I wish I knew what I should ask you to do for me sometimes, Lord.  I often wonder, do most of Your children dog Your steps.  Or....do they go off, surveying their lives, doing their jobs asking You to bless them while they do it......?  I'd like to know what You expect.  I suffer from the "Leadme/Teachme/Showme/Shoveme" Syndrome.  I have wondered and I do wonder if I will ever be safe enough to go out on my own?  Isn't that what You say for us to do?  Or, is it with the fear and trepidation that we ask Your constant guidance.  I've read verses this week from other devotionals I've read.....and, I thought......"I guess I'm not alone."  I mean, Lord.....really.  Psalm 139:3 says basically that YOU chart the path ahead of me.....telling me where to stop and rest.....because essentially You know where I am and what I'm doing.  And, another I read that in Psalm 63:8.....that MY  soul "followeth hard" after You.....and I do that because Your right hand will uphold me.  Proverbs 3:5 and 6......has always been so clear to me.....Is that why the whole entirety of the verses become mottled at times.  To trust in You with all my heart.....and don't lean on my own understanding (of any given situation)...In all my ways acknowledge YOU always because YOU will direct  my paths.  I often wonder why I hesitate and don't go riding in on my white horse ready to rescue and relieve in situations I think I have a handle on....I guess, Lord.....I guess it's because I have had this drilled into me from a young child.  You know my years.  I'm on my way to 69 years now.......and I have been Your girl for most of those years.  Still, I wonder.....are You waiting for me to grow up a little more.  Not be so tentative.  Well, are You?  Or could that be another voice urging me to head out on my own, with my own devices?

I question You and then I read from Genesis, chapter four, verse 7b......not verbatim, but essentially telling me that SIN crouches outside the door of my heart.....my being......; waiting to trip me up.....grabbing ahold of me and spreading the poison all over my best laid plans.  And then I gather all of these verses up, look at them, and realize how clear can You speak to us, really?  Over and over and over, I come to a conclusion,  thinking, I really don't have a clue.....and then I realize that to be on guard...wearing my armor...planning my escape from the clutches satan threatens to wrap me in, takes a constant and ever-present  watch over my heart.  To make sure it is pure in Your sight.  To guard the area around and into my heart.  Lord, safeguarding it with the power of Your Words to all of us.  As I struggle, and see that You have already fought the battle, I then have to maintain the work You have done for me.  It was good at the age of ten.  The harder the battle is.....the older I become.....well, the armor is the same.  It safeguards the tender recesses of my heart.  Oh, Lord.  Tell me.  Why do I forget that?  How can I possibly forget that You fought the battle and won.  And, all I have to do,  is  to remain faithful.  

Thank You, Lord.....once again, for reminding me, ever-so gently, that You have my concerns and my worries under Your leadership and control.  I thank You for this peace You provide.  Peace that truly passes all understanding.  For this, and all I ask for....I ask in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Every time Lord......Yes......just about everytime I think....."It's time to write my blogpost"...... I begin to freak out about what I should say to You this time!  I have been annoyed about the context that my brain seems to want to vent to and about.  I give up my desire to titilate an audience in my prayers. There is no way I can write my heart thoughts....speaking to You within the recesses of my mind....and not be bombarded with the evil one dogging me. I need You to know that I need You every hour I live.  I cannot help it.  Is that okay?  It seems so child-like.   I plead the blood of Jesus Christ to protect and guide me into all truth....protect me and mine and any readers of this blog.  Lord, we are totally in Your debt.  We can not do anything of worth without  the armor of Your design.  The Breastplate of Righteousness protects and serves us in the battle when our heart and so many other vital organs are protected by it.  The Sword of the Spirit is the lifeblood of my daily walk.  For me, my shoes shod with the preparation of truth.....and the Helmet of Salvation.....are vital, too!  Mostly for me, Lord.....the Helmet.   I have to discern daily who is doing the talking in my life.  The attacks of satan usually give me such anxiety.  Oh.....King of my Life.....guide me into the truth that exudes the most of Your Spirit in my heart.  Give me the exception to the rule of the world,  that I don't have to live under the foot of the devil.  He doesn't have me.  He won't ever.  Even in my dream state, I request Your presence to ward off the evil that he perveys on us as the people of God.  I will press toward the mark of the high calling of Christ.  Free me of the weights that threaten to drag me to a halt.  I cannot bear to think that I would harbor sin and/or insults that would hinder me.  Jesus, You are my hope.  I am Yours.  Changing me.....using me for Your glory is what I ask You to do.  I have to admit, that perhaps it could mean additional time, work and distress for me.....I believe, with You helping me, I could do whatever You ask.  Years ago, I came upon the study of
"Lord, Change Me!".  I believe it was Your idea.  It really showed to me the power of Your Holy Spirit running the places in my heart where I am the weakest.  Your Word, showing me and pushing me to obey what and where I need to change......well, Father.....it gave me peace;  just knowing You cared about how I would deal with the challenges that come in life.  Mine, in particular.  The grace and strength You provided me....I will never forget....and will always refer to.  I remember that prayer in the book that touched my heart and many others that I quoted it to.......'Lord, somewhere I read that when two people love deeply,  living together...sharing...caring.....giving....forgiving.....that they begin to resemble each other.  Tell me, Lord....how long will it be before I look like You.' I remember now that it was authored by Marjorie Holmes.  Her prayers always touched my heart.  Thank You for her.  Thank You for her inspiration to begin writing to You.  I bless You, O Lord.....(if that is even possible)!  I can do nothing for You but, give You praise and glory for all You have done.
All I speak of and pray for, I  speak in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Lord, I wish I knew how to tell You how I appreciate the privilege of prayer.  Knowing that when I talk to You.....anytime and however I choose to.....You hear me and pay attention to my words.  Too often, I'm speaking like a whiny child....because I've been misunderstood or mistaken.....and You stop and take notice right away.  I hear the rustle in the bush.....I can tell Your presence is near......"the birds hush their singing " and Your spirit enables me to speak as if my voice is the only one You hear.  That is what draws me close to You.....knowing that my concerns are not invalid and/or foolish.  Satan and his accomplices do a bang-up job making me feel as I do.  It is their joy to make our lives miserable.  And, they must get paid well!  (Just sayin'. )  I think my best resolve is to stop giving him so much credit and keep my armor on to deflect the arrows that wound me.  With Your strength helping me, I will......by Your grace.  The living, breathing Word of God is a constant sustainer......I love it.  You are always aware Lord, that the need to read Your word, is our salvation and strength.  I am so sorry Lord, that the times when I seem to be reading and skimming......You throw something in the mix that lets me know......."Hello........Are you paying any attention....at all?"  I love that it stops me and makes me think......You are there for me all the time.  You take stock of what I am doing.....and.....not doing.  Thank  You, Father.....for the "wake- up" calls that I get.  I am forever grateful for Your goodness and Your mercy. 
 I am thankful for the birth of a precious grandchild this week  of a couple who had to deal with their own tragedies of terrible loss. They are now rejoicing with their surviving son and his wife. No one could have told them 20 some years ago that they would ever be recipients of  such bliss......but,  dear One.....You are truly gracious.  And loving.  And ever-present.  Did I say loving? 
 How very special You are to me and to millions like me.   I am so grateful that when I think about You,  I don't see a picture of You in repose.  I don't think of You hanging on a cross.  I don't have a vision of You sitting like a lump as the Buddha is shown.  I have a living, breathing picture of You....sitting by Your Father, touching Him, gesturing to those around You.....blinking and emotion-filled,  bearing our requests.  Gracious Father.....You know what is ahead.  You know my heart.
You have places for me to fulfil that only my hands can do or my lips speak.  I do not want to fail You.  Empower me with Your  Holy Spirit.  I am Your instrument.  In Your band , I am able to play all the instruments.  Whether it be sounding gong or a tinkling cymbal.......let me do it to the best of my ability.  For You and Your Kingdom. 
In all I speak and ask....I ask in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

...

April 21st, 2013.  That was the last prayer I posted, Lord.  I do wonder why.  Uh......let's see.....!   Actually, I have nothing to say that's worth reading?  Shame on me, Lord.  I am the recipient of multiple blessings.  Regrettably, I have one issue.  I have a great memory, Lord.  It's just short!  Not enough time?  Too tired to write?  Take me away from my surroundings.....remove me from the "jobs" I feel I do pretty well.....take away the love of my life (my husband).....and put me down and let me alone awhile....well, it's not good.  Is that the way You felt Lord....when You entered the desert?  I doubt it very much!  But.... I wonder Lord if those are the times You test us to see what we are made of.  Our constant perusal of our life....how we have lived it......what You have seen us accomplish with Your grace and strength given to us........sometimes I wonder if Your are proud or disgusted with the growth aspect of our being.  So much of my time in past days were filled with raising children.  And when  I started doing that.....I tried pretending I knew what I was doing.....but, the books.....advice....all of it.....goes right out the window when You have a child that needs your attention.  The instinctive nature to protect is a blessing, Lord.  I thank You for that.  It alerts You to the intricacies of child rearing that experts try to explain and sound quite knowledgeable.....but not all advice and direction is for each and every one.  I love watching the interaction of a mother cooing and touching a child that needs attention.  An infant, that is.  Right now, Lord.....that is why I am away from all I am familiar with.    A newborn needs attention while the mother heals.  There is no baby that can survive without it.  Lord, I watch with anticipation to see the growth of such a precious bundle.  Within days, we see the effects of proper attention come to fruition.  The cheeks filling out a bit.....a tiny head raise off the shoulder....the barely audible squeaking of a newborn cry transforms into a hair raising squall.  How else to express their displeasure.....or desire.....or the effects of pain?  Lord......do we ever grow up?  Do we ever look to You and ask for what we need?  Or,  do You hear a  constant barrage of squalling?  Or whining?  Jesus.....I do need You every hour.  I need Your tender voice talking to me....even soothing me!  I need for You to sing occasionally of the love You have for me.  I need to know that even when I hesitate to come and talk (mostly because I feel I don't "really want to").....I should, because You love me even when I am obstinate and stubborn.  On the days my thinking is so inward and introspective, satan easily can get the upper hand on me......BECAUSE......I have dropped my armor by the door and left it unattended......just by my hurrying to get to the couch!  When will I learn that satan is always looking for an opportunity to pounce.  I know this.  I realize that as soon as I say it out loud.....he's on his haunches....just waiting.  No one does a better job of making me feel like a piece of trash than he does.....and as was pointed out to me recently.....I don't have to allow it to happen!  I can plead the blood of Jesus.  I can sing Your praises to all who are listening.  I can speak of Your wondrous works in my life.....and of those I love.  A beautiful baby?  Who can create that?  Only You, dear One.  Only You.
But, You Lord......You have to keep me in check.  I have got to be a grown up now.  I can have all the wisdom in the world......and experience......and IF  I  DON'T  ACKNOWLEDGE   MY DEPENDENCE  ON  YOU......I might as well pack it in. 

I do know Lord that You are the one that makes me whole and complete.  My life is in You.  My hope.  My joy.  Thank You, dear Lord.  I ask all in the name of Jesus. Amen.