"MY LETTERS TO GOD": May 2017

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Dear One.....I'm really embarrassed. It's been way too long since I've sat down and written anything. We have talked. I'm thankful You are still willing to listen to my murmurings and complaining about various issues....but, substance? Real concerns? Life and death issues? I stick my head in the proverbial sand and hope all of it goes away before I look around again. You know, Lord....You really sock it to me sometimes when You throw a wrench into my slightly sequestered life. It takes me a while to re-engage and try to understand what is happening. I am thankful that you decided to change a few things for us. I love being able to listen to my husband preach again. I am thankful for the gift of being able to sit down and play the piano again for a song service. Rusty fingers and all. So many of my thoughts, Lord, have been trying to understand the benefits and joys of retirement....or the lack thereof, and wondering where our place is and/or what you expect from those who have served and strived for many years. Why is it, Lord, that the older I get.....the wisdom, I strive for, is so fleeting? I think that "older, but wiser" is not necessarily working for me. Most people wish to work things out for their own selves.....not listen to all of my wisdom. I guess, to be really honest, Lord....I never really enjoyed listening to the advice others thought I needed either. I guess that the scourge of "listening to the advice of others" never did its work on me. I always felt like....."Don't you think I have already thought of that?......or something equally obtuse were in my mind. I think, don't You, Lord?....like that would be pride, which is something I know You deem as sinful. Even now, at my age, I find myself shrinking away from anything that purports itself as "advice". You've got to help me see myself, Lord. You've got to help me see that I need first of all, to see that, even though I want to be as smart as You are.....I am going to have to accept that I don't have all the answers. That I have to rely on the wisdom of others....sometimes. You, are different. I don't mind listening to You. I really don't. I also know that there are times when You speak to my heart and mind through others. Forgive me for my persistence in trying to oversee, overcome, overwhelm others with what I have learned. I don't mean to be like a bobble-head doll....nodding and agreeing with every one about every thing.....but to be cognizant of the many ways You use to get our attention. I don't want to miss anything You have for me with my stubbornness and bullheaded notions that I already know it all. I am Yours Lord. I have claimed that for a long time. I would ask to make me, at this time in my life, exactly what I need to be.....for You, for my husband, for my family, and for me. I know then, that I can make You pleased.
I am in Your care.
Would You watch over me. In my ways of dealing with folks.....give me a sweet spirit.......a sweet heart.....filled with Your presence. And I ask all of this in the name of Jesus.....at Your pleasure, Lord.
Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Saturday, May 27, 2017

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