"MY LETTERS TO GOD": July 2021

Thursday, July 22, 2021

Oh my dear Lord……How do I believe? How do I know You were there to take him? How can You show me what I want to know? He left this world last night in his sleep…..never to return. No one was sitting outside his room waiting…..no one was told he would not be getting up to head to work…..no one knew he’d never awaken to see another day.

I do wonder , Lord, if any of us would behave any differently if we knew what was ahead of us. Would we re- think a conversation or tell someone exactly what we thought? Would we start our day with a prayer on our lips to God that He would prepare our hearts for the day ahead….and anyone we knew might meet a special word or attention from us…..that we could be God’s light to them. Too often…..I find myself thinking that “It’s all about me!” I know it’s not Lord, but I feel sorrowful that way too often it “sticks out” more than it should.

My brother had a servant’s heart. He was a gentle man. He was so much like our father. His features….his spirit…..his laughter….reminded me of my dad There was nothing that touched his heart more than hearing God’s word being preached. If you were near him, you would see tears rolling down his face. He had a heart that was tender and mindful of what You talking to him about, dear One. There were times when he was very aware we were watching something very private happening to him……and, for a man who kept things and thoughts closed off to anyone, I think he felt embarrassed. Me? I tell everyone about my flaws and shortcomings! Not everyone is a mouth like me!

Lord, my heart is sad. But, for my dear brother, I feel You were there when his breathing began to slow. Was he surprised? Did he argue with You? I have a feeling that he didn’t. In my mind, I see You entreating him to come to You. I hear him responding to You after You suggested that it was best He do it this way, by saying…..”I know”….in his slow, easy drawl. I don’t understand…..but, I don’t have to, Lord.

Tell me again, Lord. how will You decide for us who are left?

There are days when I wake up, Lord, that I wish I would have awakened in “Glory”. Those are especially hard days when I miss my love so much. You, of course are so aware of that heartache…..but, you are quick to enlighten me with special scriptures and a phone call or two from especially appointed people. You bless me all the time. And, I thank You, dear One.

Help us, Lord. All of us who mourn this special man. Lowell Carl Candel. He was, I believe, a man after Your own heart.

In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Thursday, July 22, 2021

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