The Decision to Say "I Do"! (I Will Follow Your Plan......)

Every time I check into this blogsite, I am prompted to put down a "Title".  And,  every time I do.....it stretches into a montage of other avenues to go down.  Lord...my thoughts are scrambled.  I have my list. I stick to it pretty religiously.....and I am actually crossing things off.....so that is progress for me.
But, I am wandering around in my mind's eye.....taking something to one room (in my mind) and ending up in another.  And, so it goes.  I'll be anxious to get on the road and heading to my son's home.....and enjoying with him his last few days as a single guy.  We've all prayed for this.  We've hoped.  Even did some fasting.  Now it is becoming a reality.  Thank You Father for watching over this one we love.  This child of ours.  Remembering how excited we were to have a son......but , never expecting one....my baby son came home to a room of pink and white checks  and a "Holly Hobby" motif.  I planned on putting our new little one in with "her" little sister.  Things quickly changed didn't they, Lord.......we went from pink to orange  football helmets and brown baseball bats.  We felt so filled with Your bounty of blessings in giving us 4 healthy little girls and at last, a son.  And, that is what it has been.  Blessing after blessing after blessing.  The encounters with life throughout the journey our son has been on have taught us that YOU,  Lord........run the show......and without any doubt we embrace it.  I have often thought I had things pretty well figured out......and at last said a prayer of commitment.......and then found that I was "committing MY plan to You".  That, is not what You had in mind when You took us into Your  own heart and promised to show us the way we should go.  I know, Lord.....You always have had Your hands full when it comes to directing my life.
As compliant as I am at times.......I find that I am stubborn as all get out when I think I am right.  Almost righteously so.  Thankfully Lord.....You save me from my determination to "get it right" and show me that You, dear One, knows what truly is best for us.......and for those we love.  I recently spoke to my class about how Mothers who think they have their children's best interest at heart, can do such irreparable damage that can sometimes never be undone.  I have seen it happen.  I ache at the result of the sadness that has ensued because of blind determination to have things their own way.  Lord, I have prayed for wisdom in the past because of worriment over doing this exact thing.  I believe You led me in the way I should go. A  lot of the cause of worry was the over-analyzing......and the fixation on "I Did It My Way!"......Frank Sinatra not withstanding.  Lord,  thank You for the delight of Your presence when I didn't know what to say.....or advise.  Thank You for the wonder of a prayer answered and the devil defeated.  Thank You for the power of fervent prayer and the result of what we feel are unanswered prayers......actually giving us the desire of our hearts.  In all things, I find myself
blessed beyond all I ever imagined.  As the years go by I give You praise, Lord.  I thank You for the
gift of Your bountiful love.
So often.....too often......I mope.  I peruse the pages of my life and moan.  And, there is no reason....so, I blame the evil one.  I think he waits for my guard to be down.....and my resistance low.  I ask for Your divine intervention.  "Search me O God......know my heart.  Test me and know my anxious
thoughts.....see if there be any way in me that makes You sad........."  and as soon as You do, I promise to fix it.  I know that  even though I struggle with the constraints of depression,  I place my heart's desires in Your hands......and know that You have promised to be "close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit."  How You accomplish this to those of us who lay exposed to the lies of the evil doer is only one more amazing thing that You do.  Thank You Lord.  I have a lot more to say and pray and ask and on and on......I'll save it for next time, unless I get desperate!  All....dear One.....all of this.....I present to You in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Starting out cold.  I think sometimes it's the best way.  I have read until I'm blue in the face and have thought of every scenario that I have the imagination to form.....and there really is nothing left but to write  out my heart thoughts to You, Lord.  Having a keyboard to do this is so unusual after all the years of a pen scratching across the pages of composition books.....sometimes, almost unintelligible.  There have been days when I have written to you as of late.....and I still wonder what I mean.  I appreciate the fact Lord, that You decipher my assessment of how I feel and take it to Your own heart and relay it to the Father.  The " groanings and utterings" at times are not easy to read, I'm sure, but Lord.....I appreciate the fact that You do.  The most touching thing for me is that You care.  You love.  You forgive.  You give strength where there is none.  You answer my heart cries.  I know.  I have often taken exception to the reality of how You answer at times.  I have to be honest before You.  I haven't liked Your response to me.  I have been broken at the solution You came up with.  But, I take my rest and reliant heart to You again and again.  And, I do that because I  know without any doubt at all that You are doing what is best.  As I surmise how "I would have done things".....I often see how my plan would not have worked at all.  The surprising events that are "out of the blue" are not  or I guess shouldn't be surprising to those of us who call You Lord.  They are not.....at least I don't believe they are.....surprises.  They are momentary events that You planned all along.  Miracles here and there that offer us hope and triumph and the knowledge that YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.  I have in the past, accused you of the other part.  It's actually hard to write it down.  Lord....I remember.....with my face raised heavenward and a voice barely audible asking or announcing to anyone who would listen to me......."What are You doing?   What in the world are You doing?  Do You know what You have done?"  Yep.  That's me. " Mouth" should be my name.  And, Lord.....You probably thought about knocking me to the floor.  I sure needed it. But, I remember pretty well that my grief and my sorrow was  about to take me down and I know You had pity on me. You knew my heart.
  I hope and I pray that my heart thoughts will always  be more in consensus with Yours, Lord.  I am so sorry I have given You so much grief.  Thankfully, You know my heart and know I am grateful for the power of forgiveness.  It gives such peace. It provides a body with the strength to carry on....to breathe another breath...and hope for a brighter day. You truly are a miracle worker.  What You accomplish in my stubbornness and what I consider "my righteous thought process" is truly amazing.
I wish my wiring was a little different sometimes.  But, I have learned that my process in "fixing" is usually an exercise in futility.  And, yet....I continue to try. 
I believe in You, Lord.  I believe in the power of Your Word to us.  I believe the promises that You have inspired men to write to us.....and seeing in our imaginations , the great things You did as You walked among men. 
Lord, as we sang on Sunday...."I Can Only Imagine".....I asked the congregation what they thought they would do when they actually saw You.  The man I asked outright that question.....was completely undeterred at being called out during our worship time......and answered quickly......" I think I would probably be prostrate at His feet....after what He has brought me through.....and for what He has lifted me out of......".   I am not sure, Lord.  I try to imagine.  But, I think I might be on the ground too.  (You know, Lord?.....we won't get dirty on the streets of gold, will we?)  After all is said and done.....I more than likely will be prostrate....face down.....just so utterly grateful and overwhelmingly filled with praise.  You deserve the offerings of Your  people.  People that heretofore are mostly ungrateful and lazy. 
Lord, as the prayer I read yesterday from Joni Earreckson Tada's devotion said".....(just excerpts) "Release me from craving to straighten out every body's affairs.......and the habit of having something to comment about every subject in every situation....because of my 'vast store of wisdom'.....".   I could go on and on....and I know You read it with me and probably snickered at the truths in that prayer.  Lord, I am amazed at what I learn when I keep my mouth shut.  I can imagine You smiling.....and that is funny to me.  Thank You, for encouraging me to watch.....and listen.
 Would You take care of the anxieties that are of concern to me.  Fix them.  I can't.  I know, because I have tried.  You see the whole picture and I am willing but unable to make a difference. 
 Take my life and let it be a consecration set aside to work and to be the example for You that it should be.  I ask in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

"Hey, them's fightin' words!!"

 Lord, I think You know how annoyed I was.  Of course You did.  And, I'm not really sure....but, I think You were probably agreeing with my assessment of that phone call.  It was a "listening" phone call.  And, as I listened, I didn't care too much for what I was hearing.  Naturally after the call, I was weighing the possibility of  "telling an empathetic party" how I felt.  In the busy-ness of the day.....I forgot to.  I began carrying on the duties I had to perform.  It wasn't until I was in front the ladies in our Sunday School class that I realized how You had stepped into my heart and provided the peace I needed.  I thank You so very much.....not only for giving me such clarity yesterday, but solace too.  It is ridiculous to me how satan uses the most inane conversation.....replaying the same words over and over in my mind.....and takes me to levels of anger that could ruin me.....and my relationship with You.  Thankfully, God......thankfully, You minister to me......You give me peace.  My seemingly fragile psyche rises again from the ash heap and lives to see another day.  I thank You for the power of Your presence.  I thank You for the nurturing of the Holy Spirit that attends to my sometimes fractured heart.  For the name that is above all names.....blessed Redeemer....Lord of all.....You are my hope.  I give glory to You for You alone are worthy of any that is worth even talking about.  I will not allow the sorrowful words or the "just plain mean" attempts  to ruin my days with worry about "how to fix it".  Lord, I've been alive long enough and a child of God long enough to know there are many things I cannot fix.  The battle in the war of words is often lost.....because I don't have enough of them....and too often.....no one is listening.  So, if You don't mind Lord.....I give it to You.  Exodus 14:13 came to me long ago when I thought I needed to go on the field in the heat of battle.....and I had no ammunition.  I deferred to this verse.  It worked then.  And, now......as I claim it in the name of Jesus, I believe it is now in Your hands, Lord.  Just in case You forgot, Lord......it is where You spoke to Moses and gave him comfort in Your ability to solve any situation.  I quote the words:  "And Moses said to the people, Do not be afraid.  Stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which He will accomplish for you today.....For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again.".   I remember Lord, when you first gave me that verse.....I was sitting at the kitchen table that John's Dad made for us......I was reading it out of  The Living Bible then......and it said something like....." the Lord will fight for you and you won't have to lift a finger....." .    Lord, that is the kind of battle I prefer to be in.  I never can think of the right words at the "right" time.  My "perfect comeback" statements are often in my dreams.  Sometimes I wonder why.  And, then.....I realize that You are making me into the image of Yourself and You can replace that desire to give a snappy comeback with quiet resolve.

So often, Lord.....I feel the need to speak.  To explain.  To continue to explain. How about if I hand the incessant desire to "explain" over to You.  You Lord.....You speak louder and say less than anyone I know.  Do Your work in me......and in those I choose to defer to.  I love You. Thank You for the love You provide me all the time.

I ask.....I plead.....I speak all.....in the name of Jesus.  Amen.