Dear One......This morning I come to You asking if You would be especially close to some friends of mine.  They have lost their precious wife.....mother.....friend.  No one ever is ready for this.  You can expect it......you can prepare for it.....you can talk of it, cry over the prospect, but, the word comes, and so often,  you immediately think of all you didn't do or say.  I opened a card last evening to write a "Thank You" note sent to us for our retirement.....as I looked at the signature, I saw my friend's name.  Lord, I think You know exactly how I felt.  Her personal words to us to wish us well, were thoughtful and precious.  Oh, Lord.  I wish I hadn't waited so long to write my regards.  Nothing changes that thought.  I fail over and over at this.  Yes.  I know, Lord.  My life has been a little uprooted and excuses distress me.  Judge Judy doesn't put up with them. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.  I have always aimed to temper my strengths and improve or obliterate the weaknesses. It is a job I don't particularly like to do because it is hard to do.  And, yes.....there's more.  I always told my Sunday School classes my heart.  Yes....that's right.  All of the unvarnished realities of my life.  I had told them that I'd  always prayed that You would help me to be a nice old lady.  To be honest, Lord....I have always thought that "I was" a nice lady.  Now I wonder if I am at all......even...... ever was.  That is sickening, Lord.  I hate to say it out loud to You.  Are you listening?  Or, are You tired of my moaning.  No. I am  serious, Lord......I'm not kidding.  If my mind is failing me and I need help, I want to be kind.  I think no one benefits if I am not  Christlike. So.......... I tell my girls about "the new plan" to get the other knee done.  The only response I wanted to hear was...."Oh, Mom.....Do you think you can handle this so close to the other one!"  or something like that.  No, Lord!  You heard it too.  "Now, Mom.....You have got to be nice this time."  Well....since I was under the influence of medication and not very willing to wait for attention.....I guess I was a little lippy.
Wonder how it would have gone over (?) if after a time.....I got what I wanted.....when I wanted.....and I smiled sweetly and said......"Oh, by the way, I had a book published and it has letters in it that I wrote to God......and uh......would you like to have one to read?"  And, her comment to me would be to  suggest I read my own book.....or worse.  Lord.....as You can see......I am sorry to be called out by my own kids.  I'm sorry You had to hear it. I'm sorry too, that it took me a "minute" to own it.  It allowed them to see that although I try to make You proud of me, I am a long way from being a paragon of virtue.  I'm not even sure what all that means, but, Lord.....I do want the smile of the SON on my life. Always.  Help me Jesus to be what You want me to be. This would be when I wonder if I will always be talking to You as a child.  I tend to think that if I post this prayer, I will lose all credibility. And, if I would...."I need You more."
My concern.....my hope......is that You know I do pray in the name of Jesus.....and I trust in You.  Amen.




I do have new copies of the second edition.  You can get my book by contacting me via facebook.....or you can order it on AMAZON.com.  I thank you. 

Isn't it interesting, Lord?  I can find myself in the midst of a busy day.....lots of people demanding my time.....overwhelming duties.......and I find myself creating dialog with You, wishing I could just sit down and write. Thank You for giving me that need, but, Lord.....there is one thing I'd like to change.  The enemy and his intention to keep me busy with all of the things that take my intention to talk to You for "another" time.  He did it yesterday and the day before.  No one understands like You do.  You are a friend beyond compare.  What amazes  me is that You will stop what You are doing when I need to speak to You.  And You listen.  But then, I think.....realistically, I hate bothering you with my piddly wants and what I think are needs. So often, the opinions  others wield over me and go against my inclinations, Lord......well, they do influence too often what I do.   As we get to this place in our lives where we have to depend on the kindness of others.....or not, is hard to handle.  So often we feel so indebted, it really is hard to know how You want us to reciprocate.....if it is even possible.  There are needs and desires in everyone's life.  Some just want better health.  Others......feel that just to have someone think they have worth.....Oh, Lord, I guess that is about the saddest.  You know my heart.  The inner workings and the aches and pains of it.  I pray, dear One, that I will never let You down.  I want to show You how I can be true to the  fact that You called me to be a disciple of Yours. When we left the parsonage the other day......I felt free, Lord.  I felt as if I had done the best for You that I could.  (I do realize, sadly, that my best.....is not enough for me.)  As I picked up my ipad and read the verse for the day, I was comforted by the words I saw.  From Hebrews 6:10, I saw....."God is not unjust;  He will not forget Your work and the love You have shown Him as you have helped His people and continue to help them."  It happens so often.  When I feel "not good enough" , You take the time to show me what I need to see in Your word.  I'm getting used to this, Lord. I am grateful for your love to me.  Thank You for Your presence in my life.
I speak these words in the name of Jesus.  Amen.