"MY LETTERS TO GOD": February 2021

Saturday, February 27, 2021

“ Here I am to worship.....Here I am to bow down, Here am I to say that You’re my God......You’re altogether worthy, altogether lovely, altogether wonderful to me”.......but Lord, my best friend is gone.....It’s so hard without him.....I still don’t understand why!

What am I doing without him? I’m not even sure. I’m in a room filled with people, and still feel alone. I have to tell You that it makes me very uncomfortable. I miss so much about him! I can’t even believe how much I miss. Especially some of the funnier things. Today marks a year that You took him to be with You. I do wonder why I had no warning. I think You might have surprised him too. He had me convinced he’d live forever. And now....everything has changed. I don’t want to be a burden to my family....You do know that, I hope. Please help me accept my life as it is now. Help me to be the best version of myself without my love beside me. This being the first anniversary of his death shows me that somehow, midst all the paperwork and incessant reminders of his being gone.....I’ve managed to go on with my life.....without him. I do thank you again that You chose him for me. It was a long time after we were married, that I realized, it wasYou that did the choosing.

The familyYou allowed us to create was our biggest contribution to the world. We did our best. They are in Your hands now. The churches we pastored got the best we knew how to offer. They certainly had the best in the preacherman they’d chosen. You know, Lord.....often people have a strange reaction once the “Honeymoon”is over and they find out a real human being lives in the parsonage. We tried hard to be faithful to each soul in our reach. It was the commitment we made to You when we knelt for our Ordination. I felt as if we were getting married again. I remember it so well.

I’m asking, dear One....that You walk with me each day. It’s easier knowing You’re by my side....helping me think.....to make choices my husband would be proud of. I continue to put my trust in You... “I love You, Lord......and I lift my voice.....to worshipYou, O my soul.....rejoice.....Take joy , my King....in what You hear....May it be a sweet, sweet sound... in Your ear”.

All of these words, placed carefully together....present the thoughts of my heart. They are a prayer to You, Lord. And they are written in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Saturday, February 27, 2021

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