It's Not As Dark Now....

Lord, it's still dark....and I still feel tired but here I am.....I've come to find You. It's seeming more and more like when I awake, I have this black cloud hovering over me. I need for You to

lift this off of me. I seem to be going through the motions of living....doing what I'm supposed to

be doing (most of the time) but not really cognizant of all that's going on. Sometimes, I think it's

the "doing-too-much" factor. And, then, I realize that most people are on overload. At church,

there's always just the same few that do the work that needs to be done, whether they are tired

or not.

Probably my "mood" is affected by the fact that within just a few days, two gentlemen of our

church have died. One of them was my age. He was always quite active in the softball team of

the church....managed the team umpteen years and spread his love for You and the church the

best way he knew how. He was always at the door of the church, welcoming whoever would

walk in....and in his way, protecting us all. I am sure Lord, that is one of the things You called

him to do....and he did it well. He was dependable. He was always on time. He guarded the

premises fiercely. Besides missing him at church , I think of his wife. His grandsons and his
granddaughter, his two sons and daughter not withstanding, and his son-in-law and daughter -
in-law. His wife fought the brave fight right along with him. She attended to every need he had.
She moved heaven and earth to make his movement to and from wherever he needed to go a
little easier. I was so touched by the attention to every detail of his comfort she had the power
to fix. Saying the words in the vows....."....in sickness and in health, 'til death do us part"....takes
on special meaning when you see someone really do it. It is going to be so different now. This
man was the life of his family. And, Lord....You have to step in to fill that gaping hole he has
left behind. His wife will feel this emptiness surrounding her. You can sustain her and I ask
that You will do that. Show her the place You have for her to fill now. It scares me to think
I may walk in that valley one day. My only solace is to know that You have done this for
countless individuals who have lost their loved one too.
These moments that we have to face and at times, stumble through, are not new. They are
places that everyone has to walk through in life. The comfort of having someone by your side
to love and depend on is a gift that You provided us with long ago. Your plan to create Eve for
Adam, so he wouldn't be alone was the beginning. You saw that it was good for man not to be
alone. Together, a force to be reckoned with. I guess, Lord, Your plan went out the window in
some cases but for the most part, it was a beautiful design by You.
Thank You , Lord, for giving us such wonderful gifts. A world designed by seasons. The earth
and it's beauty. The heavens and the vastness of the oceans, too....are all about as masterful
as anyone could dream.
You have provided us with the wealth of knowlege and gifts of friendship and comraderie with
many people.
Would You show me how to continue to please You in my own life. To many, a drop in the
bucket compared to what is around me....yet, somehow Lord, You impress on me in many ways,
my importance to You. Thank You for Your great love....and the plan of salvation, and the life
we can have in You, eternally. I praise You, Lord. I love You, Lord. Thank You for the
promise of Springtime. A brighter day. Hope for tomorrow. And, finally....help me to not waste
this day. It is a day You have created for me to live, work and make the day better for someone
else. I pray this and lay my cares at the foot of the cross....in the name of Jesus. Amen.

"O, What a Savior! The Gift of all Gifts"

It's early Christmas morning, Lord. "Rejoice in the Lord, always....and again I say rejoice! .....for
unto you is born, this day in the city of David, a Saviour which is Christ the Lord......and is name is Jesus.....for He is born to save His people from their sins.....". And, for me, Lord.....born to set
me free and live in peace with all men, as is humanly possible. Why, Oh why.....is that so hard
for us to do.....Mia Angelo.... wrote once ....."Do you want to have peace, or do you want to be
right?". Lord, I know it isn't scriptural, but it sure is true, isn't it? That's all you have to do for
some relationships....just keep your mouth shut. Sometimes, I have a little trouble here. You
know, Lord....there have been times, when I rattle off my "views" and not one bit of it is heard by ANYONE....SO, I conclude that I should just let you do the communication part of it, when
and IF you ever deem necessary. You and I tend to be right, are we not!! (heehee) Lord, I only
wish. Thank you, Lord....for the plan of salvation layed out for us, from the manger in
Bethlehem to the cross of Calvary to the ascension to the right hand of Your Father, Lord. What
a gift we are presented with.....the endless joy of true peace in the midst of the storms of life
that can put us to our knees and often, out of commission entirely. Thank You that the gift
You presented us with on Your birthday, allows us to enjoy the fruits of Your labors. To under
stand the gift of salvation is not possible for me. I merely accept what You have given, with
the most careful attention to detail, as I unwrap this beautiful present. Just to pull the end of
the bow....a brilliant burgundy red (as I see it) to untie it.....to carefully remove the white
covering and lay it aside....(perhaps to just keep as I often do many things).... I see that the life
you have presented me with is more....excessively more, than I could ever have dreamed or
imagined. I know that my choices throughout my time here on earth have placed flaws in the
delicate, precision planned scenario for my life.....but , I also know that the broken pieces I have
handed You at times, have been created into the most beautifully designed mosaic I've ever seen
or even envisioned. I have read scenario's of this sort before....each worded in such a way to
express the emotion of the writer at the time. For me, and the words that make up my vocabu-
lary.... this is the best I can come up with.
To open a gift, perhaps, even this morning after everyone arises, is to view the presentation...
the content....the thought behind it....and the ultimate use of the gift. Therein , seeing what my
application to the gift given to us by Your Father in Heaven. The presentation is priceless...the
content is peace personified...the thought process behind it is incalculable...and the plan to put
this gift into good, fruitful use, is the most important part of it. I pray, Father....that I would
continue to put to good use, the gift You presented to me many years ago. I love that You love
me. I love that You have blessed me with such a priceless plan. I will never tuck this away in
a drawer, and forget what I did with it. I will forever wear this as armor to head into battle
or glean from the precepts as I lay quietly for strength to resume.
The power of the Cross, the hope for a brighter tomorrow, the Joy of my salvation....are all
aspects of the gift. I will forever be grateful for it. I bless Your name , O Lord. You are the
God of my salvation.
I praise Your name and ask, as per usual, Your blessing on this day....in essence, the day we
celebrate Your birth. I love You, Lord....and I lift my voice , to worship You. Amen.

seen.

Gathering the Manna.....(don't save any!)

It's always this way, Lord. Too much to do in too short of a time frame. It's the usual scenario
for me....although, I could change it if I really wanted to. Lord, I do have some legitimate excuses. Do You want to hear them? I could, but I won't. I'll just have to work double-time...
plus perhaps lose some sleep. But, I awoke at 2:35 this morning. I was dismayed to see the
clock with that display on it. I'll be taking cat naps all day to recover. There is much to pray
about today as usual. We are always coming to You for the strength and wisdom to get through
the day. And, as You always do....You give us what we need, when we need it. I've noticed, Lord, that You have a tendency to not give us an over-abundance of what we ask for....but,
just enough. You know I have a tendency to save things.....I'd probably have boxes full of love,
strength, wisdom, healing, etc., if You provided an overflow. (And then I would probably forget
where I put them) I recall that You provided the
Israelites with whatever they asked for....all the time. I recall how You suggested that they only
gather enough manna for the day's needs. Not to be stored away, for a "snack" later or a few
weeks down the road when it looked like there might not be enough to eat. I also recall how the
food You provided, spoiled, when they were disobedient and gathered more than they needed
anyway. I sort of loved it when You got Your point across to this unhappy bunch of
ingrates. And, I hate it when I think that I could possibly be in that group that thought I could
get away with gathering more than I knew my family would need....and try to stash it so it could
be used later if I thought we needed it. Lord, I save stuff all the time that I think I will surely
use later....and often do (need it) and can't find it anywhere. I've torn more rooms apart looking
for something I wanted....knew I had....and finally gave it up. Lord, there are things I need to
change. There are things, important things, that I need to work on to make my life richer for
You. There are things that encumber me....bind me down....worry me....drag me to a slow
crawl. I would love to be able to think of something I want....something I put away because I
knew I could use it again. Then, I want to go open THE drawer, or THE closet, or THE box....
and pull it out and smile.....hmmm.....is this possible, Lord? Well, we'll see, won't we? And, I
think before I ever get that accomplished.....I'd love to remove any unsavory spiritual debris
I've attracted over the years. There are so many opinions from so many of Your servants and
ideas from books written for centuries....all of them, touting another way to look at the inspired
word of God, instead of the way I see it. I'd like to clear out this debris, so that You can talk to
me and I will not be encumbered by everyone else's opinion on what I am concerned about,
spiritually speaking. I have always had a tendency to have "sort-of" an opinion....listen to other
ideas about the same....and then, think, "Well, that's another way to look at it....maybe they are
right." Lord, I'd like to have confidence in the fact that when You present me with Your words
in a devotional, or scriptural text, and I study it believing that it is something You want me to
know and learn....that the way I am seeing it is the way You know I will understand. I think
people forget that You saw me being formed in my Mother's womb.....You, Lord....know exactly
how I am wired and how I understand what You are showing me. I know there are many areas
I have an opinion....and try to explain it to someone....and they look at me as if I hadn't been
speaking, and ........ uh.....Lord, thank You that You know what I mean. I am grateful. Even-
though I can't see You, I know You understand my heart thoughts. And, so.....
I give You my heart....I give You my soul....I live for You alone....every breath that I take and
every moment I'm awake....have Your way in me.
As I reread my thoughts, I can see I go from the spiritual to the everyday and back again....and
yet I can think of no better way for You to show me that Mary and Martha, Dorcas, Ruth, and
perhaps, Naomi....had the same difficulties as I. When I think that the wealth of ideas, precepts
and opinions were as numerable as todays, then I am encouraged to believe that You minister
to all of us as we can understand. For all my thoughts, I ask Your guidance and wisdom as I
go through the day. In your name, I ask all requests........amen.

I Need You More....than ever before!

I don't feel too much like writing today, Lord. But, I feel that there are so many things I should do
today that if I don't ask Your help and prioritizing things for me....I will lay down on the couch and take a nap. My bones ache. My spirit aches. My head aches. And, unless You pry me off
this place of respite....I will not be happy at the end of the day. No matter how sore I am, when
I get to the later hours of the day and I have crossed off the major part of a list....it makes me
feel ....well, like less of a loser. I'm sorry about saying that too, Lord. I know the devil loves it
when I badmouth myself. And, I've got to stop it. As Dr. Phil says to people all the time...."So,
tell me, what's your payoff for doing this?" and everyone looks at him and blinks, and says, "I
don't get a payoff." And, then he delves right into the "solution". Yeah, I guess I do get a payoff. Somebody usually says something like, " You really do too much ".....or ......"Why don't
you let someone help you". Like I said the other day to You....some attention is better
than no attention. I am in that category today, pathetic as it may be. And, so, I ask for Your strength to lift me to a
higher place than I could ever dream to be, today. I need You to lift me and carry me into the pursuits
I will find myself today. I am blessed to be receiving friends and family to our home through-
out the holidays. I want those who enter these doors to not only enjoy the lights and sounds
and warmth of Christmas but to feel the Christ of Christmas enveloping them, giving them
peace and strength. I have that responsibility. I want to do that part for You....preparing the
way, for your children. Right now, as I write, I think it isn't possible for You to do this for me.
The longer I sit here and write this letter to You....I find myself thinking, ...." after I finish this
letter I'm going to rest here for a few minutes" and then I'll get busy." I am maintaining to You
that I will not do this. I've got stuff to do. Now, Lord....now is when I need to stand up and
start walking. I guess I will start arranging furniture in the basement and then to decorate the
tree for down there. It's the Christmas present opening place for the family when they come.
Lord, for the traveling that starts today....for our family and friends....would you provide your
protective care....the angels that live among us , may they give us the nurturing touch of thanks-
giving and love for You as we go about our duties. Thank You that we can carry the torch for
You today. Some special gentlemen are suffering today....perhaps You are preparing the way
for them .....would You give them peace without pain and a sense of You nearby offering comfort
to them. The illnesses that plague Your people just deplete us. Give my husband the words
and wisdom to be the instrument You need him to be for You today. We are so blessed to be
Your servants this day. For now, I pray and say all in the name of Jesus, amen and amen.

The Suffering and Blessings: Life

I wish I could tell You, Lord about how my heart feels today. And then I remember.... I can. It's just
that writing takes a little longer and it's almost feels like....well, when I finally find the right word
to describe how I think I feel, I am onto another "feels like" arena. To anyone else, Lord....this
must make little sense. That's why I insist on taking my thoughts to You. Since You saw me
being created in my Mother's womb, You understand my thought process. I am thankful, Lord.
First for the fact that I am loved. I have not a doubt in the world that You are at the top of the
list. I am blessed beyond any measure I could have asked for. I always want that fact to stay at
the forefront of my mind. I wrote yesterday that my heart is saddened for the pain that friends
of ours are suffering. When people that are of your own generation are plagued with the cancers
of life, within and without, it takes such a toll.....not just on them....but for the cast of characters
that are watching and living through it. I asked yesterday, Lord, that You would grant them the peace You provide in the midst of such a storm. It definately is the "peace that passes
understanding" that we need to have to carry us through such a hard place. Our friends know
Your power.....and are aware of how important the blessings You provide us are. Simply put, we
often do not see blessings until we lose one. The ability to think. The wonderful provision of
eyes that can see the creations of Your hand. To hear the sounds of life, from a tweeting bird
to a hungry child crying.....are all blessings of life. To sleep soundly and wake up refreshed,
ready for a new day.....that is another. To crawl out of the warmness of a comfortable bed, and
walk to the bathroom or the kitchen, also warrants a blessing. To hold a pen to write down my
thoughts to You, is a blessing to me and I find now, a need. Suffering is not a place we would
enter into with an aura of excitement pinging through us. I find that when I have had to enter
this door, it hasn't been one I really want to open. It, first of all, usually scares me. And, often,
I tend to stay close to the door, hoping for a quick exit. On occasion, I've had to walk in and
force myself to keep moving, pretending that, even for a time, I can take it. With that in mind,
it's an "Act-as-If" game for me. If, perhaps, I can "act-as-if" that I can do this, I maintain that
with Your helping me, I can do whatever is laying in wait for me. It's hard to watch those we
see, day in and day out, walk into their door of suffering....and see the effects on their faces. You
know, without even asking a question, that their thought process never encountered this place
before. I am asking, Lord....that I would always be mindful that I may be next in the line of
applicants for this particular event. I have made broad statements in my life that I'd care to
never make again. Why is it, Lord, that people.....(me included) think that they would handle
the areas of angst and suffering in the lives of people, so much better, wiser, on and on to ad
nauseum?
I guess I notice the pangs of suffering especially when the delights of Christmas are everywhere
to the senses of our souls.....and it seems especially sorrowful. Suffering is suffering is suffering.
No matter when. No matter why. No matter to who. I want to always be mindful of the job
You may have for me to do. A word of hope. A touch. Just a look....perhaps without words is
all I can do. Whatever it is, Lord.....help me to remember to do what I would like done to me.
Carefully. Thoughtfully. Lord, my life is in You. My hope is in You. My joy is in You.
And, one more thing, Lord.....as I think about a small amount of suffering I did 32 years ago. I
remember praying the night before, "Lord, if You have no reason for making me wait another
day.....could we do this soon....?" I remember waking up to a great amount pressure and pain.
I thought, "Oh, my.....this is it!" As I went through that day.....I brought forth a newborn son....
and his name was John....and I could not believe that You had allowed me to deliver a son, after
the four beautiful daughters You'd given us. It was a blessing that arises out of short-lived suffering. You
blessed us. I am overwhelmed at the touch of Your kindness to my life. Thank You for the
son that You have allowed us to raise. December 12th, 1978 was a special day for our family.

All I have said to You today....the thoughts that I have put down on paper....disjointed as they
are, are the feelings that swirl in my mind today. Sometimes these have worth and sometimes
they don't.....but, they are my heart thoughts. Take them. Translate them if need be. And, all
in the name of Jesus, I pray.....amen and amen again

A Charge to Keep....A life lived for God

Thank you, Lord....for making this day one we will always remember....no matter what, our hearts praise you. We are

so very blessed to have been touched by this Godly woman. She was an example to us. She

loved us....and very often tried to change us....but, still maintained that "the Lord willing and Him tarrying long enough....we'd be in the best hands, if we turned our lives over to God. I am

thankful that she loved me and tried to help me in many ways. Her stories. Her testimony. Her

constancy in trying to be as close to You as she possibly could.....all of these, were her legacy to us. I am grateful and so very blessed to have known this woman 47 of my 66 years....therein

giving her time to imprint my life with herself. Thank you Lord for loving us all through these

years where I feel she perhaps fought her hardest battle. The aloneness. The lonely hours of

confused thinking. The tribute of herself to Your cause, Lord. The weariness of trying to adapt

to unfamiliar surroundings. The lack of all she ever knew and loved. The hope of a brighter day

I pray....is what You gave her to hang onto. Those times are the ones I have dreaded even for

myself one day. And, Lord....it is so often what most of us will deal with if we live any length of

time at all. We very seldom get to write the story of our own demise. We can hope that if

death is inevitable....then, it will be one of ease. Drifting off as if to sleep. The scenario is mostly

a prescribed plan....God knows us best. He gives us opportunity after opportunity to come to

Him....placing our lives in His hands....entrusting Him to place us in the areas we excel in to do

the best work we can for Him.....and often, we throw our own plans into the mix and God stands

back, allowing us to live as we want to....and then, when we find ourselves floundering He (if we

ask), saves us from ourselves.

Where am I , Lord? Have I gotten sidetracked with my own interests? Am I turning into a

lazy Christian? I find myself thinking occasionally....I have done that (whatever "that" is) for

years.....I think it's time someone else did their part! An edict that I make when I am just

too tired and worn out to do "one more thing". I ask Lord, again, that You would help me not

to fall into the devil's trap. I get sooo weary of asking for the same things, over and over again.

I also think that this is one of his trap's too. Like I can hear him saying, "Why do You think God

never saves you....all you ever do is whine and cry and ask him to do and do and do for you...if

you're such an awesome child of God You wouldn't have to ask for anything....and, well, if I were Him....I'd give up on you. You never learn.

You're a failure....that's why He doesn't bother with you anymore." Can You believe it Lord?

I fail often because I fall into that plan that satan himself devises for me. He, the king of con
games and confusion, doubt and depression.

Lord, I tell You and I vow to You that I will not allow this. As long as You give me a sane mind...

and breath to speak Your name....I will call upon the Name of the Lord.....as many times as I

want to. I will speak the name of Jesus to send the evil one away from my mind if even for a

time. He bugged You to death Lord. That's not a very spiritual statement....but, if You had to

put up with this icon of evil....then, I will do my best with You guiding me and strengthening me, to do the same.
On this day we lay our Mom 's body to rest in a cold grave. But, we know she has already seen You and
listened to You welcome her to her "heart's delight". We have been touched by Your love
and kindness in being part of her family. Thank You for this most gracious
blessing. Now....I feel that my job is to endure. To continue to encourage my family to follow
You. To look to You for all they need....and want. I thought that maybe this could be Your
charge to me. To glorify You in what I say. In what I think. In what I teach. In what I play.
I take on this directive from You and pledge my life to it.
You are my Lord. In You, I place my trust....just as my husband's mother did....forevermore.

The thoughts Lord....the feelings....the hope of living with You eternally are all blended into the
words You will understand.

Glory to Your Name, Oh Lord. I will praise You to the end of my days. I will see those that are

cheering me on one day. I pray and ask and believe in the Name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

The Glory of Your Plan: A Godly Mother

Lord, I wasn't sure I would write about my Mother-in-law today...I was going to wait a little bit to tell You how I feel....and to be honest with You, I'm not sure right now, how I feel. I walked
into her room there at the nursing facility, and saw the form of my husband's mother , I guess
it was two days ago. She's not there though. I've spoken to her and I see no flicker in her
countenance that she hears me or even cares that I am there. It's really too late for all of that
now. She looked to me as if she might very well be on her way to see You . I was sure I saw
what could be explained as a bit of peace on her face. I don't know Lord. We sit. We watch her
breathing. We talk of the good memories we have of her.....the ones that sort of were not so
pleasant....of her great commitment to You and any other thing that enters our mind. There are
memories we choose to keep private. Perhaps the ones where the conversation was just between us. I think I loved her right from the beginning, Lord. She was so accepting of me. I
was so unsure of everything all the time, she could have taken me out with one look.....or word.
The words were always what got us all at times. She'd say things like...." I committed that"....or
"I settled that"....or something else that (I don't know about anyone else) made me feel as if I
HAD A LONG WAY TO GO TO BE THAT KIND OF CHRISTIAN. Lord, did You use her to
make me dig a little deeper? Even though I felt annoyed at times...I did find myself digging
a little deeper to find the answers to the questions I had for You. "Is it really "wrong" to wear
slacks once in a while?" Or, the hair issues. Or , the sleeve length issue. Or wearing my
wedding ring. I found my answers to all of that surface stuff, Lord. You made me understand that
the issues of anger and jealousy, pride and a haughty spirit were some of the issues that You
felt were the areas I should work on. Thank You Lord for giving me Bessie Belle Davis. She
truly has been a wonderful gift from You. I believe Lord, as she is preparing to make her
entrance into Your kingdom, she may be taking her time so she won't fall. How many times
did we say to her...."Mom, pick up your feet....your're going to fall." (and, too often, she did....
and we would...."tsk, tsk......see, you tripped over this rug......" . You know what, Lord.....I hate
to think that all we think is "so helpful"...is not, at all.
As we await the time that You decide to usher her into Your presence.....would You give us the
peace that she feels right now.....and show us how to put into our lives the commitment to see
You one day that she has always lived before us. I praise You, Lord for this day. I pray I will
honor You. All of the memories I've spoken to You about....all of the needs of this day, I ask
all in the name and will of Jesus. Amen.

THANKSGIVING TRIBUTE

My thoughts are very jumbled, Lord. It's late. I should go to sleep. Yet, I know that if I don't
write tonight, tomorrow may get too busy. I wish right now that the kid's were all little, and we
could go to Mom and Dad's for Thanksgiving. She could do most of the work. I'd set the table,
and we'd eat and enjoy the day! The kids would play, the men would watch football and Mom and I would clean everything up. Lord, I wish sometimes for the days that have passed. I still
cannot believe Mom and Dad are gone. I miss Dad's laughter. I miss how Mom would pull out
all the stops and make that meal just sing to us. She could really cook a good meal.....and usually
liked to do it all alone. I am sort of like that too. There were so many of those times. Lord, I
really appreciate that You gave me such good parents. I always had this connection with Dad...it
was like knowing what he was thinking. I ended up with a good bit of his personality. As a teen,
I was always annoyed with Mom about something. Lord, I wish I had been a nicer daughter. I
think that we had a tendency to rub each other the wrong way. I was so docile and apathetic to
everyone else but she and I always disagreed. I was too mouthy and I regret that. I always
thought I was a little smarter about some things. I know, Lord....I remember talking to You
about this years ago and asking you to forgive me and then asking you to talk to her for me (letting her know how sorry I felt for being a stinker). You did that for me....I needed her to know it for sure. I wish it had never been like that. I tried for many years, as I became an adult, to be a better daughter. During the time when she was incapacitated and we moved heaven and earth to attend to her needs, I know Mom was proud of me....she just never said it to me. Children live what they learn (most of the time) and, I don't imagine Mom ever heard, "Good job, Sylvia....no one can milk a cow like you can"......or whatever the task might have been. Lord, I am grateful for the fact that the parents you gave me led me into the spiritual path that I travel on today. I'm so thankful Daddy was a preacher. I always loved being "the preacher's daughter". I'm not sure
why. Probably, because any attention was some attention. Is that pathetic or what? Lord, I
walk the same path they walked until You called them to their Heavenly home....and I will
continue to do the same. I'm grateful for the churches and people they pastored because I
am the person I am today because of them all. I remember some winners. I also remember
some real losers....some who treated my Father and Mother like they were.....well, certainly
not like they were called by God to preach His word. I suppose, unless they repented, Lord....
well, here again.....this is Your call, Father. Not mine. No one really deserves Your eternal
promise and yet, here we are, sometimes pretty raggedy christians....and You save us from our
selves and love us the way we are.....hoping that You can make us into the image of Yourself.
I appreciate that You work on me....and I'm grateful for the fact that You have allowed me to
work for You in this capacity for so many years. I want my life to count for You , dear God.
Make me an instrument of Your peace. And, Lord....for this Thanksgiving Day, I want You to
be pleased with the work You have done. You have overwhelmed us with Your grace.
I speak to You Lord in the name and power of Jesus. Amen.

Another gift of Your Love...a child to raise!

You know Lord....I never know what is going to come out (of my mouth, ie.. head) when I start my writing. I think of so many things during the day when I don't have a pen in my hand....and
want to stop and write....but, quietly yelling out those SOS prayer's during those times are okay and as helpful as You always "hear" what I'm not saying.
I don't know why I ever really feel like I'm praying unless I can write out those completed
thoughts.....but, I thank You that I still can talk to You in my mind, in my heart, and in my
spirit. However it all works (and I know it does)....the important thing is that You are listening
to me. Amazing! It truly is. I remember, 39 years ago, getting up to head to the hospital to
have my beautiful baby girl. I didn't know then that "she" was a girl. I never really had to think
too hard about a boy's name. That was a no-brainer. But, the girl's name was a major process.
John and I came up with it together. He had the middle name down. Rochelle. We'd had a
Christian movie at our church for a Sunday evening service....and the main female character's
name was Rochelle.....and he really liked it. I, had been nursing quite a few names for our new
daughter. Marcy was a lead female character in a story I had recently read. I thought the two
combined sounded nice and so, as I headed into the labor room for my induced labor to begin,
I knew what I would name this little one of mine. She was the biggest, little bundle I had ever
delivered. Nine pounds and 8 ounces. From the start I knew she was our little angel. Thank
you Lord, for this precious child that You gave me to raise. I always find myself in awe of the
magnitude of what all of this really means. To be given the gift of a child....and knowing that You
placed me in charge...well, it truly is an amazing responsibility. I worried. I clucked. I worked. And
I clucked some more. And, You Lord....You gave me a daughter that has made me a contented
mom. She shines for her family and all who come in contact with her. Thank you for giving her
to her dad and me. I am blessed beyond all measure. And, this is my prayer to You today.
Apparently....it's all I need today. To tell You of the blessings You have provided....the gifts of
needs met.....all of it.....I place back in Your hands. All things that You touch and then provide
again and again and again, are best when turned back over to You. I pray today Lord because
You have once again, exceeded all I ever wanted or needed....You are my refuge. In You I place
my trust. Amen and Amen again.

Help Me to Speak, Lord! (...don't forget the whiteout)

Lord, it's late. And, I seem to be unable to sleep. Often when You wake me up, I'm thinking that
there must be someone that needs me to pray for them or I just need to write some things down that are on my mind. Tonight, I just wonder how I can thank You for the blessings I have.
My husband. My children. Their families. Their vocations. Our ministry. The talents You've
given and encouraged us to nurture. My heritage. The very fact that I was born into a family
of believers. Being able to live in a nation that was founded on Godly principles. Everything
would be so different if we lived in a nation where sirens sounded on a regular basis and no one
was ever really safe. There is such sadness around the world. I'm sure that probably there is a whole lot of it right
down the street. I don't know. I wonder Lord, have I done what You have expected of me? I know that my
"reach" into the world is limited....I am a homebody with little outlet except church and my
duties there. Show me IF I need to reach out more. I really want to please You Lord and do for
You what You feel are the places I can be an instrument for You in. It is scary a bit for me to
reach out and ask if I can do more for You....because it may mean I have to speak to someone.
You know I can really mess up at times.....to the point where I've come to You asking that You
erase things I've said wrong in front of my class or the congregation. Who else can do that?
As far as I am concerned, when I slip up in my conversations and/or teaching....and I'm afraid
I've said something I shouldn't....I feel as if You can take out the old "white-out bottle" and do
Your magic for me. You know, Lord....there've been times when I've said something, in all
innocence, and someone has been hurt by my words. Unknowingly, I've done exactly what I
never want to do.....and don't even know it. I guess Lord, that is why I hesitate talking at all.
This sounds like a weak and wounded soul talking. And, Lord....I don't feel particularly weak
or wounded today, or this week....it's just that I do have those times when I feel as qualified as
the lamp post to speak at all. When that happens Lord, I have to depend on You to do the work
for me. If You are filling my heart with Your words....then I'll be okay. To be Your ambassador
is the job You have given me to do. For a long while, my job was to mop up spills and wipe
noses. Now, after many years of nurturing my family....I still have time to do things for You.
Make it clear. And, Lord....make me WANT to. I know You can do that for me too. And, I guess
Lord, that You and I can make a difference. For the things I ask You to do for me, and for
all I don't even know I want You to do....I ask in the name of Jesus....and the power of Your
will. You are truly an awesome God. What You say and the way You say it is so often, life
altering.....especially when I apply Your truths to my life. Jesus, help me to make You proud.
Love, Corrine......and amen.

For the Pleasure of Your Company....thank You!

You know, Lord.....it doesn't take much time (unless I choose ) to talk to You in the morning...read a portion of scripture and a devotional....and confer with You on the things I need
or do not understand. It can be an all day thing or not. And, Lord, I have found that when I defeat
satan and do what I feel You are nudging me to do....often, I find myself not losing out spiritually.(like I'm sure satan wants me too). It
is so underhanded the way satan deals with us. We feel we are doing Your will. We try so very
desperately to obey what we think You are drawing us to do. And, we carry through.....and feel
this depletion of self....and rest, knowing we've done what You've urged us to. Satan then steps
in and spins our "completed task" and shows us ourselves in a spotlight of public approval and the
accolades that may accompany it....therein, providing us with a false sense of security in our
spiritual state. "You've got it covered, girl" . "You're 'real' conversation with God is inspiring". All the while, he.....(satan, that is) stands back awaiting my anxious heart to fail me.

My dear Heavenly Father, all I can say is....as long as You give me breath, I will praise You. I will maintain to anyone who will listen, that You are my God.....and that my life would not be
worth a dime without You. I will obey what You ask. Atleast, I am going to give it great thought....and determination to follow Your plan as long as I know You are guiding me. And,
that I say with all the honesty I have. I wish I could say "Yes, I will follow You".....as the fisherman who were called to be Your diciples. I have to admit, Lord....I sort of think if I did say
"yes" that quickly, I'd be back-pedaling a bit trying to think of those I needed to alert first. (You know Lord....I wonder if that is a requirement You have of us. Is it? The "stopping-to-
tell-someone-where-I'm-going" part? Is my hesitation to do what You say "immediately" okay
with You?) I guess that is something we need to discuss.

I want to get back to the first part I was talking to You about....You have nudged me.... and I
love that You love me enough to take time to give me a "heads-up" about taking more time
with You. The learning and memorizing portions have given me another avenue to draw myself
closer to You. I thought of another yesterday. Jeremiah 33:3...." Call unto me...and I will
answer You and tell You great and unsearchable things that you do not know." It was mentioned in class the other Sunday that this is a sure-fire telephone call we can depend on.....
mainly because You're never "too busy" for us. So, Lord as I contemplate the changes I need
to make in my day to day....I will let You and anyone who asks how important the staging is for
me. As long as I can breathe....and think.....my time will be Your time. Tithing my time to You
could possibly be an option. I'll have to think about that one too. For now, Lord....I thank You
for the devotional today that pricked my spirit. I know You sent it to me. I praise You Father
for the gift of Your Son to our world. How blessed we as a people are to have this refuge....a
very present help in our troubles. For all I talk with You about and the needs of our family...
I ask for all to be done in Your Name and will. Thank You Father. Amen.

On Being a Couch Potato......(sweet potato, please)!

Lord, today is a new day. I haven't started off like I wanted to. First on the list is to talk to You.
And, first on my list today , was coffee.....which is okay....but , next was a comatose position on the couch. I look at my Bible. I look at my devotional. Nothing. Lord, You have a job today.
Get me off the couch. I'll start with the thanking-you part. I am grateful Lord, that I do have a
choice today. I can remain seated on the couch and veg.....or I can remain seated (if I choose) and plan for the next Oasis at my home.....decorating plans for Christmas.....rearranging my furniture for easiser traffic flow when guests come for the holidays. I have umpteen things that
can fill a day. Are they going to make it onto my list today? Lord, in my class yesterday, I heard
about a young mother fighting stage 5 cancer, has 4 children, has not a stitch of furniture, beds or bedding.....the list is long. To speak of our anxious moments of concerns.....well, Lord....it pales
in comparison to a request of this nature. When you speak of no clothing, no furniture, no bedding.....usually means you can't afford food either. Lord, today my needs are not desperate.
My concern today is ...."am I fulfilling the goal you have for me today?.....". You can remain on a
couch if you have a phone nearby to call those that have a need that perhaps you can fill just by
listening to them. But, Lord....so often I can let a day go by and seemingly accomplish nothing. I don't like myself on those days, and am always embarrassed if someone catches me. But....
writing notes, sending cards, making a call, sewing a button or two on your husband's shirt,
are all things that need to be done....and.... I can do them all....and sit on the couch!!! And, by the way, too often, running to put out fires that never start
and shopping to buy what you do not need are also ways to avoid sitting on the couch....but are
not fruitful. So.... am I making
a case for sitting on the couch? Yep....you bet'cha! I find that sitting still....in the quiet....looking
through the scripture.....writing down passages that speak to me....all of these things make me
introspective. That is a place many do not care to go. And, the first reason is: "I don't have
time to sit down and think.....I've got too much to do!" When I hear this....I automatically feel
chastised because I'm not "up and at'em" all of the time. I do make time (even the busiest
days) to sit alone....with You and my thoughts. It's my favorite time. It's almost a requirement
for my personality. I used to (sometimes still do) hide this fact from those closest to me because
I'm embarrassed to admit it. So, Lord....in this prayer I have gone from one end of the spectrum
to the other. First, admitting I like sitting on the couch and feeling sort of guilty about it and secondly, accomplishing something
if I am choosing to sit.....and therein, justifying it. Yes, I am nuts. It's crazy talk. And yet, you
love me. You have chosen me to be a child of Yours. And, even though there are days when I
feel that I have not done my best for You......I NEVER want to let that be a habit. I want my
life to be vessel for You. Perhaps broken off in places.....but spilled out to be the best example of You that I can be. All of these tumbled thoughts I present and ask in Your name , Lord.
I'm Your's. Everything I've got....everything I am.....it's all Your's.
Amen.

Why Do I Pray........? Because....I want to!

Lord, I'm sitting here going over some devotional stuff....the television is on and the subject
matter annoys me.....as I click it to "mute", I feel calmer. I can think a little better when there is
silence. I love for You to give me things to think about. One subject I heard batted around this
morning is the various candidates that are up for election. As usual, the candidates that spout
any religious verbage are castigated and shown to be "froot-loops". Some, I suppose, are using
whatever they can to get attention....but for those who truly love You and look to You for their
wisdom, it's sad. No one seems to take anyone that loves You seriously. I heard talk about
praying.....and who to pray to and what to pray for and what is the point of praying anyway. Lord, I know that if I were to try and explain why I talk to You as I do , especially to someone
who does not know me or my background, they would look at me as if I were foolish. I know
there are those who do know me and my background, and still think the things I pray about are
ridiculous. I guess, Lord, what I need to do, is concern myself less on what others think about my praying. And....it also bother's me that so many times people who do not pray,
feel that those who do pray, are weak. And, that why in the world does God have
to be bothered about what color you should paint a room when he has to be working on getting
this Cholera epidemic in Haiti under control. The world views those of us that pray, like that.
And, Lord, they view You like that too. No one seems to understand that You, because You are
God.....can do anything.....atleast anything You choose to do. Sometimes I do not understand
why You put up with this. I know, Lord, that You have been lambasted over and over....any one
of us would have thrown in the towel by now. I love You, Lord. As long as You give me wisdom
to deal with the day to day as I ask, I will forever be grateful to You. I know that I do not have
the answers for all who come to me with questions.....I know that sometimes I do not even have
the patience to deal......but I know that YOU do . And, when I am weary (in well doing) and
have to keep on (keeping on)....I know where the answers lie....I know who holds tomorrow....I
know. I know. Oh, Lord.....You know what is ahead for me today. You know I know where my
strength lies......"O, Lord.....help me to remember that!" I love You and pray always in the name of Jesus. Amen.
You know Lord, re-reading what I just wrote makes me sound like a little girl. Sometimes, I
wonder if You worry I will ever grow up.....why do these areas of angst bug me so much....why
can't I carry on without making a mountain out of a molehill. I felt as I was listening to that
show this morning that if I were to be interviewed about "Why I Pray?"...... my interviewers
would make me appear foolish. And, then I wonder.....so what? However, whenever, and if
ever......I will always serve You and applaud the fact that I know You hear me when I pray. "I
need no other argument.....I need no other plea.....it is enough that Jesus died and that He died
for me......". Give me Your grace this day, I pray.

THE ROARING LION.....scary stalker?

Lord, this is sometimes an exercise in "staying calm" . I just wrote You. Clicked a button. And,
I guess, lost it all. I wasn't sure when I started writing that I would use it as a "post". And, then
when I got half way through, I'm thinking, " I guess I will post this ".... and continued writing.
Well, You know me Lord. You know that when I write a prayer, and push a button, and lose it.... that for some reason, You do not want me to share it. So, I'm thinking..."okay, Lord....I guess You don't want this one out there in cyberspace for anyone to see." Well, I am going to rewrite what I wrote. Exact words and phrasing are going to be lost...but, I want to try say it all again. I think I began like this...."Lord, it has been a busy week for me. I've enjoyed it. It has made me feel needed. I haven't had time to sit and brood.
Regrettably, I spend too much time doing that. Even with the television on, and my hands busy
doing something....I brood. I know it's not a good thing. I think it tends to be a workshop that the devil enjoys working part-time in. My mind. "Greater is He than is in me, than he that is in the
world." What is that, I John 4:4? I think it is. Lord, I need to remember that. Satan's like a
roaring lion , roaming to and fro', trying to dig a place wide enough to get a nose in. After that,
unless we, You and I Lord, stomp him down and out....he's in. Doing his best to knock me out
of the race I'm in . Making sure my eternal home is in Heaven with You Lord is my goal. There
is no doubt about it. That is what I've worked for all of these years."

Lord, this is crazy. I can barely remember what I wrote a half hour ago. And, though I refuse
to remain silent and give the devil any power today, it's okay with me. Perhaps, all I said before
is what only You needed to hear. I know, Lord, I have hesitated to do this at all....this "praying
out loud" business.....and I have truly been surprised that so many see themselves....jeepers, I
thought I was the only weird one!! HeeHee!
I guess if we weren't so afraid to let people see the "real us", we'd have more people to count on than we would ever believe. Suffering alone is awfully sad. And, I believe, another playground for satan. So....in essence, Lord....the prayer I originally wrote is gone from me and my mind, I guess. But, to You, it has been computed. You heard every word. You knew what my heart was saying and You will give to me all that I need today.
Tomorrow, I will ask for more of You. I will ask that You protect me, and guide me into all the truth You have for me. I ask Lord, that the shadow of the Almighty
God would guard me and mine. That I would run to You for the protection I so very desperately
need. And, I ask in the name and power of Jesus. God....You are my God. And, I will forever
praise You. Amen.

Conquering the Monsters....(in my closet)!

Lord, this has been a week when I'd have rather been a bear in hibernation mode. I wonder, is it better to wake up to a lot of sadness....or deal with it on an hourly basis.? I know that being
your child does not warrant us a life without sorrows or disappointments. It is living that allows
us these....along with the wonder of a newborn, and the life in Christ that frees us from the worry
of "how it all will end".
Friends of ours lost their beloved grandson this week. To even talk about how it happened, is an exercise in choosing to speak carefully chosen words for fear that if we say the wrong thing...our lives could be changed in such a way. Lord, I have always found solace in telling You exactly how I feel when sadness ensues. Taking the monster out of the closet and facing a terrible thought somehow puts my mind at rest...and with a sense of peace , helps us to face the day knowing that at any time our lives could change, often in a way we don't want it to. Lord, I won't forget how "normal" changed for me when mom had her stroke.
My whole being was thrown into a survival mode mentality, with me at the helm, so to speak.
My position had been changed from private to general. I was in charge....but with the vague
sense in reality, I was in charge of nothing. You were. The choices were minimal and with little
change in results.
Lord, somehow......in Your divineness.....show me the choices that will take my life into the areas I will shine for You. If I am able to teach, I want to teach in the knowlege of Your Holy Spirit. If I am able to play, help me to play as if You and only You were in the room....not to please men....but You, Jesus. If I am to cook, I pray I will cook with every ounce of energy I have to please the taste buds that will savor what I prepare. (What would You like to eat today, Lord?) And, then Lord.....when the day comes, that the good I can do is to sit in a chair
or lay on a bed, would You help me to do that with every ounce of the "Jesus personality" I can
muster. I want so desperately, not to defame the Name of Jesus in my behavior as an old
woman. I don't want to say words to those that love and care for me that will hurt them. I don't
want people to laugh at the things I say, thinking, " Ummm....must be all that frustration coming
out from all the years she served the Lord......" . I do not find that to be entertaining or funny
in any way. I feel it doesn't serve You well. If You can keep us and mold us and answer our
requests to make us a good christian person in our sane days.....can't You do that for me when
I am not "responsible" for what comes out of my mouth. As You can see, Lord....I have thought
a lot about this. I've never really talked to You about it , though....except for saying at times....
"Please help me be a nice old lady." Monsters exist in our closets only because we refuse to
let them out and face us. Lord, You can conquer any that I have conjured up. I know that the
realities of life come into our lives and take us to another level in our spiritual life. Any that
could take me to my knees, I pray right now for You to quickly pull me to Yourself. I will stay
there, close to You, until I can breathe and walk on my own. Where all of this comes from, only
You know Lord. I am often afraid to even write what I feel to You when we're alone. With
someone peeking over my shoulder, Father....I cringe a little to say all of this out loud. Take my
heart thoughts, my anxious fears, and my complete trust in You....translate and talk to Your
Father. Give me grace and peace in the midst of any storm I may encounter. I ask all of this in
the name of Jesus. I pray to You and You alone. Amen.

LOFTY THOUGHTS? (Hmmm....not so much!)

Lord, I just wrote a note to my grandson for his 18th birthday. I'm not sure why I try to be
profound and speak from a loftier position. Probably to try and impress him. And, You know what, Lord....I think I just should forget it.....and be normal (whatever that is). I know my attempt to give him
something to tuck away for future use....and be therefore wiser, is not a terribly bad thing....it's
just that I'm not sure I remember anything in particular that made me wiser when I was 18. I
do remember hearing my Dad say ...." What you are speaks so loud that the world can't hear
what you say"......especially from the pulpit. Although, I'm not sure I even recall knowing what
it meant. I wasn't into profound thinking, then. Decisions we make every day can often indicate
a choice we take with us the rest of our lives. The thoughts I think, Lord....the words I say, Lord... the places I go, Lord.....the things I choose to read or watch on television....Lord, these are
all decisions I have the choice to make. Now that I'm an adult, I often wonder if these things will
make a difference in my christian walk with You. Of course they do. You can often times make
a choice that will ring in your ears forever. It will prompt you to try something that you know
has been a "no-no" since you were little and under the rule of your parents....but, now that you
are "an adult", who's going to know? Well , Lord.....I hesitate to think what I've done that has
made you embarrassed for You to call me Your child. I can't even think right now of anything
in particular......I imagine Lord, as I go through this day, I'll think of more than one....
but my dear Father, not without regret and a plea to be forgiven, if need be. I am so grateful
Lord for a quick conscience. In my self awareness books, I can see that I am prone to the "feel-
ing guilty" area....in some ways, it's not a bad thing. The second look at behavior, thoughts and
words are often helpful ...I think, Lord. I want to be nudged. I want the red flags to wave. I
want the areas of my life that annoy You to be highlighted in red....just like this spelcheck thingy
on the computer. The song we sing so often, Lord..."The Potter's Hand"....says...."I'm captured
by Your Holy calling, set me apart, I know You're drawing me to Yourself; Lead me Lord, I
pray...Take me, mold me, use me , fill me, I give my life to the Potter's hand.....Call me, guide me, lead me, walk beside me; I give my life to the Potter's hand.....". This song is my prayer,
Lord Jesus. Make it so, in my life. And....if You would....temper my note to my precious
grandson, into the words he will "get"....not as a sermon from his grandmother, but words
that You would say to him on his 18th birthday. I love You , Lord. Thank You for taking my
heart thoughts and translating them into what I really need. All of this, and more....I ask in
the name of Jesus...the Savior of the world. Amen.

At my wit's end....You are there, Lord!

I remember it pretty well, Lord. I was sitting in the living room at our home in Warrenton, Virginia. (You know what,
Lord....I can't even remember the address of that place!) I know You must recall my constant barrage of prayers to
You. "Please help us, Lord.....Would You do something, Lord......Why can't we seem to resolve this mess, Lord.....
What do You want us to do Lord......I thought You sent us here to do Your work.....". On and on my pleas to You
droned into the quiet heavens. I searched and searched for answers to the questions I had, in the Word. So many of
the devotionals I read and scriptures I looked at implied that if I would just wait, and be patient, and stop moaning and
complaining.....just maybe I would survive this nightmare I felt we were in. But, me being me, could not wait very
patiently at all. When I look back at how You rescued us, I wonder now why I couldn't relax. I know You do all things well. I know You have Your own timing. ( You know, Lord....the timing that is never late, or too early.....it's
always right on time.) Excepting the fact that I don't care for waiting part, I know that it hones my anxious spirit. Any-
way Lord....while I was thinking about past verses that You have pointed out to me in my devotional times....I recall
seeing this verse in my "Streams in The Desert" devotional book. I remember staring at it and thinking, " what version
of the Bible is that?" And, turning to the scripture to find it, I couldn't believe I was reading words that were so down
to earth, Lord. I remember thinking, "Okay, Lord. I know You've heard me....I really believe You understand my pain...please help me keep holding on." I wanted to share this with my friend this week and show her that God does
sustain us and understand us. Psalm 107:27-28.....was a balm to my wounded soul. Just knowing that You saw
my discomfort and gave to me something that would speak to my bleeding heart touched me so....even as I recall
it today. The part where it says, "......They reeled and staggered like drunk men; THEY WERE AT THEIR WIT'S
END".....and cried out to the Lord in their trouble and he brought them out of their distress...." . The "wit's end" part
just grabbed me and made me pay attention to the " joy of my salvation" that You provided to my spirit. I ask Lord,
that You would remind me often that You DO care and that You KNOW how to help us grow in our relationship with
You. I need that presence to be always with me....to speak of it, to adhere to it, to impress it on anyone to whom
You send my way. I am grateful Lord for Your intervening for me this week. For giving me Your wisdom in knowing
how my body is reacting to medications that have been prescribed for me. I find Lord that You are well able to show
us when something is not quite right. Today I feel as if You and I are walking side by side. I know I often lag behind,
looking at perhaps another road we could take, or a place we could stop so I could "sight-see".....and You, being
the wonderful Father You are; stops and looks back at me and without a word being spoken, I know it is time to
keep pressing on and so, I do. I do not want to get sidetracked Lord. There are too many things that steal my
time away from You....I have to be on guard at all times. "Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world."
You Lord, are my desire. To be like You. To speak the words that are the ones You would use. To think like You.
I pray, and thank You and ask all in the name and power of Jesus. Amen.

I'M FOREVER GRATEFUL....

Lord, ever since I have decided to share some of my prayers on this blog I started, I've found it
a little harder to talk to you. I wonder why? I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I refuse to allow
satan to suppress my heart thoughts and confuse me into thinking it's not necessary to talk to
You on a regular basis. I have always felt that to tell You the feelings of my heart and my soul
will allow me to tread a little closer to the throne than I ever thought I could. I don't want to
spoil that in any way....and I will not.....stop writing and communing with You.
Thank You Lord for guarding my heart and mind. Thank You for the blessings John and I have enjoyed
as a married couple. Mostly, the heritages that we have been blessed to be born into. I'm so
very thankful for the children You've allowed us to raise. Each one has chosen You to be their
Savior and that is all I could ever desire for them. I am thankful, Lord, for the talents You have
given me. Musical ability aside, I have loved being a Pastor's wife (most of the time)....I've also
enjoyed being able to make whatever parsonage we were allowed to live in, a home that was a
place of love and peaceful surroundings. I've enjoyed being able to sew what I needed for my
girls. Years and years of little outfits, dresses and coats (when needed)....Lord, that was a big
blessing to be able to do that. Now that I think about it, I made a coat for our little son one
winter. He looked so cute in that. Lord, You have given me all and more I could have ever wanted and would
ever have needed. It is amazing how You have helped me enjoy learning all the traits of a good
wife and mother from my own Mom. Then, I found it not too enjoyable to learn from her....but
as the years have passed and I have the memories to cling to....I've learned to be accepting of
certain instances and behaviors I didn't understand at all. You have been faithful to show me that failures
are not the end of the world. And, that, I can learn and grow and even be more faithful to You
than I would ever thought. My plan to learn a verse or two of scripture a month is something
I will hold to. I love thinking about the scriptures and how men were inspired to write their
thoughts...Your words...and various experiences we read in the Bible. I am able to read and
even though I don't always understand....I keep moving in and through the Word to find the verses that
are applicable to my situations. Thank You Father, for the power of Your Word. I'm forever
grateful for the cross. For the fact that You came to save us from the grip of satan. I love Your
cleansing power and for the promise of Heaven one day. I speak and give my words, to You,
and ask that all will be done and said in the name of Jesus. Amen.

The Higher Place: Prayer

Hi Lord....I am filled with a nice level of joy today. I'm not sure why especially. Perhaps it's
because I rose today feeling like there is no storm to deal with today. Hmmm.... yet, anyway! I know that
there are those around me that are smack in the middle of one right now....and the only thing that
is possible for me to do is pray. I just bet you get nauseated hearing that over and over again. "The only thing you can do is pray." I've said it to people. People have said it to me and it's one
of those nod-your-head things that you do when someone says it and you forget it the minute you walk out of their presence. Many times people who are not able to do anything else in the
church, Lord, feel so "not important" because praying is all they can do. I remember the Sunday
morning it happened; I remember the service being disrupted a bit. I was called to the phone
in the pastor's study and heard that Mom was in Intensive Care and was not expected to live.
Lord, do you remember how I went through the house, basically packing everything I owned
and everything I thought we needed for the trip to Michigan. From that point to the day I could
carry on a conversation with you, which I guess was about the second month of her hospitalization, I
most definitely depended on the prayers of your people Lord. All to the glory of You. It kept
me on my feet. It kept me in "warrior mode" because my mother needed one. It comforted me
when I had to make decisions for her care that I felt I had no right to make. The prayers of
Your children Lord, kept me sane. That storm was so furious that I never thought I'd make it
through. The only light at the end of the tunnel was another train coming. I thank You for put-
ting me on the heart's of dedicated prayer's that could lift me to a higher place than I could even
think of being. I am so grateful. And, I have no doubt that is what saved me. I'm not sure I
could be put into that category, Lord Jesus. Prayer warrior? I don't know. But, I can tell You
this , Lord.....I'd like to be. And, then.....Lord, is that all it takes? Wanting to? Whatever it is...
however it is done....I think that's something I'd like to be depended on for. Bring those to my
heart and mind that need You today to do something for them that they are incapable of doing...
and I will pray that God will strengthen them and give them wisdom for perhaps, waiting.....
until You are ready to do what You want to. Thank You Lord for this idea of writing You so
long ago. I love talking to You. I love that You listen and care about the happiness-es and the
sadness-es of my heart. There is NONE like You. No ONE touches my heart like You do.
I speak these words and ask this request in the name of Jesus. Amen.

WHAT WAS THAT LOOK FOR?

It is amazing to me Lord how You love me. It's not that I do anything outright that
might displease You...I truly try to make a conscious effort not to; but You love me
right where I am. The thoughts that flood my mind...the needs I anticipate someone
might have (and they don't)...the past failures that plague me...the sorrows that
have driven me to distraction (almost to the end of myself)...all of this drama, and
You still call me Your beloved child. I rely on that, Lord. I don't ever want to
take it for granted. I give You permission to stop me in my tracks if I ever do! The
past few days I've wondered about how my life will be seen when I am gone. You Lord,
were without any doubt in the mind and heart of a christian, the icon of virtue that
each of us should strive to be....( and I know with our imperfections, it's not possible)....
and You, regrettably, were and still are, spoken of by many, with disdain. I remember telling someone at a funeral dinner, that .... "Yes, I want a viewing. I want everyone
to walk by me and wish they'd treated me better!" I remember the woman I said this
to looking at me and not quite knowing what to say. I'm not sure how I feel now, Lord. That was quite a while ago. And, I sort of said it to "get a laugh"....yet,
I think I meant it then. I hope I've grown a little since. Lord, I have worried
almost incessantly how I am percieved....viewed by others, etcettera. I remember
reading Joyce Meyer's book "APPROVAL ADDICTION"....or something like that...Lord, I
really thought that after I read that book, I'd have a handle on the things that
plague me. I'm not sure I learned a thing from it....but, I do know that I worry less about the people around me and think about You and what You are thinking. I
often wonder if You're smiling....or shaking Your head and looking down at your feet.
I usually know what that look means. I see Your face Lord, and believe that striving
to be the instrument You need me to be can be accomplished if I keep my eyes on You
and stop looking for "someone to approve of me". I want to see You Lord in the eye of my
mind, more and more and more. That keeps me grounded. That takes my eyes off of people
and how I think they percieve me. You. You are God. And You are all I'm living for. I say
again and again, that the words I write and speak to You are all said in the name of Jesus.
And, again I say, Amen!

Being Your Servant...Always

You know, Lord....I often wonder why I don't have a few more opportunities than I do
to lead someone to Christ. I hope it's not because You don't trust me....I just do
wonder on occasion why. I remember the few times I have....I found it to be most
exhilarating, yet worrisome. I have always second-guessed myself...always wondered
"Did I say enough?". Or, "Did I say too much?". The after-effects of "the event"
have not always been successful. I don't always use the right words. I never have
been sure that my scripture quoting was right. I couldn't always remember the refer-
ence, so I was sure that "it" would never work. I know that the ultimate decision
for You will be a seal that only You can stamp. I need to remember that it's You, Oh
Lord, and only You that can make the difference. More often than not, I have felt
that it was up to me to "get them to stay saved". And, Lord...I know that it is Your
imprint on our lives that makes us want to live for You. And, I know too, that Your
goal for me is that I live as I believe You want me to...that I pray and read the
scriptures...that I behave in a manner that exemplifies You, Lord. You and I both
know that You have had to reign me in a time or two...just because I thought I could
do more than You ever planned that I should do. I remember the time I felt like it
was my job to "protect" my subject from the discouragements that come. In essence, helping them step over the pitfalls that satan always throws into our lives when he knows we are tentative in our walk with You. I know You remember. Finally, I let go. I remember thinking, "Okay Lord, I can't do this anymore". This is Your job." I also remember them falling away from You and the church....and as far as I know, haven't ever returned to You. Satan would have me believe that these failures are mine to bear. I realize now that they are not. You will step in when and if they call on You again. I pray they do.
And You know what, Lord....I know that what You want from me is a willing heart and
a sensitive spirit to do what it is You have called me to do. I can't save the world
and know that the pressure of that would put me under. I would, though, love to be
the faithful servant You want me to be. Wherever. Whenever. I want to live the way
You want me to live and to be the courier for You I should be. Your instument. Today
is the day I give these concerns to You. I ask and speak all of these words in the
name and power of Jesus. Amen.

The Pleasure of Your Company....

Lord, I've been thinking about all of the requests I've made to you in the last few
months. I've noticed recently how You have taken great care to remind me that, yes,
I did ask for help....wisdom and strength not withstanding, You provided the portions
of scripture that even explained what You meant or why You withheld Your response to
me. I cannot tell You how that makes me feel as Your child....but I will try. Lord,
I have told You numerous times....that there is NONE like You. I feel as if I could
fly right now because that is how close I feel to You. When You respond to me in a
manner that tells me, "Corrine, I love you and I am your God and I will never allow
you to be overwhelmed by life because I WILL BE THERE....RIGHT BESIDE YOU....taking
the heat from the battle and calming the storm that rages around you." Lord, to have
you show me how to serve You is a great comfort. You know how often I think..."Have I really done my best? And, in all reality, I know I haven't....yet, you accept my
piddly offerings and still speak to my heart. I love the verses that I sort of forced
myself to learn recently. I love to experience the memorization process.... when You
have presented THE WORD to me in a visual manner especially. Seeing the importance of giving my children insights into Your words a little more than I did is sad to me.
The scripture from Deuternomy 6:7 "....impress them (talking about the commandments)
on your children when you sit at home, when you walk on the road, when you rise up
and when you lie down....". I was so busy fixing lunches, getting supper on the
table, trying to get everyone to the table at the same time.....excuses, excuses, and
more excuses. If I could do it over....I'd probably have my kids rolling their eyes
and saying...."enough already, Mom!". Lord, even with all of this after-the-fact
talk...I know You make Yourself real to us. All I have to do....all my kids have to
do is ask You. And You do. I praise You for that fact. I give You all that is
within me. I speak all of these things to You, requests and insights, in the name of
Jesus. Amen.

At the risk of repeating myself....Thank You!

Thank you lord, for the power of prayer. Again and again, I come to You for the
answers I need. I praise You for the answers You send my way....very often when I
am least expecting them. You know I sometimes think...." I guess there's no sense
praying about that anymore....it must be something I just have to "live with". Shame
on me, Lord. I cannot believe those words even meld together in my thoughts. And,
for all the hoopla I express for "how important it is to speak to You about ALL our
heart thoughts"...well...excuse me Lord, I've got to wipe this egg off my face. I
say to You again...."There is none like You...noone else can touch my heart like You
do....I could search all eternity through...and find there is none like You." I
praise You for the wonder of Your answers that come and think to myself....Huh? I
don't remember praying for that lately...uh, well, thanks Lord. You must absolutely
think, "Is she ever going to trust me?". And, that Lord, makes me sad. I want You
to know I am going to mend my ways. I am going to take on the attitude of "never
giving up" and sticking to it....no matter how tiresome it is. Tiresome. What a way
to describe my subjective prayer activity. I'm sorry for saying that to You. I know
You know what I can handle. I know You also know that I don't know exactly how to
pray for what I think I want. For You to even entertain listening to my concerns...
I find it overwhelming. I do not ever want to take You for granted and let the words
"I'll pray about it." slip from my lips in a cavalier fashion....and I know I have.
I just said that phrase yesterday a couple of times. What I have learned from writing
this prayer to You today....is that You listen....You hear the cries of my heart....
You translate my whining into real honest-to-goodness requests to the King of Kings.
I forever will sing Your praises. Even when I feel that You're holding back on me.
I realize now that I am not always ready for the answer when I think I am. It is a
good thing You know me, Lord.....anyone else would say to me...."Uh, could you repeat
that?". And the funny thing is, I probably couldn't. Thank You for loving me. Thank You for the cross, Lord. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

I Just Came To Talk To You.........

You know, Lord.....I have thought so much about that song that came out several years
ago, "I Just Came To Talk To You, Lord". Some of the phrases just stick in my head. One in particular, "....You've answered a million prayers or more, that I forgot to thank You for...". Basically saying to You that we ask and receive and never thank You. All the time, Lord...it's "Help me accomplish this" or "Help me understand"
or "Why do I have to do this?". It's almost a constant Lord. All the time I ask and ask and ask. Are You really sure You want me to do this? All the time? Well, You know, Lord....if You at any time said, "Don't come to me! You got yourself into this mess. Why should I? You only talk to me when You want something. Give me a break....I've got other people to help out....people that thank me and praise me...." well then what would I do? There is "none" like You. Thank You my dear Father for loving me enough to not respond to me like that. I realize that You have Your hands full just dealing with my wants and needs, but You love and provide for each one that calls You Lord. I am forever grateful for the heritage You provided me with. To not have been introduced to You at an early age and lived and grown in spiritual surroundings, my life perhaps would have been so different. Looking at the sea of faces of people I meet in everyday life...at Walmart...at the mall....at Red Lobster...I am so blessed to have been surrounded by Your children all the years I've lived. The faces I look at and nod to....often appear sad or angry. And then, I have to say that sometimes there are people who....bother me. Your people, Lord. They are so judgmental of each other. They are so unkind and uncaring too much of the time. It embarrasses me, Lord.... to think that I could ever be included in these groups. Oh, Lord....today my prayer is that I will forever be grateful for all You have given me and done for me. I do not want to be like the Publican crowing that "I'm glad I'm not like "those" people". I realize it is only by Your grace and strength supporting me that I do anything. I ask You Lord, to guide me into all Your truth in allowing me to be Your vessel. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.....

Forty-six Years and Counting.....

Lord, all I can say is Thank You. Foremost in my thinking this morning is telling
you how I appreciate how You rescued me and my confusion in the choice of a husband.
Mom would have preferred, Lord, that I never marry, I think (!). And, I....had no
sense at all. Why my experience was so different from everyone else's I wish I knew.
But, You know Lord...I would not change a thing. You, I believe, saw my confusion.
You were way ahead of me. You knew my wiring....You knew how I thought....You knew
what I had to deal with. When "you-know-who" appeared in my life, I realize now that
You were trying to give me what my heart so desired. Someone who would love me in a
manner that I had never even thought possible. Lord, I remember (I think) that I didn't
spend a lot of time praying about this huge decision. I believe I assumed that since
I was Your child, there would be no question. I think I always thought I would be
the wife of a Pastor. I always thought of myself as a future Pastor's wife. I also
assumed that it would be an easy decision. Lord, only You know the utter confusion
I felt. John was presented to me on a "silver platter" and I just couldn't see what
was in my hands. Parents aside, this young gentleman was determined to marry me. He
absolutely would not take "no" for an answer. He bought the engagement watch...He
asked my Father...He picked the date...and he expected I would be there! When I go
back and think about it, I do not understand what my thinking was. All I know is,
when he and I were married by my Dad and Rev.George Harris, I knew, it was alright.
I don't think anyone is as dumb as I was. I did not know that You had given me such
an unbelievable gift. One that I did not ever believe I could have. He loves me.
He thinks I am His gift from You. To have unconditional love like this is too
precious to even describe. I thank You, Lord. The date he chose 46 years ago is the
date I celebrate today. Our anniversary. Thank You, Father for the way You love me.
The way You love and protect Your children is also indescribable. I give You all the
praise that I have within me. With this gift of a husband, I have lived and experi
enced life with five children that You blessed us with. Thank You Father. Thank
You for understanding the needs of my life and heart, and providing an answer for me
that I didn't have sense enough to ask for. No one understands the way I tick but
You. And, I know that because of how You rescued me and my thought process. I praise
You. For all I enjoy and love about the man You gave me, I give You all that is
within me. I will forever be grateful for my gifts. Give me wisdom in protecting
all You have provided me.....and I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Blessing After Blessing.......

Father in Heaven....today I woke up thinking about how thankful I am for sleep. You
know, the restful kind of sleep where you awaken with a sense of God all around you
and wondering what treasures await you today. I have to say Lord...I am blessed with
treasures that overwhelm me. To be aware of the blessings that abound in my life is
all important to me. I love the fact that I am able to see You in my mind's eye...
and can , in a sense, feel the touch of Your presence....guiding me, and sometimes
pushing me to the fullness of all the love You have for me. I can see the blessings.
Everywhere I look. Whether in my mind or viewing my surroundings....I see Your hand.
The blessing of knowing my eternal destiny is foremost. The personal gifts I have
been allowed to have are certainly the next on my list. My heritage, the husband You
gave me and the children You blessed me with, are not even the last of my blessings.
I remember the year I turned 65. I went out on the porch of my section of
the beach house that we had rented....remember?....and began to write 65 blessings in
my life. I remember thinking, I'll never fill this page up....and You, smiling, kept
placing all my treasures in my memory bank and I kept writing....incredulously...now
wondering if there would be an end. I honestly don't think there would have been. I
did stop at 65, but I kept thinking of more and more and more....just grateful to be
Your child and live in a country where I could worship You with no fear. For the
wonderfulness of Your love and mercy to me and mine, I bless Your name. (I still have trouble saying that Lord. How exactly do I bless You? ) I pray today for Your
wisdom and strength to do and say what I ought to...and mostly what You expect.
I would love to NOT fail You...I'd love to NOT have to come to You and say, "I
am sorry, Lord. I know I should have thought first". It is my desire to be like You
and be the emissary for You that You need, this day. In all I pray, I ask in the
name and will of Jesus Christ. Amen.

O, To Be Like You.....

Lord, help me pray. I know I should be praying more than sos prayers....You always
give me such special attention. I never.....well, almost never, think that You aren't giving me what I want.....or need. So often, when I am almost worry free, I tend to lean on the minute to minute prayers that show me Your wisdom in the day to day.
But, Lord....I need the discipline to do what I know I should. Oftentimes, that
particular issue is troublesome to me. I am sure satan notices and pushes it into
my face every chance he gets. "If you were a REAL christian you wouldn't be so lazy
in your prayer life".......is an example of what he does. He lies. He distorts. He
has only evil intentions. The deceit he practices makes me crazy sometimes. Trying
to discern his will and God's will scare me at times because he(satan) gets as close
to that invisible line as he can get. Lord, I just prayed that You would help me to
speak the name of Jesus to get him to leave me alone. The persistence that he exhibits is almost a positive quality if he weren't satan.....so I can see I have to
be MORE PERSISTENT than he is. It's scary to even talk about him, Lord...he is to be avoided at all cost. It must have been so hard for you to be plagued by him at different times in your life here on earth. Of course, he couldn't touch You, but it never stopped him in harassing You in some of Your weakest hours. Lord, You are the One I can turn to. You are the One I love. Would You help me be willing to do as You command. If I truly love You and Your ways.....I should have no difficulty in my spiritual growth. To be Your servant....to live so You are pleased with my talk and walk.....is my desire. To be like You....is what I pray in the name and
will of Jesus Christ. Amen.

The Call to Obedience

I was wondering Lord....if there was anything I could do about this broken bond in my
life. It tends to creep it's way to the forefront of my mind so often. I remember the scripture. I remember the minute I read it. I knew You expected me to do something. I believe the scripture said something about "all that had been hidden in the dark would be brought to light". I dreaded it but I felt I had no choice. And Lord, when I did do what I believed to be the best solution....nothing has ever
been the same. Lord, I was thinking again, "Have I done my best for You, even if I
don't care for the result?" I wish I didn't feel so grieved in my soul.
I've asked this question before....in fact several times. I truly believe
Lord, that the job of satan is to confuse me and to make me doubt in the dark what
I believe You showed me in the light. He always comes and tries to make me think I
can fix something that I have no control over. Lord, I know how to get him away from
me....and I wonder why I don't take care of him sooner. You have given me the power
through Jesus Christ, just by speaking the name of Jesus. Lord, forgive my failure
to call on You sooner to just save me from all my fears and disillusionment's. You
are my strong tower. You are the place I can go to hide when I feel the need to...
and what I like the best is that as many times as I ask You to save me....You do and
You never make me feel that I am a lost cause. Lord, I believe that when You ask us
to be Your instrument, it is not always a pleasant song that You ask us to play. I
think my job in being Your servant is to obey what You are nudging me to do. I also
admit to You that I know I push You to Your absolute limit when I wait and wait and
wait until I am absolutely sure You are the one suggesting. But Lord, I feel that
to charge in like a bull in a china shop is not Your way. I praise You Lord, that You are patient to a fault....and that Your love is what allows me to keep going. I ask Your continued patience in guiding and guarding my heart thoughts....keeping me in Your blessed will. I praise You Lord. I love You Lord. I pray and relax in my
spirit because I ask in the name of Jesus and Your divine will for me. Amen.

Asking...Receiving...Asking....

Sometimes Lord, it's like pulling teeth just to make myself sit down and talk to You. It embarrasses me to even say it...like even when You do the most amazing things, I hesitate. Lord, You do amaze me. I see You work. I feel Your presence. I watch the reaction of those that see the prayer answered. (I continue to hope and pray that not one of us will ever take Your power for granted.) Especially after You
have answered a specific prayer, there are times Lord, I have felt too tired to talk to You....or maybe it's just a feeling of exhaustion. A natural reaction. I don't know. I am always trying to figure out what You are doing. Your timing is perfect.
I believe it. I just am sometimes weary from the wait. This will not deter me. I know that there is no one that understands me like You do....
There is NO part of the "answering of a prayer" that I take as a coincidence. So, I can't stop here.
I need more help Lord. I have another need on my mind. I can't seem to do anything positive to help the situation. I've quoted the scriptures....I've asked for help....I've cajoled and nagged a bit....and I still see no results. Just more of the same. After You stay true to Your word and give us far more than we could ask or think time after time, I still hesitate to call on You "again". I know You want me too....atleast I guess You do. I just feel so needy.
Do You ever get annoyed that I am always asking for blessings and favors and needs
and even wants? I do feel foolish in my conversation with You. On and on I go,
thanking You and praising You for Your loving kindness......and then I start. "Oh,
Lord, I need You to do this or that". I wish I didn't need something every minute.
But, for now I do.....and I have no choice. You are my solace. You are the air that
I breathe....and I am consistently desperate for Your touch on my life. I thank You
for Your promise to "never leave us or forsake us"....and I will continue to give
You the praise You deserve. I pray always in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Doing What You Do Best...

Lord....what can I say? I see You answering the prayers I have agonized over and I
don't even know how to give You the thanks You deserve. You have given and now You
are taking away. I find that so often, after the prayers have been answered, whether
"yes", "no", or "wait".....I am a bit anxious. "Okay, Lord...You've answered my re
quest and there is no lingering doubt that satan has stepped in and pulled a fast one...so, what are You going to do about this or that." You know, Lord. It's stuff
that always concerns us when we are worried about our general welfare. Lord, time
after time You have answered my prayers even before I knew I should pray....You supply the needs and even some wants. When You do this, it is almost like I have
waved a magic wand. I wish I wasn't so surprised when this happens. I wish that I
would depend on Your answer being "right on time" all the time...knowing it is not
just a coincidence or the power of positive thinking. Hmmm, Lord...I am not usually
a very positive person...it is a huge flaw in my psyche. I try incessantly to combat
it with the re-enforcements You have given me in Your Word....and most of the time, I
manage it with Your help. It is a wonder to me that You have been able to do any
thing positive with me. I do thank You Lord for giving me the powerful scriptures
that speak to me and give me hope. When I read the scripture a few days ago about
You "doing a new thing"....and making "rivers in the desert...roadways in the wilder
ness"...I knew You had been busy. Now that I have thanked You, I want You to know I
give You all the praise that is within me and will not worry anymore. Please, Lord.
You know how hard this is for me....help me to do it!! I just don't have the power
on my own. It is with a grateful heart I write my heart thoughts to You. I pray
only in the name of Jesus and the power of Your will. Amen.

Standing on Your Promises....

Lord, You know my heart. You know the feelings that abound. When You do what You
promise You will do......well, Lord.....I think You know that it just takes my breath
away. I am so thankful that You have my heart. I am so thankful that You give me
portions of scripture that speak to my heart's cry. "How can I say thanks....for the things You have done for me...things so undeserved....yet You do to prove Your love
for me...the voices of a million angels could not express my gratitude....all that I am or ever hope to be...I owe it all to You." Andre Crouch said it so perfectly in
that piece of music. I also believe that the times when we are waiting for Your
answers...are the times we need to draw closer to You. I often feel as if I am tugging on the hem of Your garment (because I see myself at Your feet, looking up)...and thinking " maybe if I just stay here and be quiet, You'll look down at
some point and say, "Child of mine, I haven't forgotten. Just believe I have my plan
in place...and when I am ready...". Lord, I am thankful too,
when I read a verse You've inspired, I'm sure it is something 'just for me'. The coincidence factor is not an option for me. I believe
in You, Lord....I believe You are the Son of God and that I, am a living, breathing
instrument for You. And, I thank You for that. For using me, an imperfect piece of
pottery, waiting to be molded finally into the perfection You had in mind. I give You
my heart, dear One... in You I place my trust. Thank You for my life and the heritage
that has brought me to this point. I pray and give thanks to You and You alone. Amen.

Creation of Your Plan.....

Father in heaven....it's me, again "O, Lord, standing in the need of prayer." "You've answered a million prayers before, that I forgot to thank you for.....so, I just came to talk to You, Lord." Sometimes when I talk to You, titles or lines from songs just say it best. And, as I always do, when I try especially to thank You....I end up asking that You "help" me as I pray, to pray for what I should. Anyway my thoughts are jumbled because I am thinking....should I wait to thank you.....and then, I wonder...wait? Why? Because, maybe what I am thinking You're going to do is not what I am hoping for....yet, I can see the egg cracking and if I don't touch it...and wait....the power of the cross will always suffice in the outcome. I read somewhere that if you disturb a shell as a little peep is trying to make it's way into the world, it will die. The little chick needs the "uncomfortableness" of stretching it's body and moving, heretofore unknown territory....to arrive in the world ready to breathe in the air, and live and see a new place. I have lived so much of my life that way, Lord. I almost wonder if I was not left in the womb long enough! Anyway, yesterday, You gave me a verse in my devotion time.....as it turned out, I don't even remember what the actual devotion was about....all I saw was the verse. I, am hanging my hope and trust in You on it. To say it outloud, makes me happy. I am waiting as an unborn peep to see what You
plan. I love my new favorite verse!! Thank You Lord. I realize You do not need any
reminders....that You will do what You aim to do, (when I keep my hands off and mouth
closed) but as I say it again, I bless You and I thank You for Your abundant patience
and love. Isaiah 43:18-19, says to all who pay attention that I must forget "all
that, because it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do
something new....see, I've already started! Do you see it? I will make a pathway in the wilderness...I will create rivers in the desert....." Lord, I am
overwhelmed by Your lovingkindness. I do not see anything yet, but a tiny fracture.
I am standing back to see the wonderfulness of the plan You have created. I love
You, Lord. I am trusting You, Lord. I mean it! I do trust You. In the name of
Jesus....and the divine will of God I pray.....Amen.

Moving Mountains....

You know, Lord....I was thinking that when things are relatively smooth, I hesitate
to sit down with you and write as I should. It irks me that my tendency to write out
my complaints and requests to you come easier than the praising part. I suppose it is
our nature to do just that but I would like to change that part of me. There may be a
day I cannot pick up a pen and scribble out some lines to you. I remember, Lord, when
Mom could no longer hold a pen and write down a recipe or a note to someone. I remember thinking that I would have to renavigate my way of praying if that would
happen to me. Could I do that? Well, of course, Lord....I believe I could and would
put every ounce of my energy into speaking outloud to you. I would have to, Lord. My
mind wanders too much....I forget what I'm talking about and what is important for me
to pray for.
Lord, I can see where you have done some work for me. I let a few of the
requests I've made to you recently out of my grasp and allowed you to do what You will. (Without my help). I can see where You have rearranged my "dire straits" plea's
and given me the peace I crave. I can see that You are doing what You do....the way
You want to do it. I really thought I had a couple good ideas Lord. I do not understand that "all things work together for good" part of the scripture. I wish I
could see more of what I want to happen, happen. But, thanks be to You God, I have
decided to put my hope and my trust in You and believe that since I am Your child,
You will answer my requests in Your time and in Your way. Over and over I write You,
praying that You will satisfy the cries of my heart. I wait and I wait believing You
are going to move mountains....sometimes though, Lord....I realize that I am the
mountain that is in Your way. When I say, "I ask all of this in the name of Jesus"
and/or suggest that it is "only in Your will that I pray"......well, I do mean it, Lord! Now, please HELP ME TO REALLY MEAN IT!
For the requests of our family, the cries of our hearts and the hope for tomorrow, I ask in the name of Jesus and the will of God.... For now though, I say, Amen.