"MY LETTERS TO GOD": March 2019

Monday, March 18, 2019

Honestly Lord....I truly wonder if all the hoops I have to jump through to write this letter to You is

worth it. And, now that I just said it...I can't believe You don't wonder if I am worth it.

I know...I am constantly threatening to stop this …...and every few months, I purposefully make this a job I wish I hadn't created for myself. Lord, I need to write. I need to. I overflow if I don't. Words come out. Often, they are words that shouldn't be spoken...especially if I see them in print. I'm embarrassed. I might just need a diary. Then I wouldn't write at all. You know why, Lord (?). Yeah, I know. It would be something like this. I got up....drank my coffee. Thanked you that I woke up. Then, I proceeded to sit on the couch to watch the news as long as I could stand it....then, decide.....I believe I will just shut my eyes a little. Twenty minutes later, more or less, I am still wondering what I should do OR not do. I don't care to read that.

Jesus, dear One.....I have a venue for talking to You....I am Yours, yet ashamed I don't accomplish more for You. Can You give me a swift kick back to reality? What do I pray about today?

For me, there is so much. Our children.....our grands. The folks we are responsible for at our church. Each of them have so many issues. Mostly, We just need to pray for each other. Some things are so hurtful it just takes our breath away....and others, well....No one understands like You do. You are a friend beyond compare. I find it a pleasure to think about You listening to me. Could You give me wisdom and knowledge from the scriptures to make decisions. You want us to be Your instrument to give those we talk to Your wisdom. Not mine. My experiences may or may not help. When we are in the position of advice giving.....It is certainly my intent to inch those I speak to, closer to You.

Sometimes I have found that when we are "listening", we are not at all. We are waiting for someone to take a breath so we can "tell our story". It ends up in a group setting to be a "Can You Top This"

session. Lord, I am anxious to be Your messenger. Not everyone is interested in what I think. (Lord.....I still don't understand that!!) That is supposed to be a joke, Lord!

Could we talk later....I found myself floundering awhile ago. You have a way of calming me. I call it PEACE in the midst of a storm. When that happens, I could go on forever. I need to get myself a shot of that. Or, get a jar to slather onto my face. I hate to be such a needy child....but, EVERY single time I try to manage things myself.....well, You and I both know what happens. I am so predictable.

For the words I pray.....for the thoughts I generate in my head.....I pray in the name of Jesus.

Amen.

Introduction to "My Letters To God"

My letters to God came about by my need to communicate with Him on a regular basis. I needed to, as a christian, a wife and a mother notwithstanding, pray every day. As a young mother I found myself almost continually interrupted by my two little girls. All for necessary and legitimate reasons. You and I both know satan uses every trick in the book to keep us from communing with God and I felt that he was definately getting the upperhand. So, one day out of sheer desperation, I grabbed a sheet of paper or a notebook (I don't remember) and began to scribble out a prayer for God to come and rescue me. I needed to tell Him EXACTLY how I felt. I needed Him and felt that this was my only recourse. Invariably, before I started writing, when I was interrupted I hardly ever would go back to my devotion time. I'd forget where I was in my prayertime and it all seemed futile.....after all, the wash had to be done, the beds had to be made, baths needed to be taken care of.....etcettera.....etcettera....etcettera. After the first attempt, I tried it again and again until this wonderful habit was formed for me. I could literally stop mid-sentence and almost always go back , and pick up where I had left off. As I found my time with God lengthening because of my determination to do this, it ended up being my solace. Even with two more daughters and a son as the years went by. I often found that it was truly a wonderful thing when I would search for a word that described what I REALLY felt. Many times in my prayertime prior to this , I would skim over the

hard parts that would express my angst to Him sort of mumbling, "Lord, you know what I mean.....". I was so terribly desperate to express how I really felt. To that, I could only tell Him in my tears and fears and frustration hoping He would still love me. I'd reread sometimes and find that I was alot meaner than I knew He would be pleased with.....or, I was not as bad as I believed I was.

Writing to God has followed me into the years that the world says are the "senior years". It doesn't matter to me. As long as I can hold a pen and write Him all of my heart thoughts, the "mind stealers" will not deter me. I am determined to be God's instrument. I will blow my horn for Him as long as He gives me breath!

As I share my letters with you, past and present, may you find in Him the solace that you need. He will give that to each of us. This is my prayer.

"MY LETTERS TO GOD"

My Life Verse

Monday, March 18, 2019

Saturday, March 16, 2019

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