the Psalms that says, "Be still and know that I am God". It calmed me, Lord. I knew You were there. Why I ever doubted that I do not know....but I did. You immediately placed me into your arms and I rested and relaxed so completely I do not remember any pain or discomfort in delivering my fourth daughter. She was a beautiful, HEALTHY, 9lb.2oz. baby. She was and is a joy to my husband and myself and to our family, her husband and little daughter. " Lord, You are good and Your mercy endureth forever...Lord, You are good and Your mercy endureth forever." ThankYou for Your loving kindness. Your mercy. Your patience with an unruly child at times....yet, lovingly You reach out to give me the touch that I need....and, You always know what I need. Give me the energy I need today. I'd
really love to accomplish something.....and whether it is here in my home or lifting someone else to You, my time is Yours. Now and forever. The needs of our family is ever before You to do with what You will. What we need is to accept what You feel is best for me and us as a family. Our love for You will never waver. PLEASE Lord, don't ever let it waver. I love You, Lord....and I lift my soul, to worship You and YOU alone. In Your name I pray this prayer. Amen.

Wondering how.....and When

Lord, sometimes I get so tired of waiting. I believe You understand how my mind works(it's so good that you do) and I know You are looking out for my best....but, Lord, I
get so weary. You have me and mine in the palm of your hand. I pray pretty consistently about all of our needs, some of our wants and try to leave the rest to fit in where it goes best.

No sense. None of this makes sense to me.
Waiting, begging. Waiting some more. Hoping. Being SURE you're listening. Waiting some more. Okay, I might as well be honest since You are well aware what I am thinking it....sometimes I am silently YELLING because I don't know IF YOU CAN HEAR ME. Sorry Lord. I know I am a pip to put up with. Oh, how I love it that I can talk to You and I'm sure You are getting a kick out of my antics....hmmm.....(atleast I hope You are). And, how I love
it that You see what I'm writing or hear what I'm speaking, and You shake Your head in Your Heaven, and say, "When is she EVER going to learn?" All I know is that I want
what YOUR will is for each of us. Our lives depend on it. My will....my wants are not important when YOU are in the driver's seat. Take us on this ride with you, Lord.
I will try to sit in the back seat....keeping my mouth shut. Inside I may be screaming, "WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET THERE?" , (I'll work on that, Lord), but for now
I'm not going to suggest that we turn right at the next light. You are the only GPS
we need. I've always known it. I've always believed it. Now, I'm going to live it.
I promise. I think.Please Lord.... Help me. I feel like a lost cause.

How in the world do You stand me? I ask, prayerfully and hopefully for Your will to be done. In Your name, I pray.
Amen and Amen!

An Adventure for You, Lord!

Father in heaven, Here I am, doing something that really takes me out of my comfort
zone. I remember, Lord, when I first started writing to you that I was embarassed to
think that anyone would ever see my letters to you and think...." This woman is a
mean one"....."I never would believe that our pastor's wife would feel this way"... I
threw everyone of my letters away. I don't know when I began to save them. Probably
after I turned 40 and realized I had to express my opinion whether anyone thought I
had one or not. Thank you Lord. I am yours. I want to be your emissary today. Let me be an instrument for you that you will be proud of at the end of this day. Would you let
this blogsite serve only as a tool to point those who read it, to You.
This is the sole purpose....and if that would ever change, shut me down, Lord.
I love You Lord...and I lift my soul....to worship You and You alone.

I forgot to mention the needs of our family....far and wide. We want your will Lord.
Too often we think we know what you want and then you surprise us all. I know You will do what is best. Situate us so we can see and/or hear what You want. I think it's the only way we can be happy. In your will I ask for these things. Amen (for now)

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I
need, as a Christian , a wife and a mother notwithstanding, to pray every day. As a
young mother, I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls
for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know that Satan uses every trick
in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately get-
ting the upper hand.....so, out of desperation, one day I grabbed a sheet of paper or
a notebook of some sort and started scribbling out a prayer for God to come and res-
cue me. I needed to talk to Him and I felt it was my only recourse. Invariably, when
I was interrupted I hardly ever went back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was
in my prayer and it all seemed futile....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds
had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.... Etcettera. Etcettera. Etcettera.
After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was
formed for me. I could stop mid-sentence and usually go back and pick up where I left
off. As I found my time with God lengthening, because of my determination to do this,
it ended up being my solace....even with the addition of three more children as the
years went by. Often I found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would take
the time to search for a word that described how I felt. Many times in my prayertime
I would find myself thinking..."I don't know...... Lord , you know what I mean!", never really expressing myself honestly. Sometimes I found that I was "a whole lot
meaner" than He would be pleased with....or , things were really not as bad as I be-
lieved them to be.
Writing to God has followed me into the years that many would consider "older age".
It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen, and write Him my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instru-
ment......I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath! As I share my
letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that each of us need. This is my prayer.