"MY LETTERS TO GOD": March 2016

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Father.....Lord.....You are the beginning and the end to me. You brought us (me, in particular) to this point. I've lived quite a few years now. I realize that the next decade may not be free of troubles. I wonder, dear One, what it is I can do to ensure Your constancy in my heart and life. You don't have to answer that. I already know it. Since the word RETIREMENT came into our daily (almost) conversation, I have a very different view of said word. I really wish I could understand the feelings that plague me. People do look at you differently. Your opinions are not usually required. And, that, Lord.....is my honest view of the whole thing. I think I don't like it too much. Going into the "why's" of it, I suppose is not necessary. You know my heart. And, You know why I have this innate desire to analyze everything. I do that for one reason. You know that. I feel if I have already decided why.....or what the reason is.....I am "on top" of any situation. Huh? What did You say, Lord? No. I concur that it has not helped me at all. Not really. At this time of my life, I know that the drama of my life would not win a prize. I do believe, however, that I have a story to tell about different events of my life. Those events did happened to me. I was and am the author of it........ if I choose to share it. People have a way of asking a question or just promoting conversation. I really never know just how much to tell. I have always tried to be aware that my words can move people to You or I can see that folks break into a run when they see me coming"! Okay, I know! I jest a bit. I do know that trying to stay ahead of the enemy of my soul takes some prayer and meditation. Concentrating on Your words to us as Your children....trying to put myself in the position of the warriors of old. Am I brave enough to face the lion's den? Can I believe that the pit I find myself in so often, will become more and more elusive? Physically and mentally, emotionally and spiritually stronger. Lord.....do You really believe I can be.....all I need to be for You?
I will believe that You just nodded "yes!" to me.
I thank You, dear One, that You will draw Yourself to me as I draw myself to You. I thank You, that all I say and pray, is done in the name of Jesus. And, once again, I say........amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Sunday, March 13, 2016

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