Oh, Lord......I am so thankful that I can depend on You to hear the cries of our hearts.  I am so thankful that You know how we need to connect with You...in and out of season.  Lord...a few days ago.... I wanted to write out loud and tell You that someone we love so much, is on his way to You.  Of course, I knew.....I didn't have to warn You.  You already knew it.   But, I could tell in our light conversation, it would more than likely be our last.  We shared a laugh here and there, but the context of the visit was.....how very grateful we were (my husband and I) to have been included in their list of friends and how very special they were to us. A kiss goodbye and a final look.....and I knew it was probably the last......here on earth.  There have been a few times when You have allowed me the privilege to be in the presence of those to have finished their course here on earth and have begun the journey to be with You.  I remember so well when I was attending to a very special friend in the night hours.....and how she raised up a bit once and said, "Take me."  I rushed to her side and assured her I would take her anywhere she wanted to go.  Of course, Lord.....I was assuming it was a request to visit the bathroom......and then, realized......she was calling out to the white robes she was seeing in the distance.
Lord, to be that close to one who is on the threshhold of Heaven, to me, is an honor.....and a blessing.  I almost feel guilty now because of calling their attention back to me with such incidental statements or inane questions.  Nothing is as important anymore, as making it inside the gate.  It seems that it is  too late for the "I love you's" and "Forgive me!" statements then.  Anyway, Lord......to know and truly see that peace of seeing one enter Your presence, is a gift.  Dear One.....thank You for that privilege. 
Thank You for the peace that comes with giving our sin and burdens over to You and believing that You give us such rest in knowing You remember "all of it" no more.  The impossibility of that is not understandable.....not to my mind, anyway.  It is just something I accept and cherish because You promised it.  To all of us, Lord.......who call You "Lord"......You have given this wonderful privilege to have peace in the last hours of  life.  Some may consider it a storm......or a great thing to be feared.....but to enter into Your presence with a sense that we have fought a great fight and won over the power of the evil one.....is such an awesomely wonderful sense of peace .....that does defy any understanding of the human mind.  You provide us such wonderful gifts.
Lord Jesus....."Take my life and let it be....consecrated Lord, to Thee.  Take my moments and my days....Let them flow in ceaseless praise.....Let them flow in ceaseless praise."  And so much more......Lord, to be the vessels of and for Your use, I pray to be filled. ( And, yes.....I know.....there are days I am sick and tired of being used, emptied, re-filled and emptied again......yes, I know....I do complain alot!)  Just ignore my complaining and keep piling it on.  I do want to fulfil any plan You have for me.....all the time. 
And, for all of this.....I thank You and I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

I continue to be amazed, dear One, how hard it is to sit down and write.  I have no trouble sitting down to do anything else.  The excuses that bombard my mind are endless.  And, You have heard them all.  Several times, in fact.  I think that is what You hear the most from us all.  Saved and unsaved.  I do think, the christian though can come up with some of the best ones.  Worded to You in such a way that makes us sound so righteous.  You must just shake Your head at our trying to prove how spiritual we are when we are either just too busy or too lazy.  I fall into both categories on more than one occasion.  Regrettably, Lord.  It is the words I use to describe my plight so many times.  I asked someone recently who reads my blog if they thought I was irreverent at times when I speak to You.  The answer was charitable.  They said, "Well, you are being honest with the Lord......in telling Him how you feel."  I am not sure, Lord.  I think there has been more than one time when I thought You might want to stifle my retorts.  You have been more than gracious to me.  Although, I wondered here and there why You weren't attending to my needs a little better.  I am not a fan of silence from You.  But then again, I'm not too fond of some of the responses I get either.  I do not think that I have ever once, not known exactly "why" You were disciplining me.  I know it must be so exhausting for You to have to tell me over and over what You expect.  Even as a young girl, learning the verse from Psalm 19:14, should have clued me in that my mouth could get me into trouble.  Being shy and introverted so much of my life, no one could ever believe I was so sassy, especially to my mother.  I thought I knew it all.  And, so.....I was insolent.....and got away with it most of the time.  Hmmm......"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer"......nice verse, Lord.  I'm not sure when I really learned the content of that verse.  Probably more than I cared to  as I sat by my mother's bedside so many years.   I expressed my angst to her and my sorrow on one occasion.....she could not speak aloud.....so I had to lip read.  But Lord, when she realized what I was saying, (and more than likely had waited years to hear), she tried to ease the pain I was having in telling her how I felt.  When I realized what she had said, we both laughed.  Lord, why is it so hard to behave......look how old I am!  I should be a little better at this by now.  You have warned me.  You have disciplined me more than once.  You always hear me say that I will do better.  And, then....I find myself speaking in a smart alec manner or speaking ill of another and there I am, disgusted with myself again. I know.  Others may think this is nothing....but, for me, it is getting control of my tongue  so the least natural thing for me to say will be squelched.  Is that what I meant to say? I don't know.  But, I know one thing, Lord.  For Your example to all of us.  When You were ambushed by the soldiers.......when You were spoken ill of by Peter.....and betrayed by those who wished You dead for their own gain......All of these people, Lord......were not defamed by You.  You did tell them the truth....(which they really didn't believe).....but, You did not ever betray them. 
Lord, I intend to be faithful.  To You, dear One.....and to those who call me friend.  I ask Your guidance and direction, and an intentional, directional shove if You need to get my attention!  Just because I am a senior, doesn't mean everyone has to know how I feel,  why I feel, or to what extent I feel.  You have always been the confidant I needed.....from my early days of motherhood to present day.  I believe, with Your strength guiding me and directing my ways....I will succeed in being the instrument You need. 
Thank You, Lord.  I ask all in Your name.  Amen

Thank You, dear One for the week just passed.  One week seems to blend in to another so quickly anymore.....and then, months.  Before I am barely aware of it I can't believe the time that has escaped into eternity.  What have I done?  What have I accomplished?  Am I doing the work You planned for me to do for You?  I guess I have always worried that I wouldn't fulfil the jobs You have set up for me to do.  The list?  I don't know what is left on it.  I have tried to be faithful.  Lord, You know, if I were reading this from Your perspective.....I would be wondering if I really meant what I just said.  It sounded pretty weak.......more like, pathetic.  "I Have Tried To Be Faithful" should be a song title.  I just read a devotional from Joni Tada that talks about that.  If I want to be "more spiritual", I can be.  If I want to be "more faithful", I can be.  If I want to be.  That is the key.  Honestly, Lord.....with my wiring.....sometimes I do "want to" and sometimes........well.......uh.........I guess I have to admit, I don't.   I think about the places where I have pulled out all of the "stops" and I suppose my marriage and the raising of our children is the biggest accomplishment.  I put so much of that back into Your hands.....especially where I could not think of a perfect solution.  The discipline and the nurturing.  The devotional aspect of a family always posed a problem for us with their schedules, practices, and games.  I remember trying so many different ways.  I'm not even sure they remember all of my anxiety about it.  With so many children, I worried that each one would feel special in their own right.  I think I could go crazy if I dwelled on what I could have done better.  "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it........".  I think that is what the scripture says, to my understanding.  I hope and I pray and "I Have Tried To Be Faithful".  And, now, dear One......again, I leave it all to You.  Once they are adults, they are responsible for their actions.  I think I need to remember that a little more often.   
Give me Your views, Lord.  Show me what areas I need to change my thinking.  Give me work to do.  Go ahead, if You want to......push me out of that comfort zone I am so relaxed in.  A few years down the road perhaps I will have written a couple verses and a chorus to the song entitled, " I Have Tried To Be Faithful".  I have a feeling Lord, that this, is not what You expect from me.  I think You want more.  Do You remember Lord.....when our Music Professor at college, looked at our trio and told us that our song selection for that days Chapel service was not a good one.  I remember vividly, that he said, "Lord, Just Build Me A Cabin In The Corner Of Gloryland", was not what he was aiming for.  Yeah......I thought......."You're right!  But our harmony together sounds so good on that song!"  I guess we took that song out of our repertoire.  The point being that if that cabin  in Gloryland is all we were aiming for......we needed to re-adjust our thinking.  I understood that....even at 18 years old.  Now, fifty years later.....(yikes!) .....I would like to be sure to re-adjust any thinking that gives me that "Less Than" mentality.  I have no intention of sliding into the gate by the skin of my teeth.  I want the door wide open,  and angels or somebody, inviting me to enter into the glories of everlasting life with You, Lord.  "Pomp and Circumstance"?  Bring it on.  I'll be happy to enjoy it and not feel one bit guilty You're making all this fuss for me. 
Thank You, Lord.  Thank You for the gift of eternal salvation.....and Your plan that we can all enjoy.  All I pray, and ask for and place at the foot of the cross.....I pray in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

Why is it so hard to write "out loud", Lord?  Saturday evening I was getting my thoughts together about what I wanted to talk to You about.  More often than not, Lord, I just start writing.....sort of aimlessly......and find a niche.  I love knowing that You take that into consideration when I come to You.  Whether I am out of breath because I am running to You to tell You something  or when I come dragging my feet a bit.......You always accept me.  Thank You, Father, for accepting me as I am.  But.....getting back to Saturday evening......I'd already gone the whole day not writing and I was ready to finally quit making excuses and write.  Lord, I couldn't believe it when I got a phone call  telling me that they thought my account on facebook had been hacked and someone was pretending to be me.  Besides the fact that it is a pain in the neck, answering texts all evening and trying to make sure the problem had been solved.....I thought, Lord (?) why would someone go to all the trouble to pretend they were me.  Perhaps Lord, they just happened to put together the right letters and numbers and it was just happenstance.....but, still.....what thrill does that really provide one.  To me, Lord.....You know what it was?  It was just another roadblock satan uses to keep me from communicating with You.  The devil knows and uses every trick in the book to keep me from accomplishing any goals I have set up for myself.....and loves when he can prevent my writing to You, whether I am writing in my black and white composition book or on the computer.  I find that trying to be as consistent as possible.....forcing the issue and not letting him force my hand, literally and figuratively, I am the winner.  You, dear One, are the force to be reckoned with.  You will always have the last word.  I can thankfully, count on that!  See.....I am writing!
And, I will continue to do so until You take away the ability for me to do so.  The old chorus said......"I am determined ......I've made up my mind.....I will serve the Lord."
To me, Lord.....writing You.....telling You the secrets of my heart.....sometimes, whining a bit,  bemoaning my life and/or behavior......all of it .....seems to fade as I talk to You in my way.  I am sure You are reading it in the context it is written.  Whether or not You are hearing, reading or perceiving......I've been at this long enough to know that it helps to heal my heart when I give You the contents of it.  Knowing You love me and care how I feel, touches me and lifts me to levels of spiritual strength I've never dared dream for, let alone write about.  You are my King.  You are my hope.
I praise Your name and love to think about the places where I was weak.....and You lifted me.  The areas of my life where I could do nothing but breathe Your name.....and I knew You were listening......and comforting.  Always, Lord......the times when I heard only silence.....that deafening noise of silence......I knew, without a doubt, You heard me.  I have to tell You, Lord......those particular times.....are especially hard for me.  I am grateful though.....because  those times  I think You are coming up with a plan.....hoping, when presented, I will go along with it.  Usually a lot of time (as I view time) has gone by.....I am so grateful for the answer, I envelope it, lock-stock-and barrel, and  I know whether the journey be long or short, I have Your divine leadership out in front of me, as a shield.  Thank You, Lord.  Thank You for wanting me to be part of the flock.  And, Lord.....that is all I care to be.  I would ask that I would lose the desire to want to go off on my own....investigating areas of life that will only get me into trouble.  I have tended to do that in the past.  I should have known better, but that stubborn streak seems to have a life of its own.
"You gently call me ..... into Your presence.....guiding me, guarding me......", Lord, all of it is my joy.  You give me what I need.  You help me.  You love me.  You need me.
What?  Yes, I did say it.  You need me, don't You?  With all my quirks.....and approval-neediness, etcettera, etcettera,  and etcettera.  You do.  So, with all of my might and courage coming from Your strength in the times of my weakness, I will try to be a shining light.  I promise.  And, before I get into any more trouble with my words, I will ask all I ask, in the name of Jesus.....His divine will and power.  Amen.