BE NICE. (Okay, I will try!)

Oh, boy! I don't even know where to start, Lord. It's another one of those days where I would
just rather not write. Even though I know should always take time to.....I don't. You know, Lord? Everytime I forego my time with You....I regret it. I never feel fully ready for the day.
Yes, I can talk to You throughout the day and usually do.....but I love the warm and fuzziness
of that memory of us sitting together and me pouring my heart out to You. See, there is no one
else that can give me that freedom but You. I am still awed that You know me and still love me.
Way too often, I feel like I am way too much trouble for You to have to fuss with all the time. I
am grateful Lord. I'm grateful for the cross and the trauma You went through for me. Even as
I write it ..... or say it ..... I still am not sure how You think I am worth that to You. There is no
greater love.....than a man lay down his life. Is that a scripture, Lord? I think it is.....I need to
spend time there researching that.

Earlier this week I confessed I was disgruntled by the lofty thoughts that some christians speak of.I don't understand some of the verbage used by those who love You and want to get their message out. I believe I am urged by You not to be so
judgemental about things like that. I believe it is only a tactic that allows satan to nudge me by
the very fact that I am not a theologian of the scriptures and maybe I wish that I were.....and
could be IF I really wanted to. (I do not wish to have any loose ends available for him to latch
himself onto that would draw him into my being.)

Now, Lord.....entreat me any way You want to. I can never attain enough to understand the
encompassing love of God. I don't think it's possible, Father.
I do thank You for the devotionals that have encouraged me this week. I was slightly taken
back when I read how You were dismayed with Moses when he did not pay close enough
attention to Your direction as to how to get water for "the complainers". The first time You
told him to strike the rock......and of course, the second time he probably figured he wouldn't
bother you with more of their complaining.....and decided to go ahead on his own and strike the
rock again. (If it worked one time, it should work again, right? ) So, he did and You were not
happy that he didn't see fit to ask Your direction for him. Lord, does that tell me that no matter
what.....whatever circumstance there is.....don't go off on our own and try to solve our own
difficulties because "we've been here before and we can handle this". I will remember this.
I have thought this, Lord. I've thought, "No sense in bothering You with this , Lord.....I can
do this.....and You just might be proud of me in taking care of business............No? What? Did
I hear You right, Lord? " Okay, I got it! Now I see that the reason I have You in my life is to
not only enjoy You as my very closest friend....but as the answer to every dilemna I encounter.....
You know what is best for me. You know the desires of my heart. Even if I do not. For You,
Lord.....I give You my heart. I give You my words. I give You my attitude. I give You the
stuff of life that annoys me.
You are the One that can fix my face.....and my attitude. Today is Yours. I ask that You would
bless the service that has been planned for our Memorial Day Celebration. I would ask, Lord
that with all of the music, readings and special attention to our veterans and troops in faraway
lands, that we would honor You and the freedom we have in this part of the world we are
blessed to live in.
I pray in the name and will of Jesus. Amen.

Where Is The Hope?

Lord...please help me today. I shouldn't be writing. I wish I could keep it in, but I can't. Lord,
what do I do? What should I be responsible for? I am almost at the point of being overwhelmed. And why? Every time I look at the TV.... or newspaper.... or pick up the phone....there is a problem. Someone is dying. Someone has lost their business. Someone has lost their home. Someone has lost a loved one. Someone is being treated undeservedly. What do we do, Lord? I sound like Solomon in Ecclesiastes. Listening to or reading his words in some
of the portions he wrote is pretty depressing. And, so I am thinking thatif there is nothing new
under the sun and that life can put you six feet under IF you let it,where do we go from here?
Where do we go? Actually way too often, we begin to believe there isn't a speck of hope.
Whether or not there is a God to go to.....what is there to hang on to? Father, many times I have,
as countless others have.....gone to my knees in prayer,hoping and clinging to it desperately....
that You will come and save us. You Lord, are good. Someone ( and I am sure there was more
than one) said yesterday....."If God is so good....and such a loving God.....why are so many dead
after all these tornado's and storms.....?" Okay Lord, if You have heard anything over and over
in Your deciphering all of our groanings....its that very thing. Us.....the people You have allowed
to be created and left to live in this world, questioning Your power and glorious blessings to us.
And, sometimes I think we just feel a little guilty because we are living....we have a decent job....
our family is well....and we are blessed beyond all we could ask or think. I've talked to You
about this more than once, Lord. Recently I told You that being like Job wasn't on my "Bucket
List". Lord, I'm beginning to wonder if .......no, I'm not going there.

I know that You and I are often on the same wave length. Atleast sometimes I think I am. I read some stuff today that irked me....mostly because it made me feel stupid. When I read "spiritual " writings
that I have to look up in a dictionary or just leave me saying...."WWWhat is that?" it often irks
me. Where is the part of understanding salvation because it is easy enough for a child to under-
stand? Why is it necessary to present a consept of the gospel that is above the common man's understanding? This is what I understand. You were born because God planned it. You were
crucified because it was also the plan of God. Then ,raised to life again and live with
Your Father at His right hand. You help us. You have given us Your Word to show us how to
live for You. You wiped out races of people when You saw that they would not eventually live
for You or follow You. You have the power to do what You want .....when You want. You see
the end from the beginning. You see the plan of my life. My hope and my desire is to live as
You would be pleased. Yes, I complain. And, yes....I disappoint You more often than I want to.
But, Lord.....I decided long ago that I will believe You have my best interest at heart. That the
events of my life, some incurred by wrong choices, and the blessings of my life, are gifts from
You.... gifts that come as a result of prayers answered Your way, not mine. Often I believed
my plan was Your plan. I tend to be a little too righteous. Ultimately, my plan is placed into
Your hands. I always want what You want. Please, Lord.....make it so, always. Thank You
for listening; I can't even begin to work when I feel so pressed. I need to take it all to You.....
the wisdom for actions that need to be taken.....words that have to be said....deeds that need to
be done.......O, Lord.....I ask Your help in discerning what is best for me today. I love You, Lord.
In Your name and will I bow at Your feet. Amen.

ALL IN THE NAME OF JESUS....always!

So, Lord.....I woke up yesterday and didn't feel on top of the world.....rather, I was awakened and .......okay, 'nuf said. Today, actually I find myself out of bed and feeling around for my glasses before my eyes are open. The world did not end yesterday. I did look to check and see if John
was still here......he was and so, here we are and ready to listen to all the fall-out from
the world and their take on the fact that You did not come to rescue us yesterday. That will
come another day. You know Lord.....so many don't believe it will happen anyway. That story
has been around for a thousand years and so many just think that it is "just a story". I feel for
this man's family and the future of his Christian Radio ministry. Lord, to blast and make fun of
his theories are pointless. I contend that IF one individual thought he might miss Heaven and
put their life in Your hands because of this.....perhaps....maybe......? I don't know. I do know it
is our business to make sure our life and salvation is in Your hands. I will try and stay focused on the reality of making sure I am ready to meet the King of Kings when He calls for me.

My goal to be the instrument You intend for me to be to all I influence is uppermost in my mind.
We are to be the light for those who find their path darkened. I found myself answering some
questions this morning to someone I don't know very well. Someone who is searching the
scriptures, Old and New Testament characters....whom You chose to teach lessons to us. The
story of Job and how You allowed satan to try and "get to him" with the loss of his possessions
and children and ill health. I tried to explain how I saw the scriptural presentation of his story.

I find it so interesting how people interpret what they read so differently. Anyway, as soon as I realized I was going to have to talk to him (on the phone) I breathed an SOS prayer to You knowing that words can become convoluted......especially when you're afraid you will say the wrong thing. My fear. My concern always has been that when someone needs You and asks some pretty pointed questions....I don't blow it. Yeah....that looks real professional. But, it is my
truth. I always have been fearful when someone looks to me for an answer that will intrigue
them in You enough to seek You....that I will forever say the wrong thing. Lord in all
the classes I've taught, young people I've worked with, and friends I've conversed with....that
my words would be Your words. On occasion, I've come home from a class and said, "Lord,
please erase that from their mind." And, Lord.....I've always believed I have their best interest
at heart and find that giving my questions to You were all I could ever really do.

I am only an instrument. I know my life's work is not going to be saving the world.....but where I am....if it is only standing in the line at Walmart, I can be Your ambassador. To be an encourager and a listening ear when someone needs one....I ask for Your help....(because way to often I want to run away or appear to be too busy) to be there for just one individual that needs You.


It is Your favor that I crave today. It is imminent for me to have all You can spare. For some
reason, I feel especially needy. My hope is in You, Lord. My life is in You, Lord.


All I speak of, think of, and do this day, I place in Your hands....and the power of Jesus Christ.
Amen.

WANTING MY LIFE TO PRAISE YOU.....really?

In the words of that praise song we started doing a few months ago....."You! You are God. You are all I'm living for. I want my life to praise You." Yes. You are God. You are worthy of praise.
You ARE all I'm living for. Mostly, I guess, because You allow me to live. If I didn't praise You or be grateful for my life.....well, I think we'd have little to discuss, Lord. I'd be in a constant
position of an unborn fetus. But, so far, You have allowed me to live. Unfettered by any physical
abnormality, I can walk a straight line. I can speak. I can hear. I can see. I can drive a car. I can ride a bike. I can do all of that. Oh, and most important....I can pick up a pen and write a letter to You. You are my saving grace. I know when all around me
seems to be falling apart.....I can look up and know that ultimately, You are in charge. You reign.
In my heart, I often tend to bemoan the sadnesses I have brought on myself. Choices I have made. I find that when I have spoken "my mind" and got "stuff off my chest"......I have lived to
regret my actions. I can almost count on one hand the times when I have done this in my 66
years. And, I can remember quite vividly how I "let it all out" and how I felt afterwards. Most
of the time, Lord.....I regretted opening my mouth at all. I wish now I had let You handle it. I
remember the one time especially (and I know it's all because I didn't think You were working
on this quick enough...... ). I was looking up the verses from the "Our Daily Bread" devotional for today and saw some of the differences in the Old and New Testament. I've wondered how to discern what is the right way to handle the issues that arise in dealing with people.....friends,
relatives and acquaintances. "Don't seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone....love your
neighbor as yourself..." to "Show no pity.....a life for a life, etc....." to "Do not repay evil for
evil....be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone....." to " If it is possible....live at
peace with all men.....". Each one (and there's so many more) gives you an idea of how to
live with people.
Sometimes I wish it was just You and me, Lord. I think I'd be a lot better off. And, of course that is the hermit part of me talking! I know Your plan is to mold me and make me into the image of Yourself. I like the part where You threw out the moneychangers
in the temple.....I'd have loved to see that. But, I also know that You paid for that dearly. The
eventual outcome was for public fodder.....but, our ultimate survival.
I ask Lord, that today would be another beginning for me as I learn to follow Your lead. In
making decisions that will enhance my spiritual barometer.....and leave the queries about my
sanctimonious behavior or my "live and let live" thought processes to Your deciphering. I know
You will let me know when I have crossed the line either way. I want You to continue to show
me Your desire for my life testimony.
To live with You for eternity is folly as far as the world is concerned. It is my salvation. It is
my hope. It is my goal. Understanding what it will be like is next to impossible. So, I won't
go there. I know one thing. I want to be there.
And so........there it is, Lord. For today and until I need to ask for more....
I ask in Your will.....and in the name of Jesus. Amen.

" The WHY'S and WHY NOT'S of Life"

Isn't it something, Lord? I just cannot get over it. You work and plan, organize and prepare. I
even bought a tent cover. I thought I had all the bases covered. It hasn't rained in days.....and
today they predicted scattered showers. I was sure I could manage quite nicely....relax and drink my coffee while I watched people look at my treasures. So, here I am Lord, writing to You. I AM NOT COMPLAINING. HONESTLY, I'M NOT. But, I am disappointed. I planned on
having a pretty productive sale. I think I was partially set up....and the "scattered showers"
began to rain on my parade. I garnered help to set up this tent I bought. (It turned out to be exactly what I
paid for, by the way!) But, even with the covering....stuff that I had spent several days working
on....was getting damp and some, even soaked. Okay, Lord. I know this is not the end of the
world. And, I am not upset. It's so useless sometimes. The work you do....the time you spend
doing it.....the hope and promise of a job well done....all of it, amounts to a lot of nothing....or
does it? I.....rather John and I have for years prayed, planned, worked and hoped that some-
thing we would do would interest people in the gospel enough to be drawn to You and the
principles You taught. Sometimes it catches hold. Sometimes, someone is drawn to You by
watching their child show their learning ability from memorizing scriptures in the VBS Program your church has run.....or an adult from the neighborhood has fallen on hard times
and needs food from the food pantry. The list is endless. Churches all over the country have
programs that are born to address issues that a particular community has. Sometimes they
work and you can see the results.....and sometimes, it's just a losing battle. Remember when
John decided we would have a "Soup and Sandwich" lunch (free) for anyone who would come.
We tried. We made soup 'til it was coming out of our ears. We planned. We advertised. We
got helpers to work. And, no one came. No one. I couldn't even believe it. I think someone
told us that if we had provided transportation...........yeah, sure. That was it. Lord, I believe
that You give us a place to fill. And, to the best of our ability we need to fill it. For some reason
our plans to have a great church yard sale today went awry. It was disappointing because it's
an annual event here.....and everyone was a little disgruntled, mostly because of the work that
goes into something beforehand. Lord, I am sure when You look at the six days You worked
to make us a beautiful place to live.....and see what has happened since.....You might wonder
if anyone appreciates anything. Your plan for Calvary, and the trauma that ensued.....was to do
one thing. Draw all men to You. We still can hope for who is left. The 21st of May is being
touted as "Judgment Day" from what I hear. I know what You say in the scripture...."no man
knows the hour or the day....." , but there is a man that has
put all his eggs in one basket and said this is it.....apparently not caring that everyone thinks
he's ......well, enough said. I do not think he could possibly be right. But, Lord.....just in case
he is.....my heart is right. I want my life to be a faithful one. I want my decisions to be ones
that glorify You. I want my hope in You to be hope that others may see as light.....hopefully,
light at the end of a tunnel. (And, I prefer it not be another train coming.) We are in this
battle of wills to win. satan tries. (He does not deserve a capital letter.) He consistently works
on ways to make me stumble.....or to make me look or feel stupid. I do not plan on letting him
work his way into my life. I will not. Oh, Lord.....please help me stay true to Your plan for me.
I can ask as I always do to answer all in the name of Jesus. And, amen....for now.

EXCHANGE: My weakness for Your Strength!

What do I come up today with, Lord? Where do I direct my thought process? These are the days I have the most trouble sitting down and writing. It's nice to say tho'....."I Just Came To
Talk To You Lord". I am grateful I have this respite in You. To come and talk when nothing
this minute is pressing....is nice. It's almost scary. But, then of course....this is life. Phone calls
and email alerts are often just the beginning of another problem to bring to You. And, when I do
that...(bring it to You) I know that You will take Your time to give me direction....and wisdom.
(Your wisdom). I am amazed that You take time to show Your concern for me and mine. Today
there are so many suffering. Whether it is results of earthquakes, floods and fire.....many of your
children are waiting for You to come and save them and lift them out of the horror they are
facing.
I am asking Lord for Your grace to be extended once again to me this day. It is vital to my own
spiritual state that You would show me how to be the servant for You that You need me to be.
As I responded to a post on my "facebook" page today.....my thoughts went to a situation in my
life where my heart was so broken. I know You remember. We were at our third pastorate.
Life was a little easier.....beautiful church....new parsonage....and it was so hard for me to enjoy
the blessings You had provided to us. I remember weekly calls to my Mom and Dad. The conversations always ended in tears for all of us. They were sad, discouraged, depressed and
unhappy. How could I be happy in our place of service, when things were so hard for them?
Lord, I remember begging You to change this whole scenario. Sitting here writing this causes
me to pause and reflect. What if I hadn't asked You to do something? I'm thinking that it was
not an ending I would ever have wanted. But, as I was reminded today again...."Your strength
is made perfect in our weakness....". Help me to never forget it!

Somehow we manage to make it through the areas of life that we believe are impossible without your intervention. I am grateful Lord when I look back and see how You have worked in and throughout my life and the lives I ask You to intervene in. And, Lord.....I know that sometimes You don't take care of things as quickly as I would like, and I am quick to remind You of that....(way too often) but I do believe in the power You provide to sit tight and wait patiently!

Lord, thank You for the blessings You give. The fact that I can enjoy this day....without fear....
breathing, hearing, seeing.....all of these are not blessings I take for granted.

Any favor for me today....? I would be grateful. I will honor You and love You. And, I pray
this day in the name of Jesus. Amen.

WHAT IF I COULDN'T TALK TO YOU?

I'm not even sure what to say, Lord. Every time I pick up a pen or place the computer in my lap
to write....I never know what You are going to have to endure. As I begin to write, I feel my
words tumbling over each other to be written.....mostly because I am trying to put my feelings into words that explain the turmoil.
The devotional I read today really spoke about how I let my emotional being run my life too much. I had forgotten, once again, Lord....that it is how I react to all of the hoopla that really tests how far I have come with Your direction. When I falter and give in to my "feelings".....well, I don't like what happens then. I don't feel like I am running a tight ship. I feel that at any moment, my ship could be overcome by a rogue wave and then I'll be bailing for dear life!

You have given me so much to lean on in the scriptures. Way too often, I am not being as diligent as I should be in this area. Too lax. Too busy. Too tired. Too needy.
And.....just look at what I have written. It all goes around and around and around. Laxness, busy-ness, tiredness, neediness. Each word draws the same conclusion.....if placed into Your
care. Peace. If I am too lax....then I feel ultimately guilty because I'm avoiding doing the time
with You and feeling the joy of Your salvation for me......If I am too busy.....I am lax about read
ing your Word and writing to You.....it takes time to do these things.....time perhaps better
spent doing my work and doing the scriptural work later. ( Isn't it funny Lord.....and I am not
talking funny HaHa! ..... our work always wins out over the devotional time with You.) It never
fails....in my life anyway.....You always are in the back seat, tapping me on the shoulder...saying,
" Uh.....could we talk a minute, please?" Lord, I do know I am getting better at this part. I just
would like to work on this a little harder. Bringing it to the light by writing it "out loud" sort of
does....and I find it a little embarrassing to do so. It's sort of nice to have everyone think I'm
perfect! HeeHee! I know. I jest, for sure!


I read some wonderful verses today. I love the ones I have memorized from the KJV and can't ever seem to replace them with the more modern versions....but this one sounded so neat. I love to read and re-read them. Isaiah 43: 1b....."Don't be afraid. I've redeemed you. I've called Your name. Your mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. 2) When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you are between a rock and a hard place...it won't be a dead end...because I am your God....your personal God, the Holy of Israel....your Savior. I paid a huge price for you."...and Lord, on and on You go....telling me and anyone else who will listen and believe....that You love us....right where we are. I am so grateful for this Lord. I am overwhelmed with the love You show to us. The fact that You endure our roller-coaster-behavior sustains me. I am so sorry that You have to deal with that part of me. I'd like to be a better servant. I remember a few years ago, (I'd have to go back in my journals and find it....) but, I was so tired of being a servant. I was disgusted with You and filled with weariness. I also remember that You put Your foot where it would do the most good....and I saw, once again, that IF I CHOOSE TO BE YOUR CHILD...I WILL BE A SERVANT. And, Lord....I choose to be Your child. And, I choose to be a servant, also.

What happens, Lord? Why do I have those days that truly must disappoint You. And, then....
why do I keep engaging that behavior?

Once again....Your ladies from the PROVERBS 31 MINISTRIES....have given me the devotion
for today that I needed.

It's human to become agitated....stressed....emotional. The healing part comes when You help
us to react to that part of our nature. If I give them free reign....trouble ensues. I become
"unstable"....."lose sight of God"....."say and do things I regret". The verse for today reminds
me again....."Don't let your heart be troubled....Ye believe in God.....believe (trust) also in Me."
John 14:1

Over and over, I am reminded of Your love.....and the forgiveness You freely give. How do I
ever thank You for these things? Unmerited favor of God. Oh, Lord. Give me strength to
never falter in my appreciation for Your grace.

And, once again....I ask for Your blessing on this day.....for the requests of my heart and the
protection of those I love. All in Your name. Your way. Amen and amen.