Today is one of "those" days, Lord.  I really don't feel like talking to You....out loud or in written word.  I am weary.  I am tired.  I wish I could just quit. Yep.  That's how I really feel.   And perhaps, since I have just made myself start to type words onto my computer screen......I know that
 You are exactly who I need to talk to.  Way too often, I let that "feeling" take over.  I really don't think it is depression talking.  I'm thinking that it's the devotional I was reading this morning. 
You know how I love to read Joni Eareckson Tada's daily emailed devotions.  She is a wise one, Lord.  She has so much wisdom and spiritual fervor, I usually feel so nourished when I read her thoughts.  But, today I feel "what is she thinking?", Lord. 
Why is it I feel as if I need to protect You?  It's a foolish thought, I guess......but, I am always trying to make "excuses" about why this or that has happened.....how You have "allowed" it to pass my way.....and nodded Your assurance that I can withstand it.  I often try to assess a situation in someones life very carefully in case they would become disenchanted with You.   According to how Joni feels......You have made a specific decision.  Deliberately.  Somehow, thinking this way, makes me very depressed.  I really have trouble accepting that the sad and vile things that occur are a deliberate determination by You. Do I have to get my list out?  Do I have to go over every thing I can think of and re-think about why it happened, what was the cause and effect, what I learned.......and, so much more..... that it makes me too tired to even "go there".  I thought I had all these issues worked out.  Even about Mom.... and how she laid.....hour after hour, semi-conscious, I suppose, hoping someone.....anyone would find her.  And then, when she was found, the awful condition she was discovered in.....all of her dignity destroyed.  Yes, she was alive and lived for several years after that event.....but, was that to show me what I am made of(?) or my brothers(?) or what?  You know, Lord......I am in a quandary today.  I need an answer.  I need to know if  "what works for another" .....will work for me?  Or, do You have a different way of teaching me ?  I am so befuddled today  I am even thinking I shouldn't post this prayer because people might think I am a basket case.  But, Lord.....how do I discern these questions?  I like to think.....that indeed, You did allow what happened.  Through all of it, You taught me perseverance, patience, grace, a greater love for my Mom, a greater love for You and willingness to share what I have learned.  Do you have another purpose, Lord? 
Thank You, dear One.....for bringing this to me.  I know.  I know......I just was complaining.  Now, I see a little light coming through the fog.  I see , right now, through conversation with someone who loves me......I was ready to delete this prayer......but, I am keeping it "out there" to remind me that the evil one is trying to pummel me today.  I will not allow this....thank You, Lord.....for reminding me that  "YOU'VE   GOT  THIS!"  I am giving You free access to my brain today.  Helmet alert.  I will make sure
that it doesn't get askew again. 
I'm praying all in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

Father in Heaven.....I come to You on behalf of a precious child who is in the midst of treatment.  A poison that is meant to kill disease is also creating havoc in her body.  The fear, anxiety and physical reactions need Your healing hand, Lord.  Our words and our hopes are for naught.  Our only recourse is to plead the blood of Jesus for the protection and peace of this little child of Yours.  We pray You are hearing our cries and our hopes for a brighter day for her Mother and Grandparents.  Yes, Lord.....we dare pray for a brighter day.....and a healing of her body.  We realize, dear One, that our hope is only in You.  The wisdom of the Medical team is in Your hands too.  Our reliance in the areas of life that we have no education in, lies in the wisdom Doctors and nurses have attained through the efforts of research and development of medicines that will heal.  This reliance is filled with anxious fear, when we are left with the reality of a weeping child, terribly ill and dealing with uncomfortable issues.
Lord, quoting scripture and giving the proverbial platitudes are not what is needed here.   We need to see the scriptural application applied to living and breathing diseased tissue.....scriptural application applied to the pain wracked body.....scriptural application applied to the weariness of the realities.....and above all, the spiritual application to peace that passes all understanding.  As recently written by her wise Grandpa.....He doesn't know what the future holds, but, He knows who holds the future.  The spiritual application of these words are fulfilling in that we can have peace.  Believing and accepting the realities that come our way, dear One, are the only way we can have this peace. 
Jesus, our hope and our prayer is for You to answer us.  We will wait and hope and continue to pray for "what we want to see happen"  (and we truly believe that is okay for us to do).......but, our plea for this peace is simply unwavering......for sweet Lizzie, her mama and all who desperately love her. 
I realize, Lord, that  specifically asking You to fulfill our requests is not selfish.  We are Your children.  We have no one else that could possibly give us an answer......no one but You.
For now, we ask all in the name of Jesus.  Each burden we lay at the foot of the Cross for You to bear.  Amen.

I wonder, Lord, if sometimes You could just stop me mid-sentence, when I am on a rant.  I think that perhaps my years of never expressing an opinion.....or, perhaps, no one asking my opinion has spawned this streak in me.  I found myself slightly embarassed at some of the things  I was talking about recently with friends.  I'm finding that I am telling You way too often that I need Your help these days; ie: "Stuff a sock in it, little lady!"  These areas that concern me are the ones where it seems EVERYONE has an opinion, "spiritually speaking", of course, and it's like, I need to get in on the act......so folks can see I have a brain too.  At this point, I'm tired of saying to You......"Lord, I am sorry....I should have counted to 10 first."  There was nothing untrue.....or hurtful.  I just contend that it was unnecessary to speak of at all.  Even when something IS true......it is not something that needs to be spoken of , necessarily.  It is so unnecessary, that I feel that to pursue talking is walking really close to the "gossip" area of verbage.

Jesus, these days are so full of tumult.  The only thing that hasn't happened so far is that the sky hasn't fallen.  Wars and rumors of wars is never ending.  The  pestilence, pillaging and slaughter of human beings seems to fill the news arena's on a steady basis.  Our families are being threatened with the wiles of satan and his imps.  Terrible news of serious diseases are attacking our friends and loved ones.  We pray.  We hope.  We try to praise to combat the fears we have of evil winning.  To speak the name of Jesus, gently and sweetly, calms our fears for a while.  Sometimes I do wonder why we have to KEEP praying for the same thing.....as fervently as we first did.  Simply because of the sin satan besets us with.  If he can discourage us.....demean us......devour us with his taunting....then he has a foothold.  Lord.....we can never give up.  Help us remember to never allow him any access.  What you meant when You inspired the scripture to be written that tells us...."My heart says of you, 'Seek His face!' ".  Obeying Your nudges......(and, I am always pretty sure it is indeed a nudge!) , obeying the words I have read in the scripture, or thoughts from a sermon.....all of this is not to be ignored.  It also sets me aside from the average when I am quick to pay attention and honor Your request for me.  And......it takes me to the scripture in Luke 16: 10 where You "suggest" that if You can trust us with "very little" ......You can trust us with "very much".  I'm not sure I'm there yet.  And, Lord.....to be honest.....I am afraid to say it aloud.
IF......and that is, a big IF.......I will believe always You will give me strength and wisdom WHEN You need me to have it.

Until then, I remain Your faithful servant.....honoring You in what I say.....and hopefully, what I do.  I ask all of this in the name of Jesus.  Amen.

I was thinking this morning, after I looked at the facebook site and saw the first post from our friends, the Babbs;  Oh, Lord Jesus.......how wonderful it is to have You to go to.  Our friends are suffering.  Their daughter is suffering because her child is in danger. She's been hospitalized and they are waiting.  We can't say enough of the right words....even if we could think of them...... when we go to You with our incomplete sentences of grief, You, dear One, decipher the thoughts and intercede for us.  Our prayer is for Lizzie, a precious, precocious, bundle of energy.  We would love to see a miracle take place.  We would be thrilled to hear...."The doctor's were wrong......whatever "it" was.....is gone."  Jesus, is that Your will?  Could it be?
And......how in the world do we cope with anything else?

You, dear One, take on our heartaches and pain.  You help us "accept" what we have to live with.....and, most of the time, we can move on and live somewhat  productive lives.  Only You know what we will have to deal with.....until, one day, You deem it necessary for us to climb a mountain we absolutely never believed possible.  Is it truly necessary for us to walk on this road......so filled with unknown pitfalls?  Does it make us stronger, wiser Christian's?  Lord, I have come to believe it does and will......I find, though, that in the interim.....I'd like to not have to find out.  Jesus, I know I probably disappoint You with my analizing......especially when it comes to my spiritual growth.....maybe by now, You just expect it from me.  In all reality, I am so amazed at what You have allowed, and I have lived through.....maybe we could just take a break for awhile?  Oh, Lord.....all I need , I find in Jesus.  The author wrote....."There's not a friend like the lowly Jesus.....".  How can that be, Lord?  I find You a friend above all others.  A friend, in high places, that can relieve my fears....calm my anxious heartbeat and give me peace that passes all understanding. 

I found myself at first struggling last week.....when I posted my "outloud" prayer on my blog.....and it appeared that no one read it.  There were no "likes" on facebook and no comments that told me......."Hey, Corrine.....keep up the good work....etc.....etc."   As the week went by, because of what my prayer initially was about.....I kept re-reading it.  I honestly think, Lord, that I read it about 6 or 7 times.....and each time I did.....I gave back to You what I promised I would.  The flowers were too cumbersome.....the "gifts of words"......too many to carry.  Thank You for picking up the load of gifts I left at the foot of the cross.  You, who deserves all the glory anyway, knew exactly how to handle all of it. The entire process anyway is to bring glory to You....not to me.  "My Letters To God" are just that.  To God Be The Glory.....Great Things He Hath Done".

I am grateful, Lord, that You take all of our anxieties and each request of our cares, to the Mercy Seat of God.  We do beg for Your mercies to surround us......We ask for peace....we ask for  the wisdom to understand, if You would.  And, in and through all, we ask in the name of Jesus Christ.  Amen.

Dear One....."How can I say thanks for all the things You have done for me.....things so undeserved, yet, You do.....to prove Your love for me.....The voices of a thousand angels, could not express my gratitude.....All that I am.....or, ever hope to be, I owe it all to You.  To God be the glory.  To God be the glory.....to God be the glory.....for the things He hath done.....".   All of that song.....every word of it, applies to my prayer to You today, Lord.  You have graciously given to my husband and I such honor.  I, who sometimes come to You, dragging my feet as he (my husband) is pulling me along while I run my mouth...."silently yelling, 'I don't want to go!'  .......You, who could easily say...." Go ahead.  Sit there.  Miss out on this blessing.  You will be the loser."  I am amazed You still love me.  I am overwhelmed to even be allowed to be serving in Your kingdom.  Why do You love me, Lord?  Even if You could explain in words I could understand, I wouldn't.  I don't think any one is capable of understanding the unmerited grace You provide to us as Your children.  Not all of them are as stubborn as I am....I know that for sure.  But, somehow You give me peace.....understanding.....and that wonderful unfailing love that You are so good at.

As I basked in the glow of the honor for my husband and myself this weekend.....I felt so undeserving.  I just tried to relax a little and enjoy Your presence.  I do know that I am sliding along on his coat tails.....dear Jesus.....help me not to spoil it for him with all my "discerning".  The areas that plague me.......... the angst I almost continually feel when I try to enjoy the graciousness of honor and tributes to us.....well, I will leave it at the foot of the cross for You to carry for me.

  You know, Lord.  You know how I feel about my Dad and Mom......and the end of their ministry.
I don't remember them being honored.  Ever.  And....I know the kind of ministers they were for You.  Selfless, unabashed, tireless.  There are more words to describe them......wonderful ones.....but, You know best,  the lives that they lived for You.  When one is called and responds to it....You have special work to be done.  They did it.  And, they did it honorably.  I know that when man cannot or will not observe one's service.....then, You will see to it that it is done, kingdom style.  I praise You for that, Lord.  No one could do a better job.  When I am reminded of the fact that they were never honored.....and I have been.....I feel so unworthy to be given any praise.  It is the evil one's way to try to keep me chained.  Lord Jesus, my hope and prayer is to continually watch and be diligent in doing so.  These are the ploys of satan.  If he can keep me feeling guilty for the things I have been given......jealous of those who have more......I can no longer appreciate what God has allowed us to have.  A friend, long ago, quoted this, and I have put my own spin on it.  It works though.  All satan needs is a crack in our armor......and he will slink in.  I aim to keep the maintenance men busy.....welding, sanding, and  polishing mine......once again pushing him out in the name of Jesus......and keeping him out.  In the meantime, I will place my "gifts" at the foot of the cross.  That, dear One, is where they belong.

Thank You, dear Lord......for all You have given. 
I pray in the name of Jesus.  Amen.