"MY LETTERS TO GOD": December 2014

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

You know.....don't You, Lord. You know how I'm doing right now. A little freaked out.....yeah, that would be an understatement. When You bring to fruition an idea that started on a scrap of paper........a few words scribbled to form a sentence.....and bless the writer......well, its just too much to take. For those of us that suffer from the feelings of insecurity and unworthiness.....what You have allowed is beyond any dream. You have allowed me so many blessings. Many...... that I thank You for all the time. I've said it before....and I say it again....."beyond all I could ask or think".......that is what I have. The gift of this book that will have my name on it is all because of You. If I did not have You to tell my heart thoughts to.....there would be nothing to publish. You are the author and finisher of my faith. Now, I need for You to give me wisdom to speak words with Your grace and to have this vessel transformed into the one You need......to be used as You see fit. I have no idea what is ahead...but I rest knowing that You do. I only need Your direction as I move ahead. Only, dear One.....with Your direction. You are without a doubt so merciful......and so forgiving, all the time.
My granddaughter looked at me on Thanksgiving day and questioned me when I said I didn't ask You to forgive me every day. In my mind and heart....I just don't need it.....every day, that is. I do not sin on purpose every day to be forgiven for......do I? Is that too presumptuous, Lord? I need for You to enlighten my heart. I don't think that anyone that calls themselves "Christian", does sin everyday. Do You, Lord? Is that how You figured we could live for You and be human, too? I know. I fear speaking this way could be dangerous......for my health, and future as a professed Christian woman. I intend to take my cues from You, dear One. And, sincerely, Lord......I need Your nudges and pushes in the right direction. I do not want to ever take any of the gifts You provide for granted. I am Yours, Lord! Everything I am.....all that I have been blessed with.....it's all under Your care and watchful eye. I will never sin, willfully and determinedly to be more of what others think I should be. Your will. I desperately pray for that. I need to have the words that express the deepest heart thoughts that I have.
Right now......all I want to do is thank You for living to die for us.....and then to rise up to love us until You come. The Nativity. What a precious sight to see and enjoy. Oh, Lord. I don't think any of us that call ourselves "Yours"....will ever understand how You love us.
I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

PS........I dedicate "My Letters To God" to You, dear One.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

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Tuesday, December 9, 2014

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