"MY LETTERS TO GOD": September 2017

Friday, September 8, 2017

Dear Lord......When I finally find my special place on this computer.....I feel so fulfilled. I am able to put my heart and soul into the words I have tumbling around in my mind. When I am unable to find this quiet rest for myself, I slink into the confines of normalcy, and moan about not being able to fulfil this quest I have to write to You.
I am forever composing a letter to You, dear One. It is only when I can physically push the keys, to form the words and sentences to explain to You how I think......why I feel as I do......what I want for You to do for me...... and finally, how You will fulfil what I think I need....that I can truly rest. I need the fulfilment of what Your assessment of the needs I have. Could You possibly understand what I am trying to say especially when I'm not even sure myself? I think so.
I've always wondered, Lord.....when folks say the words....."God is good.....all the time, God is good."
Is this just a saying? Is it lying to ourselves and to You, when we feel the walls closing in....and we parrot this phrase? Or, is it something like "Act as if" ? Lord, when we are not getting the answers we feel we need.......when it seems that no one hears how I feel.....when there are more questions than answers......I am trying to stay positive. I am unsure what You want me to do when I look into a doctor's face....and he say's , "It's still there." Or, we have a problem and we need to talk about options. Those , and so many others are words that we as Your children have trouble living with. So many are so tortured. We are meant to be Your example. Our responses and behavior are always on my mind. Am I behaving as You expect me to, Lord? Have I disappointed You in my choice of words? Am I considerate of the feelings of others as they do their jobs to take care of my needs?
What is it Lord that can be done when we are at the end of ourselves and we need more direction? My queries to You, dear One, are natural. I'm always asking questions. I like to understand what is happening. You, however, are not as talkative as I would like. You like for me to find my answers in Your word. You like for us to pray and wait. You like for us to spend time thinking about what You have done for us, often finding our answers in our own words. I'm wondering if You like for us to go over the things that have given and provided peace in our past. So often we repeat the same behavior and by doing that, we often get the same result. Whether its a clear and peaceful state of mind or chaos that we seek, it seems to be our own choice.
I choose, dear One, for You to be leading the parade of my life. I choose for You to be the Grand Marshall......I will not fear......for THOU art with me. This is my prayer for today and tonight. Give me the peace that passes all understanding. So many are in dire straits......in serious harms way. Lord only You can give us the shelter in times of storm. All this and more is written in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Friday, September 8, 2017

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