"MY LETTERS TO GOD": February 2017

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

It takes me forever, Lord! Sometimes I wish I could make myself sit down and start scribbling, like I used to. It was barely legible, but I never worried because I knew that You knew exactly what I meant. Father.....My Father......thank you for allowing me the privilege to talk to You, period. Whatever form I choose.....I know You are listening to me. I also know there are times that I do not think You hear me at all.....mainly because I do not get any feeling in my heart that You are listening.....hearing.....or even caring about my plight. Too often, I have been fooled by the enemy when I begin to think this way. He wants us to be blinded and leads us to feel so useless. As long as I have trusted You to give me peace and strength.....I still tend to listen to the evil one and feel him pulling me down to his level. He is the master of deceit.....and lies. And.....he never seems to give up. I suppose its because he is coming to the end of his reign and he is all about numbers. Lord, help me not to fall into his grasp. I tend to get depressed so easily. I find that the disorder and chaos that shows up in our lives are only to show us that You are God. If our lives flowed without any influence of the enemy, we would almost never have a reason to pray for direction and strength from You, dear One. The song, "Through It All" said all of that and more. One of the lines, "If I never had a problem.....I wouldn't know that YOU could solve it".....said loudly and clearly, that You are the ONE that can give us the desires of our hearts.....and divine direction in our lives. I have counted on that for years. How often, dear One, can we come and say......"Sorry, Lord! I really screwed that up! Please forgive my stubborn ways.....help me to want to be more like You.....and remember that You love us with a tenderness and hallowed hope that none of us deserve, yet You give so freely and easily to us." Yes, even when I am determined to have my own way......You allow me to have what I want......then, of course, since it wasn't Your plan for me, I learn, sadly, that if I had followed You a little closer (and not have been sooo obstinate!).....I'd have seen what You wanted me to avoid in the first place. Why do we insist on having our way? Why do we feel that "our" way is how we should live and of course, others......should follow our lead. We aren't the same. Even folks with like personalities, see things differently. Our "truth" isn't like everyone else's "truth". The ebb and flow of our lives works differently for everyone. Lord......my prayer.....my goal.....my aim is to be as loving and forgiving as You were and as You teach in Your word. I need You every hour. I'm Forever Grateful to You. I find solace in Your word.....not just verses that "apply" to my situation.....but, the whole of it. Your teaching comes from Your love to us. IF I were treated as I should be.....My nose would be in the dirt. I deserve that. "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS LIKE JESUS. HE'S A FRIEND BEYOND COMPARE. MEET HIM AT THE THRONE OF MERCY.....HE IS WAITING FOR YOU THERE." Not one individual in this world can truly understand the longing of another's heart. I find it is best to leave all the teaching to You, dear One. Help me to remember to whom I should go to.....help me to remember, YOU are the master of the wind.....You forgive our selfish ways.....and somehow, dear One.....You love us anyway. I accept it. I can do nothing else.
In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Wednesday, February 22, 2017

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