"MY LETTERS TO GOD": January 2018

Monday, January 29, 2018

Every time I need You, I only have to think....Lord, I need to talk. I don't even think about You not being there for me. What ever the need is......the time of day.....the worry that perhaps You aren't listening because I failed You 5 minutes ago.....it all disappears, when I think about telling You my heart thoughts. There is such sadness all around. I have more than I could ever ask or think.....and yet, I feel such sadness at times. It's embarrassing. I know You are forever my king.....and most amazing, in spite of all my failings, You love me. The fact that You accept me is what I thank You for right now. I hate to say it.....but for now, I feel like a pretty raggedy Christian. So full of doubts. So tired of just being a regular child. I'd like to be a little above average. I'd like to prove to You I can be trusted. I'd like to know that You can always depend on me. I'm pretty good at acting the part. I always loved playing a part. I could pretend I was someone else. For me, right now though, there are no parts to play. I have to .....at some point......let my relationship to You, stand on it's own merit. For real. If I was playing the part of any Christian woman in the Bible.....who would I be? Would I find it easier to play the part of a Delilah, a likeness of Lot's wife or a Mary, the mother that raised You and watched as You died such a painful death. Even if she were ever aware that You would be raised to life in a few days.....the pain and horror of that day would be erased. The plan that You created for us.....Your children.....is different for us all. No one just gets by. We are appointed to live.....and to die. I guess, Lord, that I would like to do the best job I can at both.

I am so grateful now that You are the eternal father of us all. When I ask for Your help, You know I expect You will come up with a plan. It usually ends up being one that works wonders I never imagined. Now.....considering what I have sent to You lately, I am wondering what You will come up with. I , and not just me, Lord......I want what I want when I want it. Nothing much has changed since I was born. I have learned though that You have an answer. Please Jesus, make it so. The peace that passes all understanding is so impossible to take in......but, I accept it with all my heart. I believe that I finally understand that You do all things well. I write these words.....believing and knowing I'm doing it in the same of Jesus. Amen and amen. ("......and the Emmy goes to....)

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Monday, January 29, 2018

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