"MY LETTERS TO GOD": November 2016

Sunday, November 13, 2016

Trying to find the right place for posting a prayer on my blog gets me confused, Lord. Lately its been close to impossible. Of course I always think because it is so unlikely that You want me to do this, I defer very quickly to the tricks of the enemy......I don't. I am so anxious to tell You that I love having a God to be my true friend. The hope of the season.....the excitement of so much to put our hopes and dreams in.....the sadness of life that comes to us (and us accepting it) is all mixed up in what is our life. I truly think, Lord.....that there are so many who suffer more. I don't understand why. It just seems that way. I know there are phases of life, as it says in Ecclesiastes, that the bad and good in life is as the seasons are. I remember so vividly as I read a book written by a woman who had suffered a horrific life of abuse as a child. As a little girl the abuse was so profound and disgusting, I could barely look at the words that were written. I was so upset with You, dear One. I could not believe You would allow such a thing. My answer came later from the same woman in another account. God needs children that have gone through the fire.....to show others the level of healing and forgiveness He can give to us, as His children.....If we ask Him to. I still don't understand the sadness so many endure. Sometimes I don't understand the sadness I encounter. The acceptance of less than ideal situations, is vital to our spiritual growth. I had a question posed to me awhile back. It made me really think about my life. How I feel about You, Lord.....and what it is in life that makes me happy. Sure....it is wonderful to have a nice little happy family. Everybody is loving Jesus, and ready to go to Heaven. All are anxious to serve the Lord. No one has a problem. Every day our encounters are all God centered. What is the catalyst to having a squeaky clean life? I am grateful dear One, that I have loved You for a long time. I don't talk to You as much as I should....I find the Word, while enlightening to me and disciplining to me.....very elusive, as I schedule a day. It needs to be at the top of my list of "to do" chores. "Chores" isn't a very good word, Lord. But, some days, that is what it feels like. Help me do better. Jeepers, I prayed about this same thing when I was in my teens. I wish it would get easier. I am grateful, Lord.....that You allow us the humanity we seem to all live with.....I just really desire more and more to be like You.
Here I am. In the senior years. I have no job. No one is waiting for me to do anything. I don't have to study for Sunday School Class. I don't have to practice my music for Praise Team. I don't have to. I don't have to do anything. Do I miss all my past responsibilities. You know, Lord.....I've had a year to think about this. I am at a peaceful place. I have accepted this age in my life as graciously as I can.....I am loved by my family. I am loved by You. I am blessed. I feel blessed. Am I happy? I am where You want me to be. I am contented. I am waiting for You. I pray all in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Sunday, November 13, 2016

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