Thank You, dear One.....thank You for the privilege of prayer.  I am so grateful for the power of it, plus the sweet relief of telling You how I feel.  So many "feel" that their "feelings" should run the basic needs of their lives.  I tend to, also.  In all reality, Lord.....Your plan for me may not always coincide with the "want-to's" of my heart.  Could You work that out for me?  I'd like to always feel that Your presence would overwhelm my being to the point where I would feel that You and I are thinking alike.  I always want to help You to entertain angels.  And, there are times when I really would prefer not to mess up my plan for the day!  It means that when I would like to just NOT talk or keep moving on with my plan, I would be willing to stop; look at someone.....in the eye; let them know I intend to listen if they need me to!  You know Lord.....this is not my idea of rest.  It means.....getting involved, sometimes.  It means....giving advice, sometimes....which always scares me.  It does however mean too, that I would just listen...... and look like I care. That really does sound awful.....doesn't it, Lord?  But, for me.....I need help.  It takes so much energy to do that.   It does take time to do that.  Could You give me the added empathy I need to do this for You.  Help me Father.  I am not always available, mentally.  I think You know that.  I do know though, that, You fill my heart with joy and resolve and fulfillment.....when, I realize I am being the instrument for You that You need me to be.  Being in the senior age of my life, I almost feel like my work is done.....and I know that is the devil's lie to me.  I am worthwhile to You.  I have a place......and I have a job to do for You.  No matter what condition I am in......and what place I feel I can fulfil for You. 
Yesterday was Christmas day.  All year long, we either groan or delight in the coming of this holiday.  It is the remembrance of this sacred time that we as Christians find hallowed.  I'm not sure that is the word to use, Lord. But,  I love to think of how You came to be born.....and then finally,  to become the Savior of the world.   It is special and sacred.  I enjoy doing the gifts and decorations.  Looking at the lights that shine in the night.  Nothing though, outshines the bright light of love and adoration You have for us as Your children. 
I'm thankful for the promises You have given us.....and for Your gift of eternal life. 
Thank You for the love You provide.  Thank You for the gift of family.  Thank You for my own precious brood.  I am forever grateful.  I find as I go longer into life......I need You every moment.
Give me Your presence today.  And, Your abiding love.  And, I ask it all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I've been trying to figure out how I feel today, Lord.  Between all of my naps!  I'll tell you....."the old gray mare ain't what she used to be"......is true in more ways than one.  I feel ancient today. But, I really feel so thankful.  Having an Open House for Your Church people, for all intents and purposes means you have to clean your place and decorate. Plan for 60.... 23 show up.  It is a let down.  I guess I will never understand why folks don't come when you ask!
Of course, Lord.....You have an inkling of a notion, don't You?  You have held out Your hand for centuries.  You have knocked on millions of doors.....and, still, no one feels the need to answer Your call.  And You.......You offer eternal life in Heaven.  Like I said, there is no comparison.  I offer free meatball sandwiches. End of story!   I will use them another day. The decorations I carefully arrange.....I enjoy! And, I think my hubby does too.  Remember, the other day, Lord?  He said....."Why do you do all of this?"  I couldn't answer, then.  I do love Christmas.  The sounds and smells.  The very reason for it all.  Jesus, the Baby in the manger.  How God planned for Mary to be the Mother to this precious child.  Chaste.....and beloved...and willing to go through the trauma of people thinking she had been unfaithful to Joseph.  I was so sorry Joseph thought so too.  But, Lord.....what I mostly loved....was how You informed him of his true involvement in the most wonderful story of love and devotion.  You didn't make him wait....and suffer too long. 
Lord.....I have often thought.....could I be faithful?  Could You count on me....when the heavens are quiet....and the silence I hear.....is deafening?  I know.  I've talked to You about this before.  And, You assured me that when I need Your strength, I will have it.  And, I have to believe that this is true.  I have needed it a few times.I will believe that You will provide the answers I need when and if it is necessary.  I like to think that what I teach to Your people......I truly believe, is true.  Last evening as I visited with a friend from college days.....I remembered what I wrote my last prayer blog about.....as we spoke of a similar situation.  (You know, Lord.....the prayer that is floating in cyber space!)  I was bemoaning how fickle some of Your children are.  I was complaining.  I was thinking  little more highly of myself than I should have been.  Thank You for helping me see the things that need to be changed about my thinking.  I do believe there will always be something You need to point out to me.  Could You see to it that I always recognize Your hand.....molding me and making me into the image of Yourself that I need to be. I am forever trying to be obedient when You show me places I need to change IN MYSELF.   I always seem to get a little agitated when I hear about or experience the behavior of one of my sisters or brothers in the faith that have to be a disappointment to You.....in thinking, "Why don't You get ahold of them?"   You know what, Lord?  It's not my business.  It's Yours. 
So be it, then!  Have Your way, Jesus....in our hearts and in our minds. Aha!  Mostly, my mind.  
To God be the glory!  Amen and amen!

 I really think You are testing my patience, Lord.  Are You?  Are You aiming to show me something I need to work on?  I can't find my latest blog post.   The one I just wrote minutes ago.  It disappeared.  Okay, yes!  I was complaining. I know. I know.
I think I told You awhile back that I needed to stop complaining and be accepting of what I cannot change.  Okay.  I accepted that.  I told You that I would  work on my complaining nature.  I guess I did for five minutes.  And, then, the old habit rears its ugly head again.  Okay, yes......I accept that I need work here.  I guess I have to make this into a project.  Every time I feel the need to complain and gripe about something I don't like.....I need to use that opportunity to quickly try to negate that attitude and the words, and the spirit that drives it......plus,  the look of disdain upon my face.  I don't have to look at it in the mirror......I can feel it.  Oh, yeah!  I am doing well here.  In the previous post, (the one that disappeared), maybe You were trying to save me from totally embarrassing myself in front of my readers.  I must have sounded pretty righteous.  Lord, I do wonder what good You see in me.  I just hope that You can always forgive the ineffective (the "I'm right and you know it") nature that sometimes just trickles out of me, unwittingly.  Uh......I think it's unwittingly!  Maybe not.  Anyway, It appears that I am in a constant need to ask forgiveness and wanting You to show me a better way.  I do need You, Father.  I know that when I feel "I am getting a little better control of my behavior"......I begin to tout spiritual platitudes and almost bragging of the work You have done in my life.  I wish I could reach a happy medium.  Or, Lord.....is this what You need to do to force me to examine and re-examine Your insistence that to be a warrior for You......I have to keep my heart right.  I hate that part of me that tends to "act righteous".  Is there a place for it at all in the life of a dedicated child of Yours?  It seems to spawn such unlovely behavior.  Is there a happy medium for us, Lord? 
My desire and hope is to continue in my quest for the hope that I will do "My Utmost for Your Highest".  And, very honestly, I know I don't.  I'm too tired to work at being nice all the time.  Sometimes I would like to say what I really think.  Sometimes, I think You need to pull a "Zacharias" on me......until, I promise to behave myself.
Lord, as You can see......I understand why that post disappeared now!  That will now and always be a "draft"......to view as "for Your eyes only". 
"I  want to live the way, You want me to live.....I want to give until there's just no more to give.....I want to love, love.....'til there's just no more love.  I could never, never outlove the Lord."  This is what the song says.  I'm not sure I want to do all this......or even feel like it......but, I do know this.  If  THIS  is what You expect of us as Your children.....then, I know I can......and ask You to help me want to.  And, please, give me the desire to.  Right now, I'm just too tired.  I thought I was righteous.....and now,  I'm all depressed because I found out I'm not!  
  Is this what Peter felt like when he proclaimed his great and abiding love for You, over and over......then, completely wiped out his whole belief system when asked if he was Your follower?  I can only imagine, dear One, how awful he must have felt. 
This is why, Oh Lord......I need You every hour.  Give me Your strength so I can be sustained.
I pray this and every prayer in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Okay, Lord.......I know.  I have definitely put this off too long.  For all my indications of "how wonderful it is to talk to You in such a manner".....I am a poor example to anyone who would like to try.  It is in doing this form of communication with You that I find my solace.  It clears my mind of clutter.  It shows me that I am not as mean spirited as I thought I was........or it shows me I am due for an overhaul,  or replacement surgery. Now, You know how busy I have been, Lord.  Travelling takes every ounce of energy I have anymore.....and packing, unpacking and re-packing exhausts my resources.  I take everything I am sure I will need and then, throw in what I think could be unforeseen needs..........It does have to stop.  I don't even know what ALL I have with me (since I have so many "unforeseen" items).....and usually have to purchase more.  It's ridiculous.  You absolutely have to shake your head and wonder "where You went wrong!".   I cannot tell You how many times I wanted to write and tell You things these last few weeks.  I either didn't have any availability (wifi) or time or fervor.  Jesus.....help me.  This is my life.  I need Your intervention and I need to show those who watch my life how important You are to me.  I need quality time with You.  All the time.  Could I ask forgiveness one more time for my laxness of spirit?  I probably drive You crazy with all of my SOS prayers.  Every time I turned around in the last few weeks,  it was....."Lord, help me." or  "Lord, I need for You to show me......!"  or a dozen or so other quick prayers to  satiate my desire to have You run my life.  I am tired of trying to do this myself.  So often, I am "wanting" to take charge....but I can not do this.  These last few weeks have been so filled with plans made, and,  plans upset because of  just life's happenings.  Everyone deals with it.  Sometimes, it's just a little more hectic at times.   I don't like for those times to interfere with my writing to You.....and they do.  Way too often.  I remember when Mom lost her ability to hold anything in her hands.  She was always  writing something down.  A recipe.  A joke.  A letter.  And, I do too.  But, I really love typing on this keyboard.....to talk to You.
I told the ladies in S.S. on Sunday that we have to watch the way satan intrudes himself into our lives.  When he wins......I lose that special time we can talk to each other.  I can read Your Word.....but.....I just love telling You how I feel.  I can feel free to tell You my flaws.  And in doing so, in this "blogspot", everyone else can see how imperfect I really am.  I am so fulfilled though, dear One.....when I realize, once more,  that YOU forgive us.  Immediately. 

Take my life and let it be lived according to Your plan for me.  I come to You, again and again, for Your nurturing and direction.  One of those pieces of music we are doing for Christmas this season, says, "This must be the place......where I bow down before You.....This must be the place believers come....This must be the place....I worship and adore You......and confess, You are my Lord, my God......my God."   This is what comforts me.  If the day comes I cannot write to You......then, You, Lord......You must show me how to love You more.  My place.....ultimately, is at Your feet.  Until that day, I ask this then, in the name of Christ, my Lord, and say Amen and Amen. 

There are times when You really can shake my system up, Lord.  I am nicely resting and enjoying my sleep.  You can wake me up with such ease......well, I even think it's my idea!  And, then I realize.....Aha!  You have a reason I'm awake at 4 am.  So, I write.  And, yes!  I am happy to do so.  I am not particularly thrilled about the subject matter of this particular prayer.  It seems that You have made it quite clear, though.  After I devoured the devotional from "Joni"  the other day.....writing down every word so I wouldn't forget all of the context......I remember thinking that "this would make a good study for Prayer Meeting".  Yeah!  All of that.  Lord, You are so sweet not to bombard me with all of my foibles all at once.  Notice how I don't mention they could possibly be sins or deterrents to my spiritual victory.  But, I do know it, Lord.  I should after this many years.  I am so sorry I am turning into "one of them".
 For years I have read and listened to stories about the Israelites and their saga of the journey from Egypt to the promised land.  I heard the other day that in all reality, it should have taken about eleven days.  That absolutely does not seem possible after all the drama that they created with their diverse mentalities.  Maybe I should just state the obvious, Lord.  Their constant barrage of murmuring and complaining probably would have driven a lesser leader to drink.  Quite heavily, I would venture to guess.  Lord.....I always have said......either out loud or to myself.....I hoped that I would never be in that crowd of complainers......or like them in any way.  I can see now, that I would have more than likely have been a possible follower. 
Joni pointed out the verses in Jude that knocks all question aside.  I can put any spin on it that I want to.  I can pretend that "I am just expressing myself".  I can raise all of the legitimate reasons till the cows come home.  But, You and I both know, it is time to address it. The 'ungodly-ness' of it all.  My complaints.  My murmuring.  My sarcasm that can mask as unkindness.  I recently saw a comment from someone on my Facebook site, Lord.  They wanted to "see" themselves as others saw them.  I remember asking You one time......(Notice:  I said "one time", Lord!)......and  You did.  Very quickly, I might add.  I remember that I did not like what I observed.  Good grief!  Do I not learn anything quickly?  I feel as if I may have a learning disability. 
I am going to be watchful, Lord.  I am going to change this spirit of being disappointed and disenchanted with whatever situation I seem to be in.  These days I am always trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of every encounter I am in.  I want to be more accepting.  I want to be more empathetic or sympathetic.....whichever is needed most.  I want to be kinder.  I would suggest, Lord.....that my "sarcastic wit" be eliminated.  I want to be the ambassador for You that You planned on me being.  I don't think this is what You had in mind.  Yes.  It's true.  I am 69.  Yes.  I have a melancholy and phlegmatic personality.....and tend to defer quite often.  I have a tendency to think that at my age, I have a "right" to be heard.  Well.....Lord?  What do You think?  I think You have shown me in a decided way through this devotional what You expect from me.  I will work on my 'ungodly' behavior.  Yikes.  It looks awful.  It is embarrassing.  I thought I was "above" this.  And, that looks awful, too.  Forgive me for being "one of those" kinds of people.  I will desperately work at my  level of  understanding......and I will adventure into the realm of the possibility that if there is a clique for the Israelites who didn't murmur and complain.....I'd be in that group.  Being called "ungodly" is not my idea of being an Ambassador for Christ.  Give me Your power.  Your wisdom.  And, Lord.....give me Your understanding of what I need to do to fix this. 
Thank You for loving me enough to show me what I need to remedy.  And, I ask all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.
P.S.  Excuse me while I go and adjust my crown, Lord!

As I go over the devotionals I've read for the week on my computer, I hesitate to hit "delete" for any of them.  I fill my journals with them....."so I don't forget".....and find that I do, indeed, forget what I wanted to remember.  I sometimes write word for word....and then for some I just outline what I think I already knew.  I find, though, that when I was sure I would remember "that one"....I can't quite remember like I want to.  Lord, all I can say to You is that I want You to show me what to keep.  And, what to let go.
It sounds like the mantra I quote when I am getting ready to do some organizing in the garage or in the basement.  Over and over, I want to let go.....and throw out what I don't want or need in the trash.....and then, I agonize.  "What if I need this next week?"  As much as I have accumulated, I  probably could go to the Dollar Tree and buy another one!!  But, getting back to my first thoughts.....I do love reading that I am not alone in my quest for spiritual fulfillment.  I wonder, Lord, is that going to be forever..... or until You come for us?  I know.  Why do I always ask that question?  I think I have said the same thing, in different words at least a 1000 times.  My security in You is often tempered with...."What if I was wrong?"  "What if I misunderstood what You promised?"   What if....?  What if....?  What if....?  I think that probably satan enjoys my confusion.  When he can plant a seed of doubt......and then stand back with arms folded waiting for me to cave on what I believe (?) ......then, certainly, he has done his job.  I often fail to call on You as quickly as I should.  I defer to the sadness and difficulties of our lives too quickly.  When I heard about "Lizzy" and the Cancer diagnosis, I have to admit I faltered a little bit.  I hear of the same stories of sadness and death that everyone else does......and realize that this is life.  We learn to accept, acknowledge and bear with the fallout of what turns out to be the new normal.  Lord, I wish my questions would cease.  I ache for the sadness that occurs when suffering comes. 

 I spoke to her the other day, Lord.  I could easily have walked by.  I recognized her face and saw her look down.  After our little talk.....when I heard that "the church people were so unsympathetic or unwilling to get involved".....I felt so sad.  Who are we, Lord?  When I am aware that we, Your children, are the first to criticize....or abandon our sisters and brothers in Christ....it must not make You very proud of us.  I am thankful that even in our clumsy attempts to love and accept each other.....You take it and translate it into "The Greatest Story Ever Told". 

I'm thankful for the cross, Lord.  And, for the mercy You show to us all the time.  We truly are not worthy .  Me? It is not about "we".  It is about "me".  And, how I am doing as a member of Your family.  I'd like to be in the gold star category.....I'm not sure I can do it.  Last week I complained about being a slug.  Hopefully, this week, I am doing a little bit better.  Give me all the help You can in my private time.  I will count on this one thing.  When I need a particular answer......for myself or someone I am helping.....I will believe that You will bring to the forefront of my heart and mind, what You need for me to convey.  (Like for instance...."When people show you who they are.....believe them!   Oh, wait a minute!  That's not scripture, Lord......that's "Oprah". )  Was that a smile, Lord?  I love You.  Thank You for loving me too!

It's all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

 I have sat here this morning, Father .....(now, afternoon) and thought about writing my prayer blog post.  First, I drank coffee.....close to six cups.  Then, I read my scripture for the day.  I drank more coffee.  I played a couple games.  I caught up on the facebook site.  I caught up on my email......called an aunt and caught up with her.....played more games.  Other than doing an activity that requires getting off the couch, I have put off writing.  This is soooo stupid, Lord.  You are my friend, dear One.  You never are that hard for me to unveil my thoughts to.....and yet, I put You off, silently saying, "I don't have time now, Lord......which is, as You know, a lie.  I am tired of being a slug.  Please help me.  Let's play "Kick the Can", and I'll be the can.  When I do this......when I falter in coming to You..... quickly and often, I berate myself terribly.  Why is praying.....out loud and/or written word.....so difficult?  Baring my soul is about the only way I know how to write to You.  Even when I speak aloud in prayer (and always sort of "go on and on").....knowing that only if my heart is speaking truth to You...You will respond in kind.  I guess.....or surmise that it is, indeed , the energy it takes from me.  If I am not speaking truth to You.....well, I guess, there is no need to speak at all.  I love believing that You read my heart thoughts with all the empathy You have.....noting where and when You will entertain any possibility that my thoughts and concerns are worthy of Your consideration.  Of course, I have to admit, when I am pretty sure we are on the same wave length....and You answer according to how I see things.....I love that.  But, I have learned a time or two, that You definitely have higher and loftier ways to deal with what I pray for.  Considering that You are God, and see the end from the beginning.....I treasure the thought that You love me.....and mine.....and want our best for Your glory.  I have to also admit, that what I assumed would bring You glory, always does not.  I am stunned at how presumptuous I tend to be.  I am apologetic for that, Lord.  I am surprised too at how clueless I really can be.  I am also amazed that when I think I "have an answer"......"Your answer".......I am really wrong.  Jesus....help me.  I do need answers.  But, You already know that.  I guess I am figuring that since You know me so well.....I will start planning and executing before You want me to.  I can presume 'til the cows come home'.  What I want and need  to do, is to lay my requests in Your care....turn around and walk away.  I want You to have full access to my carefully laid out concerns.  Give me what I need.  And, show me.....lead me into all of Your truth.  So, Lord.....there You have it.  Once again.....I open myself to Your perusal.  See if there be any wicked way in me......anything that would make You sad or disappointed in me.....alert me quickly and then, help me to be obedient.
I ask all......in every way and will to be done.....in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Today is one of "those" days, Lord.  I really don't feel like talking to You....out loud or in written word.  I am weary.  I am tired.  I wish I could just quit. Yep.  That's how I really feel.   And perhaps, since I have just made myself start to type words onto my computer screen......I know that
 You are exactly who I need to talk to.  Way too often, I let that "feeling" take over.  I really don't think it is depression talking.  I'm thinking that it's the devotional I was reading this morning. 
You know how I love to read Joni Eareckson Tada's daily emailed devotions.  She is a wise one, Lord.  She has so much wisdom and spiritual fervor, I usually feel so nourished when I read her thoughts.  But, today I feel "what is she thinking?", Lord. 
Why is it I feel as if I need to protect You?  It's a foolish thought, I guess......but, I am always trying to make "excuses" about why this or that has happened.....how You have "allowed" it to pass my way.....and nodded Your assurance that I can withstand it.  I often try to assess a situation in someones life very carefully in case they would become disenchanted with You.   According to how Joni feels......You have made a specific decision.  Deliberately.  Somehow, thinking this way, makes me very depressed.  I really have trouble accepting that the sad and vile things that occur are a deliberate determination by You. Do I have to get my list out?  Do I have to go over every thing I can think of and re-think about why it happened, what was the cause and effect, what I learned.......and, so much more..... that it makes me too tired to even "go there".  I thought I had all these issues worked out.  Even about Mom.... and how she laid.....hour after hour, semi-conscious, I suppose, hoping someone.....anyone would find her.  And then, when she was found, the awful condition she was discovered in.....all of her dignity destroyed.  Yes, she was alive and lived for several years after that event.....but, was that to show me what I am made of(?) or my brothers(?) or what?  You know, Lord......I am in a quandary today.  I need an answer.  I need to know if  "what works for another" .....will work for me?  Or, do You have a different way of teaching me ?  I am so befuddled today  I am even thinking I shouldn't post this prayer because people might think I am a basket case.  But, Lord.....how do I discern these questions?  I like to think.....that indeed, You did allow what happened.  Through all of it, You taught me perseverance, patience, grace, a greater love for my Mom, a greater love for You and willingness to share what I have learned.  Do you have another purpose, Lord? 
Thank You, dear One.....for bringing this to me.  I know.  I know......I just was complaining.  Now, I see a little light coming through the fog.  I see , right now, through conversation with someone who loves me......I was ready to delete this prayer......but, I am keeping it "out there" to remind me that the evil one is trying to pummel me today.  I will not allow this....thank You, Lord.....for reminding me that  "YOU'VE   GOT  THIS!"  I am giving You free access to my brain today.  Helmet alert.  I will make sure
that it doesn't get askew again. 
I'm praying all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Father in Heaven.....I come to You on behalf of a precious child who is in the midst of treatment.  A poison that is meant to kill disease is also creating havoc in her body.  The fear, anxiety and physical reactions need Your healing hand, Lord.  Our words and our hopes are for naught.  Our only recourse is to plead the blood of Jesus for the protection and peace of this little child of Yours.  We pray You are hearing our cries and our hopes for a brighter day for her Mother and Grandparents.  Yes, Lord.....we dare pray for a brighter day.....and a healing of her body.  We realize, dear One, that our hope is only in You.  The wisdom of the Medical team is in Your hands too.  Our reliance in the areas of life that we have no education in, lies in the wisdom Doctors and nurses have attained through the efforts of research and development of medicines that will heal.  This reliance is filled with anxious fear, when we are left with the reality of a weeping child, terribly ill and dealing with uncomfortable issues.
Lord, quoting scripture and giving the proverbial platitudes are not what is needed here.   We need to see the scriptural application applied to living and breathing diseased tissue.....scriptural application applied to the pain wracked body.....scriptural application applied to the weariness of the realities.....and above all, the spiritual application to peace that passes all understanding.  As recently written by her wise Grandpa.....He doesn't know what the future holds, but, He knows who holds the future.  The spiritual application of these words are fulfilling in that we can have peace.  Believing and accepting the realities that come our way, dear One, are the only way we can have this peace. 
Jesus, our hope and our prayer is for You to answer us.  We will wait and hope and continue to pray for "what we want to see happen"  (and we truly believe that is okay for us to do).......but, our plea for this peace is simply unwavering......for sweet Lizzie, her mama and all who desperately love her. 
I realize, Lord, that  specifically asking You to fulfill our requests is not selfish.  We are Your children.  We have no one else that could possibly give us an answer......no one but You.
For now, we ask all in the name of Jesus.  Each burden we lay at the foot of the Cross for You to bear.  Amen.

I wonder, Lord, if sometimes You could just stop me mid-sentence, when I am on a rant.  I think that perhaps my years of never expressing an opinion.....or, perhaps, no one asking my opinion has spawned this streak in me.  I found myself slightly embarassed at some of the things  I was talking about recently with friends.  I'm finding that I am telling You way too often that I need Your help these days; ie: "Stuff a sock in it, little lady!"  These areas that concern me are the ones where it seems EVERYONE has an opinion, "spiritually speaking", of course, and it's like, I need to get in on the act......so folks can see I have a brain too.  At this point, I'm tired of saying to You......"Lord, I am sorry....I should have counted to 10 first."  There was nothing untrue.....or hurtful.  I just contend that it was unnecessary to speak of at all.  Even when something IS true......it is not something that needs to be spoken of , necessarily.  It is so unnecessary, that I feel that to pursue talking is walking really close to the "gossip" area of verbage.

Jesus, these days are so full of tumult.  The only thing that hasn't happened so far is that the sky hasn't fallen.  Wars and rumors of wars is never ending.  The  pestilence, pillaging and slaughter of human beings seems to fill the news arena's on a steady basis.  Our families are being threatened with the wiles of satan and his imps.  Terrible news of serious diseases are attacking our friends and loved ones.  We pray.  We hope.  We try to praise to combat the fears we have of evil winning.  To speak the name of Jesus, gently and sweetly, calms our fears for a while.  Sometimes I do wonder why we have to KEEP praying for the same thing.....as fervently as we first did.  Simply because of the sin satan besets us with.  If he can discourage us.....demean us......devour us with his taunting....then he has a foothold.  Lord.....we can never give up.  Help us remember to never allow him any access.  What you meant when You inspired the scripture to be written that tells us...."My heart says of you, 'Seek His face!' ".  Obeying Your nudges......(and, I am always pretty sure it is indeed a nudge!) , obeying the words I have read in the scripture, or thoughts from a sermon.....all of this is not to be ignored.  It also sets me aside from the average when I am quick to pay attention and honor Your request for me.  And......it takes me to the scripture in Luke 16: 10 where You "suggest" that if You can trust us with "very little" ......You can trust us with "very much".  I'm not sure I'm there yet.  And, Lord.....to be honest.....I am afraid to say it aloud.
IF......and that is, a big IF.......I will believe always You will give me strength and wisdom WHEN You need me to have it.

Until then, I remain Your faithful servant.....honoring You in what I say.....and hopefully, what I do.  I ask all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I was thinking this morning, after I looked at the facebook site and saw the first post from our friends, the Babbs;  Oh, Lord Jesus.......how wonderful it is to have You to go to.  Our friends are suffering.  Their daughter is suffering because her child is in danger. She's been hospitalized and they are waiting.  We can't say enough of the right words....even if we could think of them...... when we go to You with our incomplete sentences of grief, You, dear One, decipher the thoughts and intercede for us.  Our prayer is for Lizzie, a precious, precocious, bundle of energy.  We would love to see a miracle take place.  We would be thrilled to hear...."The doctor's were wrong......whatever "it" was.....is gone."  Jesus, is that Your will?  Could it be?
And......how in the world do we cope with anything else?

You, dear One, take on our heartaches and pain.  You help us "accept" what we have to live with.....and, most of the time, we can move on and live somewhat  productive lives.  Only You know what we will have to deal with.....until, one day, You deem it necessary for us to climb a mountain we absolutely never believed possible.  Is it truly necessary for us to walk on this road......so filled with unknown pitfalls?  Does it make us stronger, wiser Christian's?  Lord, I have come to believe it does and will......I find, though, that in the interim.....I'd like to not have to find out.  Jesus, I know I probably disappoint You with my analizing......especially when it comes to my spiritual growth.....maybe by now, You just expect it from me.  In all reality, I am so amazed at what You have allowed, and I have lived through.....maybe we could just take a break for awhile?  Oh, Lord.....all I need , I find in Jesus.  The author wrote....."There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus.....".  How can that be, Lord?  I find You a friend above all others.  A friend, in high places, that can relieve my fears....calm my anxious heartbeat and give me peace that passes all understanding. 

I found myself at first struggling last week.....when I posted my "outloud" prayer on my blog.....and it appeared that no one read it.  There were no "likes" on facebook and no comments that told me......."Hey, Corrine.....keep up the good work....etc.....etc."   As the week went by, because of what my prayer initially was about.....I kept re-reading it.  I honestly think, Lord, that I read it about 6 or 7 times.....and each time I did.....I gave back to You what I promised I would.  The flowers were too cumbersome.....the "gifts of words"......too many to carry.  Thank You for picking up the load of gifts I left at the foot of the cross.  You, who deserves all the glory anyway, knew exactly how to handle all of it. The entire process anyway is to bring glory to You....not to me.  "My Letters To God" are just that.  To God Be The Glory.....Great Things He Hath Done".

I am grateful, Lord, that You take all of our anxieties and each request of our cares, to the Mercy Seat of God.  We do beg for Your mercies to surround us......We ask for peace....we ask for  the wisdom to understand, if You would.  And, in and through all, we ask in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

Dear One....."How can I say thanks for all the things You have done for me.....things so undeserved, yet, You do.....to prove Your love for me.....The voices of a thousand angels, could not express my gratitude.....All that I am.....or, ever hope to be, I owe it all to You.  To God be the glory.  To God be the glory.....to God be the glory.....for the things He hath done.....".   All of that song.....every word of it, applies to my prayer to You today, Lord.  You have graciously given to my husband and I such honor.  I, who sometimes come to You, dragging my feet as he (my husband) is pulling me along while I run my mouth...."silently yelling, 'I don't want to go!'  .......You, who could easily say...." Go ahead.  Sit there.  Miss out on this blessing.  You will be the loser."  I am amazed You still love me.  I am overwhelmed to even be allowed to be serving in Your kingdom.  Why do You love me, Lord?  Even if You could explain in words I could understand, I wouldn't.  I don't think any one is capable of understanding the unmerited grace You provide to us as Your children.  Not all of them are as stubborn as I am....I know that for sure.  But, somehow You give me peace.....understanding.....and that wonderful unfailing love that You are so good at.

As I basked in the glow of the honor for my husband and myself this weekend.....I felt so undeserving.  I just tried to relax a little and enjoy Your presence.  I do know that I am sliding along on his coat tails.....dear Jesus.....help me not to spoil it for him with all my "discerning".  The areas that plague me.......... the angst I almost continually feel when I try to enjoy the graciousness of honor and tributes to us.....well, I will leave it at the foot of the cross for You to carry for me.

  You know, Lord.  You know how I feel about my Dad and Mom......and the end of their ministry.
I don't remember them being honored.  Ever.  And....I know the kind of ministers they were for You.  Selfless, unabashed, tireless.  There are more words to describe them......wonderful ones.....but, You know best,  the lives that they lived for You.  When one is called and responds to it....You have special work to be done.  They did it.  And, they did it honorably.  I know that when man cannot or will not observe one's service.....then, You will see to it that it is done, kingdom style.  I praise You for that, Lord.  No one could do a better job.  When I am reminded of the fact that they were never honored.....and I have been.....I feel so unworthy to be given any praise.  It is the evil one's way to try to keep me chained.  Lord Jesus, my hope and prayer is to continually watch and be diligent in doing so.  These are the ploys of satan.  If he can keep me feeling guilty for the things I have been given......jealous of those who have more......I can no longer appreciate what God has allowed us to have.  A friend, long ago, quoted this, and I have put my own spin on it.  It works though.  All satan needs is a crack in our armor......and he will slink in.  I aim to keep the maintenance men busy.....welding, sanding, and  polishing mine......once again pushing him out in the name of Jesus......and keeping him out.  In the meantime, I will place my "gifts" at the foot of the cross.  That, dear One, is where they belong.

Thank You, dear Lord......for all You have given. 
I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Lord.....I'm trying to figure out how to say this.....'course You absolutely know how I think and already know......how very juvenile my thinking can be. I wish my thinking could be a little more profound.  You know Lord.  You know and the few that were in our Prayer Meeting group do too.....that our little series on "Revival" was tepidly received. Even as I studied the pages I found on my computer search.....I was so surprised that You had pushed me to keep the word "Revival" on our minds.  When the service  Sunday started out.....the singing was grand.  I love that VBS song that we sang at first...."You Gave".  One of my favorite lines is the last one......"Now, the least that I can do......is live my life for You".   Lord....that is the crux of all I tend to think about anymore.  Why in the world do I worry about the "things I prefer not to write 'out loud' and just leave it all in Your care.  Of course, You know my fears.....but, You also know my deepest desire is to "live my life for You."  So that even at my age, there will be no question for anyone, that my goal is to be like You.  So.....anyway, Lord.....when Edith stood up.....I knew.....my husband knew.....the Wednesday Night crowd knew too......something was happening.  I was excited beyond belief.....I knew that when she sat down, someone else would stand up.  Oh dear One.....I could hardly contain myself.  I was dancing across the front of the church in my mind, saying, "This is what we've been talking about....this is what we've prayed for.....all good, except for one thing.....I wanted some credit.  Yuck, Lord.  That just spoils it all.  I. I. I.  It's You, Lord.  You bless us with Your presence.  You get people to their feet.  You show us what is possible.  You fulfill the desires of our hearts.  And, on and on and on.  You do it.....when You are asked and invited to join us in our quest for the basis of "Revival".  Forgive me Father for the "I" thoughts that just can ruin everything.  We were so blessed to see Your wonderful presence in our service Sunday.  So many.....too many......have never seen a service "where heaven comes down.....and glory fills our souls."  It was a blessing, I think, to all who sat and observed what was happening.  It was all praise to You, Father.  Each testimony was a special tribute to You.
"How can I say thanks.....for the things You have done for me.....things so undeserved.....yet You do, to prove Your love  for me.....".   The song goes on to tell us that ALL tributes, and all glory, should go to You.  "To God be the glory....To God be the glory.....for the things He has done." 
And, I do say "Thank You" Lord.....for showing all of us that You are the same God.  You wait to be asked.  You are always a gentleman.  All glory and honor to You, dear One.  I will forever be Yours.  Amen and Amen.

We were just about at the Funeral home for the service yesterday, Lord.  You heard me.  You probably cupped Your ear.....and murmured , "Say that again, dear! I don't think I heard you right!"  Lord, some times I am not sure I ever learn anything.  I ask over and over for You to push me, break me, mold me, use me........don't I?   Yes....I think I do.  Now.....whether I truly really mean....."Push me?".......or "Break me"?....."Mold me?"......"Use me?".....I'm not even sure.  I thought I did, when I said it.  Am I hearing You say....."Really?"  When I said to my husband ......out loud......I really need  for you to pray for me.  I know my attitude about this issue is wrong. It turns out to be  one of those things that you don't need to ask a few people you trust to listen to your "side" and get their verbal "pat-on-the-back" to make you feel better.  I found myself adjusting the weight of it on my shoulders constantly to make me feel
better.  Every time You would bring it to the forefront of my mind.....that is what I would do.  I really don't need my husband to help me pray about it.  I know what to do.  I just have to let go of the tenacity of it.  It grabs me.  It irks me.  It gnaws at my spirit.....because I know the way I feel is not right.  When it came out of my mouth yesterday in the car,  I'm not sure if it shocked my husband or not.....but, it did me.   And, You know Lord, it embarrassed me.  Just to have my husband hear what I really think about this issue that should have long ago been settled in my heart.  I honestly thought I did settle it.  I kept a part of it back, though, in the file drawer of my mind.  You know, Lord.  The one where I can go at any time ......grab the handle......open the drawer and rustle through the pages until I get to "Past Grievances". Pulling it out and leafing through the pages I saw that I had documented that "HE" definitely was guilty and as I saw it, needed to do some penance. Oh, dear Jesus......help me.  I see as I write, how very much I need You to save me from myself and from what I think......what I do.......and what I say.  I am so filled with regret that I have unnecessarily carried this burden thinking I had really laid it at the foot of the cross.  I thank You for bringing it to me.  And, since I can do nothing about it anyway.....I pray for this to be resolved, once and for all. I will take my file and burn it or better yet.....You take it.  I'll leave it at the cross.  Whatever You decide, Lord....I feel free already.  I believe I am.  Thank You, dear One.


I have prayed and asked direction.....relief from the sin that binds....and strength for tomorrow.  And, Lord.....I ask all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I was wondering, Lord......do You have any trouble understanding me.....You know, at times?  When my feelings are all over the place?  When I have trouble even stating to You what I think?  Do You see deep down?  Can You understand my heart thoughts?   Mostly, do You get weary of all my moods?  Now, I ask all of these questions.....and  find myself not at all fearful that You would say anything other than....."No, child.  I see you.  I hear you.  I understand you to the deepest recesses of my own self.  No one could possibly ever understand you like I do".  That is how I feel You would respond to me. 

 Lord, I recently misunderstood the cries of anothers' heart thoughts.  As I carefully stated my own thoughts quite succinctly, I thought, in response......I found later that I had understood nothing of their need at all. It made me feel sorrowful that I was concerned about one thing.  My thoughts.  You know, Lord.....I used to never really state an opinion.....negative or otherwise. I began to feel as if I were a candidate for "Martyrdom".    Several years ago I decided "someone" needed to hear it. Now, a few years later, I'm not so sure it was a smart choice, dear One.  It is really so much wiser  to listen, I think.  Not just with my ears....but, with my heart too.  I'd like to get better at that.  Every one wants to be heard.  Every one likes to hear that they have worth.  Others, Lord.  I'd like to make sure this could be a part of my ministry to others.  To listen with our heart's as You do, Lord. You always know what we need......whether we like it or not.  I am glad, dear One, that You know exactly what will make me  into the image of Yourself that You need me to be.  Is that even possible?  Would You be happy if I could be? 
Whatever Your plan is, Lord. 
Whatever Your will for me is,  may I be Your example.


'Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name. 
In all I ask and pray, I ask in Jesus name.
Amen.

It's been a while since I wrote, Lord.  Have You missed me?   Actually, I  wasn't trying to give you a break.  Technology wasn't cooperating for me.  Even so, it makes me feel badly...and so.....when I don't connect with You as often as I like.....I am just not right.  I just can't navigate properly. I snap.  I bite.  I am not so nice.  I can blame it on medication......or not enough sleep.....or numerous other excuses.....but, I know what it is.  It's like living in a fog all the time.  Nothing is clear.  I feel so stressed living in such a manner.  I am not willing to continue to live that way.  What is the upside to this?  I learn.  Slowly.....very slowly, I will continue to learn, Lord.  I wish I could say that I absolutely will not behave in such a manner anymore.  I guess I don't have the energy right now.  I do, though, recognize that I am the only one that can change things I need to change.  It takes such ......inner strength (I guess that would be the phrase) to make such a statement to You.  And, as time as shown.....I continue to have trouble in this area.  Call it "too busy"......"too tired"......."too whatever".  Lord..... just help.  Show me how to keep moving when I don't really want to.  Show me how to be the light for You that I want to be.  Give me the shove I need when I begin to feel so useless.  When I can't see the trees for the forest.  When my only response is "I'll do it later"......"I need a nap".......make me uncomfortable in my own self.  Lord....I know You hear me.  I know, from past prayers......that You love me as I am......but, You love me enough to want me to move past my "self" and get to a better place in my spiritual condition.  A more victorious place.  Depression gives me such a pain.  I need You Lord,  to "lift me to a higher plane....where doubts and fears  dismay;  though some may dwell where these abound, My prayer, my aim is higher ground."  I'm not dense Lord.  I know what satan tries to do.  He doesn't have to work at it too hard.....You and I know that is too true.  The third verse of the song, "Higher Ground".......is my concern.  "I want to live above the world.....'tho satan's doubts at me hurled;  For faith has caught the joyful sound; The song of saints on higher ground."  I always feel that I am in the cross-hairs of  his bow.
This whole prayer today,  is one I could have pulled out my archives of prayers since the 70's and the 80's......Huh......90's and up.  It makes me tend to worry that I have accomplished nothing.
One thing I do know, dear One.......my prayer......my aim......is higher ground. 
Lord, thank You for the promises.  Thank You for the assurance of Your power to change us, if we ask.  Give me what I need today.....and  then show me Your plan for me today.  I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

You know, Lord......I have been thinking about the subject matter that is involved with the word "revival".  I began my quest last Wednesday.  I wanted to put the prayer meeting crowd asleep!  No.....actually.....I wanted to know what they thought about "revival".  What they think "it" is and if they have ever encountered "it".  Lord.....I remember different times when my husband has been preaching.....and he'll mention the word "revival" in his sermon.  He'll say something like....."We need a revival.".......or "Don't you want to see a revival take place?"  People nod accordingly and seemingly agree......and I am thinking....."No they don't."  Really now.....  who wants to sit in church 2, 3 or more hours waiting till all who want to and certainly need to,  get all their stuff worked out with God (so revival can take place).  I have been in services where you're afraid to move, for fear you will discourage the Holy Spirit from visiting.  You're sort of looking around.....wondering, "Who's next?" And, how long do I have to sit here?" For a little while.....it is exciting!  Everyone is eager to see what is going to happen next.  And, then......It's all about the realities of life.  "The kids are hungry.  I'm hungry.  The food in the oven will be dried up.  The line at the steakhouse will be an hour long.  It's hot in here.  I had to go to the bathroom before I got here".........and on and on. 
 "Oh,  Lord, help me.  See what a brat I am?  I'm so sorry for bringing up all this stuff."   (I do realize that to have true Revival...............NONE  OF  THIS  TRIVIA  MATTERS!! )

See....Lord.....? This is what I think.   I think "revival" is for all of us who love You.  We need a kick in the pants every so often, because for me....I become satisfied too easily.  I tend to get a little lazy in my personal Bible study.  I can read for the day, keeping up with my "Bible in a Year" plan....but, real study takes time......perusing the scriptures, checking out the places where You want my heart and mind to concentrate on.  That, for me, is "revival".  Hearing a sermon that "speaks to me".....like I am the only one in the room.....that is too.  Lord, I love those times.  It makes me realize that You CARE about the needs of my life.....and that,  if I care too.......then You can accomplish some great things in my heart and my life.  Not everyone moves at the same rate.....and Lord, You and I both know, there are a few of Your children that feel they need to change nothing in their hearts.....that all they do and say is faultless......and worthy of Your "Stamp of Approval".  Sometimes I wish You'd put me in charge of somebody or something!  I'd like to do some damage control for You.  But, of course, Lord.....that is not how You roll at all.  You, dear One, have such mercy and grace to all of us.  You, dear One, are the faultless One.  You, dear One, give us the unwarranted and blissful forgiveness and blessing that no one deserves.  I often think I am so smart.......and, gently and lovingly, You show me that I am too full of myself and even though You love me.....I need to change those places of danger for me.  Thankfully.....so far, I think, I have listened and abided by Your rules. I'm trying to have a listening ear. 

"Oh, Lord.....I need Thee.....Oh, I need Thee.....Ev'ry hour I need Thee....Oh, bless me now my Savior.....I come to Thee".

For the revival power I need.....give me the strength to "sit and wait" on You.  Your timing.  Your way.  Your day.

I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

There is not more than one day that goes by that I don't remember what You have allowed me to enjoy and have blessed me with, Lord.   I am so touched by what You have given....to my husband and myself.  Our blessing of having been called to the Ministry....our family.....the friends and family that have given us their prayers and support......all of it, Lord.....deserves thanks. 

I love that You have given us the privilege of prayer.  To know that anytime, day or night, and anywhere......You listen to the cries of Your people.  I am part of that, Lord.  I am included in the grouping called "Your people".  It gives me solace.  In this world that cries out all the time for more and more and more......You give peace and contentment.  I've decided not to rush You for answers to the queries I have about my future, the hopes and yes, even at my age, the dreams.  No one knows what the morrow may hold.  I know so well, how answering a phone call can turn your life upside down.  My peace is knowing that only You are seeing the end from the beginning.....and, I want to be sure that You know my ultimate delight would be to spend eternity with You, dear One.  Nothing else could suffice.

You have given me the power....strength.....and purpose when I desperately need Your touch ..... throughout  the days when I worry about how to manage the issues that arise while.... and after raising a family.....living for You.....counting my blessings.....doing Your will.....and through the night.....when all I did during the day seems for naught. The security of having Your Word to guide me into all of the truth I can handle for the day.....and the promise that You will not leave me to my own devices....all of that gives me comfort.

I place the uncomfortable things I am responsible for.....times I've misspoken.....hurt someone with my words.....or behavior......into  Your hands.  My "devices" often turn out to be too self centered.  Even though I ask forgiveness for my transgressions.....I have to leave the ultimate answer for the forgiving power to You, Lord.  Nothing I have ever done.....or will do.....deserves this gift of mercy.

Jesus,  Lord of all.....accept my desire to show You the gratitude of my heart.  I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Lord.....I really think it is funny.....and not, "funny ha-ha, either"........ how YOU step into my life and make a statement to me without saying a word.  I say this to You.....because, I really thought You agreed with me about this particular issue.  'Course, I have a tendency to think You know I am right.  I usually do think You do......since I am such a paragon of virtue and a "willing" disciple.  To say this out loud makes me feel a little foolish, in all reality.  And, I am sorry I sound so egotistical.  That is not where I want to be, Lord!  Please forgive my attitude and help me to do better.   So, anyway.....  when You squelch my plan of action, and I realize that I am not "ALL  THAT".......  I am  a little shaken.  It's not  often that I feel I have to make a "statement"......and, I usually don't just rush in and start my presentation.  I try to always remember that I am supposed to be Your servant.....and speak words that You would be pleased to deliver Yourself.  Lord....I thank You for protecting me from myself.  It is sort of amazing to me how You work.  I shouldn't be so surprised.  I ask Your will to be done through me.....I want to be the Instrument for You that I should be.....and then, when You cut me off.....and,  make it impossible for me to speak.....well......I twitch a little bit!  So......okay.  I did get Your message.....loud and clear.  Now what?  Is that the end of it?  It is a bit ridiculous.  Really ridiculous.  "What is?", You ask.  How I could possibly think that You always want me to do Your talking for You.  I  told my Sunday School class the other Sunday that it is "always best" when You, dear One, do the talking.  Hmmm.....I guess  I should listen to myself once in a while.  I am all into that right now!  I will try to never forget that again.  And, if I do.....uh......feel free to step in!

"Lord Jesus, I long to be perfectly whole; I want Thee forever to live in my soul.  Break down every idol.....cast out every foe.  Now wash me and I will be whiter than snow."
I will forever be grateful, Jesus......that You are the Guiding Light for me.....always.  I want to be "Whiter than Snow"....always.  I do not want my will to overwhelm Your will......ever. 

Jesus, saturate me with Your power whether I like it or not.  I will follow what You need for me to do.  Lord, I pray in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.  Your will, only.  Amen.....for now.

Lord.....Could You tell me why this is so hard, anymore?  I am always trying to fit in "one more thing" before I begin my prayer.  It never fails....cleaning the floor, washing a load of clothes, catching up on "Words With Friends", and today......getting a suitcase and all my paraphernalia ready to go away.....all of it seems so important.  Granted, I can write another day.  I can always write another day or another time of the day.  But, when I begin to write, I detest stopping.  That is another problem.  I always think satan is trying to get the better of me....and I am always trying to prove to him that I am determined to do what I feel YOU want me to.  Around and around I go.  I spoke to a new Christian yesterday who is trying to "make" it with all of his anxieties and addictions going against him.  He feels if he can make it another week or so......he'll be free and clear.  Jeepers, Lord.....I've been Your child forever, and I still feel like satan is trying to get the best of me.  Lord.....I didn't argue or try to discourage his plan to serve You...... I just let it go.  Every time I find myself mentoring someone, I think I say too much.  I try to warn them about the evils of this world and how I think satan uses our past and our present to discourage us (them) from moving forward.  Lord, only You can make us into the image of Yourself that You need us to be.  You help us serve You in the presence of our enemies.  And, I would assume that an enemy to us.....to me.....or to anyone reading this......that it would be one that urges us to make choices that deter with God's plan.  Choices that involve going against the Word of God,  the will of God, or the essence of God.

I read this week about Suzanna Wesley.  A devout woman of God, a mother that no doubt was the apple of Your eye.  Her ten children knew without any speculation that their mother was sent by God to be raised into men and women that would serve Him one day.  Since I have not educated myself on her life....I know that one son, preached and taught thousands of people to serve and love God....to believe in the trinity and to witness the Spirit of God lifting him to a higher level of spirituality than he had ever known.  I know too, that another son wrote pieces of music that would be sung in the churches throughout centuries.  Hymns that would not only ensure the doctrines and disciplines of holy living , but , encourage and raise our voices and hearts to the heavens.  I really know little else about this mother and her ability to connect to YOU, Lord.   Trying not to be a little envious of her closeness to You,  I found it so touching that when she felt the walls of her own home and children's voices  closing in on her and drowning out the sound of Your voice or Your word to her......she would literally throw her apron over her head to shut out the chaos.  I would imagine Lord, that when the family noticed......they would quiet down.....quickly.  I do love knowing that her heart and mind were like the other women you created.  We do the best we can...with what we have.....for as long as we can ......with your guidance.  

 I continue to feel, dear One.....and assume that if I do not determine to keep my walk with You close at hand.....in my mind's eye......satan will interject himself.
It's what he does.  That is his job.  Why do people not believe that?
Or.....if they do.....seem to walk so close to the line of  "no communication" with You.  I have done it.  Walked that line.....thinking, "I have no time right now.....".  Lord Jesus.....I cannot afford to be so obtuse.  I need to sound like the father of the sick and dying child that You spoke to in Mark 6:34.  You asked him if he believed that He (Jesus) could raise up the boy.  The man said "Yes!  Yes!  I believe!".  And, then immediately afterwards said ...."Lord, help thou my unbelief!"  Oh, dear One.....I believe.  I surely do believe.  But.....You really need to help the part of me that doesn't "believe".  I hate to even say it.....but, that is the truth of how so many think.  We Believe.  Sometimes.

Help us, Jesus.  Help us to never doubt what You have said to us.
Help us to draw ourselves so close to You that no one can see the difference.  Help us to believe that even if we were the only one living to be saved.....You would go through the agony.  (I have to admit, Lord.....this one seems impossible.)  Help me believe it.  The impossibilities are endless.  The words of the scripture are given to us to be believed.  I believe them, Father.  Help me to believe.

In the name of Jesus I pray....AMEN......and AMEN.

Computers are great, Lord.  EXCEPT......WHEN I POST A WHOLE PRAYER AND IT HAS GONE INTO OBLIVION.....Okay, I'm calm now.  But, it just took me a half hour to write this last prayer and it is gone.  Now, what do I do?  Try to copy it?  Start from scratch? 
Okay, now.....let me think.  I am trying to think.  I could wait till tomorrow.  I could.  But, then of course, our enemy has time to put his worthless plans into action.  I always try to offset his intrusions with calling on Your Name, Lord.....he does go away, for awhile.  I think I will, Lord.  I think I will just keep writing and let You lead the way.....whether I pray about the same things.....well, that is Your desire and call.  Once I get it on paper, I feel I have done the most important thing.  Help me to ask You what is the most important prayer I could pray this evening.

Lord, I love to write big like this, so my friend Ruby, can read it.  And, although sometimes the computer doesn't cooperate with me.....I like the italic font, too.  So......where were we, Lord.  Yes, I had just asked Your blessing on the prayer I just wrote and asked it all in the name of Jesus and said, "Amen".  And, an added "Thank You".  Now, Lord......that's just what I need in this one too.  I know I come pretty close to the line in being irreverent.
 
 I don't mean to....I just want You to know that I am who You created, long ago (like 69 years), but, hopefully not as mouthy.  I need You to hear me.  I need for You to understand what I want.  I want to be able to speak to You as I would my very dearest friend.  Wait!  YOU ARE my very dearest friend.  I am a handful.  I get anxious.  I am worrisome to the point of being a pain in the neck.  I borrow trouble.....all the time.  I invent scenario's of "what could happen"......and get myself all tied up in knots.....and the most amazing part of all of this.....is that YOU love me.  Still.  This abiding, unconditional love is what keeps me coming back, over and over and over.....for advice, and wisdom, and strength and just plain old talk.  You do listen to the desires of my heart and decide what will insure the plan You had for me all along.  I am grateful, Lord....for the times You allow me to help You.  I was so happy to be able to speak with a dear one this week.  Just a quick call, it was.  But, I obeyed Your nudge.  Even though I sort of hate the phone.....I obeyed.  It was good.....it was brief and I was able to help, I think.  I spoke of the armor of God that we have at our disposal.  Why would You have given us all of that information about wearing our armor, if You didn't mean it.  I suggested, because they told me they weren't sleeping, that they wear the "Helmet of Salvation" to bed.  I likened it to the old aluminum rollers I used to wear to bed when I wanted my hair a certain way for school the next day.  Those stupid things just about always gave me fits when I went to bed. " But", I said," just remember to wear it because it will not allow satan to insert more evil into your mind while you sleep".  He has no mercy.  He has no power but what we give him....so, if visualizing placing the "Helmet of Salvation" on our head......we will sleep in peace, I believe.

Lord, I don't know if all of my ideas work.  I don't know if my advice is too elementary.....I just know that, if a child does not understand what salvation is......then, we have made it too complicated for the average man or woman to "get it".  You love us. You want us to ask forgiveness for the sins we have committed.  You want us to obey You.  You have given us rules to follow in the "Ten Commandments".  You have taught us how to pray as You did with Your disciples in the "Lord's Prayer".  You expect us to live with You in Heaven one day when You come for us.  Lord.....how in the world do we make such a fuss over how all this is done. To push our way to the front of the line.....yelling when we get to the "gate"........"Come quick....Over here!  The best Christians are over here!"   The Bible is our road map for the journey.  It speaks to all of the issues we encounter in our lives....and You give us a portion of Your divine mind so we can discern the right from wrong. 

 Now, Lord Jesus, help me to live according to Your plan for my heart and life.  I thank You for the places You have allowed me to serve You.  I thank You for the ones You have allowed for me to minister to.  I thank You for those who seem to "get" what I mean when I speak to them.  In other words, I don't have to keep saying the same thing different ways so they "hear" me.  I love that.  And, I love how, when I ask, You allow me the pleasure of seeing just how much You love and care for me by making that known, just to me.  I get it.  I understand it.  And, it makes me feel closer to You.

My heart and mind desire to walk with You till the end, Lord.  Even though I may have a tendency to look longingly after a road You think I shouldn't travel.....I ask that.....and yes, I mean it, You would reign me in.  Stop me from wanting my way.....and lead me to the path of everlasting life.  I have no desire to try another route.  Thank You, Lord for the Eternal Life You have promised. 

All I pray and ask about.....I pray, once again, in the name of Jesus and His divine will.  Amen.















































































































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Post Script:  Here is the letter that disappeared.  Lord, I am not sure what to do with this.....so, I will post it.....and You can put it where You want it.  SCD

Lord.....I just erased a few sentences of my prayer......not to You, but to public consumption.  I know there are so many that don't get the "talking to you as if You were my friend" part of prayer.  If You were not my friend, Lord......I doubt that I would be infringing on Your time, asking Your advice, pouring out the intricacies of MY thought process (that very few would understand anyway), and asking for Your divine guidance in Your plan for my life.  No one could ever put up with the back and forth issues that swirl around in my head.  Should I?  Shouldn't I?  Can I?  Can't I?  What is Your will for me?  What is NOT Your will for me?  I cannot thank You enough for allowing me to work out whole scenario's with You in my mind.....trying to make the most sense out of what part I will play.  I am glad Lord, that, most of the time, the acting part that You have set up for me is just minimal.  Behavior aside, I do my part, and someone else fills in the speaking part.  As long as Your message gets through.....that is the perfect way to go.  A woman in class today gave me a "thought for the day".  She saw it or heard it somewhere and I like it.  I can huff and puff about how responsible "we are" to get everyone saved and keeping them saved.....but, I think that  really our job is to make sure WE are saved and remain saved.  The statement is "God called.  He'd like to have His job back!!"  Way too often, I worry over things I think I should have said.....or should have done.....to the point of being so distracted  and filled with anxiety over it that the concern about my own spiritual condition is pushed to the perimeter of my heart and mind...... I completely  miss what satan is trying to do.   He has no fear.  He has no mercy.  God has already given him his verdict.....his goal is to take all he can with him.  Yikes!  I have to be careful, Lord. I  have to remain vigilant and aware of the tricks he uses.

  I spoke to someone who is struggling to keep on track with Jesus this week.  Every day we have talked briefly.  They mentioned not being able to sleep the night through.  Lord, it is hard when one lays down to give their body rest.....and the mind is racing from one vignette to another....plans, dreams, hopes, broken promises, ruined lives and our failures are topping the lists.  Everything is worse in the dark it seems while sleep is so elusive.  I understood then, what it feels like to get up from such a night and head into a day unprepared. Years ago, Mom would do flannel graph lessons for the children in Sunday School.  I remember even helping her arrange some of these for the lessons.  One I recall in particular was the young man preparing for battle....and the armor he would wear as  told in the scripture lesson of Ephesians, Chapter 6.  The Helmet of Salvation.  The Breastplate of Righteousness.  So many pieces, each one suggested to keep us safe from the evil one.  Lord.....out of the blue, I suggested that they wear the "Helmet" to bed.  Not to take it off to rest.  I realize it's only a description of what we should do.....but, just as it would be uncomfortable to go to bed with a helmet on......we could somehow arrange ourselves appropriately and really rest, knowing that our brain and the precious contents in it will be protected from the devil's constant habit of bringing more chaos and confusion to us in our sleep.  Lord, not everyone understands my thinking.  But, thank you for giving me people to minister to, who do.  All I want is to "help someone today".  Not hoards.  Just who You place in my pathway.  Give me strength for today.....and a bright hope for tomorrow.  Your grace empowers me.  Your gentle way of dealing with me, makes me yearn to come to You more and more.  Thankfully, I have passed the place where I am embarrassed to "ask for help again".  I do not know why.....but, it delights me that it delights You, when I come to You.   I will remain dependent on the awesomeness of Your wisdom to direct me.  I ask all.....I tell all.....in the name of power of Jesus Christ.  Amen.  Thank YOU, dear ONE. 

Thank you, dear One......thank you for allowing me to live to see this day.  Onward I go.....yuck!  Into the year that precedes my seventh decade of life.  All I have done is moan about it.  There is not a thing I can do.....and I do not want to go back and do it all again......so, I'm going to shut up and buck up and make this as good a year as it can possibly be, spiritually speaking.  What I want and need is to seek to make my life holy and acceptable to  You.  It sort of seems so presumptuous....even to think I could live "holy and acceptable" to You. And, I guess realistically, it is not possible to do it, unless You are guiding my steps.  I can get so emotionally involved in life issues that require a statement at times.  I hear and see myself, thinking and speaking words of pronouncement when I am not really qualified to do so.  Just answering someones query......giving an opinion.....painting an answer with broad strokes and letting it dry.....perhaps just to peel or flake off.....and making a statement that will forever resound in someones ear....wrong or right.......well, I need to be , uh, more diligent.  Especially if I am going to help You.  I know, Lord.....I keep saying it.  I keep asking for wisdom,  promising to be Your mouthpiece if need be.....and I think I am doing right.....but, you know what Lord (?)....my edicts of a situation and opinions of one's behavior are not necessarily yours.  As a youngster, I learned a verse I claimed as a life verse later on.  "Let the words of my mouth....and the meditation of my heart....be acceptable in Thy sight, my strength and my Redeemer."   I'll never forget it.  Psalm 19:14, is supposed to be what I consider above all......and, I don't.  Not always.   Usually, after I blow my sweet demeanor all to pieces I then realize I should have spent less time talking and more time thinking and praying.  I read another verse the other day.....confirming how I should refer to You at all times.  I remember when I spoke to someone about salvation one time. Remember her?  I was desperate.  Scared.  Worried that I would "mess" the whole thing up.....and send her packing from the "religious nut" (me).  I remember answering only what was asked.  I did not move on.....enlarge......explain......until I was asked.  I did this only because I was fearful I would ruin your plan.  Thank you Lord, that what I encountered then, was, ultimately your plan......at least, I perceived it to be.  Lord.....I want to be your anxious but hesitant, an obedient and ever-present servant.  Watchful.  Pursuant.  Necessary.  Are those good words to describe Your servants?  If they are.....that's what I need to be.  Jesus, use me.  Let me be the calm voice of reason and hope for those I am to carry Your word to.  I realize that I'm the only Jesus some may ever see.  Will I look like You?  Will I sound like You? Only You can determine for me what is to be done.  I choose to live as You would have me to.
In all I pray.....and need pursued.....I ask all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Dear One......Thank You.  Thank You for the power of Your Word to us.  I find nothing more delightful.....than to open the scriptures and see a verse that will attend to the needs of my soul.....at just the time I need to see it.  The peace that it affords me is priceless.....and irreplaceable.  Lord, I need Your intervention continually in my life.  If I am without it for too long.....I feel that my steps are a little shaky and my words, regrettably, insignificant.  For years, I said little.  After a while, giving no opinion wears on you.  And, then.....what comes flying out of your mouth.....is often, not so good.  Way too memorable in my case history!  I am grateful for the untamed filter I have found in giving You the utter truth of my heart.  You take those places of regret and fear.....and lay hold of what is really  vital for me and my responsibilities to You as Your servant.  Lord, it would be a sorrowful end for me to know that my words and attempts to "fix" a wrong, would be misunderstood and ill advised.  Lord, always take my attempt to "fix" things as trying to be like You......not trying to replace You.
I cannot do anything I please, just because I have been a Christian for a hundred years.  I cannot say anything I please, for the same reason.  My abilities to give wise  advice come from Your wisdom infused in me.  The words I would use, would be as a foreign language to me.  That is how I know that Your wisdom is being spoken through me.  I just do not have the power on my own to even think of the words coming out of my mouth.   Being empowered by Your divine-ness is all I can depend on.  To do this, Lord......I need a clear line open at all times between You and me.  I would assume that all aspects of living as close to You as possible is my finest hope.  I love knowing that to live as close to You as possible......all I need to do is keep all lines of communication open is pay attention to Your words to me.  Spoken or written.
No disobeying Your Word.....as I understand it.  To listen to Your "still, small voice" carefully and to heed the warnings You give.....and to ask for all the empowerment You can trust me with. 
"Oh, deeper yet, I pray.....and higher everyday......and wiser, Blessed Lord.....In Thy precious, holy Word."
In all I pray and ask requests for.....I ask in Jesus Name....Amen.

I get so sick of it, Lord!   Every time I try to prepare my mind to write.....I panic.  It's so stupid.  I have always come to You wide open, candid and ready to say just about anything to You.  I start this blog......and, my brain turns to mush.  It more than likely has to do with my "Public Persona".....and that irks me.  I need to continue to be as transparent as I always have been.  Years ago when I began writing to You, I had very little trouble at all.  I had toddlers, two then, and pregnant with a third.  I spent my days as most mom's do.  Trying to "get through" the day with some semblance of order and what remained of my sanity.  Dear Lord?  Have I managed to succeed?  (I mean, the sanity part! We added a couple more children to that mix.)  Some days I still wonder.  I do remember though, when I would write my fears, concerns, and troubles for the day......how I felt, what I wanted You to do for me, and the energy to do it......I remember, when I finished the letter.....I'd burn it or thrust it into the insides of the trash can where it could never be deciphered.  I was ashamed, Father.  I was ashamed that if anyone would read my thoughts, I would be run out of town!  You know, Lord......I threw away so much.....just because I was fearful if my husband knew my thoughts, he would question if I was really who he thought I was!  Finally, I guess in my late thirties, I began to not be so concerned that someone would read my inner angst.  My only concern was that You were listening (or reading!).....and, that You still were concerned and loved me.  The fact that You forgave me over and over for my lack of spiritual-ness.....or my incessant and insolent dialog with You.  I know, without a single doubt, You saved my life.  You lifted me and held me close when I needed to be nurtured and forgiven.  Thank You , dear One.  Thank You for allowing so many incidents.....where I was SURE You had forgotten the talents I could offer.....work I could do to "prove myself" to our church.......thank You, Lord......for allowing me the time to raise our children to behave properly in the church.  I did.  I knew it was my job to do so.  It surely was hard at times.  I remember more than once after arriving home.....fixing our lunch......I wondered why I had even gone.  I spent more time outside than inside.  I was embarrassed "they weren't getting it". 
For the days ahead of me now, I hope and pray for Your word to continue to guide me into all of the truth You have for me to know.  The things that YOU feel I need to work on or change completely.  It is my desire to be like You, Lord.  I don't want to fail in my effort to ensure my entrance into the Gate.  As I mentioned to my class on Sunday.....I found myself comparing satan and his imps to the gnats that appear out nowhere in a house that is pretty much closed up to the elements.  He continually watches our comings and goings to find a place where he can slip into our being.  I ask, dear Lord, again, to protect my mind when I sleep....and to allow Your Holy Spirit, to provide wisdom and strength for the duties You need me to fulfill.  "I need Thee, every hour.....ev'ry hour I need.  O bless me, thou my Savior, I come to Thee." 
In all I speak of......in all I ask for.....I will never fail to use the name of Jesus to ensure that Your will would be done in my life.  Amen.

"Lord, I want to be pleasing to You.....in every thing I do......I want to love You more.....more than words can say......".  The song goes on with what I can remember, Lord, and, without going to look.  "You gave Your life, You paid the price for me......for me."  There's more......but, the end says....."But the least that I could do.....is live my life for You."  As we sang this song this week, Lord......I watched as our young song leader led the motions and sang this with our V.B.S. group.  I was touched by Your presence surrounding her and all of us as we sang.  The "sometimes noisy and inattentive" group was totally involved in singing this song.  It wasn't an ear-blasting, rhythm pumping chorus.  It was softly played and intimately soothing to listen to.  I guess that is what surprised me, Lord.  And the words.   The words I can remember, just keep running through my head today.  Over and over, I hear it.  'Course, Lord.....when that happens, I wonder if something is coming.  You know me and how my brain works.  I don't know......but, I do know that I do want to be pleasing to You in everything I do......and, I know that since I have failed before in this area.....I will again.  Regrettably Lord, You made me human.  I try, but sometimes I act in a manner that surely displeases You......I catch myself (often in the middle of it all) behaving badly or talking about something or someone I have no business speaking of.  So much of our lives, Lord.....are Your business.  No one else's.  Sometimes, we "legitimize" our gossip by framing it in a prayer.  Jesus, shame on me.  Show me how to pray.  Show me myself, again and again, so I can see what makes You sad.  I need to be Your spokeswoman.....I need to be Your prayer warrior....but.....Father.....I do want to pray according to Your will.   Always.  For me and mine.  For those who need to be prayed for so desperately.
Where there is little hope for intervention of man to protect or help.  Lord....these are desperate days for so many.  Tomorrow may be my turn.....but, today......only You know the cries of the hearts of some of Your people.  People I know and love.  People I pray for and wonder if I am saying the right words.  You know, Lord.....many times when You haven't answered me just how I expect You to.....I have thought...."Well....I guess I should have asked that differently.....You probably didn't understand my question!"  Oh, Lord......how stupid can I be.  It just leaves us wide open to satan and his deceitful games.   You saw me being formed in my Mother's womb.....so.....You know EXACTLY how I am wired in my thinking and my doing.  You know what I mean and how I mean it.  You know if it is selfish.  You know if it is desperation.  You know if it is worthy. Enough said.  I leave it to You.   My heart is weary sometimes in praying for those who give and give and give and,  seemingly give some more......and, Lord.....You know what I am thinking.  "Please Jesus, give them a break!"  I'm sorry, Lord.  There is so much I don't understand or have any wisdom to advise.  Lord, You are the One who is absolute in wisdom and answers to prayer.  Oh, dear One.....give me Your wisdom......give all to me that I can handle.  I won't ask for more.  Your plans for me....those I need to minister to.....please Father, don't let me fail them.
It's the least that I can do, Lord.....is give and live my life for You.  In all I do, pray and say.....I ask all in the name of Jesus.   Amen.